The Best 35 Straight People Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Straight People jokes. There are some straight people individuals jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these straight people person puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Straight People Jokes and Puns

I usually ask people what LGBTQ means.

I never get a straight answer.

I've asked thousands of people what LGBTQ+ stands for.

Nobody has given me a straight answer.

I've asked so many people what LGBTQ stands for

So far no one has given me a straight answer.

Why are gay people bad liars?

They can't keep a straight face

I was telling jokes at a bar filled with LGBTQ+ people

I was doing such a good job nobody could keep a straight face.


America is so racist and homophobic

That people even want their teeth to be straight and white.

Why are closeted gay people good at poker?

Because they're always putting on a straight face.

My 11 yo son got out the car at school the other morning, right at the moment the gritter was driving by us spraying rock salt everywhere..

He got straight back in the car, looked at me with a completely serious face and said I've just been assaulted .

ETA: thank you so much for the awards, I showed him some (SOME!) of the comments πŸ˜‚ and it made his day, he was delighted that people actually enjoyed his joke to even just upvote and comment on it but actually couldn't believe that people actually awarded it too ( people gave Reddit awards to it?? For my joke?? Like, did they actually mum or are you just saying that?! so yea, thank you kind Redditors for making my 11yo extremely happy! You guys are the best 😊

I asked 10 people what LGBT stands for

But I never got a straight answer

Why do gay people smile so much?

It's hard for them to keep a straight face.

Why do gay people laugh a lot?

Because they can never keep a straight face.

You can explore straight people women reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean straight people sexual partners dad jokes. There are also straight people puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


How to increase your strength

An exercise for people who are out of shape: Begin with a five-pound potato bag in each hand. Extend your arms straight out from your sides, hold them there for a full minute, and then relax. After a few weeks, move up to ten-pound potato bags. Then try 50-pound potato bags, and eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-pound potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. Once you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each bag.

β€”Beverly Gross

Why can't gay people play poker?

Because they can't keep a straight face.

A priest dies and goes to the gates of Heaven

The priest approaches the bouncer aka St. Peter.

After perusing the list, Peter can't find the priest's name, and tells him to go downstairs to the waiting room until further notice.

Meanwhile, a taxi driver who died at the same time approached the gates.

St. Peter welcomes him with open arms and lets him straight into Heaven.

The priest is dumbfounded. I've preached to thousands of people throughout my life! I've baptized children and converted many to the church! I've lived a holy life!

St. Peter shakes his head and responds:
When you preached, people slept...

When he drove, people prayed.

I've been asking people what LGBTQ means....

Nobody will give me a straight answer

I keep asking people what LGBT means

I can never get a straight answer

You know why I don't trust gay people?

Because they're never straight with me

I asked a couple of my gay friends what does LBGTQ mean?

I couldn't get a straight answer…

Bonus joke:

How does a non-binary samurai kill people?

They/Them
(They slash them)

Sunday Morning Sex

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year-old grandmother and comfort her.

When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning." Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

"Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong." She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along."


Why can't gay people rap?

Because they can't spit straight bars.

Luke cage

In marvels luke cage everyone thinks that luke has super powers because he's bullet proof.

But bullet proof black people isn't a super power it's straight up evolution.

Can you think of something more ironic than being a gay chiropractor?

Choosing a career in which your job is to make people straight again.

Why do gay people always laugh at everything?

Because they can't keep a straight face

I'm so sick of people looking at me funny because I choose to breast feed.

If I wanna get my milk straight from the cow, then that's up to me.

why do gay people always smile?

Because they can't keep a straight face

A server is carrying a tray of cheese when he sees a beautiful girl walk by.

He thinks of something to say and goes in for the kill. But on his way he slips on a wet spot, sending him sliding into an ice sculpture and spilling the cheese in a straight line behind him. People get up to help and start picking up cheese off the ground. The girl goes over to the server and asks if he is okay. The server responds, "I'm fine, but it seems my slick icebreaker has turned into a cheesy pickup line."

[OC] Three British people were arguing about who drinks the hottest tea.

The first person says: "The moment my tea is ready, I pour it into the cup and drink it all up".
The second person laughs and says: "That's it? I drink my tea straight from the Kettle".
The third person scoffs and says: "You both are amatuers. I just put all the ingredients in my mouth and sit on the stove".

If Tindr is for straight people and grindr is for gay men, what is the dating app for lesbians?

Scissr

I keep seeing all these LGBTQ+ Pride signs everywhere.

I ask people what they mean but can never get a straight answer.

I asked so many people what LGBTQ stands for

So far no one gave me straight answers

Gameshow idea

11 gay men and 1 straight man are locked in a house. The object for the gay men is to find out who isn't gay. Once a week someone gets outvoted, until 2 are left or the straight man is out. If the gays manage to outvote him, they win 1 million dollars. If the straight man is among the last 2 people in the house in the end, he wins 1 million dollars.

Now here's the twist: None of the men are actually gay, they just think they are the one straight man.

Why do companies prefer gay people over straight ones now-a-days?

Because gay people have prior expertise in working their asses off.

I hate asking gay people questions

I never get a straight answer.

I asked people what the Q in "LGBTQ" stands for.

Fortunately someone gave me a straight answer.

In the land of poker, different people had different toilets. The peasants had toilets that flushed clockwise, and the nobles had toilets that flushed counterclockwise. The king had neither.

He had a royal straight flush.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the straight people participants jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working straight people matthew shepard piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes