The Best 44 Stove Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Stove jokes. There are some stove tamales jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these stove cookware puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Stove Jokes and Puns
Back when I was married, I found some match sticks left by the stove, where apparently the gas burner hasn't been igniting...
...so I wrote my wife's name on one of the matches there. Later, when she saw the writing and picked it up, she looked at me and asked what it meant.
I looked her straight in the eye, and said: "It means.. .that you've finally met your match."
A blonde mom is cooking dinner when her blonde daughter walks in
The daughter asks, "Mom, why do people think we blondes are stupid?"
Her mother replies, "I'll show you", and taps hard on the kitchen counter.
Somewhat confused, the blonde daughter says, "Someone's at the door!".
The blonde mother laughs. "This is why people think we're stupid. Now watch over the stove for me while I answer the door."
Why don't women wear watches?
Because there's a perfectly good clock on the stove
Appliances
My wife has made me buy an electric bread maker, electric stove, electric blender, electric toaster and other appliances. Now she's complaining that we have too many appliances and nowhere to sit down. So I bought her an electric chair.
How do you set a woman's watch?
You don't, there's already a clock on the stove.
Swapping Positions
He said to me ... . ......... Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
I said to him .. That's a good idea - you stand by the stove & sink while I sit on the sofa and do nothing but fart
Why do women wear white wedding dresses?
So the dishwasher can match the refrigerator and stove
What is your favorite joke about women?
Q: Why don't women wear watches?
A: Because there is a clock on the stove.
Three brothers eating soup
A mom has three sons and she's making them soup, While she's not looking a cupboard above the stove opens and a box of beebee's falls in the soup. She keeps cooking, serves them lunch and they go back outside to play. Ten minutes later the first boy comes in and says 'Mommy I was peeing and a beebee came out.' She doesn't believe him and he goes back out to play. Ten minutes later the second boy comes in and says 'Mommy I was peeing and a beebee came out.' She doesn't believe him and he goes back out to play. Ten minutes later, the oldest boy comes in and the mom says 'Let me guess, you were taking a pee and a beebee came out?' He says 'No, I was playing with myself and I shot the dog.'
While cooking dinner this happened.
I was making stir fry and opened a bag of peas. One pea gets lose and rolls off the counter. It was like slow motion as I watched it hit floor and roll under the stove. I turned to my wife who also witnessed the incident and said: "We have an escape pea." ...got a laugh
I got a black girlfriend now.
I burned my hand on the stove.
You can explore stove gasoline reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean stove toasters dad jokes. There are also stove puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
I am terribly optimistic. For instance, on top of being fat and lonely, I just burnt my hand on the stove. But....
Now I have a black girlfriend!
What do you get when you put resistance on a stove?
Ohm on the range
Why are wedding gowns white?
Cuz the dishwasher should match the stove and the fridge
I'm not a good cook.
At Christmas my family got together and bought me a stove that flushes.
I lost my dishwasher, washingmashine, dryer, iron, stove, and vacumcleaner today.
Her funeral will be this saturday.
why do women not need to wear watches?
there's a clock on the stove
My library warms my heart
from my wood burning stove.
I burnt my hand on a round stove plate.
It was 360 degrees.
A Mexican lying on his death bed
The sick Mexican was lying on his death bed. He had only hours to live when suddenly he smelled tamales. He loved tamales more than anything else in the world, especially his wife's tamales.
With every last bit of energy left in his body, the sick Mexican pulled himself out of bed, across the floor, down the hall, and into the kitchen. He saw that his wife was removing a fresh batch of tamales from the stove top. As he reached for one of the freshly made tamales, his wife smacked him in with a wooden spoon.
"Leave them alone, cabron, they're for the funeral."
Why does women have so small feet?
To be able to stand closer to the stove.
Why don't you ever buy a woman a watch?
Because there's a clock on the stove.
There is something that I am not supposed to do near a hot stove
but I just can't put my finger on it.
Why should you not buy women watches?
Because there's a clock on the stove.
Turned you on
Yesterday I saw a sign above a stove and it was written
"Please turn me off! How would you feel if somebody turned you on and then left?"
My wife asked for a watch for her birthday
I told her the stove already has one
I use to have a white girlfriend, now I got a black girlfriend.
Today I burnt my hand on the stove.
A wife leaves a note for husband..
The note reads
"Dear Hon,
I've already left for work. I've prepared dinner for you and it's on the stove. Don't worry, I already turned on the stove, all you have to do is light your lighter. Remember, I love you."
Why do women wear white on their wedding day?
So the dishwasher matches the stove.
What Are the Three Parts of a Wood-Burning Stove?
Lifter, legs, and poker.
Don't leave alphabet soup cooking on the stove unattended.
It could spell disaster.
Unexpected morning sex:
I stumbled into the kitchen to see my wife cooking our usual breakfast of soft-boiled eggs and toast.
Barely awake, I thought perhaps I was dreaming when she suddenly took off her gown and demanded I make love with her there and then.
Soon finished, she turned back to the stove and said thanks . I said, My pleasure, dear, you seemed so inspired, thank you!
Dryly, she drawled, Don't get used to it, the egg timer's broken.
A man was doing some DIY work on his gas stove
When it all of a sudden blew up and sent him flying through his roof and up into the sky.
On his way up he passed a man falling down from the sky and asked him: Hey, you know anything about gas stoves?
The guy falling responded, Nope, you know anything about parachutes?
Today I saw a letter in the kitchen from my girlfriend.
"Morning honey! I left your food on the stove. All you have to do is light the match, I started the gas when I left. Love you!"
A parachutist is plummeting to Earth
Because her ripcord malfunctioned.
As she frantically pulls at the defective cord, she passes a man atop a stove traveling the opposite way.
She yells out to him, Hey, do you know how to fix a parachute!?
He replies back No! Do you know anything about repairing gas lines??
I rewrote Hansel & Gretel but changed the oven to a mobile stove.
The title is now Hansel & Griddle.
I tried to get my stovetop to be more friendly by making it say Hi all the time.
Things got heated pretty quickly.
;)
I want to install a stove on my Land Rover
Then it can be a Range Rover
How to cheat on your boyfriend without him knowing
Now that all the girls are here, help me out. How do I turn on the stove??
Steve?
More like stove
A hot stove has something familiar to it
but I can't put my finger on it
My wife asked me why I was yelling at the pot of water on the stove.
I said, water boils ~~faster~~ hotter under pressure.
[OC] Three British people were arguing about who drinks the hottest tea.
The first person says: "The moment my tea is ready, I pour it into the cup and drink it all up".
The second person laughs and says: "That's it? I drink my tea straight from the Kettle".
The third person scoffs and says: "You both are amatuers. I just put all the ingredients in my mouth and sit on the stove".
Make Love To Me
A woman is in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast. Her husband walks in. She turns and says, "You've got to make love to me, this very moment." His eyes light up and he thinks, "This is my lucky day." Not wanting to lose the moment, he embraces her and then gives her his all, right there on the kitchen table. Afterwards she says, "Thanks." Then she returns to the stove. Puzzled at her casual demeanor after such an unusual event, he asks, "What was that all about?" She explains; "The egg timer's broken."
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the stove woolworths jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working stove charcoal piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.