Story Jokes

Following is our collection of retain humor and mystery one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Story puns for adults, dirty tale jokes or clean stories gags for kids.

There is an abundance of reporter jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 83 funniest jokes on story. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any two sides to every story witze you can hear about story.

The Best jokes about Story

Your Girlfriend Is Pregnant !

Guy: But doctor that can't be right. We use condoms everytime we have sex.

Doctor: Well, the test result would suggest otherwise. Maybe the condom broke?

Guy: No I'm sure it didn't.

Doctor: Alright then. Let me tell you a story. A guy was wandering in the forest where he encountered a tiger. The tiger looked really ferocious and the guy knew that he was doomed. Cornered, the guy then points his umbrella's tip at the tiger and shouts Bang at the tiger. The tiger died.

Guy: That can't be right. Someone else must have shot the tiger.

Doctor: Exactly.

My girlfriend invited me to her house to watch Netflix.

She says Stay here, I have to do laundry really quickly.

Out of nowhere, her sexy sister comes in and sits by me.

She asks Do you want to have sex before she gets back?

I got up and went straight to my car.

My girlfriend was outside the door and hugged me, and said I knew I could trust you.

Moral of the story: always leave your condoms in the car.

I'm reading a horror story in Braille

Something bad is about to happen...
I can feel it

Story joke

Rumor is that Toy Story 4 will focus on

Andy's mother's toys, which coincidentally are called Woody and Buzz too.

Joke I made up: Caveman and a bear walk into a bar. Bartender says "what's your story?" Caveman says...

Bear with me...


Vandals have attacked the National Origami Museum in Tokyo...

We'll keep you updated as the story unfolds...

My author friend claims that he 'accidentally' glued himself to his autobiography, but I don't believe him.

But that's his story, and he's sticking to it.

Story joke

Marriage, the real story

A husband walks into the bedroom to see his wife packing a suitcase. He asks, "What are you doing?"

She answers, "I'm moving to Nevada . I heard that prostitutes there get paid $400.00 for what I'm doing for YOU for FREE!"

Later that night, on her way out, the wife walks into the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase.

When she asks him where he's going, he replies,

"I'm coming too. I want to see how you live on $800.00 a year."

My favourite film is The Hunchback of Notre Dame

I love a protagonist with a twisted back story

A man cheats with his wife's sister

Man: Calm down! You haven't heard my side of the story!

Wife: You slept with my sister!

Man: When i got to work she was just laying there naked on my table! What was I supposed to do?!

Wife: The autopsy!

PS: Didnt make this up

Best son ever

5 year old son after reading a story of a king

Son : mom, I also want 3 wives, one will bathe , one will cook and one will sing

Mom : which one will put you to sleep?

Son: no mom, I will still sleep with you. Mom's eyes filled up with tears... God bless you son

Mom : who will the 3 wives sleep with?

Son : let them sleep with daddy

Daddy's eyes filled with tears... God bless you son


Barbara Walters once did a story on gender roles in Kabul, Afghanistan, several years before the Afghan conflict. She noted that women customarily walked five paces behind their husbands...

She recently returned to Kabul and observed that women still walked behind their husbands, despite the overthrow of the oppressive Taliban regime and women seemed happy to maintain the old custom.

Ms. Walters approached one of the Afghani women and asked, "Why do you still abide by an old custom, that you once tried so desperately to change?"

The woman looked Ms. Walters straight in the eyes, and without hesitation said, "Land mines."

My wife wasn't happy.

True story: I was at the store with my son and my wife. I have a habit of flipping my wedding ring in the air like a coin and catching it. My son saw me do it and tried to grab it in mid air, causing it to fall to the ground. He scrambled to get it and I said, "Son, hand me that! It's expensive!"

My son asked me, "how much did it cost, dad?"

I replied, "my life."

I've just started reading my first ever Braille horror story and I think that something scary is about to happen…

I can feel it…

Corniest joke I know.

