Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Stranger? Well here is a complete list of Stranger dad jokes:
So when someone ask tell them it's 12345678
**"A man who lays with another man should be stoned."** [Leviticus 20:13 esv]
Edit1: a typo
Edit2: thanks for the gold humorous stranger!
A lyft. Friends don't let friends drive drunk.
Since she can't even beat an egg
Apparently not.
-
Apparently you're not allowed to nudge the nearest co-worker and say, "get a load of this guy" every time someone walks in.
Brothel sprouts
A man was walking down the street with two penguins following behind him. A police man sees this, thinks it's a bit strange, pulls over and says to the guy.
Cop 'hey, where did you get those two penguins from'?
Guy 'they aren't mine, they have just been following me all day'.
Cop 'those are exotic animals. Do me a favour take them both up to the zoo'.
The man agrees he will. The next day the cop is driving down the same street and he sees the same guy, still with two penguins following behind him. He pulls over again and says.
Cop 'hey! I thought I told you yesterday to take those two penguins to the zoo'!
Guy 'I did. I'm taking them to the cinema today'.
Thanks for the stranger kind Silver!
Make your day more fun by going up
to a stranger and asking "Hey, how
have you been since the amnesia?"
Weirdo never showed up.
A woman and her baby gets on a bus. The driver stops her at the door and says:"you have the ugliest baby I've ever seen!".the woman storms to the back of the bus, fuming. She sits down next to a stranger and says:"that bus driver just insulted me" The stranger then says:" That is absolutely not on! You go and sort him out and I will hold your monkey for you!"
My dad just reminded me of this old classic!
Jake is struggling through a bus station with two huge and obviously heavy suitcases when a stranger walks up to him and asks "Have you got the time?" Jake sighs, puts down the suitcases and glances at his wrist. "It's a quarter to six," he says. "Hey, that's a pretty fancy watch!" exclaims the stranger. Jake brightens a little. "Yeah, it's not bad. Check this out" - and he shows him a time zone display not just for every time zone in the world, but for the 86 largest metropolitan areas. He hits a few buttons and from somewhere on the watch a voice says "The time is eleven 'til six" in a very West Texas accent. A few more buttons and the same voice said something in Japanese. Jake continues "I've put in regional accents for each city". The display is unbelievably high quality and the voice is simply astounding. The stranger is struck dumb with admiration. "That's not all," says Jake. He pushes a few more buttons and a tiny but very hi-resolution, map of New York City appears on the display. "The flashing dot shows our location by satellite positioning," explains Jake. "View recede ten," Jake says, and the display changes to show eastern New York state. "I want to buy this watch!" says the stranger. "Oh, no, it's not ready for sale yet; I'm still working out the bugs, says the inventor. "But look at this," and he proceeds to demonstrate that the watch is also a very creditable little FM radio receiver with a digital tuner, a sonar device that can measure distances up to 125 meters, a pager with thermal paper printout and, most impressive of all, the capacity for voice recordings of up to 300 standard-size books," though I only have 32 of my favorites in there so far" says Jake. "I've got to have this watch!" says the stranger. "No, you don't understand; it's not ready." "I'll give you $1000 for it!" "Oh, no, I've already spent more than -" "I'll give you $5000 for it!" "But it's just not -" "I'll give you $15,000 for it!" And the stranger pulls out a checkbook. Jake stops to think. He's only put about $8500 into materials and development, and with $15,000 he can make another one and have it ready for merchandising in only six months. The stranger frantically finishes writing the check and waves it in front of him. "Here it is, ready to hand to you right here and now. $15,000. Take it or leave it." Jake abruptly makes his decision. "OK," he says, and peels off the watch. They make the exchange and the stranger starts happily away. "Hey, wait a minute," calls Jake after the stranger, who turns around warily. Jake points to the two suitcases he'd been trying to wrestle through the bus station. "Don't forget your batteries.
Asked the stranger who just pulled up wih his truck outside a bar.
"No" the barkeep replied.
"Well fuck," he said, "I guess I just ran over a nun..."
A boy goes up to his father one day and asks "Dad, what's the difference between 'theory' and 'reality'?"
Dad thinks for a second and says "Go upstairs right now and ask your mother and your sister if they'd have sex with a complete stranger for a million dollars." The boy goes upstairs, and comes back down a few minutes later with a look of surprise.
"They both said yes!"
"Well son," says Dad, "in theory we're sitting on two million dollars. In reality we're just living with a couple of whores."
One night they wake up to hear a knock at the door. The husband, grumbling about the late hour, gets up, heads downstairs and opens the door to see a stranger.
The stranger says, "Terribly sorry to wake you but I was wondering if you could give me a push?"
The elderly man replies that it is the middle of the night and he is too old for physical exertion. He then heads back to bed. Upon getting in bed the wife asked him what happened and is shocked to hear that he did not help the stranger. "Go outside and help him right now!" she demands.
The old man begrudgingly gets dressed and walks outside. He looks left and right and doesn't see the man or his car anywhere along the highway. "Where are you?" he shouts.
"Over here on the swings!"
As the batwing doors swing closed behind him, the patrons turn to eye the stranger up.
The dog cooly looks around the dim, smoky room and says "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
She wants to jump off a tall bridge in a park. As she is about to jump a stranger appears and asks:"What are you doing there?" "I end my life! It's just miserable." she replies.
"Okay, but...if you end your life anyways would you mind to fuck with me one last time in your life?" "Hell no! You look ugly and smell like fish!"
He just says:"Alright then. I'll just wait 'till you are finished."
A little boy comes home from school one day and asks his dad if he can explain the difference between theory and reality to him.
The Dad questions why and the kid says "it's for school, can you just help me out?"
The dad thinks for second and then says, "ok, what I want you to do is go upstairs and ask your mom and your sister if they'd sleep with a stranger for $1,000,000"
The kid says, "what?" And Dad says "just do it, it'll help me explain."
So the kid goes upstairs, asks and walks back down.
Dad: did you do it?
Kid: yeah
Dad: Well what'd they say?
Kid: well, they both said yes
Dad: okay so, in theory we'd have a $1,000,000, but in reality we're living with a couple of whores.
A woman and her baby get on a bus. The bus driver says "HOLY HELL, THATS ONE UGLY BABY! The woman gives him a look then sits down. After a few minuets she turns to the man next to her and says "That bus driver just insulted me" The man says "Well go up there and tell him off! Go on, I'll hold your monkey".
Two men walk into a bathroom, one named Bob and the other Bill. Well, Bob walks to a urinal to piss while Bill walks to the one next to Bob and says, "Bro, I need to help to piss. I have no arms you see and cant get my penis out to use the bathroom." Upon saying this, he moves his body around, flapping the long sleeves of a jacket he has on all around. Bob looks at Bill and sighs, "Alright, I'll help, but only because you have no arms." So Bob finishes pissing and washes his hands. He walks back to Bill and undoes his fly. He then proceeds to take out Bill's penis and jumps back in horror. Bill's penis is covered in boils and has turned a sickly green. Bob swallows his pride and helps Bill continue his piss. Once done, Bob puts everything back and washes his hands and asks Bill, "What the hell is up with your cock?!" Bill turned around and popped his arms out of his jacket and says, "I dont know but I sure as hell ain't touching it!"
Killer: "Turn down that dark road."
Rapist: "I was planning on it..."
Edit - Thank you magnificent stranger for gold!
Three guys, Mike, Dave, and Doug were at a table in a bar enjoying some beers and conversation. A stranger came by and asked if he could join them and was immediately welcomed. After about an hour of lively conversation the stranger said, I can tell you are all recent college grads. I bet I can guess where each of you went to school.
That would be interesting, said Doug, I'd like to see how you could do that.
Well, Mike here, he's Harvard. That's easy. He's got the Haavard accent. He also made reference to some obscure points of business law and his stylish business suit seals the deal.
And Dave has got to be MIT. The smudged glasses and black t-shirt are a clue. He also made some references that show he has a good grasp of quantum theory and computer science.
That's amazing, said Doug. What about me?
Oh. You went to West Virginia University.
How do you know? asked Doug.
I saw your class ring while you were picking your nose.
Father replies, "You want to know the difference between theory & reality, huh... Ok, go upstairs and ask your mother if she would sleep with a stranger for a million dollars."
So the son goes upstairs and a few minutes later comes back down.
"Dad, Mom said Yes, she would sleep with a stranger for a million dollars."
Dad says, "Well there ya go son. In theory we'd be millionaires... In reality, your mother's a whore!"
Sitting by the window of her convent, Sister Barbara opened a letter from home one evening. Inside the letter was a $100 bill her parents had sent.
Sister Barbara smiled at the gesture. As she read the letter by the window, she noticed a shabbily dressed stranger leaning against the lamp post below.
Quickly, she wrote, "Don't despair ~ Sister Barbara," on a piece of paper and wrapped the $100 bill in it Then she got the man's attention and tossed it out the window to him. The stranger picked it up, and with a puzzled expression and a tip of his hat, went off down the street.
The next day, Sister Barbara was told that a man was at her door, insisting on seeing her. She went down, and found the stranger waiting. Without a word, he handed her a huge wad of $100 bills.
"What's this?" she asked.
"That's the $8,000 you have coming Sister," he replied. "*Don't Despair* paid 80-to-1!"
Because they don't like the idea of a stranger making 90% of their decisions.
Its easier to find in 39 than in 45
Edit : Thanks for the gold king stranger ! That was a joke. sorry if i offended anyone, just wanted to make people laugh, have a good day
Because it's all relative.
In other words, there was doppelganger stranger danger in the manger.
Last night a complete stranger asked me if I liked breasts or thighs? I told him that I preferred a hot, wet, pussy.
He just rolled his eyes and sighed. "Thighs it is." Next he asked, "Original recipe or crispy?"
You can't debone a pregnant woman.
The bartender says what will it be stranger. The seal replies anything but a Canadian club.
Doctor asks "So what's the problem?"
The man pulls down his pants and turns around revealing an unbelievably large asshole.
"Dear God!" exclaims the Doctor. "What happened to you?"
"I was raped by an elephant." The man replies.
The Doctor pauses. Then says "Sir. I'm no stranger to zoology. And although the width of an elephants penis is rather sizable, it's nowhere near THAT large!"
The man said "It fingered me too."
He looks content to stand, content not to go away. People wait for others, while he waits for everyone. He could survive here. A constant ringing in his ear, as grease forms around him, like a million orders of "Do this, do that." A corporation, his name, on his chest. His body, covered in WHAT he is, not WHO he is. A sad life it must be, to see others come and leave. I look him in his eyes... "and a large fries, please."
Danks for da kine cold stranger!
His stomach starts to feel a little stranger than normal and his bowels are coming out irregularly. The next day, he goes to see his doctor, who suggests he change his posture so that he squats while he does his business. When Euler gets home, he goes to try out this new method. To his surprise, his feces comes out smoothly and without any problem. Excited by this new stressless way of going to the john, he quickly finishes his business and as he leaves the bathroom, calls for his wife.
"Honey, you need to try this new method of going to the bathroom! It'll make you feel better and makes natural logs!"
A true story.
I was waiting at a bus stop one afternoon when a guy approached me and offered me a ride. I thanked him, but politely refused his offer. Confused, he asked me why I didn't want to go with him. I told him, "Because you're a stranger." With more confusion on his face he replied, "No, I'm Indian!"
There was a young woman who had never known her father. One year, on Christmas day, a stranger knocked at her door.
When she opened the door, there was an older gentleman standing there. He looked at her face for a moment, then reached out and handed her a beautifully bound book of poetry.
"What is this?" she asked.
"A present," the man replied, "from your father."
"My father?" she said, "but I don't have a father."
"Rachel... you do...and I'm him." said the man, looking at the young woman. His eyes filling with tears. Her heart began racing at the thought that this may actually be him. But how could it be? After all this time?
"How can I really know if my father is present before me?" she asked.
The man, still crying, softly replied, "Rachel, your father is not present." He pointed at the book.
"Book is present."
Then the woman cried as she hugged her dad for the first time.
A very drunk man comes out of the bar and sees another very drunk man.
He looks up in the sky and says, "Is that the sun or the moon?"
The other drunk man answers, "I don't know. I'm a stranger here myself."
Thanks for the mold, kind stranger!
Son comes home and asks his father, if he could explain the difference between theory and practice.
The father calls his daughter and asks her:
"Would you have sex with stranger for five million dollars?"
Daughter thinks and responds:
"Five million is a lot, I'd do it...".
A father calls his wife and asks her:
"And would you have sex with a stranger for five million dollars?"
The wife responds immediately:
"For five millions? Definitely!"
Father turns to his son and said:
"So you see, that's the difference between theory and practice. In theory, we have ten million dollars, but in practice two whores."
Setting: I have a bad back. I'm standing in line for a flu shot. Guy in front of me knows me. Guy behind me is a stranger.
Guy in front: Hey John, hows your back?
Me: It's great now! I had my entire spine removed.
Guy behind me: Yea, I'm married too.
Toot uncommon
Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid suffered fractured ribs, and broken bones in his face after falling off of a piece of exercise equipment. Reid is no stranger to injury, like the time he tried to open a jar of mayonnaise, and broke both of his legs.
In Colorado a survey determined that 90% of residents who voted to legalize marijuana, would vote the same way again. The remaining 10% were too high to understand the question.
In Montana, a boy's parents rewarded him with $500 dollars after he gave up soda for a year. An hour later the boy was found dead, floating facedown in a bathtub full of Dr. Pepper.
I got on a bus and sat down next to a beautiful blonde woman. She was crying, so I asked her what was the matter.
"I just left my psychiatrist, and he doesn't know what to do with me," she said.
"Well what's wrong?" I asked.
"Why would I tell you, we just met!"
"Sometimes is good to tell your problems to a random stranger on a bus."
So she looked out the window for a second and then turned to me and said, "I'm a nymphomaniac and I'm only attracted to jewish cowboys. By the way, I'm Diane."
So I looked at her and I said, "Hello Diane, I'm Bucky Goldstein."
and we came to a red light, but he zipped right through it. I asked him "Why didn't you stop?"
He replies "Aw, don't worry about it! My brother does that all the time!"
We come to another red light, and he runs that one as well.
"My brother does this all the time!"
We come up on a third red light, but just before we get there, it turns green. He slams the brakes on, smoke coming off the wheels, and we stop just short of the intersection. I ask him "Why'd you stop *now*?"
He looks at me with fear in his eyes, and says "My brother might be coming!"
When a stranger sees him.
The stranger exclaims "Boy, are you fucking ugly!"
The man turns around and says "Don't talk about my sister that way!"
A salesman's car broke down as he was making his way through the countryside on an important trip. It was getting dark, so he left the car and walked down the road a ways until he came to a farmhouse, where he knocked on the door.
A farmer answered. "Howdy, stranger," he said. "What brings you here?"
"My car broke down and I'm not carrying any money, so I need a place to stay until I go to town tomorrow to find a mechanic. Could you help me?"
"Sure," said the farmer. "My kids moved out years ago and my wife died not too long after, so I have plenty of room."
Hearing this, the salesman turned and walked back towards his car.
"Did you hear me? I said I have plenty of room!" said the farmer, confused.
"Yes, I heard you," the salesman replied. "But I think I'm in the wrong joke."
... Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger. The little boy, who had just started to read his book, brushed his hand away and replied to the total stranger, What would you want to talk about? Oh, I don't know, said the priest How about God, Heaven and how you will burn in Hell if you sin?"
OK, he said. Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff – grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is? The priest, visibly surprised by the little boy's intelligence, thinks about it and says, Hmmm, I have no idea.
To which the little boy replies, Do you really feel qualified to discuss why there is a God, or Heaven or why I will burn in Hell if I sin, when you don't know shit? The little boy then went back to reading his book.
This was actually said in court and taken from a transcript:
Lawyer: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "Did you check for blood pressure?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "Did you check for breathing?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?"
Witness: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."
Lawyer: "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?"
Witness: "Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere."
You've red some of the best stranger jokes of all time. We hope you had fun with this collection of 50 puns about stranger. Most of the stories are suitable for kids with good sense of humor, children or teens boys and girls, of course dads. You must supervise your chidlren not to read pranks for adults. Note that some jokes are disgusting, filled with black humor so don't tell dirty stranger gags to your kids. So please respect and be a good joking daddy !
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