Stranded Jokes
114 stranded jokes and hilarious stranded puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about stranded that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Stranded Short Jokes
Short stranded jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The stranded humour may include short marooned jokes also.
- I was stranded on an island with nothing but dark red grass, dark red sand, dark red trees everything was darkred. "AHHH!" i yelled "I've been marooned!"
- One of my black friends told me this, and I didn't know if I should laugh: What do you call a black hitchhiker? Stranded
- If I were to be stranded on an island with anyone I would prefer to be stranded with a vegan... Mostly because it's healthier to eat grass-fed meat.
- If you were stranded on an island and could bring three items what would you bring? Michael Phelps, a saddle, and stick with a gold medal on the end.
- Rescue attempts are being made to save a bull stranded on Mt. Everest Reports confirm that the steaks have never been higher.
- If you were stranded on a desert island, what would you bring with you? I would take one for the team and bring Donald Trump.
- I called OnStar for roadside assistance yesterday I told the lady I was stranded on the side of the road.
She said, "At least you have a shoulder to cry on." - What did Richard III say when the snowstorm stranded him several miles from his campsite? Now is the winter of our distant tent
- There was a power cut in town today, two blondes were stranded on a supermarket escalator for hours.
- I would never go hungry if I got stranded on a beach Because of all of the sand which is there
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Stranded One Liners
Which stranded one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with stranded? I can suggest the ones about stray and stuck.
- A man is stranded on a dessert island and it was delicious.
- What do you call a feminist with a flat tire? Stranded.
- What do you call a blond with one strand of hair dyed black? A glimmer of hope
- ID is a funny abbreviation. The I stands for I and D strands for dentification.
- Q: Why was the blonde late for work?
A: She was stranded on the broken escalator. - What did one DNA strand say to another DNA strand in the locker room shower? Hi Gene!
- Donald Tump and Hilary Clinton are stranded on a Island, who do thy save first? America
- What do you get when you cross Taylor Swift's hair strand with salt? a restraining order
- What should you do with a stranded alien? Phone home
- What's a stranded Island? The UK After Brexit
- My buddy got stranded on a ring of coral in the ocean it really took atoll on him
- What was the status of the Metal Gear franchise once Kojima left? Death... Stranded.
- What do you call a #robot stranded in the ocean? A row bot.
- If you were stranded on a deserted island, what's one thing you'd bring with you? A boat.
- I met a poet with a bunch of DNA strands in his hands He said this is the stuff of life
Stranded On An Island Jokes
Here is a list of funny stranded on an island jokes and even better stranded on an island puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Did you hear about the cannibal stranded alone on a desert island. He threw up his arms and said I'm sick of myself.
- What did Watson say when he and Holmes got stranded on a desert island? "No ship Sherlock"
- If i was stranded on an island with a fully functioning plane and a runaway,, I'd still be stranded on an island.
- How did the sailor stranded on an island with a calendar survive a year? Eating the dates and Sundays.
- A family of 16 got stranded on a remote island and started a new life there I hear they really came into their own
- Do you know why the two people who got stranded on a deserted island in the middle of nowhere without any kind of food did not starve together? Because they were cannibals.
- A gay man, a straight woman and a programmer are stranded on a deserted island. And you assumed the programmer was a guy.
- A man is already 11 years stranded on an island.. In the twelfth, his wife strands on the same island.
Wife : "That what you missed so long is now here!"
Man : "Wait, you got beer?" - What three things would you bring if you were stranded on a deserted island? Irony, the oxford comma and a missed opportunity
- "You're alone, stranded on an island. What's your favorite song?" The one playing on my rescue boat.
Hilarious Fun Stranded Jokes to Bring Joy & Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about stranded you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean struggling jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make stranded pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three guys are stranded on a remote island when a native appears out of nowhere and says, "I will grant you one weapon with which to kill yourself so I can make a boat out of your skins." The first guy wishes for a p**..., shoots himself, and dies. The second guy does the same, but the third guy wishes for a fork, stabs himself everywhere, and says, "Ha! Try making a boat out of that!"
A ship with 30 sailors and one woman strands on a desert island.
After one month the woman says:
"I can not proceed in this way."
And she suicides herself. After another month, the sailors say:
"We can not proceed in this way."
And they bury the woman. The next month, the sailors say:
"We can not proceed in this way."
And they dig up the woman.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three blondes are stranded on an island.
A fairy comes along and says that she will grant each person a wish.
So the first blonde says she wants to be really smart so she digs and finds a cell phone and calls the Army.
The second blonde says that she wants to be even smarter so she finds a flair and sets it off.
The third blonde says that she wants to be even smarter than both of them, so the fairy changes her hair color to black and she says,"Let's go over the bridge."
A man, a woman, and a great survivor are trapped on an island.
The survivor finds a bunch of coconuts.
The man thinks to himself, "What if there are other people on the island? Then we won't be stranded!"
He throws coconuts at nearby ships, and the island was populated.
Everybody looks at him cross.
Then they kick him off the island.
3 men are stranded in a boat with 4 cigarettes and no way to light them. So they toss the 4th cigarette overboard, which makes the whole boat a cigarette lighter.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two mexicans are stranded in the desert for days....
... and they're at death's door....
They stumble on, hoping for salvation in the form of an oasis or something, they suddenly spy through the heat haze a tree off in the distance.
As they get closer, they can see that the tree is draped with s**... after s**... of bacon. There's smoked bacon, crispy bacon, life-giving juicy nearly- raw bacon, all sorts.
"Hey, Pepe" says the first hombre. "ees a bacon tree!!! We're saved!!!"
"You're right, amigo!" says Pepe.
So Pepe goes on ahead and runs up to the tree salivating at the prospect of food. But as he gets to within five feet of the tree there's the sound of machine gun fire, and he is shot down in a hail of bullets.
His friend quickly drops down on the sand, and calls across to the dying Pepe. "Pepe!! Pepe!! Que pasa hombre?"
With his dying breath Pepe calls out.... "Ugh, run,amigo, run!! ees not a Bacon Tree".......
"ees... a.... Hambush"
A Religious Joke From a Non-Religious Reditor
A flood occurs in a small town. A man climbs on top of his house to avoid the rising waters. A boat sails up to the house and offers the stranded man a ride. The man refuses saying, "No thanks, God will save me," and the boat leaves.
Then, a large ship comes along and offers the man help. Once more, the man says, "No thank you, I am waiting for God to help me," and the ship leaves.
Finally a helicopter flies overhead and offers to give the man a lift, and, one last time, the man passes, replying, "The good Lord will surely rescue me," and the chopper flies away.
Eventually the man drowns when the flood waters rise above his roof.
Once in heaven the man asks God, "What was up with that? Why'd you leave me hanging like that? Why didn't you save me? I was good, I went to church, I confessed all my sins, and followed the bible, why wasn't I rescued?"
God replies,"What are you talking about? I sent two boats and a helicopter!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Kiwi was washed up on a beach after a shipwreck...
Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed up with him. After looking around, he
realised that they were stranded on a deserted island.
After being there awhile, he got into the habit of taking his
two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sunset.
One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful
cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for
romance.
As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better
to the lonely man. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm
around it.
But the sheepdog, ever protective of the sheep, growled fiercely
until the man took his arm from around the sheep.
After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets
together, but there was no more cuddling.
A few weeks passed by and, lo and behold, there was another
shipwreck.
The only survivor was Julia Gillard.
That evening, the man brought Julia to the evening beach ritual.
It was another beautiful evening - red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and
gentle breeze - perfect for a night of romance.
Pretty soon, the man started to get 'those feelings' again.
He fought the urges as long as he could but he finally gave in
and leaned over to Julia and told her he hadn't had s**... for months.
Julia batted her eyelashes and asked if there was anything she
could do for him.