Two friars decide to open up a business selling flowers in LA. They settup a booth right outside of Hugh Hefners playboy mansion. After about a week, their business wasnt going so well and it was also driving away people from the playboy mansion seeing two friars outside.

Eventually Hugh Hefner himself came out and put a stop to all of this.

The point of the story is: Only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

Badum psh

A pregnant woman walks into a bank being robbed,

She tried to call the cops and got shot in the stomach three times. Luckily, all her children were safe.

15 years later, one of her daughters came up to her and said, "Mom, I was peeing and a bullet came out." So, she told her daughter the story.

Then, her other daughter walked into the room and she said, "Mom, I was peeing and a bullet came out." So, she told her daughter the story.

Finally, her son came in and she assumed she knew what he was going to say, "Let me guess, you were peeing and a bullet came out?"

The son replied, "No, what? I was masturbating and I shot the dog."

Story joke

What's the highest story of any building?

Floor 20

A blonde came up to the librarian and yelled, "This book sucks! There's way too many characters and the story makes no sense!"

The librarian said, "So you're the one who took our phone book."

In the movie 'The Hunt for Red October' ...

the entire story is the sub-plot.


This season of Earth is not realistic

So many plot holes. Like, where did the murder hornets go? Why introduce them if they're not important to the story?

I'm feeling Lost.

A dad and his son are watching the news when a story about gay marriage pops up.

the son asks, "dad, what does gay mean?"

the dad replies quickly, "gay means happy."

The son looks at him and asks him, "are you gay?"

"no son, i have a wife..."

My coworker Jim sits next to another coworker, Collin. One day, Jim replaced the nametag on his cubicle to also say Collin

I asked him, "Jim, your name isn't Collin. What's going on?"

He replied, "We're trying to Collin-ize the area."

(True story)

My girlfriend's sister invited me to have sex with her today...

My girlfriend's sister invited me to have sex with her today while we were waiting for my girlfriend to get home. I didn't say anything and started to walk to my car. As I opened the door, my girlfriend came out from the kitchen and hugged me with tears in her eyes as she told me that it was a test of loyalty and I had passed!

Moral of the story: keep your condoms in your car

Lesson 4 of 6: The Crow and the Rabbit

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked him, can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long? The crow answered: sure, why not! So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.


A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.


**Moral of the story**: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.

So there was a tribal chief who decided he needed the biggest hut in the village...

so he gathered the grass he needed and built the only two story hut in the village. He placed his throne on the second story and held audiences there. One night while he slept the throne fell through the floor and crushed his head. The moral of this story is that people who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones.

Terrifying Story

A guy in a taxi wanted to speak to the driver so he leaned forward and tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, jumped up in the air and yanked the wheel over. The car mounted the curb, demolished a lamppost and came to a stop inches from a shop window. The startled passenger said "I didn't mean to frighten you, just wanted to ask you something." Taxi driver says "Not your fault Sir. It's my first day as a cab driver, I've been driving a hearse for the past 25 years".

Happy father's day!

5 year old son after reading story of a king says to his mom:

Son: Mom, I also want 3 wives... one will cook, one will sing, one will bathe me

Mom: And which one will put you to sleep

Son: No mom, i will still sleep with you

Mom's eyes filled up with tears.

Mom: God bless you son. But who will sleep with your 3 wives?

Son: Let them sleep with daddy.

Daddy's eyes filled up with tears. God bless you son !

Happy Father's day!

Touched by Jesus

Saying that you were touched by Jesus is a completely different story in a Mexican prison.

Two women named Rachel meet and fall in love.

They decide to get married and go to the baker's to pick out a wedding cake. The baker inquires about their story and appalled, refuses to bake them a wedding cake. They are very upset and accuse the baker of narrow-mindedness and bigotry. "Oh, no, no, no," the baker responds, "I don't have a problem with gay marriage, I just can't support an inter-Rachel marriage!"

Happy Valentine's, everyone!

If you watch 127 Hours backwards

It's the uplifting story of an amputee finding an arm in the desert.

My wife is leaving me because she's fed up with me talking like a news anchor.

More on this story later...

Two engineers meet each other on their way into work

One of them has a new bike, and the other one asks where he got it.
"Well," the first one says, "it's the funniest story. A beautiful woman rode up to me, threw down the bike, ripped off her clothes, and said 'Take what you want.'"
"Good choice," said the other engineer, "the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."

What did the writer say when he glued himself to his book?

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Rumour has it Toy Story 4 is going to focus on Andy's mom's toys

Coincidentally, they are also called Woody and Buzz

What's the difference between Woody from Toy Story, and a Catholic priest?

One goes limp when a child walks in the room.

Harry was blind...

... His friends bought him a silver-coated nutmeg grater for his birthday. When they asked how he liked it, he said it was the most violent story he'd ever read.

Whose point is it anyway?

A ninety-year-old man went to the doctor and said, "Doctor, my eighteen-year-old wife is expecting a baby."

The doctor said, "Let me tell you a story. A man went hunting, but instead of a rifle, he picked up an umbrella by mistake. When a bear suddenly appeared and charged at the man - he picked up the umbrella, shot the bear, and killed it."

The man said, "Impossible. Someone else must have shot that bear."

The doctor said, "My point exactly!"

Jesus asks a Christian, "What's up with all those crosses? Which part of my story makes you think I like crosses?"

The Christian replies: "I don't know, but you seem to be quite attached to them."

My daughter saw me eating prosciutto

True story: my daughter saw me eating prosciutto and clucked her tongue. "I think eating prosciutto is like, the worst thing a Jew can do."

I am Jewish, so I asked, "Why is that?"

"Well, it's pork and it's expensive."

My friend came crying to me after he crashed his brand new Swedish car

But I didn't want to hear his Saab story

What's the difference between a man falling from a 40 story building and a 4 story building?

One goes: Ahhhhhhhhh.... Splat
And the other goes: Splat....Ahhhhhhhhh

My wife's pregnant

90yr man: My 18yr wife is pregnant,your opinion doc?

Dr: Let me tell you a story. A hunter in a hurry, grabs an umbrela instead of the gun. He moves into the jungle, and sees a lion, lifts the umbrela, pulls the handle and BANG, The lion drops dead!

Old man: That's is impossible, sumone else must have shot the lion!

Dr: EXACTLY!!

I live with my wife in a two story house...

"I'm too tired" and "I have a headache" are the only two stories I hear...

I have a story for you. A guy pours cement all over a plot of land...

and then the plot thickens.

Mom, how did I come to this world?

A kid asked his mother:

\- Mom, how did I come to this world?

\- Me and your father planted a seed together - began telling the story the mother.

\- From that seed - she continued - we grew marijuana plant, then smoked some weed and had sex on the washing machine...

I asked a girl to come back to my place and as she was looking through my books...

She asked, "How come you've got so many copies of 'War and Peace'?"

I replied, "It's a long story..."

Every day, I take the elevator to get to my office.

My office is on the 12th floor, so I always take the elevator up to the 11th floor. I would take the elevator straight to the 12th floor, but that's another story.

A dog lays by the railroad tracks..

And falls asleep with his tail hanging over them a little. A train comes by eventually and cuts off the tip of his tail. The dog whips around to see what happened and the train cuts off his head, too.

Moral of the story? Don't lose your head over a little piece of tail.

This is my grandpa's favorite joke. He has Alzheimers and can't remember much, but this joke is on constant replay and you can see the old twinkle in his eye when he tells it.

So I was having sex with a girl from work...

She wasn't really into it, and then to make matters worse my boss walked in on us.

Long story short, I lost my job at the morgue.

There was a writing competition for a story that had: religion, sex and mystery.

The winner was "Oh god I'm pregnant. I wonder who did it".

My son asked me to explain what coloring eggs had to do with the story of Easter...

