Straight People Jokes
102 straight people jokes and hilarious straight people puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about straight people that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Straight People Short Jokes
Short straight people jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The straight people humour may include short straight man jokes also.
- I've asked thousands of people what LGBTQ+ stands for. Nobody has given me a straight answer.
- I've asked so many people what LGBTQ stands for So far no one has given me a straight answer.
- I was telling jokes at a bar filled with LGBTQ+ people I was doing such a good job nobody could keep a straight face.
- America is so racist and homophobic That people even want their teeth to be straight and white.
- Why are closeted gay people good at poker? Because they're always putting on a straight face.
- I asked a couple of my gay friends what does LBGTQ mean? I couldn't get a straight answer…
Bonus joke:
How does a non-binary samurai kill people?
They/Them
(They slash them) - Luke cage In marvels luke cage everyone thinks that luke has super powers because he's bullet proof.
But bullet proof black people isn't a super power it's straight up evolution. - Can you think of something more ironic than being a gay chiropractor? Choosing a career in which your job is to make people straight again.
- I'm so sick of people looking at me funny because I choose to breast feed. If I wanna get my milk straight from the cow, then that's up to me.
- I keep seeing all these LGBTQ+ Pride signs everywhere. I ask people what they mean but can never get a straight answer.
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Straight People One Liners
Which straight people one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with straight people? I can suggest the ones about heterosexual and straight face.
- I usually ask people what LGBTQ means. I never get a straight answer.
- Why are gay people bad liars? They can't keep a straight face
- I asked 10 people what LGBT stands for But I never got a straight answer
- Why do gay people smile so much? It's hard for them to keep a straight face.
- Why do gay people laugh a lot? Because they can never keep a straight face.
- Why can't gay people play poker? Because they can't keep a straight face.
- I asked so many people what LGBTQ+ means Nobody gave me a straight answer.
- Why are gay people always so happy? 'Cause they can't keep a straight face!
- I've been asking people what LGBTQ means.... Nobody will give me a straight answer
- I keep asking people what LGBT means I can never get a straight answer
- You know why I don't trust gay people? Because they're never straight with me
- I asked a lot of people the meaning of LGBTQ .
.
None of them gave me a straight answer - Why can't gay people rap? Because they can't spit straight bars.
- Why do gay people always laugh at everything? Because they can't keep a straight face
- why do gay people always smile? Because they can't keep a straight face
Amusing & Witty Straight People Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun
What funny jokes about straight people you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean gays jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make straight people pranks.
Arnold and his wife were cleaning out the attic one day when he came across a ticket from the local shoe repair shop.
The date stamped on the ticket showed that it was over eleven years old.
They both laughed and tried to remember which of them might have forgotten to pick up a pair of shoes over a decade ago.
"Do you think the shoes will still be in the shop?" Arnold asked.
"Not very likely," his wife said.
"It's worth a try," Arnold said, pocketing the ticket.
He went downstairs, hopped into the car, and drove to the store.
With a straight face, he handed the ticket to the man behind the counter.
With a face just as straight, the man said, "Just a minute. I'll have to look for these."
He disappeared into a dark corner at the back of the shop.Two minutes later, the man called out, "Here they are!"
"No kidding?" Arnold called back. "That's terrific! Who would have thought they'd still be here after all this time."
The man came back to the counter, empty-handed. "They'll be ready Thursday," he said calmly.
Sunday Morning s**...
Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year-old grandmother and comfort her.
When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning." Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having s**... would surely be asking for trouble.
"Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the d**...." She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along."
Doctor.....Doctor
The doctor, shuffles is papers and looks at his patient from behind his clumpy glasses and says with a long sigh ''i'm afraid i have some bad news''. The patient furrows his brow and says ''give it me to straight doc ( because that's how people talk). The doctor replies ''well im afraid you have Alzheimer's **and** you have cancer!''. The patient looks off into the distance for a moment and reflects before saying'' well at least i don't have cancer''
:-D.
