stra Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious stra puns

It's strange to see Christians advocating abstinence only sex education...

According to their own religion, even abstinence isn't 100% effective.

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A straight tree and a gay tree lived next to each other for 60 years

The straight tree was always making fun of the gay tree. One evening a storm comes along and lightning hits the straight tree and it shatters into hundreds of pieces. The gay tree bust out laughing and says "look who's a faggot now"

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I'm so straight I don't touch myself when I jerk off

My buddy Brian does it for me

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Stranger guy with a sexy women in a hotel lobby.

A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me." She replies, "if your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room no 99.

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A straight tree and a gay tree lived next to each other for 60 years

The straight tree was always making fun of the gay tree. One evening, there was a thunderstorm, and lightning hits the straight tree. It shatters into hundreds of pieces. The gay tree bursts out laughing, and says "Who's the faggot now?"

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A stranger just came up to me and told me she was vegan...

I swear I've met herbivore

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Stranger: "Bob? Is that short for Robert?"

Bobert: "No."

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Strap-on backwards spells No-parts.

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I got a strange note in my bag at the Taco Bell drive-thru last night...

The lady seemed very frazzled and the note said "help there are two armed men inside."

I drove off laughing, thinking "well yeah it would take forever to make tacos with one arm"

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‪If I were to be stranded on an island with anyone I would prefer to be stranded with a vegan...

Mostly because it's healthier to eat grass-fed meat. ‬

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If you were stranded on an island and could bring three items what would you bring?

Michael Phelps, a saddle, and stick with a gold medal on the end.

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Strange trend at my office...

People are naming food in the break room refrigerator. Today I ate a sandwich named "Kevin".

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A strange van pulls up to a 12 year old boy walking down the street...

The man in the van holds out a bag of candy and says, "hey kid, if I give you a piece of candy will you come in my van?"

To that the kid replies, "I'll come in your mouth if you give me the whole bag."

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A stranger phoned me up last night asking me to meet him in the woods because he wanted to see my balls...

Weirdo never showed up.

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I was straining on the toilet this morning.

"Where's the fucking sieve?" asked my wife.

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If straight couples usually end sex when the man finishes, how do lesbians know when it's time to stop?

When the scissors get dull

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There's a strange new trend at work, people are writing names on the food in the company fridge

Today I had a chicken sandwich named Kevin

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If you were stranded on a desert island, what would you bring with you?

I would take one for the team and bring Donald Trump.

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A straight man and his gay friend are walking to their workplace... (NSFW?)

...The straight man is eating some strawberries. The gay man notices something strange. "I thought you don't like strawberries" he says perplexed.
"'I know"' the straight man replies "but apparently your own semen smells like what you eat, and my girlfriend likes the smell of strawberries."
The gay man chuckles and then says "That's why my semen smells like semen."

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The strange painting

John and Michelle are out on a date at an art gallery. They're walking around, looking at art, discussing the paintings, and generally having a good time. Eventually they come across a very strange painting that they can't seem to make heads or tails of. It's a large canvas called "Home for Lunch," and shows three naked black men with erections sitting on a bench, except the one in the middle has a white penis. As they stand around discussing the strange painting, a man walks up to them and introduces himself as the artists whose work is being exhibited.

**Artist:** Ah, I see you're admiring my favorite painting! Tell me, what do you think of it?

**John:** We like it very much. As a matter of fact, my lady-friend and I were just discussing the meaning behind this piece. I see it as a vivid deconstruction of racial boundaries, but she maintains that it is *clearly* all about sexual liberation... Could you tell us who is right? And why is it called "Home for Lunch"?

**Artist:** Haha, it's actually very simple! You're over-analyzing it. You see, these aren't black men - they're coal miners. And the one in the middle went "home for lunch".

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Two strangers, a man and a woman, are sharing a sleeper cab on an overnight train

At around midnight, as they are both trying to fall asleep, the man says to the woman:

"Excuse me ma'am, but it's really cold, would you mind passing me one of the extra blankets on the table beside you?"

The woman answers:

"I'll tell you what, I'm also feeling really cold, for one night, why don't pretend we are married?"

The man, taken aback but enthusiastic replies:

"Yeah of course!"

And so the woman says:

"Good. Then fucking get it yourself you lazy ass."

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Strange music

In Vienna, the great composer Mr. Beethoven had recently died and been buried in the city cemetery, with much mourning by the Viennese citizens.

A few nights after the burial, the town drunk is stumbling on his way home through the cemetery. All of a sudden he hears some very strange-sounding music wafting up from Beethoven's fresh burial plot. Terrified, the man runs through the streets, screaming about ghosts in the graveyard.

Pretty soon he's gathered quite a crowd around the grave, all muttering to each other about devils and ghosts. Finally one man makes his way to the front of the crowd, squats down by the grave, and listens.

"Why... that's Beethoven's Ninth Sympony, but... it's playing backwards!" He listens some more. "There's his Eighth Symphony, also backwards! ... And the seventh.... sixth..."

Finally he stands up and addresses the crowd. "My good people, you have nothing to fear. This is simply Mr. Beethoven decomposing."

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What's a straight-A student's favorite type of sushi?

The Honor Roll.

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Straws and Toothpicks

A bartender is clearing up for the night when he hears a knock at the door. When he opens it he finds a homeless man standing there who asks

"Excuse me but could I bother you for a toothpick?"

The bartender doesn't see why not and so gives the man a tooth pick.
Later on there is another knock at the door and it another homeless man who again asks

"Excuse me could you give me a toothpick?"

And again the bartender gives him a toothpick.
Just as he is away to look up the bartender hears one final knock at the door. Upon opening it he sees just like the two previous times: a homeless man. Only this time he asks for a straw. The bartender fetches a straw but out of curiosity asks why. The homeless man says

"Some guy threw up round the corner, and all the good stuff is gone."

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Strange Jigsaw Puzzle

A blonde girl decides to do a puzzle so she grabs the puzzle and pours out all the peices. She tries to put it together....After a while of trying she gets frustrated and calls her boyfriend...Her boyfriend says: Honey whats wrongThe Blonde says: Im trying to put this puzzle together but I can't do it.Her boyfriend says: Well look at the picture in the front and tell me what it looks like.The blonde says: Okay... well the background is blue and there is a tiger on it.Her boyfriend says: Honey... put the cornflakes back in the box

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Strange new trend at the office

People are putting names on food in the company fridge. Today I had a tuna sandwich named Kevin.

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I was stranded in the swamp for days with no food

I had no choice but to hunt down large white birds and eat them. Through the whole ordeal, I found myself filled with egret.

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I have new strategy for getting my wife to have sex with me...

When we are in bed I just talk and talk until she has sex with me just to shut me up. I call it filibusting a nut.

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three straight men walk in to a bar...

and come out.

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Two strangers riding an elevator

"Excuse me, sir, did you just fart?"

"Did you?"

"Of course not!"

"Then why the fuck are you asking?!!!"

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A strange woman was pounding at my door at 4am and woke me up.

I had to let her out.

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If I were stranded on a deserted island with 3 things of my choice...

I would have to choose Michael Phelps, a saddle, and a stick with a gold medal tied to it.

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7

I had this strange dream the other night, July 7th to be exact. I was alone in this wide open field, and on this field was a large number seven. This confused me, and woke me up, I looked at the clock and sure enough it was seven o'clock. I thought this was strange but didn't think too much into it, that was until I hailed a taxi and, of course it was number seven as well. I got to thinking, how can I use this to my advantage? So I went to the local horse track, and in the seventh race of the day, there was a horse named Lucky Number Seven, so I placed my bet and wouldn't you know it,

He came in seventh.

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What does one strawberry say to the other?

"Well, if you hadn't been so fresh last night, we wouldn't have ended up in this jam!"

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In a strange way, I was really looking forward to the hurricane and I was disappointed when it was downgraded...

I thought others round these here parts would echo my sentiment, but I guess Carolinians are used to being disappointed by the Hurricanes.

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What are the most funny Stra jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Stra? Well, here are the best Stra dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Stra pick up lines to share with friends.

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