"You see, son, we color Easter eggs to remind us that Jesus dyed for our sins."

While bathing my 6 year old son, he stuck a wet foam letter to my back.

I pulled the letter "P" away from my skin and my son said "Dad, I peed on your back!"

-true story, just happened.

A college class was asked to write a short story in as few words as possible.

A college class was asked to write a short story in as few words as possible.

The only catch was the story had to include three subjects:

1: Religion

2: Sexuality

3: Mystery

Below is the only A* essay.

"Good god, I'm pregnant. I wonder who did it."

Have you ever heard of the Greek hero Bophades?

He was one of the heroes who fought in the Trojan War. His story is similar to the story of Achilles. When he was a child, his mother held him by the groin and dipped him in the river Styx, as to make him invincible in battle. However, just like Achilles, he had a weak spot. Because his mother held him by the groin, this was where he became vulnerable. In the case of Achilles, this was his heel. So you may have heard of Achilles' heel, or the Achilles' tendon, but I bet you have never heard of Bophades nuts.

The people on the internet are so friendly....

One guy called me bro, and he even said my story was cool.

My friend claims he glued himself to his autobiography and I don't believe him

Anyway that's his story and he is sticking to it

My girlfriend invites me to her home, and she wasn't there, but her sister, who leaned in and said:

''We should have sex right here, when my sister isn't here.'', I got up, and ran to my car, when my girlfriend stood there with a smile. ''I knew I could trust you!'' she said when she hugged me and kissed me passionate.

Moral of the story: Always keep condoms in the car.

Are news readers secretly insulting you?

**Moron this story later.**

Tell a sad story in 4 words

Lifetime Cleveland Browns fan

I saw a story about parents selling their kids on Ebay...

This is completely nuts, who does that? That's a child. A living being that **you** made. That stuff goes on Etsy.

My girlfriend...

... invited me to her house, I found her sister alone in the house, she was unbelievably sexy, she whispered in my ear, "i have feelings for you, shall we have sex" , I immediately turned around and walked to the front door to go to my car, I found my girlfriend standing there, she hugged me and said: "you've won my trust"... Moral of the story: always keep your condoms in the car

My brother broke down crying and told me about how he was abused by a priest when we were kids.

It was a very touching story.

Rick Astley asked for my Disney films the other day.

I said, you can have Cars and Toy Story, but I'm never gonna give you Up.

I was at the gym the other night, I found a hole in my trainer big enough to put my finger in.

Long story short, she filed a complaint and I'm banned for life.

A little girl was sitting on her granddad's lap while he read her a story. She kept taking her eyes of the book and reaching up and touching his old, wrinkled face.

After a few times doing this, she finally asked, "Grandpa, were you made by God?"

"Yes, dear." he replied. "I was made by God a long time ago."

The little girl paused for a moment and then asked, "And did God make me?"

"Of course, dear." replied her grandfather. "God made you not long ago."

The girl felt her own face and then her granddad's again, thought for a moment and then said, "God's getting better at it, isn't he?"

Niels Bohr (true story)

a true story (supposedly)

A man goes to visit Niels Bohr, and sees a horseshoe hanging over Bohr's door (a scandinavian superstition).

The man says, "But Niels, you are a scientist! Surely you do not believe in this superstition?"

Niels replies, "Of course I don't believe in it!"

The man is confused. "Why do you have it if you don't believe in it?"

Bohr replies, "It is supposed to work, even if you don't believe in it!"

How little stefan got a brand new watch..

Little Stefan comes in to school one morning wearing a brand new watch. His best friend, little Jenny, wants to know where the watch is from, so Johnny tell his story," I was coming from the bathroom to my bedroom when I heard a strange noise from my parent's bedroom.

I walked in and saw them bouncing up and down. Dad said I could have anything I wanted as long as I didn't tell the family. I asked for a new watch and here it is."

Jenny decides she wants one too, so night after night she listens outside her parents' bedroom for any strange noises and, sure enough, eventually she hears some banging and groaning from the other side of the door.

