Stray Dog Jokes
34 stray dog jokes and hilarious stray dog puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about stray dog that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Stray Dog Short Jokes
Short stray dog jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The stray dog humour may include short stray cat jokes also.
- I found a stray dog the other day. I think it's owner was a blacksmith, because as soon as I brought the thing home it made a bolt for the door.
- How come when I find a stray dog, take it home, and give it a bath everyone calls me a saint... ...but when I do it with a kid everyone just calls me a priest?
- A Vietnamese knight encounters a stray dog... He grips his blade and calls out, "friend or pho?"
- I found a stray dog, I think he must have belonged to a blacksmith... because when we got home he made a bolt for the door.
- what did the Mexican dog groomer tell his apprentice on the first day of training? You no do strays.
- I was helping Animal Control round up a stray dog today, and was hoping to get credit for the catch. But he got the collar.
- What do you call someone who is s**... attracted to the killing of stray dogs? A PETAfile
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Stray Dog One Liners
Which stray dog one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with stray dog? I can suggest the ones about stray and rescue dog.
- A lost dog strays into the jungle..
- I found a stray dog that goes by the name of "Tere". But that's neither here nor there..
- Why was the stray dog afraid of meeting new people? He never learned how to shake
- Why are there no stray dogs in China? Have you heard of stray chickens?
- I'm going to pet a bunch of stray dogs then finger your girlfriend :)
- When Chuck Norris was circumcised.. The neighborhood stray dogs ate meat for 3 days.
Stray Dog Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about stray dog you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean hungry dog jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make stray dog pranks.
Two teenage boys are walking down an alley
when they see a stray dog l**... its c**....
The one boy says, Man, I really wish I could do that.
His friend responds, I don't know, you'd better pet him and see if he's friendly, first.
In the early 90's, a lonely stray dog wanted a friend and got an idea when reading an old paper...
So the dog walked into the local paper to place an advert in the social column. "I'm lonely" advised the dog "please place an ad that reads: *Woof woof woof. Woof woof. Woof woof woof woof woof woof. Woof. Woof*."
The sales consultant writes it all down before offering "I'll let you in on a secret, for the same price, I can actually add two more woofs?".
Came the reply from the dog "But - then it wouldn't make sense?"
There was a man who wasn't creative
He named his kids numbers in the order they were born (the first child was 1, second child 2 and so on)
After he had 100 kids , a fire burned his house down leaving only one child. 90
90 grew up and had his own kids that weren't creative and when they saw a stray dog , they took him in and called him 'that'
One hot summer day 'that' was run over by a car
Ofc they replaced 'that' but they never forgot him
Only 90's kids remember that
A man and his son were walking in the woods, when they came across the two stray dogs having s**....
"What are they doing?" asked the Son. "Well," replied the father, "they are making puppies." The son was satisfied with the answer, continued the walk, ate some ice cream, and went home. Later that night, the son walked into his parents' room only to find them having s**.... "What are you doing?" asked the Son. "Well, we are making babies." "Flip Mommy over, I want a puppy."
Walking Down The Street
One morning, two Englishmen are strolling down a London street, when they see a stray dog l**... its own t**.... One of the Englishmen turns to the other and says, "Say, I wish I could do that!" His mate watches the dog for a moment, sighs longingly, and replies, "I should say so! But don't you think you ought to get to know him first?
My Grandpa told me this one about a crazy dog
I was out at the golf course the other day and there was a stray dog. It ran over to the shed of golf carts and starting l**... up some spilled gasoline. Suddenly it started running around and going crazy then it just stopped and fell over. The lady next to me asked, "What Happened?!?" and i told her, "He must of ran out of gas"
The Chinese and the dog
A Chinese man, coming home from a long day of work, is walking on the sidewalk. All of a sudden, a stray dog jumps out of the bushes and barks at the man. The Chinese man, appreciating a good laugh, barks back at the dog for fun. The dog stops barking and stands up on his hind legs. The dog , deeply offended, says, "That's very rude. How would you like it if I said Ching Chang Chong?"
There was a woman with 100 children…
There was a woman with 100 children. She lacked the creativity to name all of them so she just names them 1-100. 99 of the kids die. The only survivor is the kid named 90. 90 grows up and has kids of her own. One day, the kids find a stray dog. 90 did not want them to keep it. The kids decide to keep the dog secretly. They name the dog this so that they can say things like Let's take this outside without 90 finding out. One day, this suddenly dies in a car accident.
Only 90's kids remember this.
There was a woman with 100 children.