He said, 'Could you take the dog for a walk!'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
so 3 men and 1 woman stranded on an island...
with no hopes of getting away they try to make the best out of their fate and decide to have s**.... the woman refuses, because she doesn't want to take all 3 men at once. so they have an agreement, saying that each man is allowed to have s**... with the woman for one week until they hand her to the next men. this 'circle of s**...' works pretty well and everyone is happy, until the woman gets ill and dies. the first month was okay for the 3 men. month 2 was getting pretty tough but they kept going. month 5 was very very hard for all of them, but they still stayed hard. finally in month 6 they decided to bury the woman...
There are 3 men stranded in the wild...
and one day they see an abandoned house and go inside. When they go inside however, they realized that there's only one bed. The floor was filthy, so they had no choice but to sleep on the same bed. The next morning, the two men sleeping on each side of the bed awoke and started to notice an acute pain coming from their privates. The man in the middle however, told them he had an intense and wonderful dream about skiing.
The three most important things to have in a survival situation.
Every survival kit needs to have three things.
1) A zippo: Trusty lighter to start fires to cook food and keep warm.
2) A good knife: Something to be able to help build a shelter and hunt.
3) A standard deck of playing cards: As soon as you realize you're stranded, deal out a game of solitaire on the ground. About half way through your game, someone will come up behind you and say "That can go there." Boom, you're saved.
A purple man has a purple wife.
They have two purple kids and live in a big purple house. One day they decide to take a vacation, so they all pile into their purple car, drive it to their purple boat, and set out to sea. Sadly the boat crashes and they are stranded on a small island. The purple man looks to the heavens in desperation and cries, "Oh no! We've been marooned!"
Mathematicians have found a new, advanced strand of Ebola...
called Hyper-bola
I'm sorry :(
Two Ninjas
What do you call two ninjas named Charlie, stranded outside on a cold night?
Numchucks.
A brunette and a blonde are stranded on an island.
Suddenly, a magical genie appears to them. He says, "You girls have stumbled upon an unfortunate fate. Therefore, I will grant you each one wish."
The brunette says, "I wish I were home with my family!"
"So it is done," the genie says, and the girl is poofed home.
The blonde looks over to where her friend had just been standing and says, "Aw man, I wish she hadn't left me here."
George Bush swears he sees Moses in the crowd at a rally....
.....and he doesn't want to miss the opportunity to meet such a well-known biblical celebrity.
He yells at him, "Sir, you look a lot like a man from the old testament. Are you Moses?" Looking around, the man slowly shakes his head side to side denying the gesture. Bush is not convinced.. one more time he asks, "Sir, I don't see the need to lie to me; are you Moses?" Once again, a back and forth shaking of his head. Bush tells his security detail to interrogate him.
His lead security agent asks the man in complete confidence, "The beard, the cloak, the staff, the wrinkled skin... you look exactly like Moses." Moses replies, "Because I am."
Confused, the security agent asks, "Why didn't you just tell the president that then? What harm could it have caused?" As a matter of factly, Moses replies, "The last time I talked to a Bush, I was stranded in a desert for 40 years."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Smell that patchouli candle? Now you're n**..., i'm going to massage this lavender oil into your shoulders, then s**... your curves with these lemon grass strands...
It should be quite homeo-e**...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
This is what I learned from Russian Literature
Alright so 2 guys and 1 girl are stranded on a island
If they were French then they would have a "m**..." and get along just fine.
If they were English then they would be mad at each other because none of them were properly introduce.
And if they were Russian then the girl would have married the guy she didn't like and everyone would be unhappy.
Two wires at sea
Two wires were on an ocean cruise when the ship sprung a leak and sank. The solid core wire managed to climb into a lifeboat and head to safety.
The other was stranded.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
It turns out there actually was a strand of m**... that killed millions of people in the seventies
It was called Pol p**....
Why did the researcher choose one virus to study over the other?
Because the other virus had double strandeds.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Oregon have legalised m**... and are creating a new strand
It's called Oregon-o... ^^^I'm^^^Sorry.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did the rich bearded s**... owner say when he was stranded in the desert and saw a mirage of an Arabian lamp and rubbed it?
here in my mirage got this brand new labor genie here
My parents said they liked my DNA strand model.
I said, "Thanks. It's a nice pair of genes."
What did one strand of yarn say to the other?
I'm not ready to dye, I still have a few ends to tie up.
"Ball up..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Atilla the Hun, Adolf h**... and a lawyer are stranded with you on a island ...
- and you have a gun with only 2 bullets, who do you shoot?
-- The lawyer twice.
Two men are stranded on a deserted island
Two men are stranded on a deserted island. One despairs, but the other one claps him assuredly on the back and says, Don't worry, they will definitely find us, and soon.
Really? Why do you think so?
I owe the IRS five years' worth of taxes.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was stranded in the swamp for days with no food
I had no choice but to hunt down large white birds and eat them. Through the whole ordeal, I found myself filled with egret.
3 guys and one girl are stranded on a desert island.
After one week the girl is so ashamed of what she is doing that she kills herself.
After another week the guys are so ashamed of what they are doing that...they bury her.
Another week goes by and the guys are so ashamed of what they've been doing...so they dig her back up.
How many reindeer were left after Santa got stranded in the mountains?
Only one. Donner ate the rest.
What does somebody want most when they're stranded in the desert and their camel runs away?
They want their camel bak.
Stranded on an Island
Two men and a women are stranded on an island. After a week, the woman is so ashamed of what they were doing, she killed herself...
After another week, the two men are so ashamed of what they are doing, so they bury her.
After another week, they are so ashamed of what they are doing, they dig her up again.
Three guys are stranded on a desert island
Suddenly a good fairy appears and tells them: "I will grant each of you one wish".
The first guy says: "I've been stuck here for years. I miss my family, I just want to be home." His wish is granted.
The second guy says: "I've always wanted to see the world so I wish to be in Paris." His wish is granted.
The third guy says: "Oh man, now I'm all alone :(.
I wish the two other guys back!"
Old genie joke...
Three men find themselves stranded on a deserted island. After several years, despite their differences, they become close friends out of necessity. One day, they find an old lamp. On rubbing it clean, they release a genie who grants them each one wish.
"I wish to return to my old life!" Two of the men shout, disappearing in a puff of smoke.
The third man, a little slow, looks around at the empty island. Overcome by loneliness, he mutters, "I wish my friends were here."
A sailor is stranded on a desert island with nothing but palm fronds and sea anemones to live off. Finally when he was recused the rescuers asked why was he covered in anemones with a ring of palm fronds in arms reach. He replies, 'I keep my fronds close but my anemones closer'.
'With fronds like that, who needs anemones?'
My friend said she isn't gay.
My friend said she isn't gay.
I told her she's like a strand of spaghetti.
She laughed and asked me why.
I said that she's straight until someone gets her wet.
Going to the store to buy milk used to be a chore
Now that I have a baby, its like one of those red tag vacations where you hope your transportation breaks down and youre stranded on the resort.
Whats the difference between a stranded crew and a successful business woman?
One's men blown off course and the other is blowing men of course.
A Christian man ends up on a deserted island...
He is stranded there for a few years until a rescue boat finds him. When the rescuers get onto the island, they are amazed to see what the man has built to survive. The man had built three different structures out of bamboo and leaves. They asked the man what the first structure was. The man said, That's my house. They then asked about the second structure. That's where I go to Church. The man replied. Then they asked about the third structure. A scowl came over the mans face as he told the rescuers, That's where I used to go to Church.
A man is stranded in the desert when he comes across a genie's lamp. He rubs it and the genie grants him just one wish. The man said, "I could die happy here, if I could just get..."
... one more 's'.
What would you eat if you were stranded on a completely barren deserted isle?
The sand which is on the ground.
They've written a sequel to The Martian where a hundred rescuers attempt to rescue a stranded man on mars, only to fail.
It's title.
101 Dull Martians
A carpenter, a tailor, a sailor, a priest and an economist were stranded on a desert island.
"I could chop down the trees and make a raft." Says the carpenter.
"I can stitch a few sheets into a mast."
Says the tailor.
"I can navigate the oceans with the help of the stars."
Says the sailor.
"I will pray for favourable winds and good luck."
Says the the priest.
All they needed now was to chop down a tree to make the raft.
"That's easy," says the economist. "Let's assume an axe."
3 men were stranded on a desert, then a genie appeared and gave them each 2 wishes.
The French man told the genie For my first wish, I'd like a huge crepe. He ate it then wished to go back home.
The Mexican man told the genie For my first wish, I'd like a huge Quesadilla. He ate it then wished to go back home.
The American man told the genie For my first wish, I'd like a huge pizza. He ate it then wished for another one.
My wife called and said she was stranded on the side of the road.
At least you have a shoulder to cry on.
"The 12 boys stranded in a flooded cave system in Thailand have started diving lessons in the latest step in efforts to bring them out alive."
I think they've hired Naymar.
Actually, there's a good reason for delaying Death Stranding
So mr. Kojima could say Kept you waiting, huh?
I had to stop snacking on saltines and ezcheese.
Crackers with cheesy orange strands on top remind me too much of Donald Trump.
Boris Johnson Stay Alert joke
Please can someone tell Boris coronavirus is not a physical assailant? You can't stay alert to single-stranded RNA.
A ship sailing past a remote island spots a man who had been stranded there for several years.
The captain goes to shore and notices three huts.
What's the first hut for? He asks?
That's my house says the castaway.
what's the second hut for?
That's my church.
And the third?
Oh, that? That's the church I used to go to.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A desert island with six women
A bloke found himself stranded on a desert island with six women. To keep it fair, it was decided he would service a different woman every night and have Mondays free. After a few months the man was exhausted, realising how tiring it was to perform constantly every night except one. Then one day, to his joy, he found a man washed up on the beach who would be able to take some of the workload from him. However, his hopes were shattered when the man's first words were, "Hi, gorgeous, how about the kiss of life?"
'Oh f\*c**...,' thinks the man, 'there goes Mondays.'
Trump left hundreds of supporters stranded in the freezing cold last night
Which goes to show that even the biggest support can be turned blue
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A classic Russian joke...
An American, a Frenchman and a Russian are stranded on an uninhabited island. They build a shelter, catch fish for food and suddenly catch a magical Golden Fish, who promises to fulfill two wishes for each in trade for her own freedom:
The American says: "A million dollars and to go back home!" He vanishes.
The Frenchman says: "Three beautiful women and to go back home!" He vanishes as well.
The Russian look around at the deserted island, and says: "Tsk, and we were getting along so well. Three crates of v**... and the two fellas back!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man was stranded on an island and was visited by a genie who gave him one wish.
3 weeks later rescuers found a corpse with a 3 foot d**....
A guy gets stranded on a deserted island with only a goat for company...
After a few months, the goat starts looking a bit enticing. Finally the guy sneaks up behind the goat. As he's about to do the deed, the goat walks off. This goes on for a few months.
One day the guy wakes up to find a beautiful young woman half-drowned in the waves off the island. He rescues her. She's so glad to be alive she says, "I'll do anything for you". The guy thinks for a minute and says, "ANYthing?" She replies, "Yep, Ill do ANYTHING".
So the guy says, "Great, can you hold on to this goat for a minute?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Sketch Artist: [holds up drawing of a single strand of straw]
**Camel *[in a wheelchair, tears in his eyes]*:** that's him
![Stranded joke, Sketch Artist: [holds up drawing of a single strand of straw]](/images/jokes/stranded-jokes-rescue-attempts-are-being-made-to-save-a-bull-stra.jpg "Stranded joke, Sketch Artist: [holds up drawing of a single strand of straw]")
