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Straight Edge Jokes

21 straight edge jokes and hilarious straight edge puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about straight edge that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Straight Edge Short Jokes

Short straight edge jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The straight edge humour may include short straight face jokes also.

  1. Why did the sXe kid get kicked out of the drum circle? Because a circle has no straight edges.
  2. A blacksmith is stressed So he goes into his shop and starts holding a sword straight against the grindstone. His apprentice comes in and asks
    "What are you doing?"
    "Oh just taking the edge off"

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Straight Edge One Liners

Which straight edge one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with straight edge? I can suggest the ones about straight line and straight.

  1. What do you call a goth guy who likes women? A straight edge
  2. Chuck Norris can trisect an angle... ...With only a straight edge and a compass
  3. What do you call a straight edge kid taking painkillers? An oxymoron
  4. What did the straight edge ghost say to the bartender? No boos for me.
  5. I am straight edge Just like the razor I use to chop my c**...

Uproarious Straight Edge Jokes to Have a Laugh Out Loud Good Time

What funny jokes about straight edge you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean no edges jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make straight edge pranks.

A Texan and a New Yorker are sitting in a bar.

The Texan, feeling boastful, says, "Back home in Texas, I can get in my truck at sunup and drive a straight shot until sundown without reaching the edge of my property."
The New Yorker nods sympathetically and replies, "Yeah. I had a car like that once."

A cowboy buys a horse from the town pastor.

To make the horse go, you gotta yell, Thank God! And to make it stop, yell, Hallelujah," explains the pastor.
The cowboy thanks him and rides off. He rides all day and starts to nod off in the saddle when he notices he is about to ride straight over a cliff.
Quickly he yells to the horse, Hallelujah! Hallelujah! The horse grinds to a stop just at the edge of the cliff.
The cowboy wipes the sweat off his forehead, sighs and says, *"Phew, Thank God."*

Old western stranger

An old man sitting at the edge of an old western town sees a silhouette approaching from the dusty horizon. Its not long before he realizes that it is a 3 legged dog limping toward him. The old man shouts a warning to the dog "we dont take kindly to strangers around here". The 3 legged dog limps like john wayne while slowly raising his gaze up to look straight into the old mans eyes with a piercing stare and says" Im lookin for the man who shot my paw"

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Mail

A man was in his front yard mowing grass, when his attractive blonde female neighbor, Judy, came out of her house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it, then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house.
A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mail box, and again opened it and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"
To which she replied, "There certainly is! My s**... computer keeps saying, YOU'VE GOT MAIL."

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

A blonde got a mail.

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive
blonde neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the
mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back
into the house. A little later she came out of her house again,
went to the mailbox and again opened it, and slammed it shut
again. Angrily, back into the house she went. As the man was
getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched
to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder
than ever. Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, Is something wrong? To which she replied, There certainly is! My s**... computer keeps saying, You've got mail!

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Angry Neighbor [90's kids will remember]

A man was in his front yard mowing grass, when his neighbor storms out of the house straight to the mailbox, opens it, slams it shut and storms back in.
A little later the neighbor storms out and does the exact same thing again, before storming back in even more red-faced.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, out the neighbor comes again, marches to the mail box, opens it before slamming it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by the neighbor's actions the man asked, "Is something wrong?"
"There certainly is!" the neighbor replied. "My s**... computer keeps saying, YOU'VE GOT MAIL."

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

The Lonely Rig Worker

An oil rig mechanic returns to his cabin after his shift and discovers his cabinmate sitting on the edge of his bunk, his feet in a basin, hastily scraping a razor over his soaped-up legs.
"Um, hey, what are you up to?" asks the mechanic.
"I was talking to old Joe in the canteen today," says his cabinmate, "and I mentioned I was feeling homesick. He told me that when he feels homesick, he shaves one of his legs before bed, and with a little imagination it feels like he's at home laying with his wife again. I thought it was a fantastic idea and ran straight back here."
"I've heard of guys doing that," says the mechanic, "but why are you shaving both legs?"
"Well, I'll be going home in a few days," he replies, "so tonight I'm having a t**...!"

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Blonde + Computer = ?

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox.
She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back in the house.
A little later she came out of her house again went to the mail box and again, opened it, slammed it shut again.. Angrily, back into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"
To which she replied,"There certainly is!"
"My s**... computer keeps saying, **'YOU'VE GOT MAIL!'**"

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

You've Got Blonde

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house. A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox and again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"
To which she replied, "There certainly is!"
My s**... computer keeps saying, "You've got mail!"