The Best 46 Strategy Jokes

Where was France's military strategy developed?

Toulouse

A clinic was trialling a new, cheap way to numb a patient for surgery.

The new method involved blunt force trauma to the patient's head.

The strategy was such a success that people would line up around the block to receive the new anaesthetic.

A man asked the doctor what the line was for.

The doctor replied "that's the punchline."

I came up with a clever strategy to get my girlfriend to like my wordplay-loving family....

....but she didn't fall for my punning clan.

So I saw one of those "Drink for Pink" labels on a bottle of juice...

Sounds like Georgia Tech's hookup strategy.

Say you're being attacked by a circus mob. What's the best strategy?

Go for the juggler.

Poker is like sex

If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand

Edit 1: when you cheat in poker you have a partner

Edit 2: this is getting more upvotes than I thought it would get but before someone calls me out on it. This was a Mae West quote about bridge and several Internet memes put poker instead of bridge because more people play poker than bridge and when you cheat in poker you have partners(the poker strategy is called collusion)

I have new strategy for getting my wife to have sex with me...

When we are in bed I just talk and talk until she has sex with me just to shut me up. I call it filibusting a nut.

How To Impress Your Boss

1. Show up early.

2. Have all the tools you need.

3. Read the strategy guide.

4. Aim for the big glowing weak spot (usually the eyes).

What do you call the new policing strategy of communities such as Ferguson, Missouri?

A shot in the dark.

The Martian had a genius marketing strategy

Planting water on Mars and everything. They must really want people to see this film.

I can't cook. My strategy for operating the oven is basically the same as my strategy for sex

I do my best to turn it on, then I stick my stuff in and hope for the best.

You know what they call the strategy involving freshmints while playing a game of timed tic tac toe?

The tic tac tick tick tic tac toe tactic

So I hear Niantic is going to try and break into the Chinese market next...

Their current business strategy is to just keep digging.

What does Pong and WW1 have in common?

It's not about strategy, but endurance.

What do you call a rain of strategy games?

A Tropico storm

As part of the alignment of strategy for cabinet departments, Trump announced to congress his plan for housing vouchers

Redeemable for a cardboard box behind Safeway.

The United States is using an interesting strategy against Russia for interfering with another country's election.

Apparently, the US already had a patent on that.

I was seriously considering stealing a military strategy board game from the store yesterday...

...but i didnt. Im not much of a Risk taker.

Trump's battle against ISIS is the grand strategy equivalent of a Patriots-Cowboys game.

A lot of people you talk to somehow want both to lose.

Hitler is in his Bunker

One day, Hitler is in his bunker planning his strategy for the next phase of the war when there is a knock at the door. He says "enter" and Goebbels walks in.
"What is it Goebbels? Can't you see I'm busy?!" asks Hitler, clearly irritated.
"Mein Fuhrer," says Goebbels, "I have news. The Italians joined the war today."
"No problem," replies Hitler, "send a division against them."
"Mein Fuhrer, they are on our side."
"Ah," says Hitler, "then send two divisions."

What's it called when you beat your eastern European friend at strategy board games.

Czech Mate

You know how stores move stuff around?

Target and Kroger do it for strategy but Walmart does it to keep you in there.

I don't understand why people are so mad about football players taking a knee

Its a solid strategy for running out the clock in the 4th quarter.

Guys I've finally found the courage to come forward about this #MeToo

I was victimized by EA's pay to win pricing strategy

I've invented a new game. You use small breath mints as playing pieces in the old-fashioned match-3-in-a-row game. I'd be happy to teach you my strategy for winning this game, but I'll have to charge you a small fee:

Call it a Tic Tac Tic-Tac-Toe Tactics Tax.

The Democratic National Committee PR released there strategy for reclaiming the WH today.

My girlfriend said, "If women ruled the world, "there'd be no wars."

"That's true," I replied. "Wars require strategy and logic."

My strategy to stopping my kids fight is to copy them. It annoys them and they just give up

as long as they don't commit incest. i'll be fine

Wife: If women ruled the world there would be no wars.

Husband: That is true - wars require strategy and logic.

Daring strategy

After years of loneliness, I finally worked out a great dating strategy. I'll pretend to be gay. I'm going to make tons of chick friends, really get them to trust me, tell me everything… and when they haven't got an ounce of suspicion left – BOOOM!

I'll get their boyfriends!

A Blonde, a Brunette and a Redhead are against a wall to be executed by a firing line.

Each is given an opportunity for last words. The Redhead is up first: she points and screams "Tornado!" Everyone freaks out and in the commotion she gets away. The Brunette is second and catches on the the plan: she points and screams "Tsunami," fleeing in the confusion. The Blonde has worked out a similar strategy and, on her turn, yells "FIRE!"

My wife said if women ruled the earth, there'd be no wars.

Yes, i replied. Wars require strategy and logic

Today, Switzerland face Sweden in the World Cup. The strategy for both sides is simple:

Dash towards the enemy until they are neutralized.

What is Ironman's favorite real time strategy game?

Stark Craft

What did Dani Alves said in team strategy meeting when he got phone call ?

I will be right back

As a defense attorney for ED malpractice suits, I had a terrific strategy. . .

but it didn't stand up in court.

What's the best kind of pricing strategy?

One with all the fixins!

Did you hear about the guy who was assaulted with electrical plugs?

His attackers used a two-prong strategy.

A white man is playing monopoly with a black man.

They do this once a week for half a year. The white man keeps losing every round. Eventually the white man gets confused and questions the other how they keep winning.

"How is it every time we play together I always lose?"

The black man replied "It's a strategy in monopoly to go to prison often as to not pay anybody else your money."

My son's favourite nursery rhyme taught me what strategy mice use to win sports games.

They like to run down the clock.

A teenager, who just turned 18, desperately wants a car.

His mother tells him to buy one himself. A chemistry student himself, he finds an effective money-making strategy. Every day, he would sell mixtures of Rhenium, Phosphorus, Osmium, and Tennessine, and he was earning a lot from the sales. Curious, his mother asks him about the mixtures.

The teen replied: RePOsTs are the fastest way to car, Ma.

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My chess strategy and comedy have something in common

I always concentrate on the pawns

I love strategy games

They are fan-tactic

Strategy for arguing with your wife/girlfriend

When you are arguing with your wife or girlfriend, point your finger at the kitchen and strictly say "Go to your room!".

Donald Trump's latest strategy to win back the White House is...

...to change his name to Joe Biden

I'm a kleptomaniac with a proclivity for stealing strategy board games.

I like to take Risks.