Storm Jokes

What are some Storm jokes?

If America is storming Area 51 then the Europeans can storm the Vatican

We'll take the aliens, you get the predators

A storm blew away 25% of my roof last night.

Oof

Since Vampires are supposedly hurt by holy water, I always wondered why priests don't just say a prayer over every storm cloud, kill the vampires from above. Then I realized why so many Vampires are from Europe...

Someone already blessed the rains down in Africa

Why did the Stormtrooper buy an iPhone?

Because he couldn't find the Droid he was looking for.

A stormtrooper just got sent to the firing squad.

He will be missed.

A depressed Storm Trooper goes to the bar for some jager shots.

He goes home sober.

Why are storm troopers so clingy?

Cause no matter where you're at they'll always miss you.

If vampires are hurt by holy water, why don't priests just bless a storm cloud to kill vampires everywhere? But then I remembered why so many vampires are from Europe...

Someone already blessed the rains down in Africa.

Air Force One gets caught in a storm in the midwest

And crashes. Because most of the roads are out, it takes emergency responders a long time to reach the wreck. When they get there, they see a farmer.

"Did you see the plane crash?" asked the EMTs.

"Ayup. Sure did. Buried them all too," answered the farmer.

"None of them survived?"

"Well, the president said he did, but you know what a liar he is."

Atheism is a non-prophet organization

As the storm raged,the captain realized his ship was sinking fast.

So he shouted out, "Anyone here know how to pray?"

Just one guy stepped forward and said, "Aye, captain,I know how to pray."

"Good,"said the captain, "You pray while the rest of us put on our life jackets - we're one short."

What did the stormtrooper say to Luke Skywalker when he saw him?

I've missed you so much!

An apple

A sudden desert storm had made a traveler lost his direction. The only thing he had was an apple. It was so precious, whenever he was thirsty or hungry, he would only look at the apple, then he would walk again full of hope.

Unfortunately, he still died in the desert. It was written on the police report: He would have walked out of the desert if he had had a Samsung or Nokia.

If Black Panther and Storm had kids, what would they be called?

Thunder Cats.

A stormtrooper and a redshirt get into a fight.

The stormtrooper missed every shot.

The redshirt died anyway.

2 Stormtrooper are eating a Wookie steak

it was chewy

We had a big storm on the weekend, we had a blackout and you couldn't go outside. After a while the batteries on my laptop and phone had run out so I read the newspaper and finished my latest book. After that there was nothing to do so I sat down and talked to my wife for an hour or so.

She seems quite nice.

There was a bad storm that broke the chicken coop causing a farmer to lose a few chickens.

After the storm he asked his farm hand how many chickens were left.

16 chickens, sir.

Alright, round them up, please.

20 chickens, sir.

A ship was sailing in the middle of the ocean....

A storm was developing in the distance. As the storm raged, the captain realised the ship was sinking fast.

He called out loud, "Anyone here knows how to pray?"

A man proudly raised his hand and came forward, "Aye Captain, I know how to pray."

The Captain replied, "Great, you keep praying while the rest of us put our life jackets on.......we are short of one!"

Why shouldn't you smoke weed during a thunder storm?

Because lightning strikes the highest object.

A plane passes through a fierce storm...

In a transatlantic flight, the turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse whenone wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it. Screaming, she stands up in front of the plane, "I'm too young to die!" she wails. Then she yells, "Well, if I am going to die, I want my last minutes on Earth to be memorable! I've had plenty of sex in my life, but no one has ever made me feel like a woman! I've had it! Is there ANYONE on the plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?!"

For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril, and they all stare riveted at the desperate woman in front of the plane. Then, a man stands up in the rear of the plane. "I can make you feel like a woman," he says. He's gorgeous β€” tall, built with long, flowing balck hair and jet black eyes. He starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time.

No one moves.

The woman is breathing heavily in anticipation as the stranger approaches. He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches her, and he extends the arm holding his shirt to the trembling woman and whispers: "Iron this."

Why do stormtroopers make good drivers?

They won't ever hit anything.

A pirate walks into a bar one day...

...And he sees his old captain sitting down having a drink. So he goes up to say hello and catch up, but he notices that his old captain looks a little different. So he goes over to talk to him. "Captain," he says, "I haven't seen you in years. It's good to see you, but man, you look a little different. I notice that you have a wooden leg! What happened?"
"Gyarr," says the captain, "You be correct. Ya see during a fearsome storm, a huge wave hit me boat, and my leg got trapped under a chain, and ripped it off, so I had to get this here peg leg."
"Wow" says the pirate. "That's terrible. But what happened to your hand? You have a hook now!"
"Gyarr," says the captian, "You be correct. Ya see I was captured by the enemy one day, and they were forcin me to walk the plank, but I turned back and tried to escape, and they cut me hand off, and I had to get this here hook."
Wincing, the pirate says "Christ! Now what happened to your eye? You have a glass eye now."
"Gyarr," says the captain, "You be correct. Well, as I was sailing the sea one day, I happened to look up, and a seagull pooped right in my eye."
Confused, the pirate responds "Well, captain, that sounds bad, but that wouldn't make you lose your eye."
"True," pines the captain, "But it was the first day with me hook."

Why did the stormtroppers buy iPhone?

Cuz they couldn't find the droids they were looking for

A great storm is brewing....

I was at my neice's pool party last Saturday. She got an inflatable dolphin for her birthday. We were all having a great time, when the wind started blowing a bit harder and some clouds rolled in. Over the next 10 minutes it just started getting windier and windier and the skies turned dark. In the distance we saw a flash of lightning and decided to get the kids inside.
As we were running towards the house, my niece dropped the dolphin toy and the wind got ahold of it and blew it across the yard. Fearing it would blow away and be lost forever, i frantically chased after it, but to no avail, it jumped the fence but came to rest in the neighbors rosebush. Some of the thorns had punctured the thin plastic and, upon examination, i saw air escaping through 3 small holes in the side.
"Well, I guess that deflates the porpoise."

Why do stormtroopers always make the best boyfriends?

Because they always miss you.

A British guy, a French guy, a Texan, and a Mexican are all on a boat together.

They sail on for a while, when suddenly a storm breaks loose. The boat begins to fill with water. Realizing that sinking in inevitable, the Brit screams "God save the Queen!", and then jumps off.

They remaining three are fine for a while, but water is still pouring into the boat. Realizing that sinking is once again inevitable, the French dude screams "Viva la France!" and jumps into the water.

Once again, the boat survives, until even more water starts to pour in. Worried, the Texan screams "Remember the Alamo!", and throws the Mexican off the boat.

An Englishman, An American and A Korean are on a ship...

The ship is in stormy waters, when suddenly a genie appears from the waves and tells them "I'm sorry, but you men will die in this storm. I have no power to prevent your death, but as some recompense I can grant you all one wish before you perish"

The three great friends begin to think before answering the genie.

The American answers first "I want the chance to sing the great national anthem of America one last time in full, and please genie allow the storm to quieten so that my friends may hear this wonderful tune and enjoy it"

The genie replies that he can grant this wish

The Korean next asks "It would make my last moments on this earth perfect if I could one last time eat the traditional food of my country, some sour and spicy cabbage soup, along with salted blood sausage and ice noodles - but I want enough so that I can share the last meal with my friends.

"It will be done" answers the genie

Finally the British man speaks up.

"Please kill me before the song and the food:"

A blonde in a snowstorm

A blonde driving a car became lost in a snowstorm. She didn't panic however, because she remembered what her dad had once told her. "If you ever get stuck in a snowstorm, just wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it."

Sure enough, pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for about forty-five minutes.

Finally the driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was doing. And she explained that her dad had told her if she ever got stuck in a snow storm, to follow a plow.

The driver nodded and said, "Well, I'm done with the Wal-Mart parking lot, do you want to follow me over to Best Buy now?"

I think Chris Brown should be a storm trooper in the next Star Wars.

Maybe he can actually hit somebody.

The Brave Alaskan Pilot

One day there was a terrible blizzard in Alaska and a lone pilot radioed grown control to turn on their runway lights. Ground control radioed back saying that the pilot could not land there because the storm was too bad. The pilot radioed again and demanded they turned on the runway lights, but again ground control said that the storm was too bad and told the pilot to turn around and land somewhere else. The pilot radioed back and said, "I've already landed, I need the lights to guide me to the lodge!"

A prayer

As the storm raged, the captain realized his ship was sinking fast.
He called out: "Anyone here know how to pray?"
One man stepped forward: "Aye, Captain, I know how to pray."
Good", said the captain, "you pray while the rest of us put on our life jackets - we're one short"

A 90 year old man wins the Powerball for 400 million dollars..

He arrives at the press conference, accepts his giant check and teary eyed with joy proceeds to take questions from the media storm. First reporter asks "What is your full name?" He replies his name is Ira Mandelbaum. Second reporter asks "What are you going to do now?" Ira replies "First, I am going to buy all of my children their own homes. Next, I am going to buy myself a nice car. Then I am going to set-up college funds for my grandchildren. After all the I am going to build a huge statue of Hitler in my front yard." The reporters all get quiet until someone finally says "Sir, you just said you wanted to build a tribute to Hitler, why on earth after all he had done to our people would you do this?" Ira pauses, looks him in the eye, rolls up his sleeve and says "Simple, he gave me the numbers."

Since the storm started, my wife keeps looking through the windows.

If it gets worse, I'll have to let her in.

First day at Navy school.

A young naval student was being put through the paces by an old sea captain.

"What would you do if a sudden storm sprang up on the starboard?"

"Throw out an anchor, sir," the student replied.

"What would you do if another storm sprang up after?"

"Throw out another anchor, sir."

"And if another terrific storm sprang up forward, what would you do then?" asked the captain.

"Throw out another anchor, sir."

"Hold on," said the captain. "Where are you getting all those anchors from?"

"From the same place you're getting your storms, sir."

Once saw a bunch of Nazis saluting in icy precipitation.

It was quite the heil storm.

An Old Man and His Lake

An old man went down to his lake to clear brush from a recent storm. When he arrived he found 8 beautiful women skinny dipping in the water. Seeing him the women yelled "you get out of here old man. We're staying under the water until you're long gone so you don't see a thing." Quickly the old man replied "I apologize ladies. I'm not here to spy on you. I just came to feed the alligators."

Two Flies in a bar

One fly is sitting at the bar and his friend walks in shivering, covered in frost.

"What's happened to you?" he asks.

"I rode down in here in a big guy's mustache. He got on his motorcycle and just muscled through the storm." The second fly responded.

"Oh, well next time, what you should do is find a beautiful woman with a big bush, snuggle in there and you'll be fine the whole trip."


The next day the first fly is waiting at the bar and the second fly comes in shivering and covered in frost again.

"What happened, didn't you take my advice?" he asks.

"I did, I did," the second fly responds. "I went to sleep nestled down in the bush, and when I woke up I was back in the Biker's Mustache again"

A stormtrooper sits down to have dinner with his family...

His son asks him "dad what is this we are eating?"
The stromtrooper replies "Baby wookie steaks. How is it?"
His sons says "It's a little chewy."

A pirate captain was telling his first mate how he got his injuries

First he points to his peg leg. "You see," he says, "I got thrown overboard in a terrible storm an' a great white shark bit off me leg before I could climb back up."
"That's amazing," the first mate replies, "and what happened to your hand?"
"We was boarding a ship to take its plunder an' I dueled the ship's captain. I bested him but not before he took me hand clean off. So I got a hook to replace it."
The first mate was only more impressed, "So what's the story behind the eyepatch?"
"A seagull pooped in me eye."
"That's all? You lost your eye because a seagull pooped in it?"
"Well, it was me first day with the hook."

I once went to an open air Queen concert.

It was good, but there was a terrible electrical storm during the set

Thunderbolts and lightning, very very frightening...

Why do stormtroopers never have long distance relationships?

Because they'd miss each other.

a man was late for a business meeting

so he was already in a rush when he had a flat tire. he pulled over and began changing to his spare. Just as he as about to mount the spare, he accidentally knocked all his lugnuts into a storm drain. so he begins cursing his luck.

It just so happens he pulled over next to an insane asylum where there were patients out on the grounds behind a chain link fence. one of the patients saw the commotion and came to the fence and asked him what was wrong. He explained that he had lost his lugnuts and couldn't mount the spare.

"just take one lugnut off of each of the other three tires. that will at least get you where you need to go, then you can get replacement nuts later." the patient suggested.

"that's actually really brilliant. thank you" the man said.

"yeah, well I'm in here because I'm crazy, not stupid"

A White guy, a Black guy and a Mexican are out in a boat fishing

when a big storm blows up and threatens to sink them.

The men begin praying, and the storm disappears.  They look up and see Jesus walking towards them across the water.  Jesus says to the men, "Because of your faith, I will heal each of you."

Jesus turns to the White man and says, "Your arthritis is cured."  The White man rubs his hands and exclaims, "It's true, my hands don't hurt any more!"

Jesus turns to the Mexican and says, "Your vision is restored."  The Mexican blinks and says, "My cataracts, they're gone!"

Jesus turns to the Black man, who throws up his hands and says "DON'T TOUCH ME, I'M ON TOTAL DISABILITY!"

Why do Storm Troopers like churchs?

Cuz of all the pews.

I hate myself

A long way to go for a bad pun

In Russia in the early 1800's, there was a weather man named Rudolph. He was very good at his job, but he was particularly famous for predicting rain. One morning, it was bright and sunny outside, without a cloud in the sky. However, Rudolph predicted that there would be a huge rain storm, bigger than anyone had ever seen. People laughed and thought it was ridiculous, but sure enough, that night it rained more than anyone in Russia had ever seen. In only 3 hours, it rained over 10 inches! That morning, Rudolph's wife was astounded. "I can't believe you were right about this, honey!" she said, surprised. Rudolph just laughed and said, "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."

Safety in Snowplows

A blond gets into her car while an incredibly powerful winter storm surrounds her. She starts the car and puts it in drive when suddenly her anxiety sets in. The horrible weather begins to worry her; she fears that she won't ever get home in it.

It's at this time (and through a stroke of luck) she notices a snowplow in the distance up ahead. After a huge sigh of relief she keeps pace with the plow feeling it's safety as it clears the snow in front of her.

Multiple hours pass by when eventually the plow truck pulls over. The driver gets out and approaches her car window. When she rolls it down, he asks: "Why have you been following me for so long? Are you okay?" She replies: "My dad had always told me to follow a snowplow in a blizzard when the roads feel unsafe."
The snowplow driver shrugs his shoulders and replies: "Okay... well I'm finished with this parking lot, I'm heading over to doΒ the one across the street next."

Why should you use a 1 iron during a thunder storm

Even god couldn't hit a one iron

A man from West Virginia and a woman from Kentucky got married...

The day after their wedding, the man's father sees him storm into the house, gun in hand. "What's got you upset, son?" The father asked. To which the man replied, "I shot my wife. I found out she was a virgin, so if she isn't good enough for her family, she isn't good enough for ours!"

the differences between the branches of the US military

If you tell the Army "Secure that building!"
They will surround it with armor and heavy infantry and not let anyone out of it until told to

If you tell the Marines "Secure that building!"
They will storm the building, eliminate any resistance, and allow no one to enter it until told to.

If you tell the Navy "Secure that building!"
They will turn out the lights, close and lock all doors and windows and post a fire watch

If you tell the Air Force "Secure that building!"
They will take out a 30 year lease with an option to buy.

Hurricane Irma was coming, and my mother was thirsty.

My mother has a glass of port wine with almost
every dinner, and insists that any guests over 21 do the same. A handful of my friends have also come to wait out the storm with us, as they had to evacuate. While at the grocery store stocking up on food, my mother insists on getting more wine for our guests. However, the grocery store was out of her favourite brand. It's okay. She said. Any Port in a storm.

A renowned scientist is frustrated with the popularity of misinformation. In an interview, he tells the press my research is meaningless if taken out of context!

The next day, the public is taken by storm as headlines spread that Renowned Scientist Claims That His Research is Meaningless!

What does Stormy Daniels have in common with American farmers?

They both got screwed and paid off by Trump.

Stormtrooper helmets

I would wear a stormtrooper helmet everytime I went for a ride on a motorcycle to avoid HITTING anything.

Why did Kim storm out of the bedroom on Kanye?

Because he called out his own name in bed.

One day, Adolf Hitler looked outside and saw heavy storm clouds.

Worried, he contacted a meteorologist and asked him what the weather was going to be like.

The meteorologist replied, "Hail, Hitler!"

Storm troopers makes great drivers!

They never hit anything!

Captain, we need to get the safest part of the storm

Eye

What do you call a rain of strategy games?

A Tropico storm

The world was calmly doing their business when a new toy was released.

It was a battery-powered robot named Mister Edward that took the world by storm. Mister Edward toys were even connected to the internet. Eventually a virus started to spread which caused all the Mister Edward toys to attempt to destroy all of humanity. They eventually started succeeding, and the population slowly dropped and dropped.


Three years later, a small group of survivors sat in their camp in the dead of night. Two guys were on lookout when they heard something scuttering in the bushes. The first one whispered, "What is it?" The second said, "I'm not sure." The first one replied, "I guess it's a Mr. E."

Hurricane Joaquin

This Category 3 Storm is likely to hit the Eastern US this week.

Good news for Arizona residents: you will not be affected by Joaquin, Phoenix.

If I was a storm, do you know what kind of storm I would be?

A Tropical Depression

All the power lines went down in a storm last Friday ...

Everyone was *delighted*.

Have you heard about the new emo-punk band taking Mexico by storm?

They're called *Hispanic! At the Disco*.

Why is stormtrooper always late from work?

He keeps missing his train

Why was the Stormtrooper so sad when his Jedi friend left?

He always misses him.

Why did the storm trooper return his iPhone?

Because it wasn't the droid he was looking for!

Alright, dammit. Native American jokes it is.

"Father, tell me again about how we get our names."

"Well, in our tribe we name our children after the cause of their birth. You sister is named 'Beautiful Doe' because your mother saw a deer so lovely that she came to me passionately. Your brother is named 'Deep Snow' because the storm was so bad your mother and I needed to share our bodies to stay warm."

"Okay father, I understand."

"I'm glad you understand, but why do you ask me this question so often, Broken Condom?"

I think my new idea for DIY orthodontics is going to take the world by storm.

brace yourself

Why can't a Stormtrooper have a baby?

Because they always miss.

What do you call a zombie Storm Trooper?

An Imperial Walker

feeling like a woman

A plane is passing through a storm when a wing is struck by lightning. One woman freaks out and screams, "I'm too young to die! I want my last minutes of life to be satisfying. I've had plenty of sex, but I've never been fulfilled. Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a woman?"

A gorgeous man stands up. "I can make you feel like a woman." He starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time. Muscles ripple across his chest as he extends his shirt to the trembling woman and whispers, "Iron this."

so sorry girls

Two friends are traveling through a deafening storm

"SURE IS WINDY TODAY!"

"IT'S THURSDAY!"

"ME TOO! I THINK THERE'S A BAR JUST UP THE ROAD!"

Why do you never see any Stormtroopers as photographers?

They always miss the shot

What did the Italian say after the hail storm?

"My car! issa Al Dente."

My kettle sounds like thunder and rain.

I think a storm is brewing.

How to make Storm jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Storm to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Storm? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Storm pick up lines to share with friends.

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