The Best 69 Straw Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Straw jokes. There are some straw sadism jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these straw commissar puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Straw Jokes and Puns

The plastic straw bans now happening in many cities were predicted by a 16th Century prophet.

His name was No-straw-damus.

What does one strawberry say to the other?

"Well, if you hadn't been so fresh last night, we wouldn't have ended up in this jam!"

My friend was in a terrible accident, and now has to breathe through a straw

...you could say he sucks at life.

Straw joke, My friend was in a terrible accident, and now has to breathe through a straw

What did the gay vampire say when he saw his male victim naked?

OOH!! A STRAW!!

Why does asparagus make your pee smell so bad?

Next time I'm just going to stir it with a straw like everybody else


Why were the little strawberries upset?

Because their parents where stuck in a jam!

Why was Mr. Strawberry sad?

He was in a Jam.

Straw joke, Why was Mr. Strawberry sad?

Why was the little strawberry sad?

He found out his parents were in a jam

Why was the strawberry sad?

His mom was in a jam!

My doctor told me to stay away from cocaine...

So I bought a 100 ft straw.

I went on a date with a drinking straw.

It really sucked.

You can explore straw bits reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean straw ale dad jokes. There are also straw puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Why was the little strawberry sad?

Her mommy was in a jam.

Why did the strawberry take the fig to the movies?

Because he couldn't find a date!

Can strawberry jam?

No, but lemon curd.

What is a desperate strawberry?

A berry on its last straw...

What did the one strawberry say to the other?

If you weren't so fresh, we wouldn't be in this jam!

Straw joke, What did the one strawberry say to the other?

I asked my girlfriend if she knew what a straw man argument was. She said ...

"What, do you think I'm stupid or something?"

My girlfriend recently left me due to money issues.

We have been together for a while now. We've always had issues when it came to money. I guess today it was the last straw for her. She sat me down at the table, looked into my eyes and said, "It's not me, it's EU"

For those who can't eat their vegetables bc of the wheelchair:

There IS a chocolate shake with every one, all you have to do is pull out the straw.


Ugly Baby

I was ugly when I was a baby... So ugly, my mother breast fed me through a straw.

I never use straws...

...they suck.

Why do the straw bales lie on the field in the summer?

They're pressed to it.

Why was the strawberry sad?

Because her mother was in a jam.

Why did the broken straw go to rehab?

It had a serious drinking problem.

I got a solid gold straw for my birthday.

Honestly, it sucks.

Why did the strawberry cross the road?

There was a traffic jam.

Why is it impossible to fight a scarecrow?

By the time it reaches its last straw, there's nothing left.

Why was the hay upset?

Because the straw was about to bale

Why did the strawberry cross the road?

Because his buddy was in a jam.

Why was the little strawberry crying?

Because his mom was in a jam.

I was at McDonalds earlier today, just chilling when a really hot, girl walked up to me.

She grabbed me and took me to her car. She ripped my clothes off and starts sucking me as if she's dying of thirst. She sucked long and slobbery and I let out a huge load. She looked up with the face of satisfaction.

Then I realised I'm a straw.

How do you eat your United Airlines meal?

Through a straw.

Why is it impossible to fight a scarecrow?

By the time it reaches its last straw, there's nothing left.

(Google Assistant hit me with that one earlier)

What is the greatest threat to a test tube baby?

A dingo with a straw

I don't need dollar bills to have fun tonight

A straw will work just fine

I just sucked off my friend

's straw, am I gay?

A bartender is serving drinks one night when a farmer comes in asking for a fork.

A while later another farmer comes in asking for another fork. After a little while longer a third farmer comes in asking for a straw.

Perplexed the bartender asks the farmer "why are you asking for a straw the other farmers asked for a fork"

To which the farmer responds "well someone threw up outside and all the lumpy bits are gone"

Heard this when I was a kid and still remember it

Babies

Q: How do you get a baby into a cup?

A: You blend it.

Q: How do you get a baby out of the cup?

A: With a straw.

Why did the little strawberry cry?

because his mother was in a jam

I just finished a debate against a scarecrow, and I'm furious the judge said he won.

He only used straw man arguments.

My girlfriend and I got in a fight the other day...

After a minute, she said "This is the last straw" and left.

I panicked. I called and texted wondering where she was.

After what felt like an eternity, she comes walking in the front door with groceries. Confused, I said, "I thought you were gone forever? I thought you were done with me."

She said "No honey...I told you...we ran out of straws..."

What is the last straw for a jet pilot?

...9G, maybe even 10.

why don't strawberries come with a straw?

for the same reason that dingleberries don't make a noise.

What's the difference between a straw and a Dutch comedian?

One is a hollow cylinder, the other is a silly Hollander.
I'll see myself out.

So, a three guys are working with imported meats

The team gets three crates. One of French steaks, but the best before was yesterday. One of English pork ribs: best before a week ago. And one of Germain snags: best before a month ago. They draw straws to work out who has to deal with which meats. The longest straw gets the steak crate, the middle gets the ribs, and geting the short straw is the wurst case scenario.

My doctor told me to distance myself from drugs.

So I bought a six foot straw.

What did the strawberry say to the other strawberry?

It's your fault we're in this jam

I never drink out of a straw...

My momma didn't raise a sucker.

Getting Annoyed

My friend has been getting on my nerves lately. Last night he stole the only remaining utensil I could have used to drink my water... that was the last straw.

When they ban the device I use to suck my drink up into my mouth...

That will be the last straw.

In Santa Barbara...

restaurant employees could face up to six months jail time for giving out straws.

That means seconds before the ban went into effect, a waiter could have handed one out and said, "This is the last straw."

Kidnapper: [on phone] we have your son.

Kidnapper: [on phone] we have your son.

Wife: actually I'm holding my son.

Kidnapper: [getting frustrated] then who the heck just asked for chocolate milk with a straw and made us cut the crust off his PB&J?

Wife: oh god.

Kidnapper: what?

Wife. you have my husband.

California is looking to eradicate a once popular item.

Apparently it was the last straw.

Banning straws will actually help with school shootings.

That way the potential shooters won't ever get down to their last straw.

What did the Seattle mayor say when he banned straws?

Alright everybody, this is the last straw.

What did the farmer say when his tractor broke down?

Well that's the last straw....

Did you hear about the horses that formed a rebellion against the farmer when they ran out of food?

It was the last straw.

What did the frustrated smuggler say to the Californian?

This is the LAST straw!

People are like a bundle of straw

Thanos snapped them in half

A horse walks into a bar and orders cola

The bartender: "with a straw?"
Horse: "a lot of straw"

What did the baby turtle say before it died?

This is the last straw.

Why did Barry's wife get angry when he ate all the fruit?

'Cause that was the last straw, Barry.

Australian Jokes

What enemies does a test tube baby have?

Answer: a dingo with a straw

What did the California legislature say when all the turtles were dying?

You know what, that's the last straw.

Why was the female scarecrow unhappy with her husband?

She was not satisfied with the results of his straw pole.

My roommate has been stealing my stuff recently. I did a good job at ignoring it, until he stole the only drinking utensil I had left.

I finally snapped and yelled That's the last straw!

What did the strawberry say before robbing a house?

"Hands up, this is a stroberry."

Why couldn't the strawberry shoot it's gun?

Because it was jammed

Sketch Artist: [holds up drawing of a single strand of straw]

**Camel *[in a wheelchair, tears in his eyes]*:** that's him

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the straw bale jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working straw roo piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes