Stove Jokes

74 stove jokes and hilarious stove puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about stove that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Stove Short Jokes

Short stove jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The stove humour may include short oven jokes also.

  1. My neighbor uses a wood stove, but lately he's had the flu and been too sick to chop his own wood. Do you think it would be a nice gesture to go chop some firewood for him? Axeing for a friend.
  2. Why do women wear white wedding dresses? So the dishwasher can match the refrigerator and stove
  3. What is your favorite joke about women? Q: Why don't women wear watches?
    A: Because there is a clock on the stove.
  4. Today I saw a letter in the kitchen from my girlfriend. "Morning honey! I left your food on the stove. All you have to do is light the match, I started the gas when I left. Love you!"
  5. Turned you on Yesterday I saw a sign above a stove and it was written
    "Please turn me off! How would you feel if somebody turned you on and then left?"
  6. I'm not a good cook. At Christmas my family got together and bought me a stove that flushes.
  7. There is something that I am not supposed to do near a hot stove but I just can't put my finger on it.
  8. I use to have a white girlfriend, now I got a black girlfriend. Today I burnt my hand on the stove.
  9. I rewrote Hansel & Gretel but changed the oven to a mobile stove. The title is now Hansel & Griddle.
  10. How to cheat on your boyfriend without him knowing Now that all the girls are here, help me out. How do I turn on the stove??

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Stove One Liners

Which stove one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with stove? I can suggest the ones about cooker and fireplace.

  1. Why don't you ever buy a woman a watch? Because there's a clock on the stove.
  2. Don't leave alphabet soup cooking on the stove unattended. It could spell disaster.
  3. What will the gas stove enforcement agency be filled with? "gas-stop-o" agents
  4. I got a black girlfriend now. I burned my hand on the stove.
  5. I burnt my hand on a round stove plate. It was 360 degrees.
  6. Why don't women wear watches? Because there's a perfectly good clock on the stove
  7. How do you set a woman's watch? You don't, there's already a clock on the stove.
  8. Why do women wear white on their wedding day? So the dishwasher matches the stove.
  9. A hot stove has something familiar to it but I can't put my finger on it
  10. Why are wedding gowns white? Cuz the dishwasher should match the stove and the fridge
  11. My wife asked for a watch for her birthday I told her the stove already has one
  12. why do women not need to wear watches? there's a clock on the stove
  13. Why does women have so small feet? To be able to stand closer to the stove.
  14. What do you get when you put resistance on a stove? Ohm on the range
  15. Steve? More like stove

Stove joke, Steve?

Great Stove Jokes to Share, Laugh and Enjoy with Friends

What funny jokes about stove you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean furnace jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make stove pranks.

Back when I was married, I found some match sticks left by the stove, where apparently the gas burner hasn't been igniting... I wrote my wife's name on one of the matches there. Later, when she saw the writing and picked it up, she looked at me and asked what it meant.
I looked her straight in the eye, and said: "It means.. .that you've finally met your match."

A blonde mom is cooking dinner when her blonde daughter walks in

The daughter asks, "Mom, why do people think we blondes are s**...?"
Her mother replies, "I'll show you", and taps hard on the kitchen counter.
Somewhat confused, the blonde daughter says, "Someone's at the door!".
The blonde mother laughs. "This is why people think we're s**.... Now watch over the stove for me while I answer the door."


My wife has made me buy an electric bread maker, electric stove, electric blender, electric toaster and other appliances. Now she's complaining that we have too many appliances and nowhere to sit down. So I bought her an electric chair.

Swapping Positions

He said to me ... . ......... Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
I said to him .. That's a good idea - you stand by the stove & sink while I sit on the sofa and do nothing but f**...

Three brothers eating soup

A mom has three sons and she's making them soup, While she's not looking a cupboard above the stove opens and a box of beebee's falls in the soup. She keeps cooking, serves them lunch and they go back outside to play. Ten minutes later the first boy comes in and says 'Mommy I was peeing and a beebee came out.' She doesn't believe him and he goes back out to play. Ten minutes later the second boy comes in and says 'Mommy I was peeing and a beebee came out.' She doesn't believe him and he goes back out to play. Ten minutes later, the oldest boy comes in and the mom says 'Let me guess, you were taking a pee and a beebee came out?' He says 'No, I was playing with myself and I shot the dog.'

Classic Music Joke for the ages

A chef was cooking some fresh beets on a REALLY dilapidated, old stove. The stove was hardly putting out any heat at all and he got so frustrated, he kicked the sorry appliance all the way
across the kitchen, shouting as he went.......... ROLL OVER BEET OVEN!!!

While cooking dinner this happened.

I was making stir fry and opened a bag of peas. One pea gets lose and rolls off the counter. It was like slow motion as I watched it hit floor and roll under the stove. I turned to my wife who also witnessed the incident and said: "We have an escape pea." a laugh

When stoves die...

they go to hoven.

I am terribly optimistic. For instance, on top of being fat and lonely, I just burnt my hand on the stove. But....

Now I have a black girlfriend!

Why don't you buy your wife a watch?

There's already a clock on the stove

A mouse jumped out of my stove, but I couldn't catch it.

It was out of my range.

What is grey, very big and when it falls out of a tree the stove breaks?

The stove.

"Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That's relativity."

Pretty Girl: "Did you just call me fat?!"

I lost my dishwasher, washingmashine, dryer, iron, stove, and vacumcleaner today.

Her f**... will be this saturday.

My library warms my heart

from my wood burning stove.

A Mexican lying on his death bed

The sick Mexican was lying on his death bed. He had only hours to live when suddenly he smelled tamales. He loved tamales more than anything else in the world, especially his wife's tamales.
With every last bit of energy left in his body, the sick Mexican pulled himself out of bed, across the floor, down the hall, and into the kitchen. He saw that his wife was removing a fresh batch of tamales from the stove top. As he reached for one of the freshly made tamales, his wife smacked him in with a wooden spoon.
"Leave them alone, c**..., they're for the f**...."

I am having a leak at the u**..., and the guy next to me says: My god! It's like a stove pipe!

— Yeah! I answer, it's big, eh?
— No! It's dirty!

I think I forgot to turn of the stove!

Why should you not buy women watches?

Because there's a clock on the stove.

What's the difference between Louis c**... and a p**... of water on the stove?

The p**... won't get hot if you watch it.

A wife leaves a note for husband..

The note reads
"Dear Hon,
I've already left for work. I've prepared dinner for you and it's on the stove. Don't worry, I already turned on the stove, all you have to do is light your lighter. Remember, I love you."

What Are the Three Parts of a Wood-Burning Stove?

Lifter, legs, and poker.

Why did the KGB agent forget to turn the stove off?

Because he was rushin

Unexpected morning s**...:

I stumbled into the kitchen to see my wife cooking our usual breakfast of soft-boiled eggs and toast.
Barely awake, I thought perhaps I was dreaming when she suddenly took off her gown and demanded I make love with her there and then.
Soon finished, she turned back to the stove and said thanks . I said, My pleasure, dear, you seemed so inspired, thank you!
Dryly, she drawled, Don't get used to it, the egg timer's broken.

A man was doing some DIY work on his gas stove

When it all of a sudden blew up and sent him flying through his roof and up into the sky.
On his way up he passed a man falling down from the sky and asked him: Hey, you know anything about gas stoves?
The guy falling responded, Nope, you know anything about parachutes?

A parachutist is plummeting to Earth

Because her ripcord malfunctioned.
As she frantically pulls at the defective cord, she passes a man atop a stove traveling the opposite way.
She yells out to him, Hey, do you know how to fix a parachute!?
He replies back No! Do you know anything about repairing gas lines??

one stovetop says to the other:

*"you're looking kinda hot. you're turning me on. i can't take this heat."*

How do they make the messes in stove cleaner commercials?

They ask me to cook there

I tried to get my stovetop to be more friendly by making it say Hi all the time.

Things got heated pretty quickly.

I want to install a stove on my Land Rover

Then it can be a Range Rover

My wife asked me why I was yelling at the p**... of water on the stove.

I said, water boils ~~faster~~ hotter under pressure.

[OC] Three British people were arguing about who drinks the hottest tea.

The first person says: "The moment my tea is ready, I pour it into the cup and drink it all up".
The second person laughs and says: "That's it? I drink my tea straight from the Kettle".
The third person scoffs and says: "You both are amatuers. I just put all the ingredients in my mouth and sit on the stove".

Make Love To Me

A woman is in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast. Her husband walks in. She turns and says, "You've got to make love to me, this very moment." His eyes light up and he thinks, "This is my lucky day." Not wanting to lose the moment, he embraces her and then gives her his all, right there on the kitchen table. Afterwards she says, "Thanks." Then she returns to the stove. Puzzled at her casual demeanor after such an unusual event, he asks, "What was that all about?" She explains; "The egg timer's broken."

Son, why don't you play circus?

"It is great fun. First you make a sawdust ring."
"Where'll I get the sawdust, Dad?"
"Here's the saw. Just saw some of that cordwood into stove lengths. You can have all the sawdust you make."

Source: 1913 newspaper

Stove joke, What will the gas stove enforcement agency be filled with?

jokes about stove