Gameshow idea
11 gay men and 1 straight man are locked in a house. The object for the gay men is to find out who isn't gay. Once a week someone gets outvoted, until 2 are left or the straight man is out. If the g**... manage to outvote him, they win 1 million dollars. If the straight man is among the last 2 people in the house in the end, he wins 1 million dollars.
Now here's the twist: None of the men are actually gay, they just think they are the one straight man.
People call me lazy because I sleep 13 hours a day
But to be fair, Jesus slept for three days straight and that started a religion.
With so many gay people nowadays...
It's hard to keep them all straight.
If you don't like gay marriage, blame straight people, they're the ones who keep having gay babies.
I don't understand why so many people in the south have bad teeth
when they try their best to keep everything else straight and white.
Why is your optometrist gay?
They love people who can't see straight!
Why can't gay people drive while they're a**...?
Because they can't think straight.
I've seen a LGBT activist publish phones and home addresses of homophobic straight people on the Internet.
Needless to say, I found his approach somewhat heterodox.
Why can't we take gay people seriously?
Because they can never keep a straight face.
Kanye name his son North West,
So no matter who many people make fun of him, with a name like that we know he is heading straight to the top.
And a little to the left
I've adjusted my insults to be more pc
Instead of calling people gay, I call them straight.
why are gay people crazy?
they can't think straight
Some people like their Marvin straight...
But I prefer my Marvin Gaye
Why do gay people always wear skinny jeans?
Because they can't stand straight cut.
When I was little there were three things I could never get straight
Gay people, and counting.
I'm building an app to help people fall asleep at night. It'll be recordings of straight white men talking about gender identity, cultural appropriation and modern racism...
Name of the app is White Noise.
A server is carrying a tray of cheese when he sees a beautiful girl walk by.
He thinks of something to say and goes in for the kill. But on his way he slips on a wet spot, sending him sliding into an ice sculpture and spilling the cheese in a straight line behind him. People get up to help and start picking up cheese off the ground. The girl goes over to the server and asks if he is okay. The server responds, "I'm fine, but it seems my slick icebreaker has turned into a cheesy pickup line."
How do gay people drunk drive?
Not straight.
I hate people who aren't straight....
....forward.
I can to talk to people that are straight and gay.
I guess you could say I'm **bi-lingual** ...
Some people think LGBT is a mental illness.
So, it makes sense that they're called straight jackets.
The airport security guard said to me: "Straight this way."
I asked him, "Where do the gay people go?"
I don't know what people don't get about drag racing.
It's very straight forward.
Why do people in Poland always stand so straight?
Cause they're poles.
In the land of poker, different people had different toilets. The peasants had toilets that flushed clockwise, and the nobles had toilets that flushed counterclockwise. The king had neither.
He had a royal straight flush.
What's a gay man's favorite electronics brand?
Sony. LG is for straight people.
I "identify" as a straight male. So why are people calling me as "sisgender?"
It's because of that one time - with the p**... - isn't it?.
But how could they know?
You ever notice that gay people won't answer direct questions about their s**... lives?
I guess they don't give straight answers.
I hate people with straight teeth...
Yes, I'm bracist.
bisexual people are like bendy straws
they're straight until you make them bend over
Did you know that the term LGBTQ is not politically correct?
It excludes straight people.
I asked people if gay conversion camps ever worked
but nobody ever gave me a straight answer.
Gay people find everything hilarious
They just don't seem to be able to keep a straight face
What do you call a guy who makes fun of straight people?
a mockingjay
Why can you never trust gay people
Because they never give you a straight answer
What do a gay and autistic people have in common?
They can't think straight
Why are gay people often s**... confused?
They can't think straight.
I like my teeth like I like my people
Straight and White
Don't ask for advice from gay people.
They never give straight answers.
A priest dies and goes to the gates of Heaven
The priest approaches the bouncer aka St. Peter.
