Strange Jokes
130 strange jokes and hilarious strange puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about strange that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Do you have an appetite for the strange? Enjoy this collection of strange jokes that will surely leave you scratching your head and laughing out loud. These jokes range from strange wilderness creatures, to strange music, to strange animals, and even Dr Strange. Enjoy some of the most uncanny, uncommon, and unfamiliar jokes with this unique list of strange jokes.
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Funniest Strange Short Jokes
Short strange jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The strange humour may include short weird jokes also.
- My housemates are convinced our house is haunted I don't get it. I've lived here for 273 years and not noticed anything strange.
- My wife said, The Last of Us is a strange show, don't you agree? Me: Yeah, but I've seen stranger things on Netflix.
- Gordon Ramsey goes to Australia and makes a lemon meringue pie. The whole audience cheers! "That's strange," he says, "I thought Australians usually boo meringue."
- My wife asked me if I wanted to watch Dr. Strange for movie night, but I said no. I had Stranger Things to watch.
- Tesla founder elon musk is originally from South Africa, which is strange You'd think he was from mad-at-gas-car.
- I find it strange how everyone suddenly cares about straws killing dolphins... They've been breaking camels' backs for years.
- "You haven't listened to a word I've said." Strange way for my girlfriend to start a conversation.
- My daughter screeched, "Daaaaaad, you haven't listened to one word I've said, have you!?" What a strange way to start a conversation with me...
- A strange man appeared at the door and offered me 100k, but 200k would be given to the person I hate most. Terrific I said, I would love 300k.
- So my wife glared at me from across the table and firmly stated You weren't even listening were you?! I wasn't sure what to say, but I thought That's a strange way to start a conversation .
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Strange One Liners
Which strange one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with strange? I can suggest the ones about bizarre and peculiar.
- I wasn't too impressed by Dr. Strange.. I've seen Stranger Things.
- Some weird German kid just gave me a gold coin. Thanks for the gold, strange kinder!
- Remember kids, if a strange man offers you sweets, There's probably more in his car!
- I finally got around to watching Dr Strange It was about time
- What is Doctor Strange's favorite pizza? Sorcerer's Supreme
It's cheesy, I know. - A strange woman was pounding at my door at 4am and woke me up. I had to let her out.
- Does anyone else feel strange looking into a mirror? Maybe it's just me.
- Why does Dr. Pepper come In cans? He's a strange dude.
- The Islamic temple I went to had a weird smell... it was a strange mosque
- I'm like Dr. Strange without the PHD and magic cape. Strange...
- What is Doctor Strange's favourite food? Eggs Benedict
- Scientists have found that sheep can read! Strangely it only works with the Bible.
- Took me 4 times the usual to milk a cow today. He only had one udder, which was strange.
- Soccer is a strange game. Soccer is a bunch of people running away from their goals.
- Been getting strange looks from my coworkers today. Guess I better put my pants back on.
Doctor Strange Jokes
Here is a list of funny doctor strange jokes and even better doctor strange puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- It's pretty strange, doctors are now prescribing cannabis for arthritis sufferers... I mean, the definition of arthritis is "inflammation of the joints"
- I took a Marvel version of those "which character are you?" quiz. I thought I would get Doctor Strange. I was wong
- You shouldn't worry about headaches I mean, it's all in your head.
- In these strange times, the doctors forced me to wear glasses while I was giving birth to my son. They insisted on contactless delivery.
- Went to my doctor today for a check up and afterwards he told me my prostate was in peak physical condition.... I thought it was a strange thing for a dermatologist to say but hey good to know
- So, doctor strange walks into a bar and... Walks into a bar and...
Walks into a bar and...
Walks into a bar... - [NO SPOILERS] What do you call Doctor Strange's assistant in an elevator? Wong on so many levels.
- Why did doctor strange cross the road? The wind blew him far…
- It's strange that Bill Cosby wasnt given a honorary doctorate untill 1976. Because apparently he's been administering drugs since the 60s
- Why can't an IT guy be a doctor? Nurse: Doctor, the patient's life support is acting strange.
.
.
Doctor: Have you tried turning it off and on again?
Dr Strange Jokes
Here is a list of funny dr strange jokes and even better dr strange puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- During the filming of Dr. Strange, the lead actor became severely obese... He became Benedict Cumbersome
- What's a quark's favorite superhero? Dr. Strange
- Isn't Birdbox Bandersnatch the guy who plays Dr. Strange?
- The Avengers: Endgame trailer has 14 million views from just one person Dr. Strange
- Dr. Strange comes out tomorrow And I'm scheduled to work the same day. I'm really considering calling in sick. I'm just gonna tell my boss that I have to go see the doctor.
- The Ancient One from Dr Strange has published an autobiography TL;DR Swinton
Strange Music Jokes
Here is a list of funny strange music jokes and even better strange music puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- There's a lot of people who enjoy Tech N9ne's music But personally, I think he has Strange Music.
Strange Animal Jokes
Here is a list of funny strange animal jokes and even better strange animal puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- We were driving through the Welsh countryside when my little girl said… "Look at that strange animal daddy, man at the back, sheep at the front."
Share Hilarious Strange Jokes and Enjoy Unforgettable Laughter
What funny jokes about strange you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean crazy jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make strange pranks.
I proposed my Russian girlfriend and she said Yes!
For the wedding, my whole family and friends flew over to her home town of Moscow.
It was a beautiful ceremony, however I did find some things strange. For instance, the priest never said, "You may now kiss the bride", but I just assumed it was purely an American thing and didn't mind.
Later during the reception, we were both starving and decided to head over to the buffet to get food. On the way we passed the drink table, where about six people were waiting to get a fruity drink from a bowl.
As we passed, they all said in unison, "You may now kiss the bride!" My wife got giddy and gave me a big kiss, which I of course returned.
As we walked away I asked, "Why did *they* tell us to kiss and not the priest?"
My wife answered,
"In Soviet Russia, the punchline tells you!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
It's strange to see Christians advocating abstinence only s**... education...
According to their own religion, even abstinence isn't 100% effective.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Heart Attack
THE HEART ATTACK
A blonde gets home from work early & hears strange noises coming from the bedroom.
She rushes upstairs only to find her husband n**... lying on the bed,
sweating and panting.
'What's up?' she asks.
'I think I'm having a heart attack,' - cries the husband..
The blonde rushes downstairs to use the phone, but just as she's dialling, her four-year-old son says
"Mummy mummy, aunty Shirley is hiding in the wardrobe & she has no clothes on"
The blonde slams the phone down and storms back upstairs into the bedroom
right past her husband..rips open the wardrobe door and sure enough, there is
her sister, totally n**... and cowering on the floor.
'You rotten b**...', she screams.
'My husband's having a heart attack, and you're running around
n**... playing hide and seek with the kids!!'
Anticipation (may be offensive)
A man notices he is having some very strange medical symptoms, so he goes to the hospital. Tests are run, and he goes home. A few days later, he gets a call from his doctor.
"Doc, finally! Give me the news, this anticipation has been killing me."
"Actually, that's the cancer..."
The pharmacist
Peter walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist for a pack of condoms. Paying for them, he bursts into laughter and walks out of the store.
The next day he comes in again, buys condoms, and walks out laughing.
Thinking this is somewhat strange, the pharmacist asks his assistant to follow the man if he comes back.
Sure enough, Peter comes in the next day and walks out laughing. This time assistant goes after him, returning 20 minutes later.
So did you follow him? asks pharmacist
Yup.
Where did he go?
Your house.
You aren't a monk.
A man is driving through a town and his car breaks down in front of a monastery. He decides to go up to the door and ask if he can stay the night and the monks let him. At night he is laying in his bed and he hears this extremely strange noise. In the morning he asks a monk what the strange noise was. The monk replied, "I can't tell you because you aren't a monk." The man accepted this fact, graciously thanked the monks for letting him stay, and went on his way. Three years later the man was driving through the same town and broke down in front of the same monastery. Again he asks the monks if he could stay the night, and they let him. And again at night he hears the strange noise. In the morning he asks and gets the same answer. Then he asks how he can become a monk. They reply, "Go count every blade of grass and every pebble in the world." The man comes back 43 years later and gives them accurate numbers. They let him become a monk and the first thing he does is ask to see what the noise was. They take him to a wooden door. He reaches for the handle and its locked. They give him a key, then he happens upon a stone door. Locked. He goes through every kind of door you could possibly think of as they give him keys for each. Then he gets to a diamond door and they give him a key and he unlocks it. Then he opens it and is completely amazed. But I can't tell you what it is because you're not a monk.
A strange van pulls up to a 12 year old boy walking down the street...
The man in the van holds out a bag of candy and says, "hey kid, if I give you a piece of candy will you come in my van?"
To that the kid replies, "I'll come in your mouth if you give me the whole bag."
A Gynecologist walks into an exam room
Gynecologist walks into an exam room. The woman on the exam table shows the doctor two strange green dots, one on each inner thigh. Puzzled at first, the doctor examines them more closely. He then asks the woman "Would you happen to be a lesbian?" The woman answers "Why, yes, but I don't see what that has to do with these dots!" The doctor replied.. "Tell your girlfriend to get some REAL gold earrings!"
Let's change things up a bit.
I thought I found a quarter inside one of my shoes. That would have been strange enough on its own, but it turned out to be a nickel, which made even less cents.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'll admit it, I often j**... in the bathroom at work.
Some of the guys here think it's strange that I use the u**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The day after Beethoven's f**...
The day after Beethoven's f**..., at midnight, a drunken man, having just left the bar, went into the graveyard, where he heard a strange sound. Looking for the source of the mysterious sound, he discovered it was coming from Beethoven's grave. Alarmed, he called his friends, and found they could hear the sound too (even the sober ones).
Soon, a crowd was forming at the graveyard. The mayor, who was very familiar with classical music, recognized the sound as Beethoven's 9th Symphony played backwards. When it ended, Beethoven's 8th Symphony started playing, also backwards, and then the 7th, and then the 6th, and so forth. At dawn, having reached a conclusion, the mayor said to the gathering crowd:
"There's nothing to fear, gentlemen. He's just decomposing."
Grocery Economics
A man and his economist friend are having lunch.
the man mentions that he's noticed something strange when he buys groceries each week. "I always buy a tub of margarine, but I've noticed that, even though it's the same price every time, there's less margarine in the tub. I can't figure out what's going on."
The economist friend nods with a knowing smile and responds "what you have there is a case of the Law of diminishing Margarinal returns."
Strange music
In Vienna, the great composer Mr. Beethoven had recently died and been buried in the city cemetery, with much mourning by the Viennese citizens.
A few nights after the burial, the town drunk is stumbling on his way home through the cemetery. All of a sudden he hears some very strange-sounding music wafting up from Beethoven's fresh burial plot. Terrified, the man runs through the streets, screaming about ghosts in the graveyard.
Pretty soon he's gathered quite a crowd around the grave, all muttering to each other about devils and ghosts. Finally one man makes his way to the front of the crowd, squats down by the grave, and listens.
"Why... that's Beethoven's Ninth Sympony, but... it's playing backwards!" He listens some more. "There's his Eighth Symphony, also backwards! ... And the seventh.... sixth..."
Finally he stands up and addresses the crowd. "My good people, you have nothing to fear. This is simply Mr. Beethoven decomposing."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How little stefan got a brand new watch..
Little Stefan comes in to school one morning wearing a brand new watch. His best friend, little Jenny, wants to know where the watch is from, so Johnny tell his story," I was coming from the bathroom to my bedroom when I heard a strange noise from my parent's bedroom.
I walked in and saw them bouncing up and down. Dad said I could have anything I wanted as long as I didn't tell the family. I asked for a new watch and here it is."
Jenny decides she wants one too, so night after night she listens outside her parents' bedroom for any strange noises and, sure enough, eventually she hears some b**... and groaning from the other side of the door.
She walks in and catches her parents in the act, so her dad offers her anything she wants to keep quiet about the whole affair. Jenny immediately says, "I want a watch."
The dad sighs and says, "Alright, but go and stand in the corner and don't make any noise . "
An anthropologist visits a tribe that eats only meat...
An anthropologist visits an exclusively carnivorous tribe in previously uncharted deep-jungle territory and word gets around about this strange woman who eats plants.
M'buk says to T'gru, "Have you heard about this woman who eats *plants?*"
T'gru gets this puzzled look and says "no, I've never heard of herbivore!"
British clock in german hands
During world war II, a british clock found its way into german hands. The strange thing about this clock was it went tick-tick-tick-tick, instead of tick-tock-tick-tock. The germans could not figure this out.
Finally, it went to the gestapo. Their chief interrogator softly whispered to the clock " We haff ways to make you tock"
Eggs
A couple were married for 25yrs. One day while cleaning their room, she finds a box hidden inside his closet and decides to open it with the thought that her husband is keeping a secret to her. In the box she finds 3 eggs and 10 grand.
This seems very strange so she went to him and asks:
"Why are there 3 eggs in a box in your closet?"
"Well, dear," the husband replies, "everytime I was unfaithful to you, I put an egg in the box."
She's hurt that he had been unfaithful but consoles herself with the fact that they have been married for 25yrs and he had only been unfaithful 3 times.
Wife asks: "Where did the 10 grand come from?"
With head bowed down he answers: "Everytime it reaches a dozen, I sell them!"
A Paladin takes his car to a mechanic
A Paladin takes his car to a mechanic. "Whenever I'm driving, I get these strange urges to run over pedestrians."
The mechanic has a look under the car. "Your alignment is off."
A man goes to see his rabbi...
... "rabbi, I am very troubled. My son, he went off traveling the world, and came back a christian!" The rabbi replies, "you know, it's so strange you say that. My son also left home, and came back a christian!" The two decide to pray to God about this, and God replies, "you know, it's so strange you say that..."
A depressed frog goes to visit a fortune teller
Hoping for good news he goes to meet with a fortune teller.
The fortune teller closes her eyes, makes some strange sounds, and finally says, "You will meet a beautiful young girl that will want to know everything about you"
The frog gets excited and says, "Wow! When will I meet her? At a party?"
"No," replied the fortune teller, "in her biology class."
An elephant escaped from the circus...
...and ended up in a little old lady's back garden. The lady had never seen an elephant before, so she rang the police.
"Please come quickly," she said to the policeman who answered the phone. "There's a strange looking animal in my garden picking up cabbages with its tail."
"What's it doing with them?" asked the policeman.
"If I told you," said the old lady, "you'd never beleive me!"
Trumpets and Guns
In a small town, a man just opened a small store selling trumpets and guns.
One day his neighbor pays him a visit and says, "So how is your strange business going?"
"What do you mean strange?"
"Because you sell only trumpets and guns!"
"So?"
"Well, let me put it this way, what do you sell the most, trumpets or guns?"
"It evens itself out. Each time a customer buys a trumpet, one of his neighbors buys a gun."
A boy works up the courage to ask the girl he likes on a date
The girl, liking him back, agrees to go on the date.
The boy tells her "Before we go on our date, there's something I have to tell you about myself. I only eat insects."
The girl finds this to be very strange but accepts it because she likes him.
They go out to dinner and the girl orders a steak while the boy eats an arrangement of insects he brought from home.
In the parking lot after dinner the two lock eyes, lean in, and slowly kiss each other. After the kiss the girls eyes are lit up with magic and she asks the boy how their first kiss felt.