She lacked the creativity to name all of them so she just names them 1-100. 99 of the kids die. The only survivor is the kid named 90. 90 grows up and has kids of her own. One day, the kids find a stray dog. 90 did not want them to keep it. The kids decide to keep the dog secretly. They name the dog "this" so that they can say things like "Let's take this outside" without 90 finding out. One day, this suddenly dies in a car accident.
Only 90's kids remember this.
Did you hear about the woman who had 100 kids?
Well she s**... at naming children, so she decided to just number them in birth order. One, Two, Three, etc. Well, one day, her and all of her children were in a tragic plane accident and the only one who survived was 90. After years of grief and growing, 90 got married and had some kids of her own. One day, they found a stray dog and decided to keep it. But, just like her mom, she s**... at naming things. So they decided to call the dog, "That". After years, and years of a happy life, 90 and her husband became old and ill, eventually losing their memory. They didn't know who their children were or what their dogs name was. Only 90's kids will remember that.
My favorite Newfie joke
I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.
There was a Nova Scotian, a Prince Edward Islander and a Newfie who were running from the cops. So they go down this side street and see three potato sacks and decide to hide in them. The police come along and think there's something suspicious so they kick the first bag. The Nova Scotian's in there and he says "Meow!" and the cops think 'Oh, it's just an alley cat,' and keep on going. They kick the next bag and the Prince Edward Islander in there says "Woof!" so they think 'Oh, it's just a stray dog.' So then they kick the bag with the Newfie in it and he says "PO-TA-TO!"
3 men running from gangsters
3 men running from gangsters turn into a dead end where they see 3 potato sacks, with nowhere to go they hide inside the potato sacks
the gangsters turn into the ally thinking they lost them they decide to kick each bag to make sure they are not hiding inside
the gangsters kick the first sack and first man meows like a cat so they
think "oh it's just a stray cat"
they kick the second sack so next man barks like a dog and they think "oh it's just a stray dog"
they kick the third sack and last guy replies "Potato"
Topical Jokes for 9/5/14
(for best results, imagine these being read by your favorite late night host)
In Oregon, a veterinarian discovered 43 socks in a Great Dane's stomach. The dog was taken to the vet when the owner wanted to find out why his sock drawer was growling.
To ward off evil spirits, a woman in India has married a stray dog. The woman's biggest complaint about being married to a dog — is everything.
A new study has determined that wearing a bra, does not cause breast cancer. The study did find that going without a bra, causes cancer of the eyes.
Eminemn has been entered into the Guinness Book of World Records by having nearly 1,500 words in the song Rap God. And only 700 of those were the f-word.
The World Health Organization announced that doctors should use the blood of Ebola survivors to treat other patients. This was in response to the question, What's the best way to spread the Ebola virus?
(Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed 'em)
A woman pregnant with triplets catches three stray bullets from a drive-by shooting.
In the emergency room, a doctor tells her she and her unborn children will be fine but they could not remove the bullets. He informs her all is well and the children, two girls and a boy, will pee the bullets out in around 16 years.
So around the 16th year, the mother is in the kitchen making her morning coffee when one her daughters runs in, frantic and concerned.
"Mom! Mom! I was peeing and a bullet came out!"
Her mother tells her there's nothing to worry about and tells her the story.
Then around noon, the mother is in the garden watering some flowers when the other daughter comes outside and says
"Mom! Mom! I was peeing and a bullet came out!" The mother explains everything and goes back to watering.
That night the mother was laying in bed reading when her son burst into her room.
"Mom! Mom! I was-"
"Let me guess, you were peeing and a bullet came out?"
"No, no!" says the son, "I was jacking off and I shot the dog!"
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead escape the women's prison...
(I don't know why my friends like this one so much, feel free to tell them it's awful and confirm my opinion.)
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead escape the women's prison late one night. With the police hot on their heels, they decide to hide in an abandoned factory. Splitting up, they all take their various hiding places in the factory just as the police kick down the door.
The police begin to search, and they hear a noise coming from an old crate. The redhead, who is hiding in the crate, hears them approach and quickly barks, "WOOF, WOOF". "Oh, it's just a stray dog," says an officer and continues the search. Nearby the police hear some rattling from within a pile of old manufacturing equipment. The brunette, who is amid the equipment, quickly does her best cat imitation, "MEOW, MEOW". "Nothing but an old cat," says one of the police as they continue the search.
At last, in the back of the factory, the police hear some rustling coming from a large burlap sack, which they surround and demand, "Who's in there? Come out!" The blonde, who is inside, having heard her fellow escapees successes thinks to herself for a moment and then says, "POOOOTAAAATOOOO."