strain Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious strain puns

You can use a colander to look at the eclipse

But be careful you don't strain your eyes


I was straining on the toilet this morning.

"Where's the fucking sieve?" asked my wife.


A genetic botanist doesn't show up to the church picnic.

Her concerned husband finds her in her lab working feverishly on a new pesticide resistant strain of maize.

"Aren't you coming to the congregation picnic?". He asks.

"Screw them and their impossible deadlines! They told me I have until today to get the corn bred!"


I tried to eat soup with a fork.

It was a strain.


What's the best weed strain?

Medusa, it always gets you stoned.


Why do scuba divers dive backwards?

Cause if they dived forward they would fell on the boat.

Real reason so that the eye and nose masks don't get filled with water on the impact straightforward and the oxygen tanks are heavy and it would exert less strain on the back. A prudent way.

Throwback Thursday Joke
Edited few grammar mistakes.


A man has been sleeping around and was worried he may have contracted AIDS. He goes to the doctor to get a check up. The doctor returns and says I have two good news for you

The man perplexed but hopeful asks: what's the first good news?

Doctor replies, you don't have AIDS!

The man relieved but now even more curious asks the doctor, then what's the other good news?

Doctor responds, we found a new strain of STD and they're going to name it after you!


Did you hear about the new strain of bird flu?

Chirpees... a canarial disease... un-tweetable.


The most potent strain of marijuana has just been released to the public

reports say consumption has reached an all-time high


TIL about GMO Corn

Scientists have been working on developing drought resistant corn that will be a better crop for regions that do not get as much rain. They have developed a strain of corn that has stoma on the underside of the leaves that are stiffer.
It is hard pore corn.


Did you hear about the new strain of marijuana so potent you won't even be able to stand on your own two feet?

They call it tumbleweed


I once...

I once strained a can of pineapple juice into the sink thinking it was pineapple chunks.


Outbreak - New Strain of Bird Flu Discovered!!!

It's called Chirpies.
It's a Canarial Disease.
It's Untweetable.


Why should you always buy weed at schools for the blind?

Better strain at lower prices, they have chronic blindness.


Germany is said to be breaking under the strain of polish immigrants

Well there's an unexpected headline: Poland invades Germany


LPT: When the next solar eclipse rolls around, you can use a colander to view the eclipse.

Just be sure you don't strain your eyes.


What do you call soil undergoing strain?

Clay Aiken.


A man who has been having terrible headaches goes to the doctor with his wife...

...the doctor examines him and afterwards takes his wife aside. The doctor confides in the wife that the man has a terrible strain on his body and will die if undergoes any undue stress. "That means," the doctor says, " you can not let him do any chores around the house. You must let him watch what he wants on television. He needs to be kept in a state of relaxation at all times. If he needs something you bring it to him, if he asks for something, he gets it. He should be kept in his favorite chair, with his favorite food and favorite things all around. Sex is right out, except for you giving him oral sex when he wants it. Do you understand what all this means?"
The woman, shaken replies, "Yes, doctor, yes I do." She thanks him and collects her husband.
Once in the car, her husband asks, "So, what did the doctor tell you?"
The wife looks at her husband and says, "Honey, you're going to die."


Have you heard about the underperforming strain of alfalfa that folks in Sonoma have been growing?

Grocery stores are calling them Baybeta sprouts .


I tried a new strain of weed...

I highly recommend it.


Single men everywhere strain to make one major change this new year...

their bed sheets.


What do you call an egocentric strain of bacteria found in a Chipotle burrito?



They should make a weed strain called "WMD"

Except it turns out it doesnt exist


The Holocaust put a real strain on the economy...

It simply was not sustainable.
After those 6 million Jews were dead, those poor Nazi's were made redundant.


You know how President Obama has his own marijuana strain (Obama Kush)? Trump's strain is going to be cocaine...

more specifically: "white powder"


LPT: Scientists are warning against using a colander to view the solar eclipse

It'll strain your eyes


Doctors have discovered a new strain of ebola in Israel

They have appropriately named it Heebola.


I came up with a super potent weed strain


I strained myself a bit at the Seafood Singles' Bar last night...

I pulled a mussel.


Why did Batman refuse to run through a screen door?

He didn't want to strain himself.


Master, why do you stretch when masturbating?

My Student, that way the strain feels like real sex.

Master, I think that's why I won't do that.


What are the best Strain puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Strain? Well, here are the best jokes about Strain to have fun with.

Joko Jokes