The boy replies "I've got butterflies in my stomach."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
p**... and Murphy are in a dark cave.
p**... says "It's too dark. Do you have a match?"
Murphy hands p**... a match, which p**... strikes against the wall..but nothing happens. He strikes the match again but, again, nothing.
p**... says to Murphy "This match doesn't work."
"That's strange," says Murphy. "It worked earlier."
My dishwasher makes this loud rumbling sound...
Strange thing is, it only seems to happen at night, when she's sleeping.
One time I walked into a bathroom and there were no urinals
I thought, "huh... that's strange." The girls that came in after me were apparently pretty freaked out by it too.
A lawyer named Strange died.
His friends asked the tombstone inscriber to write "Here lies Strange, an honest man and a lawyer" on the headstone. The inscriber suggested this would confuse people, who would think three men were buried there. He suggested "Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer." "Whenever anyone walks by," he explained "they'll be certain to remark, 'That's Strange.'"
There was supposed to be a BLM march today with up to a million people
Although it's strange that I only count 600,000.
Strange trend at my office...
People are naming food in the break room refrigerator. Today I ate a sandwich named "Kevin".
An Indian man is at home...
An Indian man is at home, cooking for his family. He is a very wealthy scientist, so he was able to purchase a tandoor. Tonight he decides to break it in. As he takes his bread out, he notices something strange. It almost falls apart in his hands. As he gets it on the plate, it turns into a viscous liquid. Amazed, he began trying to figure out what this was. After several minutes of keeping his family waiting, he let's out an audible "Aha!" He then proceeds to slam his fist onto the bread. Miraculously, the bread held together and almost seemed to form a solid.
"Just as I thought." He says.
"A Naan-Newtonian Fluid."
My mum is a midwife and she always messes up jokes...
Which is strange, because I thought midwives were great at delivery.
Election Day was the perfect day to go see Doctor Strange...
I got to experience a scary bizarro world were sanity was cast aside and the laws of nature were twisted to the breaking point, and I also went to a movie.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My ex-girlfriend used to have this strange f**......
She used to enjoy being strangled until she turned blue in the face.
It's too bad that I am colorblind.
A woman pregnant with triplets gets shot 3 times in the gut.
They rush her to the hospital and everything turns out ok. The babies are all fine.
12 years later one of her daughters comes to her worried "mom mom mom i was peeing and a bullet came out!"
"Thats strange." Says the mom.
A few days after that her other daughter rushes up "MOM MOM MOM i was peeing and a bullet came out!"
"Thats really strange" says the mom.
A few more weeks pass without issue, then her son comes up to her "MOM MOM MOM" she cuts him off "let me guess, you were peeing and a bullet came out."
"NO! I WAS JACKING OFF AND I SHOT THE DOG!"
A man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder...
The bartender says "What a strange pet, what's his name?"
"Tiny." the man replies.
"What an odd name, why do you call him tiny?"
"Because he's my newt."
A stranger just came up to me and told me she was vegan...
I swear I've met herbivore
Man offers a drink to a woman at a party.
Woman: No thanks, whisky is bad for my legs.
Man: Legs? Thats strange, do they pain or swell?
Woman: No, they spread.
I told my therapist that I was seeing strange colours.
He told me they were just pigments of my imagination.
Ghandi
Mahatma Gandhi lived a strange life
Because of his odd diet, he was plagued by a constant case of bad breath. This diet also left him rather thin and frail.
Because he didn't wear shoes, and he walked everywhere, he developed an impressively thick set of calluses on the soles of his feet.
All-in-all, he was a super-callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis
Mahatma Gandhi was a strange person.
He walked barefoot everywhere, to the point that his feet became quite thick and hard. He often went on hunger strikes, and even when he wasn't on a hunger strike, he did not eat much and became quite thin and frail. He also was a very spiritual person. Finally, because he didn't eat much and when he did his diet was peculiar, he developed very smelly breath.
He eventually became known as a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
I got a strange note in my bag at the Taco Bell drive-thru last night...
The lady seemed very frazzled and the note said "help there are two armed men inside."
I drove off laughing, thinking "well yeah it would take forever to make tacos with one arm"
An old woman drinks whisky for the first time.
She thinks for a while, and then says: Strange, the stuff tastes exactly like the medicine my late husband had to take for twenty years!
Why 6 was really afraid of 7
6 was just a normal girl, she met 7 on a dating app. They went out several times after that and a few dates later 7 proposed. 6 was ecstatic, they got married within the month and when they moved into a new house they quickly made friends with their neighbors, 9 and 10. 6 soon noticed strange behavior in 7, he was going out late at night to other people's houses. One night 6 saw 7 leave into the neighbors house. She decided to follow him in and was horrified. Blood stains led up to the darkened kitchen where she discovered some thing she could never unsee. 7 had done it. 7 8 9.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A child with an imaginary friend is normal
An adult with an imaginary friend is strange,
And a group of people with an imaginary friend is called religion.
After 10 years, the wife thinks their kid looks kind of strange
She decides to take a DNA test. She finds out that the kid is actually from completely different parents.
Wife: "Honey, I have something very serious to tell you."
Husband: "What's up?"
Wife: "According to the DNA test results, this isn't our kid."
Husband: "Well, you don't remember, do you? When we were leaving the hospital, we noticed our baby had pooped. You said: Please go change the baby, I'll wait for you here."
A woman turns to her husband and says, "I feel like you aren't even listening to me."
To which the man turns to his wife and says, "that's a strange way to start a conversation."
A husband calls a men's help line.
Host: "Hello caller, how can I help you."
Hus: "I think my wife is cheating on me, so last night I hid behind my boat and waited for her to come home. Soon a strange car pulled up. As she got out of the passenger side she was buttoning her blouse."
Host: "I see... so what's your question?"
Hus: "When I was behind the boat, I noticed a crack in the outboard bracket...can that be welded?"
My dad just called a family meeting.
Me, mum, my two brothers, my sister and grandma hurried into the living room and gathered round an IKEA box laying on the floor.
"Dad, it's some flat pack furniture, what do you need the whole family for?" I asked.
"Well, it must be these strange Swedish customs", he replies, "It says assembly required".
Scientists have recently discovered a new bioluminescent bug that performs a strange dance any time there is a full moon.
They are calling it a Raving Luna Tick.
One day I was playing...
I was about seven years old—and I saw the cellar door open just a crack. Now my folks had always warned me: Emo, whatever you do, don't go near the cellar door. But I had to see what was on the other side if it killed me, so I went to the cellar door, pushed it open and walked through, and I saw strange, wonderful things—things I had never seen before— like ... trees, grass, flowers, the sun—that was nice!
A quantum physicist and his friend go out for ice cream.
"What's your favourite flavour?" asks the friend.
"Charm," replies the physicist.
His friend looks at him.
"Why is it that whenever I ask you a question," begins the friend, "your answer is always strange?"
"Well it's strange *now*," the physicist protests, "shouldn't have waited a picosecond."
Stranger: "Bob? Is that short for Robert?"
Bobert: "No."
My girflriend was telling me about this guy on Strange Addictions who drinks a gallon of brake fluid every day
I guess the good thing is at least he can stop whenever he wants
In a strange way, I was really looking forward to the hurricane and I was disappointed when it was downgraded...
I thought others round these here parts would echo my sentiment, but I guess Carolinians are used to being disappointed by the Hurricanes.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man and a woman are chatting in an elevator.
"What are you up to today?" he asks.
"I'm going down to give blood."
"How much do you get paid for giving blood?"
"About $20 a pint."
"Hmm ...," the man, says. "I'm going up to donate s**..., and the s**... bank pays $100 a tablespoon."
The woman gets a strange look on her face and gets off the elevator.
The next day, they meet in the elevator again.