She walks in and catches her parents in the act, so her dad offers her anything she wants to keep quiet about the whole affair. Jenny immediately says, "I want a watch."
The dad sighs and says, "Alright, but go and stand in the corner and don't make any noise . "

A Mongolian man tells his friend a story

When I came home late last night, I found my wife with another man. I was furious, and to hold myself back, I sat down and drank from a bottle that was left on the table. Then, I sang a song to cheer myself up. When I felt a little better, I looked around, and said to myself, 'Shit, this isn't my house,'.

A woman must walk 5 paces behind...

Barbara Walters did a story on gender roles in Kabul, Afghanistan, several years before the Afghan conflict.

She noted that women customarily walked five paces behind their husbands.

She recently returned to Kabul and observed that women still walked behind their husbands, despite the overthrow of the oppressive Taliban regime and women seemed happy to maintain the old custom.

Ms. Walters approached one of the Afghani women and asked, "Why do you still abide by an old custom, that you once tried so desperately to change?"

The woman looked Ms. Walters straight in the eyes, and without hesitation said, "Land mines."

Little Johnny saw two dogs having sex in the park...

... so he asks his mother what's going on.

The mom isn't ready to have "that talk" yet, so she makes up a story. "Well, Johnny," she says, "the doggie in the back hurt its front paws, so the one in the front is helping him get home."

Johnny thinks about that for a moment and then says, "Wow, so dogs are just like people, aren't they?"

The mom is puzzled by that. "What do you mean, Johnny?"

"Well," says Johnnie, "you try to help someone and you just end up getting screwed."

Jesus is down by the gates to Heaven

When an old man approaches.

"Well, what have you done to deserve entry to Heaven?" Asks St Peter.

"To be honest." replies the man, "I am merely a simple carpenter. It was my son who was truly great. Although he wasn't my biological son... his birth was miraculous, still I loved him very much. Later in life he went through many trials and transformations. He spread joy and his story is told all over the world even to this day."

Jesus looks at the man, with a tear in his eye, and says "Father?"

The man looks back; "... Pinocchio?"

Have you ever heard the story of how the angel got on top of the Christmas tree?

Once upon a time, three days before Christmas many years ago, Santa was sitting in his office. He was under a horrible amount of stress; the elves had just announced that they were forming a labour union, half the reindeer had hoof and mouth disease, and Mrs. Claus hadn't touched his candy cane in months. There he was, fuming with rage, when in walks The Angel, cheerful and bubbly as ever, and asks with a big smile,

"where should I put the Christmas tree, Santa?"

The story of the pirate.

A pirate walks into a bar, and the bartender notices that there is the steering wheel to a ship on the front of his pants. So the bartender, perplexed, says to him "you know that there's a steering wheel on your crotch, right?" and the pirate says "Arr! Its drivin' me nuts!"

A man goes to the Doctor

*Guy*: Doctor, My girlfriend is
pregnant but we always used double
protection. Then, how is it possible?

*Doctor*: Let me tell you a story to make you realize that it is possible.

"There was a Hunter who always carried a
Gun wherever he went.

One day, he took his Umbrella instead of his
Gun and went out.

A Lion suddenly jumped infront of him.
In order to scare the Lion, the hunter used the Umbrella like a
Gun and shot the Lion, the Lion collapsed & died!

*Guy*:This is totally Nonsense!!

"Someone else must
have shot the Lion"

*Doctor*: Good!! You understood the Story. Next patient please... .


Note: My friend just told me this joke so I'm not sure if it's been here before

Blonde Co-Pilot

This is the story of the poor dizzy blonde flying in a two-seater airplane with just the pilot.

He has a heart attack and dies. She, frantic, calls out for help.

"May Day! May Day! Help me! Help me! My pilot had a heart attack and is dead. And I don't know how to fly. Help me! Please help me!"