After perusing the list, Peter can't find the priest's name, and tells him to go downstairs to the waiting room until further notice.
Meanwhile, a taxi driver who died at the same time approached the gates.
St. Peter welcomes him with open arms and lets him straight into Heaven.
The priest is dumbfounded. I've preached to thousands of people throughout my life! I've baptized children and converted many to the church! I've lived a holy life!
St. Peter shakes his head and responds:
When you preached, people slept...
When he drove, people prayed.
I asked some people, what's LGBT?
But no one is giving me a straight answer.
Why are gay people always smiling?
They can't seem to keep a straight face!
An exercise for people who are not in good shape.
Begin with a five-pound potato bag in each hand. Extend your arms straight out from your sides, hold them there for a full minute and then relax. After a few weeks, move up to 10-pound potato bags. Then try 50-pound potato bags, and eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-pound potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute.
Once you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each bag.
Why do companies prefer gay people over straight ones now-a-days?
Because gay people have prior expertise in working their a**... off.
Why do LGBT people have bad grades?
They can't think straight.
My Service Dog
Just left Walmart where a lady asked me what kind of dog i had. I said a GSD service dog. Very rudely she yells what type of service? I said he is a BLD. What's a BLD? She asked as she has her face in my dog's face allowing him to lick her......Now with a straight face I said "He is my b**... l**... dog. I can't find any toilet paper anywhere because of all you hoarding a**... people, so he licks my a**... clean...... The cashier lost it and walked away from the register.
I asked so many people what LGBTQ stands for
So far no one gave me straight answers
What do you call a product that is not targeted at straight or gay people?
A Bi-Product
Church lady
There was a church lady who always was dressed very properly and always carried her bible with her. She had a bad habit of judging people and letting them know what she thought of them.
One day, she was riding on the crosstown bus and a drunk guy got on. There was only one seat left which was right next to the church lady.
She said to the man, you're a disgusting and smelly drunk. You're going straight to h**....
The man said Excuse me ma'am. I think I'm on the wrong bus.
[OC] Three British people were arguing about who drinks the hottest tea.
The first person says: "The moment my tea is ready, I pour it into the cup and drink it all up".
The second person laughs and says: "That's it? I drink my tea straight from the Kettle".
The third person scoffs and says: "You both are amatuers. I just put all the ingredients in my mouth and sit on the stove".
If Tindr is for straight people and grindr is for gay men, what is the dating app for l**...?
Scissr
I asked people what the Q in "LGBTQ" stands for.
Fortunately someone gave me a straight answer.
potato bag strenth power
**An exercise for people who are out of shape: Begin with a five-pound potato bag in each hand. Extend your arms straight out from your sides, hold them there for a full minute, and then relax. After a few weeks, move up to ten-pound potato bags. Then try 50-pound potato bags, and eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-pound potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. Once you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each bag**
How to increase your strength
An exercise for people who are out of shape: Begin with a five-pound potato bag in each hand. Extend your arms straight out from your sides, hold them there for a full minute, and then relax. After a few weeks, move up to ten-pound potato bags. Then try 50-pound potato bags, and eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-pound potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. Once you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each bag.
—Beverly g**...
I hate asking gay people questions
I never get a straight answer.
My 11 yo son got out the car at school the other morning, right at the moment the gritter was driving by us spraying rock salt everywhere..
He got straight back in the car, looked at me with a completely serious face and said I've just been assaulted .
ETA: thank you so much for the awards, I showed him some (SOME!) of the comments 😂 and it made his day, he was delighted that people actually enjoyed his joke to even just upvote and comment on it but actually couldn't believe that people actually awarded it too ( people gave Reddit awards to it?? For my joke?? Like, did they actually mum or are you just saying that?! so yea, thank you kind Redditors for making my 11yo extremely happy! You guys are the best 😊
My friends 8 year old brother kept asking LGTBQ people what LGTBQ meant.
He kept complaining he couldn't get a straight answer!
