Straw Jokes
97 straw jokes and hilarious straw puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about straw that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Learn how to crack paper straw jokes that will make your friends laugh! Discover how to use puns related to hay, plastic, and straw hats for great comedic value. Plus, find out what dingleberries have to do with a drunker and small bits of straw.
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Funniest Straw Short Jokes
Short straw jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The straw humour may include short strait jokes also.
- I find it strange how everyone suddenly cares about straws killing dolphins... They've been breaking camels' backs for years.
- A straw man, a red herring, and a MacGuffin walk into a bar. But this joke isn't about that.
- Did you ever hear about McDonald's sending 10 million straws to Ethiopia.. Ethiopia wrote back and said thanks for the leg warmers
- My roommate has been stealing my stuff recently. I did a good job at ignoring it, until he stole the only drinking utensil I had left. I finally snapped and yelled That's the last straw!
- Now that most of California has banned the use of straws, I just going to have to drink my frappuccino through this assault rifle.
- Alcohol should be served in Capri Sun pouches... When you can no longer get the straw in the hole, you've had enough.
- A horse walks into a bar and orders a glass of coke. The bartender asks: "Would you like a straw"
"Yeah, straw, lots of straw". - A Camel and I walk into a bar. Camel: Can I get a straw?
Bartender: Sure. Here you go..
Me: Can I get a straw?
Bartender: Sorry, that was the last straw.
*Camel collapses* - The plastic straw bans now happening in many cities were predicted by a 16th Century prophet. His name was No-straw-damus.
- Why was the female scarecrow unhappy with her husband? She was not satisfied with the results of his straw pole.
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Straw One Liners
Which straw one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with straw? I can suggest the ones about toothpick and chopsticks.
- After 23 school shootings in 2018 We did it. We finally banned straws.
- California is looking to eradicate a once popular item. Apparently it was the last straw.
- I'm Spartacus and that's my drink, thank you very much. Can I get a straw with this?
- A straw man walks into a bar Bar tender asks "Why do you hate liquor stores?"
- What did the farmer say when his tractor broke down? Well that's the last straw....
- what do you call a surplus of straws exstraw hahah lol
- Why was the hay upset? Because the straw was about to bale
- What did the frustrated smuggler say to the Californian? This is the LAST straw!
- My doctor told me to distance myself from drugs. So I bought a six foot straw.
- What is the last straw for a jet pilot? ...9G, maybe even 10.
- How do you eat your United Airlines meal? Through a straw.
- Why did the broken straw go to rehab? It had a serious drinking problem.
- I don't need dollar bills to have fun tonight A straw will work just fine
- What is a desperate strawberry? A berry on its last straw...
- Why do the straw bales lie on the field in the summer? They're pressed to it.
Straw Man Jokes
Here is a list of funny straw man jokes and even better straw man puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I just finished a debate against a scarecrow, and I'm furious the judge said he won. He only used straw man arguments.
- Why did the Scarecrow lose the debate? "All he had was a straw-man argument."
- I'm a simple man, i like my beer n my rye. So don't look at me when you find straws in the ocean.
- Why shouldn't you fight with a scarecrow? Because you shouldn't use the straw man fallacy
- Why can't a vegetable win an argument? Cuz he always uses a straw, man!
Plastic Straw Jokes
Here is a list of funny plastic straw jokes and even better plastic straw puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I've heard all the environmental activists' arguments for banning plastic products... and they're really just grasping at straws.
Hay Straw Jokes
Here is a list of funny hay straw jokes and even better hay straw puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I think I'd be really good at pulling hay from a horse's mouth But I may just be clutching at straws here.
- How does a gay guy hide in straw? He uses a *Hay Guise*
Quirky and Hilarious Straw Jokes to Let the Chuckles Begin.
What funny jokes about straw you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean scissors jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make straw pranks.
What does one strawberry say to the other?
"Well, if you hadn't been so fresh last night, we wouldn't have ended up in this jam!"
What does a strawberry and a blueberry have in common?
They both can't ride a bicycle!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My friend was in a terrible accident, and now has to breathe through a straw
...you could say he s**... at life.
Straws and Toothpicks
A bartender is clearing up for the night when he hears a knock at the door. When he opens it he finds a homeless man standing there who asks
"Excuse me but could I bother you for a toothpick?"
The bartender doesn't see why not and so gives the man a tooth pick.
Later on there is another knock at the door and it another homeless man who again asks
"Excuse me could you give me a toothpick?"
And again the bartender gives him a toothpick.
Just as he is away to look up the bartender hears one final knock at the door. Upon opening it he sees just like the two previous times: a homeless man. Only this time he asks for a straw. The bartender fetches a straw but out of curiosity asks why. The homeless man says
"Some guy threw up round the corner, and all the good stuff is gone."
This is the real no arms no legs on the beach joke, not that lame one. - So there was this guy with no arms and no legs...
... and his friends are all like, "we have to make a good thing for him since he's depressed and stuff."
So they decide to take him to the beach. They dug a small hole, positioned the handicapped friend on the sand, with a little table and a drink with a straw.
Over time the tide comes up, and all his friends are playing football far away. They forgot about no arms no legs man. Completely forgot about him.
As the tide almost reaches his belly, a drunk man approaches. The handicapped guy is screaming on the top of his lungs by now.. help!
The drunk guy says "nothin to worry little fella, I'll help"
So he grabs our unlucky protagonist and drags him to the ocean. The drunk man is eager to wish him good fortune: "Go little turtle, go in peace... "
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did the gay vampire say when he saw his male victim n**...?
OOH!! A STRAW!!
Why does asparagus make your pee smell so bad?
Next time I'm just going to stir it with a straw like everybody else
Why were the little strawberries upset?
Because their parents where stuck in a jam!
Why was Mr. Strawberry sad?
He was in a Jam.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Vote if i should die "straw poll"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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I went on a date with a drinking straw.
It really s**....
Why did the strawberry take the fig to the movies?
Because he couldn't find a date!
Can strawberry jam?
No, but lemon curd.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I asked my girlfriend if she knew what a straw man argument was. She said ...
"What, do you think I'm s**... or something?"
My girlfriend recently left me due to money issues.
We have been together for a while now. We've always had issues when it came to money. I guess today it was the last straw for her. She sat me down at the table, looked into my eyes and said, "It's not me, it's EU"
For those who can't eat their vegetables bc of the wheelchair:
There IS a chocolate shake with every one, all you have to do is pull out the straw.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Ugly Baby
I was ugly when I was a baby... So ugly, my mother breast fed me through a straw.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I never use straws...
...they s**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I got a solid gold straw for my birthday.
Honestly, it s**....
Why did the strawberry cross the road?
Because his buddy was in a jam.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was at McDonalds earlier today, just chilling when a really hot, girl walked up to me.
She grabbed me and took me to her car. She ripped my clothes off and starts s**... me as if she's dying of thirst. She s**... long and slobbery and I let out a huge load. She looked up with the face of satisfaction.
Then I realised I'm a straw.
Why is it impossible to fight a scarecrow?
By the time it reaches its last straw, there's nothing left.
(Google Assistant hit me with that one earlier)
What is the greatest threat to a test tube baby?
A dingo with a straw
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I just s**... off my friend
's straw, am I gay?
A bartender is serving drinks one night when a farmer comes in asking for a fork.
A while later another farmer comes in asking for another fork. After a little while longer a third farmer comes in asking for a straw.
Perplexed the bartender asks the farmer "why are you asking for a straw the other farmers asked for a fork"
To which the farmer responds "well someone threw up outside and all the lumpy bits are gone"
Heard this when I was a kid and still remember it
Babies
Q: How do you get a baby into a cup?
A: You blend it.
Q: How do you get a baby out of the cup?
A: With a straw.
My girlfriend and I got in a fight the other day...
After a minute, she said "This is the last straw" and left.
I panicked. I called and texted wondering where she was.
After what felt like an eternity, she comes walking in the front door with groceries. Confused, I said, "I thought you were gone forever? I thought you were done with me."
She said "No honey...I told you...we ran out of straws..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The little boy just wants chocolate ice cream...
A little boy walks into an ice cream shop...
"I want chocolate ice cream!" the boy exclaimed.
"I'm sorry we don't have chocolate", the clerk sighs "but I have this delicious strawberry and vanilla!"
"No! I want chocolate!" the boy cried.
"Tell you what" ,the clerk adds "can you spell 'VAN' as in vanilla?"
"Yeah! V-A-N", the boy proudly says.
"What about 'STRAW' as in strawberry?"
"Yeah! S-T-R-A-W", the boys says as he is getting annoyed.
"Now, what about f**...' is an chocolate???"
The boys screams, "There is no f**...' in chocolate!!"
"That's what I'm trying to tell you, boy!!!!!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
why don't strawberries come with a straw?
for the same reason that d**... don't make a noise.
So, a three guys are working with imported meats
The team gets three crates. One of French steaks, but the best before was yesterday. One of English pork ribs: best before a week ago. And one of Germain snags: best before a month ago. They draw straws to work out who has to deal with which meats. The longest straw gets the steak crate, the middle gets the ribs, and geting the short straw is the wurst case scenario.
What did the strawberry say to the other strawberry?
It's your fault we're in this jam
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I never drink out of a straw...
My momma didn't raise a s**....
Getting Annoyed
My friend has been getting on my nerves lately. Last night he stole the only remaining utensil I could have used to drink my water... that was the last straw.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When they ban the device I use to s**... my drink up into my mouth...
That will be the last straw.
In Santa Barbara...
restaurant employees could face up to six months jail time for giving out straws.
That means seconds before the ban went into effect, a waiter could have handed one out and said, "This is the last straw."
Kidnapper: [on phone] we have your son.
Kidnapper: [on phone] we have your son.
Wife: actually I'm holding my son.
Kidnapper: [getting frustrated] then who the heck just asked for chocolate milk with a straw and made us cut the crust off his PB&J?
Wife: oh god.
Kidnapper: what?
Wife. you have my husband.
Banning straws will actually help with school shootings.
That way the potential shooters won't ever get down to their last straw.
What did the Seattle mayor say when he banned straws?
Alright everybody, this is the last straw.
Did you hear about the horses that formed a rebellion against the farmer when they ran out of food?
It was the last straw.
People are like a bundle of straw
Thanos snapped them in half
A horse walks into a bar and orders cola
The bartender: "with a straw?"
Horse: "a lot of straw"
What did the baby turtle say before it died?
This is the last straw.
Why did Barry's wife get angry when he ate all the fruit?
'Cause that was the last straw, Barry.
Australian Jokes
What enemies does a test tube baby have?
Answer: a dingo with a straw
What did the California legislature say when all the turtles were dying?
You know what, that's the last straw.
What did the strawberry say before robbing a house?
"Hands up, this is a stroberry."
Why couldn't the strawberry shoot it's gun?
Because it was jammed
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Sketch Artist: [holds up drawing of a single strand of straw]
**Camel *[in a wheelchair, tears in his eyes]*:** that's him
Have you ever stopped and realized drinking water through a straw is . . .
the opposite of snorkeling.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Straws...
Straws are for suckers.
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One day a teacher was reading the story of the three little pigs to her class
She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building material for his home.
She read, . . . And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, 'Pardon me sir, but may i have some of that straw to build a house?'
The teacher paused, then asked the class, And what do you think that man said?
One little boy raised his hand and said, I think he said, 'HOLY s**...! A TALKING PIG!?!'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man went to the ice cream shop and ordered a chocolate cone...
I'm sorry, Sir, we're out of chocolate.
Oh, that's too bad. I'll have a chocolate cone with sprinkles then.
I'm sorry, Sir, but like I told you, we're out of chocolate.
How about a chocolate/vanilla twist, then?
Let me ask you something. How do you spell the 'van' in 'vanilla'?
V-a-n.
OK! We're on the same page! And how do you spell the 'straw' in 'strawberry'?
S-t-r-a-w.
Right, and lastly, how do you spell the f**...' in 'chocolate'?
There is no f**...' in 'chocolate'.
THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU!
I told my friend that he really shouldn't be using a straw and he replied, "Yeah, I know, I know, it's bad for the environment." I said, "Sure, there's that..."
"But it's just a really weird way of eating spaghetti."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I wrote a joke about a straw...
but it s**....