She hears a voice over the radio saying:

"This is Air Traffic Control and I have you loud and clear. I will talk you through this and get you back on the ground. I've had a lot of experience with this kind of problem. Now, just take a deep breath. Everything will be fine! First, give me your height and position."

She says, "I'm 5'4" and I'm in the front seat."

"O.K." says the voice on the radio.... "repeat after me: Our Father...Who art in Heaven....."

A 96 year old man...

After marrying a beautiful young woman, a 96 year old man informed his doctor that he and his new wife were expecting a baby.

"Let me tell you a story," the doctor said. "An absentminded fellow went hunting, but instead of a gun, he accidentally brought his umbrella on the trip. When he was in the woods, a bear charged him unexpectedly. The man whipped out his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and shot and killed it on the spot."

"That's impossible!" the elderly man exclaimed. "Someone else shot the bear."

"My point exactly," the doctor replied.

A man and woman live in a two story house.

A man and woman live in a two story house and sleep on the second floor. At 3 a.m. they're awakened by a knock at the front door. The man goes to the window, opens it and looks down but can't see anyone.

"Who's out there?" he asks.

A voice says, "Please help me. I need a push."

"I'm sorry," the man says. "I'm not leaving my house at this hour."

He gets back into bed. His wife says, "Honey, don't you remember when our daughters were stuck in that bad part of Oakland at 3 in the morning, and if that stranger didn't give them a jumpstart, they would been there for hours?"

"Yeah, you're right," the man says. He gets out of bed and returns to the window. "Are you still down there?" he asks.

"Yes."

"Do you still need that push?"

"Yes."

"Where are you?" the man asks.

"I'm over here on your swings."

Not a joke, just a story with a reminder to be careful when telling jokes...

I heard a joke a few weeks ago that went, "What do you do when an epileptic is having a fit in the bath? Throw your washing in."

I decided to repeat the joke in work today to a few of my customers (I work in a pub) and when I finished, one guy got really mad at me. He screamed that I shouldn't tell jokes like that because his brother died in the bath as a kid while having an epileptic fit.

I asked, "Did he drown?"

The guy was furious and said, "No, he choked on a sock!"

Did you hear they're remaking the show, 6 Million Dollar Man?

It used to be about an enhanced human. Now it's just a story about a guy who visits the ER without health insurance.

An 85 year old man goes to his doctor...

"Doc, I got a big problem."

"I understand you were recently remarried, is that right?"

"Yes. My new wife is 23 years old, and that's exactly the problem. She just told me she's pregnant! I haven't been a father in sixty years, and I don't know what to do."

"Hmm. Let me tell you a story that I think will help explain what's going on here: A near sighted man decides to go bear hunting. On his way out the door, he accidentally picks up his umbrella instead of his rifle. Once he gets to the woods, he is instantly attacked by a ferocious 1,200 pound bear. He picks up his umbrella and shoots it dead. Does that story make sense to you?"

"No! Somebody else must have shot that bear."

"My point exactly."

Have you guys heard the story about the butter?

You know what, never mind. I don't want to spread it around.

A grave digger...

A grave digger hears a story about how Mozart had an unfinished song folded up in his coat pocket when he was buried.


The grave digger goes to the cemetery where Mozart was buried, and starts digging at the composer's grave.


The grave digger hits the coffin.


The grave digger opens the coffin, and sees Mozart holding the unfinished piece, and erasing each note on at a time.


The grave digger yells, "What are you doing?!"


Mozart responds with, "Decomposing."

The Trap

A woman was sure that her husband was cheating on her by having an affair with the maid, so she laid down a trap.

One evening, she suddenly sent the maid home and didn't tell her husband.

That night when they went to bed, the husband gave the old story, "Please excuse me my dear, my stomach aches" and went to the bathroom.

The wife promptly went and got into the maid's bed. She switched the lights off. When he came in silently, he wasted no time or words and had his way with her.

When they were finished and both still panting, the wife said, "Well my dear, you didn't expect to find me in this bed, did you?" And turned on the light.

"Absolutely not!", said her son.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes