Strap Jokes
59 strap jokes and hilarious strap puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about strap that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article covers the humor behind the various uses of "strap" words. Learn about the funny meanings of a ratchet strap, a chin strap, a bra strap, strapping up, unhooking, velcroing, and more. Join in on the humor and strap up for some laughs!
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Funniest Strap Short Jokes
Short strap jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The strap humour may include short strain jokes also.
- I went skydiving today. The guy strapped himself to me, we jumped out of the plane, and as we began to fall he yelled in my ear "So how long you been an instructor?
- Why did the accordion player refuse to play at the nudist camp? They didn’t have any straps big enough to cover his… dignity.
- What do you call a financially strapped, wig wearing Czechoslovakian? A paycheck to paycheck toupee Czech.
- Guys, I'm not saying that Flat Earthers, Anti-Vaxxers, and Creationists are unintelligent people but... there is a reason why shoes with Velcro straps come in adult size.
- Promised my wife a flashy car and she was so excited. You should have seen her face light up when she saw I'd strapped a strobe light to her Toyota.
- I rolled my first joint last night! Today I have an ankle the size of a football. :(
- When I'm bored I love seeing how many different watches I can strap onto my wrists. I have too much time on my hands.
- I want a girlfriend who'd do me with a strap-on. She'd be the perfect person to fill a hole in my life.
- What does a man strapping down a load in his truck and this joke have in common? You look at it and say, That's not going anywhere.
- did you hear about the time they strapped a Timex watch on an old, flea-bitten dog to see what would happen? The watch kept ticking, the ticks kept watching.
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Strap One Liners
Which strap one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with strap? I can suggest the ones about belt and stretch.
- Strap-on backwards spells No-parts.
- When I get home im going to tear my wife's bra right off The straps are killing me
- What do you call a T-Rex with a bomb strapped to it's chest? Dinomite
- What do you call lesbian step-sisters with a strap-on? Pegasis
- What do French athletes wear? Jaques straps
- My eyesight improves if I strap an address book to my face. I wear contacts.
- A cheesemaker is hard-strapped for cash... He decided to get a Provolone.
- A man walks into a BAR and dies instantly from the bayonet strapped to the end of it.
- Why do women parachutists wear jock straps? So they don't whistle on the way down.
- They say behind every happy man there is a woman True. Mine has a strap-on.
- What did I do when I had a bomb strapped to me chest? Iran
- How do you start a rave in Ethiopia? Strap a steak to the ceiling
- How do you make a patty melt? Give Marcie a strap-on.
- I can't unhook my antistatic wrist-strap anymore It's leaving me totally grounded.
- Call me a public bus Cause I ain't got straps for no one
Strap Up Jokes
Here is a list of funny strap up jokes and even better strap up puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A great big bird with a long neck strapped me into a chair and put a gun to my head. I guess you could say I was held ostrich.
- Explain this Flat-Earthers! If the Earth is flat, why do Australians have to strap everything including themselves to the ground in order to not fall up?
- First person shooters really bring out the testosterone in you. I told my girlfriend.
As she put on the strap-on - Are you aware of the fact that many people have stopped using their remote's safety straps? It's getting out of hand.
- Last week, hubby wanted to spice things up a little, and suggested we play doctors and nurses..... .... so I strapped him to a trolley, put him in the hallway, and ignored him for 48 hours.
- A guy reads a sign that says "Free bungee jumping!" So he goes to the man running the promotion and asks "What's the catch?". "No catch!" says the man. So the guy straps up, jumps and dies.
- How do you call someone who is strapped? Travelingmike93
- What do you get when you cut a bra in half? Two yamakas with chin straps.
- Gender Dynamics Husband: I wear the pants in this relationship.
Wife: I wear the strap-on.
Husband: There's blood in my stool. - Now I ain't saying she's a gold digger... ...but she does have several shovels, picks and panning sluices strapped to her burro.
Bra Strap Jokes
Here is a list of funny bra strap jokes and even better bra strap puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- If a bra is an over-the-shoulder-Boulder-holder, what do you call a jock strap? An under-the-b**...-nut-hut!
- Masks are like bra. If the strap slipped and it is not at place, people keep pointing out
and if you entirely forgot to wear one in public, people go on staring like h**....
Cheerful Fun Strap Jokes to Brighten Your Day with Humor and Joy
What funny jokes about strap you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bras jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make strap pranks.
It's quite ironic that "s**..."…
…backwards, spells 'no parts'…
Jokes
Vegan hot dogs are basically the s**... of food .
You want the sausage but not the meat
A man goes to buy a Christmas Tree...
... After the salesman rings him up and helps him strap it to the car, he asks, "were you planning on putting this up yourself?" to which the man responds, "Actually, I was thinking of putting it in the living room."
Has anyone else noticed that s**...
Is No parts backwards. How ironic
A man is sentenced to 15 years in prison, but escapes after only 3 days
He's taken in front of a judge, who orders the prisoner to explain his actions. The prisoner says "Well your honor, the first day, they gave me a comb, then s**... off all my hair. The second day, they gave me a tooth brush, then pulled out all my teeth. The third day, they gave me a jock strap, I went over the wall". "Case dismissed" declares the judge
I went for a romantic break with the wife
She came out of the bathroom and said "take off my dress"
As I peeled off her dress, she said "take off my bra"
My hands trembled as I unclasped the strap. Then came "take off my knickers"
I slowly pulled them down, and she shouted
"and I don't ever want to catch you wearing them again!"
A police officer pulled over an Amish couple in a buggy
"Sir, I'm going to need you to remove the strap from around that horse's t**.... That's just inhumane."
"WHAT'S HE SAYIN'?", the old man asked his wife.
"I think there might be something wrong with the emergency brake."
You're in the Army Now
Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a South Alabama man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair.
On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth.
On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.
Parachute lessons
So, I'm on a flying plane, taking my parachute jumping lessons. One of the guys told me: "Wait here, stay close to the door, the instructor will strap himself to you and you'll jump together. Don't do anything without your instructor, he has the parachute, he knows everything and he will guide you on your first jump!"
I waited a few more minutes, then somebody approached me q**..., strapped himself to me and jumped right off. A few seconds into falling, the guy screams in my ear:
"So how long you've been an instructor?"
Johnny learns fast…
Teacher: Why did you laugh?
Boy 1: I saw a strap of your bra.
Teacher: Please stay out of school for one week.
Boy 2 laughed…
Teacher: Why did you laugh?
Boy 2: I saw both your bra straps.
Teacher: Suspended from school for one month.
Teacher bent down to pickup a chalk. Little Johnny started walking out of the class…
Teacher: Why are you leaving?
Little Johnny: I think my school days are over.
51 Danes and 50 Norwegians were on a plane...
With no floor, and the passengers were hanging on a strap attached to the roof. The captain yelled: "The plane is too heavy! One of you have to fall to your death!" A Dane raised his hand and said: "I'll do it". Then all the Norwegians clapped their hands.
Husband: Hey baby, hold my jock strap.
Wife: That's disgusting why would I hold your jock strap?
Husband: Well I always hold your purse for you.
Wife: That's not remotely the same.
Husband: Why not, they both hold our junk.
Credit to /u/WhistleWhileYouLurk.
Strapped For Cash
During college, I worked on
a conveyor belt. One day, I was
on a blind date, and she asked me about my job.
I work at the end of a belt, I said.
With an ebullient smile, she asked, Are you the buckle?
What's the difference between my broken watch and a lesbian?
My watch hasn't got a s**....
A Father comes home from work
To find the tv broken and his wife looking furious with their child.
"What happened?" The father asked.
"Our son broke the tv playing the Wii" she replied.
"Did he have the s**...?"
"No, I thought Id let you punish him"
What do you call an Arabic s**...?
My wife and I were having some marital issues but we have moved on.
We have been doing it d**... a lot lately, too much if you ask me. I guess I shouldn't complain. Her s**..., her rules.
In j**... training
A man learns how to detonate and conceal explosives.
In order to test how good he is at concealing them, he decides to strap some to himself and walk around the camp. Now knowing they were attached to a remote detonator, he suddenly blows up.
After he dies he sees an old friend he left when going to train for j**....
"How did training go?" Asked his old friend.
"Not too sure, I think I bombed it."
Every now and then I see something that brings a little tear to my eye.
Last night it was my wife wearing her s**....
s**... b**... and Astronauts
When you think about it s**... b**... and Astronauts are very similar,
They both strap themselves to explosives and hope to end up in a better place.
Why do crocs have a s**... the back of them?
So they stay on during s**....
Teacher: why did you laugh?
Teacher: why did you laugh?
Boy: I saw one strap of your bra.
Teacher: get out of the class for 1 week.
Two boys laughed, Teacher: why did you laugh:
boys: I saw both straps. Teacher: get out for 1 month. She bent down to take chalk, jony started walking out.
Teacher: jony, why you are going out?
Jony: what I just saw I think my school days are over.
What does a handsome jock and a beautiful lesbian both have in common?
...they both have a strap to put on!
s**... is just...
No parts spelled backward.
What if we strap tiny C4 to rats and send them over to Europe...
it would start an all new Boombonic plague.
