Strange Jokes

What are some Strange jokes?

My housemates are convinced our house is haunted

I don't get it. I've lived here for 273 years and not noticed anything strange.

Given that a radiator is essentially a vital organ to a car, it's strange that the town in the movie Cars is called "Radiator Springs."

It would be like if we called a city "Liver Pool."

It's strange to see Christians advocating abstinence only sex education...

According to their own religion, even abstinence isn't 100% effective.

Sperm bank

A man and. woman are chatting in an elevator. "What are you up to today?" he asks.
"I'm going down to give blood."
"How much do you get paid for giving blood?"
"About $20 a pint."
"Hmm ...," the man, says. "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100 a tablespoon."

The woman gets a strange look on her face and gets off the elevator.
The next day, they meet in the elevator again.
The man asks, "So, where you off to today?"
"Fmerm mank," she says, with her mouth full.

Fishermen hate himβ€”you'll never guess this one strange item he uses to catch more fish than anyone else

Click bait

My wife asked me if "I was listening to her?!"

Strange way to start a conversation....

Trumpets and Guns

In a small town, a man just opened a small store selling trumpets and guns.

One day his neighbor pays him a visit and says, "So how is your strange business going?"

"What do you mean strange?"

"Because you sell only trumpets and guns!"

"So?"

"Well, let me put it this way, what do you sell the most, trumpets or guns?"

"It evens itself out. Each time a customer buys a trumpet, one of his neighbors buys a gun."

Mahatma Gandhi was a strange person.

He walked barefoot everywhere, to the point that his feet became quite thick and hard. He often went on hunger strikes, and even when he wasn't on a hunger strike, he did not eat much and became quite thin and frail. He also was a very spiritual person. Finally, because he didn't eat much and when he did his diet was peculiar, he developed very smelly breath.

He eventually became known as a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

A stranger just came up to me and told me she was vegan...

I swear I've met herbivore

A child with an imaginary friend is normal

An adult with an imaginary friend is strange,

And a group of people with an imaginary friend is called religion.

My friend asked me if I wanted to watch Dr. Strange.

I declined because I have Stranger Things to watch.

A man goes to see his rabbi...

... "rabbi, I am very troubled. My son, he went off traveling the world, and came back a christian!" The rabbi replies, "you know, it's so strange you say that. My son also left home, and came back a christian!" The two decide to pray to God about this, and God replies, "you know, it's so strange you say that..."

I find it strange how everyone suddenly cares about straws killing dolphins...

They've been breaking camels' backs for years.

After 10 years, the wife thinks their kid looks kind of strange

She decides to take a DNA test. She finds out that the kid is actually from completely different parents.

Wife: "Honey, I have something very serious to tell you."

Husband: "What's up?"

Wife: "According to the DNA test results, this isn't our kid."

Husband: "Well, you don't remember, do you? When we were leaving the hospital, we noticed our baby had pooped. You said: Please go change the baby, I'll wait for you here."

A man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder...

The bartender says "What a strange pet, what's his name?"

"Tiny." the man replies.

"What an odd name, why do you call him tiny?"

"Because he's my newt."

A lawyer named Strange died.

His friends asked the tombstone inscriber to write "Here lies Strange, an honest man and a lawyer" on the headstone. The inscriber suggested this would confuse people, who would think three men were buried there. He suggested "Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer." "Whenever anyone walks by," he explained "they'll be certain to remark, 'That's Strange.'"

A Paladin takes his car to a mechanic

A Paladin takes his car to a mechanic. "Whenever I'm driving, I get these strange urges to run over pedestrians."

The mechanic has a look under the car. "Your alignment is off."

Stranger: "Bob? Is that short for Robert?"

Bobert: "No."

My wife was like: "Are you even listening to what I'm saying?!?"

And I was like... that's a strange way to start a conversation.

A man is attending the Super Bowl, when he notices an empty seat.

Thinking this to be strange, the man asks the person sitting next to the empty seat if he knows who sits there. The guy replies: Well, I bought two tickets for my wife and I a long time ago, but she passed away. So the man asks: Couldn't you have brought someone else?

"They're all at the funeral."

I wasn't too impressed by Dr. Strange..

I've seen Stranger Things.

I got a strange note in my bag at the Taco Bell drive-thru last night...

The lady seemed very frazzled and the note said "help there are two armed men inside."

I drove off laughing, thinking "well yeah it would take forever to make tacos with one arm"

"You haven't listened to a word I've said."

Strange way for my girlfriend to start a conversation.

Wife has strange ways of starting a conversation..

... out of nowhere she'll ask me: are you even listening at all?

My daughter screeched, "Daaaaaad, you haven't listened to one word I've said, have you!?"

What a strange way to start a conversation with me...

A depressed frog goes to visit a fortune teller

Hoping for good news he goes to meet with a fortune teller.

The fortune teller closes her eyes, makes some strange sounds, and finally says, "You will meet a beautiful young girl that will want to know everything about you"

The frog gets excited and says, "Wow! When will I meet her? At a party?"

"No," replied the fortune teller, "in her biology class."

My dad just called a family meeting.

Me, mum, my two brothers, my sister and grandma hurried into the living room and gathered round an IKEA box laying on the floor.

"Dad, it's some flat pack furniture, what do you need the whole family for?" I asked.

"Well, it must be these strange Swedish customs", he replies, "It says assembly required".

A husband calls a men's help line.

Host: "Hello caller, how can I help you."

Hus: "I think my wife is cheating on me, so last night I hid behind my boat and waited for her to come home. Soon a strange car pulled up. As she got out of the passenger side she was buttoning her blouse."

Host: "I see... so what's your question?"

Hus: "When I was behind the boat, I noticed a crack in the outboard bracket...can that be welded?"

A man goes to the doctor ...

... and says "Doctor, I'm having a really strange problem. I can't get the song *What's New, Pussycat* out of my head.

Doctor says, "Well, it sounds like you may have Tom Jones' Disease."

The man opens his eyes wide. "I never heard of that before," he said. "Is it rare?"

Doctor shakes his head. "It's not unusual."

So my wife glared at me from across the table and firmly stated You weren't even listening were you?!

I wasn't sure what to say, but I thought That's a strange way to start a conversation .

So a tourist walks into an English pub...

A tourist walks into an English pub. While he is waiting for his beer, he notices to rather big women next to him talk in a strange accent. He walks up to them and says:

"Excuse me, I can't quite put my finger on your accent -- are you two ladies from Ireland?"

They get outraged and snap back:
"It's Wales, you idiot!"

"Oh, I'm sorry. Are you two whales from Ireland?"

My girflriend was telling me about this guy on Strange Addictions who drinks a gallon of brake fluid every day

I guess the good thing is at least he can stop whenever he wants

moles

Mama mole, papa mole, and baby mole all lived in a hole. One day, mama mole stuck her head out and sniffed the air.

"That's weird, I smell grape jelly."

Papa mole squeezes up beside her, sniffs around, and says, "That's funny, because i smell strawberry jam."

Baby mole wanted to sniff the air too, but was stuck behind mama and papa mole, so he said "That's strange, all I smell is molasses!"

Strange trend at my office...

People are naming food in the break room refrigerator. Today I ate a sandwich named "Kevin".

A strange van pulls up to a 12 year old boy walking down the street...

The man in the van holds out a bag of candy and says, "hey kid, if I give you a piece of candy will you come in my van?"

To that the kid replies, "I'll come in your mouth if you give me the whole bag."

British clock in german hands

During world war II, a british clock found its way into german hands. The strange thing about this clock was it went tick-tick-tick-tick, instead of tick-tock-tick-tock. The germans could not figure this out.

Finally, it went to the gestapo. Their chief interrogator softly whispered to the clock " We haff ways to make you tock"

Man offers a drink to a woman at a party.

Woman: No thanks, whisky is bad for my legs.
Man: Legs? Thats strange, do they pain or swell?
Woman: No, they spread.

Let's change things up a bit.

I thought I found a quarter inside one of my shoes. That would have been strange enough on its own, but it turned out to be a nickel, which made even less cents.

A woman turns to her husband and says, "I feel like you aren't even listening to me."

To which the man turns to his wife and says, "that's a strange way to start a conversation."

"You haven't been listening to a word I've said, have you?"

It always felt like a strange way for my girlfriend to start a conversation...

My dad asked me "are you even listening?"

What a strange way to start a conversation.

Paddy and Murphy are in a dark cave.

Paddy says "It's too dark. Do you have a match?"

Murphy hands Paddy a match, which Paddy strikes against the wall..but nothing happens. He strikes the match again but, again, nothing.

Paddy says to Murphy "This match doesn't work."

"That's strange," says Murphy. "It worked earlier."

My ex-girlfriend used to have this strange fetish...

She used to enjoy being strangled until she turned blue in the face.

It's too bad that I am colorblind.

I told my therapist that I was seeing strange colours.

He told me they were just pigments of my imagination.

A Gynecologist walks into an exam room

Gynecologist walks into an exam room. The woman on the exam table shows the doctor two strange green dots, one on each inner thigh. Puzzled at first, the doctor examines them more closely. He then asks the woman "Would you happen to be a lesbian?" The woman answers "Why, yes, but I don't see what that has to do with these dots!" The doctor replied.. "Tell your girlfriend to get some REAL gold earrings!"

There's a strange new trend at work, people are writing names on the food in the company fridge

Today I had a chicken sandwich named Kevin

Remember kids, if a strange man offers you sweets,

There's probably more in his car!

An elephant escaped from the circus...

...and ended up in a little old lady's back garden. The lady had never seen an elephant before, so she rang the police.

"Please come quickly," she said to the policeman who answered the phone. "There's a strange looking animal in my garden picking up cabbages with its tail."

"What's it doing with them?" asked the policeman.

"If I told you," said the old lady, "you'd never beleive me!"

I proposed my Russian girlfriend and she said Yes!

For the wedding, my whole family and friends flew over to her home town of Moscow.

It was a beautiful ceremony, however I did find some things strange. For instance, the priest never said, "You may now kiss the bride", but I just assumed it was purely an American thing and didn't mind.

Later during the reception, we were both starving and decided to head over to the buffet to get food. On the way we passed the drink table, where about six people were waiting to get a fruity drink from a bowl.

As we passed, they all said in unison, "You may now kiss the bride!" My wife got giddy and gave me a big kiss, which I of course returned.

As we walked away I asked, "Why did *they* tell us to kiss and not the priest?"

My wife answered,

"In Soviet Russia, the punchline tells you!"

How little stefan got a brand new watch..

Little Stefan comes in to school one morning wearing a brand new watch. His best friend, little Jenny, wants to know where the watch is from, so Johnny tell his story," I was coming from the bathroom to my bedroom when I heard a strange noise from my parent's bedroom.

I walked in and saw them bouncing up and down. Dad said I could have anything I wanted as long as I didn't tell the family. I asked for a new watch and here it is."

Jenny decides she wants one too, so night after night she listens outside her parents' bedroom for any strange noises and, sure enough, eventually she hears some banging and groaning from the other side of the door.

She walks in and catches her parents in the act, so her dad offers her anything she wants to keep quiet about the whole affair. Jenny immediately says, "I want a watch."
The dad sighs and says, "Alright, but go and stand in the corner and don't make any noise . "

You aren't a monk.

A man is driving through a town and his car breaks down in front of a monastery. He decides to go up to the door and ask if he can stay the night and the monks let him. At night he is laying in his bed and he hears this extremely strange noise. In the morning he asks a monk what the strange noise was. The monk replied, "I can't tell you because you aren't a monk." The man accepted this fact, graciously thanked the monks for letting him stay, and went on his way. Three years later the man was driving through the same town and broke down in front of the same monastery. Again he asks the monks if he could stay the night, and they let him. And again at night he hears the strange noise. In the morning he asks and gets the same answer. Then he asks how he can become a monk. They reply, "Go count every blade of grass and every pebble in the world." The man comes back 43 years later and gives them accurate numbers. They let him become a monk and the first thing he does is ask to see what the noise was. They take him to a wooden door. He reaches for the handle and its locked. They give him a key, then he happens upon a stone door. Locked. He goes through every kind of door you could possibly think of as they give him keys for each. Then he gets to a diamond door and they give him a key and he unlocks it. Then he opens it and is completely amazed. But I can't tell you what it is because you're not a monk.

A boy works up the courage to ask the girl he likes on a date

The girl, liking him back, agrees to go on the date.

The boy tells her "Before we go on our date, there's something I have to tell you about myself. I only eat insects."

The girl finds this to be very strange but accepts it because she likes him.

They go out to dinner and the girl orders a steak while the boy eats an arrangement of insects he brought from home.

In the parking lot after dinner the two lock eyes, lean in, and slowly kiss each other. After the kiss the girls eyes are lit up with magic and she asks the boy how their first kiss felt.

The boy replies "I've got butterflies in my stomach."

The Heart Attack

THE HEART ATTACK

A blonde gets home from work early & hears strange noises coming from the bedroom.
She rushes upstairs only to find her husband naked lying on the bed,
sweating and panting.
'What's up?' she asks.

'I think I'm having a heart attack,' - cries the husband..
The blonde rushes downstairs to use the phone, but just as she's dialling, her four-year-old son says
"Mummy mummy, aunty Shirley is hiding in the wardrobe & she has no clothes on"

The blonde slams the phone down and storms back upstairs into the bedroom
right past her husband..rips open the wardrobe door and sure enough, there is
her sister, totally naked and cowering on the floor.
'You rotten Bitch', she screams.
'My husband's having a heart attack, and you're running around
naked playing hide and seek with the kids!!'

One day I was playing...

I was about seven years oldβ€”and I saw the cellar door open just a crack. Now my folks had always warned me: Emo, whatever you do, don't go near the cellar door. But I had to see what was on the other side if it killed me, so I went to the cellar door, pushed it open and walked through, and I saw strange, wonderful thingsβ€”things I had never seen beforeβ€” like ... trees, grass, flowers, the sunβ€”that was nice!

Strange music

In Vienna, the great composer Mr. Beethoven had recently died and been buried in the city cemetery, with much mourning by the Viennese citizens.

A few nights after the burial, the town drunk is stumbling on his way home through the cemetery. All of a sudden he hears some very strange-sounding music wafting up from Beethoven's fresh burial plot. Terrified, the man runs through the streets, screaming about ghosts in the graveyard.

Pretty soon he's gathered quite a crowd around the grave, all muttering to each other about devils and ghosts. Finally one man makes his way to the front of the crowd, squats down by the grave, and listens.

"Why... that's Beethoven's Ninth Sympony, but... it's playing backwards!" He listens some more. "There's his Eighth Symphony, also backwards! ... And the seventh.... sixth..."

Finally he stands up and addresses the crowd. "My good people, you have nothing to fear. This is simply Mr. Beethoven decomposing."

Eggs

A couple were married for 25yrs. One day while cleaning their room, she finds a box hidden inside his closet and decides to open it with the thought that her husband is keeping a secret to her. In the box she finds 3 eggs and 10 grand.
This seems very strange so she went to him and asks:
"Why are there 3 eggs in a box in your closet?"
"Well, dear," the husband replies, "everytime I was unfaithful to you, I put an egg in the box."

She's hurt that he had been unfaithful but consoles herself with the fact that they have been married for 25yrs and he had only been unfaithful 3 times.

Wife asks: "Where did the 10 grand come from?"
With head bowed down he answers: "Everytime it reaches a dozen, I sell them!"

Why 6 was really afraid of 7

6 was just a normal girl, she met 7 on a dating app. They went out several times after that and a few dates later 7 proposed. 6 was ecstatic, they got married within the month and when they moved into a new house they quickly made friends with their neighbors, 9 and 10. 6 soon noticed strange behavior in 7, he was going out late at night to other people's houses. One night 6 saw 7 leave into the neighbors house. She decided to follow him in and was horrified. Blood stains led up to the darkened kitchen where she discovered some thing she could never unsee. 7 had done it. 7 8 9.

Election Day was the perfect day to go see Doctor Strange...

I got to experience a scary bizarro world were sanity was cast aside and the laws of nature were twisted to the breaking point, and I also went to a movie.

A woman pregnant with triplets gets shot 3 times in the gut.

They rush her to the hospital and everything turns out ok. The babies are all fine.

12 years later one of her daughters comes to her worried "mom mom mom i was peeing and a bullet came out!"

"Thats strange." Says the mom.

A few days after that her other daughter rushes up "MOM MOM MOM i was peeing and a bullet came out!"

"Thats really strange" says the mom.

A few more weeks pass without issue, then her son comes up to her "MOM MOM MOM" she cuts him off "let me guess, you were peeing and a bullet came out."

"NO! I WAS JACKING OFF AND I SHOT THE DOG!"

The day after Beethoven's funeral

The day after Beethoven's funeral, at midnight, a drunken man, having just left the bar, went into the graveyard, where he heard a strange sound. Looking for the source of the mysterious sound, he discovered it was coming from Beethoven's grave. Alarmed, he called his friends, and found they could hear the sound too (even the sober ones).

Soon, a crowd was forming at the graveyard. The mayor, who was very familiar with classical music, recognized the sound as Beethoven's 9th Symphony played backwards. When it ended, Beethoven's 8th Symphony started playing, also backwards, and then the 7th, and then the 6th, and so forth. At dawn, having reached a conclusion, the mayor said to the gathering crowd:

"There's nothing to fear, gentlemen. He's just decomposing."

One time I walked into a bathroom and there were no urinals

I thought, "huh... that's strange." The girls that came in after me were apparently pretty freaked out by it too.

There was supposed to be a BLM march today with up to a million people

Although it's strange that I only count 600,000.

Scientists have recently discovered a new bioluminescent bug that performs a strange dance any time there is a full moon.

They are calling it a Raving Luna Tick.

My wife always starts conversations

with, " are you listening to me?" Such a strange way to start a conversation.

The pharmacist

Peter walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist for a pack of condoms. Paying for them, he bursts into laughter and walks out of the store.

The next day he comes in again, buys condoms, and walks out laughing.

Thinking this is somewhat strange, the pharmacist asks his assistant to follow the man if he comes back.

Sure enough, Peter comes in the next day and walks out laughing. This time assistant goes after him, returning 20 minutes later.

So did you follow him? asks pharmacist

Yup.

Where did he go?

Your house.

A dad is waiting with his shotgun for his daughters' dates to arrive...

A dad is waiting with his shotgun for his daughters' dates to arrive.

The doorbell rings and the father opens the door to the first young man who says "Hi, I'm Eddie. I'm here for Betty. We're going out for spaghetti. Is she ready?" Strange kid but harmless, thinks the dad, and he lets the boy in.

The doorbell rings again. The dad answers the door and the new young man says, "Hi, I'm Joe. I'm here for Flo. We're going to a show. Is she ready to go?" The father lets him in.

The doorbell rings for the third time. When the father opens the door, the date says "Hi, I'm Chuck..." KABLAM!

An anthropologist visits a tribe that eats only meat...

An anthropologist visits an exclusively carnivorous tribe in previously uncharted deep-jungle territory and word gets around about this strange woman who eats plants.

M'buk says to T'gru, "Have you heard about this woman who eats *plants?*"

T'gru gets this puzzled look and says "no, I've never heard of herbivore!"

It's pretty strange, doctors are now prescribing cannabis for arthritis sufferers...

I mean, the definition of arthritis is "inflammation of the joints"

Stanley died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly...

The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two bestfriends, Jack and Oscar.

The three men had always done everything together.

Jack arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet,

Jack said, 'Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad. You better roll him over.'

The mortician rolled him over and Jack said, 'Nope, ain't Stanley .'

The mortician thought this was rather strange.

So he brought Oscar in to confirm the identity of the body.

Oscar looked at the body and said, 'Yup, he's pretty well burnt up.

Roll him over.'

The mortician rolled him over and Oscar said, 'No, it ain't Stanley '

The mortician asked, 'How can you tell?'

Oscar said, 'Well, Stanley had two assholes.'

'What? He had two assholes?' asked the mortician.

'Yup, we never seen 'em, but everybody used to say:

'There's Stanley with them two assholes.'

So only 7 people survived the shipwreck

6 men and a woman ended up on a isolated island after surviving the shipwreck. Soon an agreement was made: each day of the week she'd have sex with one of the men.
Everything was going great, they were getting along, everybody was as happy as possible.
One day the woman dies.
After the first week things get a little strange, but they just hold on.
The second week goes by, bit they manage to keep things under control. After the third week one of them finally says:
- Well, that's it. I can't handle it anymore. There's nothing else to do. We're gonna have to bury her corpse...

Hey girl, are you my appendix?

Because I'm not completely sure how you work, but this strange feeling in my stomach makes me want to take you out.

My dishwasher makes this loud rumbling sound...

Strange thing is, it only seems to happen at night, when she's sleeping.

How to make Strange jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Strange to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Strange? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Strange pick up lines to share with friends.

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