The man asks, "So, where you off to today?"
"Fmerm mank," she says, with her mouth full.
A stranger gave me a really old metal box...
He said it was supposed to contain gold coins, but the lock and the hinges were so rusty which made it very hard to open. I tried a hammer and a crowbar, but the box just won't budge.
So, I'm thinking of trying to open this box with a stick of dynamite, as a last resort. I'll update you guys later if it works or not.
Harry went into the chamber of secrets with his wand.
When he suddenly felt a strange itch.
This girl...
She had Hogwarts.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
At the doctors office
I went to the doctors office due to a strange abdominal pain. My doctor adviced me to stop m**.... "Is it dangerous?" I asked. "No", said the doctor " but it disturbs my concentration".
A businessman went into the office and found an inexperienced handyman painting the walls.
The handyman was wearing two heavy parkas on a hot summer day.
Thinking this was a little strange, the businessman asked the handyman why he was wearing the parkas on such a hot day.
The handyman showed him the instructions on the can of paint. They read: For best results, put on two coats.
A man went to the hospital to visit his mother-in-law, who was in serious condition. On the way back the wife, very worried, asks: "So, honey? How's my mom doing?"
He replies: "She looks great! She is in good health! She will still live for many years! Next week she will be released from the hospital and will come and live with us, forever!"
"Wow that's amazing!" - says the wife - "But this is very strange, dear... yesterday she seemed to be on her deathbed, the doctors said she should have a few days to live!"
"Well, I don't know how she was yesterday" - he replied - "But today when I arrived at the hospital, the doctor told me that we should prepare for the worst"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There was this punk who got on a bus. He sat next to an old man who started staring at him because he was dressed in really colorful clothing.
He had all this colorful make-up on and his hair was spiked up with red, green, & yellow with feathers. The punk was getting sick of being stared at so he said to the old man, "Hey, old man, what are you lookin' at,eh? Didn't you do anything strange when you were a teenager?" "Well, yeah," the old man answered. "Once I got so drunk that I s**... a parrot, so I can't help but think that maybe you're my son!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A husband tells his wife that he met a girl with 12 b**....
Husband: I met a girl with 12 breast.
Wife : That sounds strange.
Husband: Dozentit.
A poem
A fisher was fishing a bass
The water came up to his knee.
Strange, it rhymed this morning when there was high tide.
Feeling strange, Mr. Bond? That's because I've laced your martini with a measles vaccine. The autism should be setting in any second now.
Joke's on you, I already disassembled your doomsday device and rearranged all the parts in order of size.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Strange Woman Looked Into My Window This Morning and Saw Me m**... Furiously.
Thankfully, after about ten seconds of embarrassing silence, the light turned green.
A man ran up to me shouting "Big hole with water in the ground! Big hole with water in the ground!
He seemed strange but I think he means well
Laughter
A man walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist for a pack of condoms. Paying for them, he bursts into laughter and walks out of the store. The next day, the guy comes in again, buys condoms, and again walks out laughing. Thinking this is somewhat strange, the pharmacist asks his assistant to follow the man if he comes back. Sure enough, the man comes in the next day and walks out laughing. This time the assistant goes after him, returning 20 minutes later. "So did you follow him?" asks the pharmacist. "Sure did," replies the assistant.
"Where did he go?" asks the curious pharmacist. "Your house."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A cop walks over to a bruised and beaten man outside of a pub.
He asks the man what happened and the man tells him this; "So I walk into the pub and sit down and as im waiting for my drink I overhear two large women talking with a strange accent. So I ask them 'Are you two ladies from Ireland?' One of them scoffs and tells me "it's Wales d**...." So I ask again 'are you two whales from Ireland?' And thats about all I can remember."
Doctor. I think I'm a moth
A man goes to see a surgeon and says,
Man: "Doctor, I think I am a moth."
Surgeon: "Very strange, but surely you need a psychiatrist, not a surgeon. Why did you come to me?"
Man: "Your light was on."
