Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Storm? Well here is a complete list of the top storm jokes:
We'll take the aliens, you get the predators
👍🏼The straight tree was always making fun of the gay tree. One evening a storm comes along and lightning hits the straight tree and it shatters into hundreds of pieces. The gay tree bust out laughing and says "look who's a faggot now"
👍🏼Oof
👍🏼He couldn't find the droid he was looking for.
👍🏼As the storm raged,the captain realized his ship was sinking fast.
So he shouted out, "Anyone here know how to pray?"
Just one guy stepped forward and said, "Aye, captain,I know how to pray."
"Good,"said the captain, "You pray while the rest of us put on our life jackets - we're one short."
A sudden desert storm had made a traveler lost his direction. The only thing he had was an apple. It was so precious, whenever he was thirsty or hungry, he would only look at the apple, then he would walk again full of hope.
Unfortunately, he still died in the desert. It was written on the police report: He would have walked out of the desert if he had had a Samsung or Nokia.
She seems quite nice.
👍🏼Because lightning strikes the highest object.
👍🏼He couldn't find the Droid he was looking for.
👍🏼They won't ever hit anything.
👍🏼You just look for fresh prints.
👍🏼He couldn't find the Droid he was looking for
👍🏼The day after their wedding, the man's father sees him storm into the house, gun in hand. "What's got you upset, son?" The father asked. To which the man replied, "I shot my wife. I found out she was a virgin, so if she isn't good enough for her family, she isn't good enough for ours!"
👍🏼I don't like the naming system for winter storms that was recently devised. I'm going with my own system of naming the storms after characters in Greek tragedies. So today I rename Winter Storm Athena to Winter Storm Antigone.
Can't wait for Winter Storm Oedipus. It will be a real mother fucker!
Because he couldn't find the Droid he was looking for.
👍🏼Thunderwear
👍🏼So a stormtrooper tells his son its time for dinner.
the boy asks his dad "what are we having?"
"Wookie meatloaf." He replied.
After a few minutes of eating, the stormtrooper asks his son "How is it?"
"It's chewy."
I'm burning, I'm burning, I'm burning Beru.
It needed to use a hurri-cane.
👍🏼Benjamin Franklinstein
👍🏼The naval officer notices that the pirate has a wooden leg, hook hand, and eyepatch. They begin chatting over drinks, and the officer asks, "So, how did you get the wooden leg?"
The pirate replies, "We were caught in a big storm at sea and I got swept overboard into shark-infested waters. And one of the sharks bit my leg off."
"Man, that sucks," the officer remarked, "but why do you have a hook for a hand?"
"It was sliced off by an enemy swordsman when my ship tried to take their ship."
"How terrible!" the man exclaimed. "And the eyepatch?"
The pirate sighed. "Seagull poop fell into me eye."
The man said disbelievingly, "You lost your eye to seagull shit?"
The pirate replied, "Well, it was me first day with the hook!"
(Shamelessly stolen from one of my facebook friends, but I thought it was too good to pass up.)
👍🏼A Jewish family reunion.
👍🏼...and he notice's it's 3am. By this point he's steaming drunk, he's lost track of time for the 5th time this week, and decides to head home to the inevitable shit storm from his wife. He gets up to leave and BOOM! Falls flat on his face. He crawls over to the door and pulls himself up by the door handle. One step...BOOM! Hits the floor again.
He pulls himself outside and uses a lamp post to get up on his feet. One step towards home...BOOM! Takes a bite out of the concrete.
The guy crawls all the way home. He gets his key in the door as quietly as he can, but is met by his wife who is furious.
"You've been out drinking all night again, haven't you?!"
"No! I haven't drank anything all night!"
"The bar called. You left your wheelchair there again."
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
After mass he asked the Bishop how he had done.
The Bishop replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."
So next Sunday the priest took the Bishop's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He then proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on his door:
1. Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J. C.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior, and the Spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.
9. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say, "Eat me."
12. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry."
13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: "Rub-a-dub-dub, thanks for the grub, yeah God."
14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy-pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
The ship is in stormy waters, when suddenly a genie appears from the waves and tells them "I'm sorry, but you men will die in this storm. I have no power to prevent your death, but as some recompense I can grant you all one wish before you perish"
The three great friends begin to think before answering the genie.
The American answers first "I want the chance to sing the great national anthem of America one last time in full, and please genie allow the storm to quieten so that my friends may hear this wonderful tune and enjoy it"
The genie replies that he can grant this wish
The Korean next asks "It would make my last moments on this earth perfect if I could one last time eat the traditional food of my country, some sour and spicy cabbage soup, along with salted blood sausage and ice noodles - but I want enough so that I can share the last meal with my friends.
"It will be done" answers the genie
Finally the British man speaks up.
"Please kill me before the song and the food:"
...And he sees his old captain sitting down having a drink. So he goes up to say hello and catch up, but he notices that his old captain looks a little different. So he goes over to talk to him. "Captain," he says, "I haven't seen you in years. It's good to see you, but man, you look a little different. I notice that you have a wooden leg! What happened?"
"Gyarr," says the captain, "You be correct. Ya see during a fearsome storm, a huge wave hit me boat, and my leg got trapped under a chain, and ripped it off, so I had to get this here peg leg."
"Wow" says the pirate. "That's terrible. But what happened to your hand? You have a hook now!"
"Gyarr," says the captian, "You be correct. Ya see I was captured by the enemy one day, and they were forcin me to walk the plank, but I turned back and tried to escape, and they cut me hand off, and I had to get this here hook."
Wincing, the pirate says "Christ! Now what happened to your eye? You have a glass eye now."
"Gyarr," says the captain, "You be correct. Well, as I was sailing the sea one day, I happened to look up, and a seagull pooped right in my eye."
Confused, the pirate responds "Well, captain, that sounds bad, but that wouldn't make you lose your eye."
"True," pines the captain, "But it was the first day with me hook."
God decides he'd like to take a vacation. So he goes to St. Peter at the pearly gates and asks,
"Pete, I need a vacation, being God is fucking stressful. Where should I go?"
St. Peter says, "well Pluto has good skiing."
God shakes his head fervently and replies, "no way, I broke my leg there once."
Next, St. Peter suggests Jupiter - "there's an eons-long storm that could be fun."
God says, "no way, I almost got struck by lightning there last time"
So then, St. Peter suggests Earth - "you can do just about anything there."
God fires back, "Fuck that, Pete. I went there 2000 years ago, knocked up some Jewish chick and they're still fucking talking about it!"
...have lived together in a modest home for years now. Every morning the man wakes up before sunrise to go fishing without fail. One morning he sees a storm has rolled in and the sea is violent, he decides for the first time in in years not to fish.
He makes his way back to home through the rain and lightning. He slowly slides back into bed with his wife. When he finally gets all tucked in, his wife whispers "I glad you're back" to which the fisherman replies "Me too". The peaceful silence that followed was interrupted by a loud crack of thunder. The wife whispers "Can you believe my husband is fishing in this shit?"
A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and talk turns to their adventures on the sea. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, a hook, and an eye patch.
The seaman asks, "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?" The pirate replies, "We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off."
"Wow!" said the seaman. "What about your hook"? "Well", replied the pirate, "We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of the enemy cut my hand off."
"Incredible!" remarked the seaman. "How did you get the eye patch"? "A seagull dropping fell into my eye," replied the pirate.
"You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?," the sailor asked incredulously. "Well," said the pirate, "it was my first day with my hook"
A seaman meets a pirate in a bar. The pirate has a peg-leg, a hook and an eye patch.
"How'd you end up with a peg-leg?" asks the sailor. "I was swept overboard in a storm," says the pirate. " A shark bit off me whole leg."
"Wow!" said the seaman. "What about the hook?"
"We were boarding an enemy ship, battling the other sailors with swords.
One of them cut me hand clean off."
"Incredible!" remarked the seaman. "And the eye patch?"
"A seagull dropping fell in me eye," replied the pirate.
"You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?" the sailor asked incredulously.
"Yes", Said the pirate. "It was the first day with the hook."
She knocks and asks, 'honey ,what is it?'
Her husband emerges from the bathroom and says, 'The doctor prescribed suppositories for this stomach problem I've been having and no matter what I do, I just can't get the sucker up my ass. Even the doctor had to shove the first one in to show me how it was done, and I tell you it took him forever to get it up there, and it hurt!'
'Poor baby,' says the wife. 'You were probably nervous and tense and he probably wasn't very gentle with you. Here, let me give you the suppository, I don't mind.'
Still grumbling, the husband bends over. His wife puts her left hand on his shoulder to brace him and with the right hand, quickly and easily slips the suppository up her husbands rear end. The husband lets out a bloodcurdling scream.
'My god' says the wife. 'What happened? Did I hurt you?'
'No!' Cries the man,'but I just remembered that when the doctor did it, he had BOTH his hand on my shoulders.
I was at my neice's pool party last Saturday. She got an inflatable dolphin for her birthday. We were all having a great time, when the wind started blowing a bit harder and some clouds rolled in. Over the next 10 minutes it just started getting windier and windier and the skies turned dark. In the distance we saw a flash of lightning and decided to get the kids inside.
As we were running towards the house, my niece dropped the dolphin toy and the wind got ahold of it and blew it across the yard. Fearing it would blow away and be lost forever, i frantically chased after it, but to no avail, it jumped the fence but came to rest in the neighbors rosebush. Some of the thorns had punctured the thin plastic and, upon examination, i saw air escaping through 3 small holes in the side.
"Well, I guess that deflates the porpoise."
One turns to the other one and says, "You see that barn over there? That's a nice, sturdy barn. It could weather any storm Mother Nature throws at it. I built that barn with my own two hands, you know. Do they call me John the Barn Builder? No. No they don't." Next, John points to the fence next to the barn and says, "And look at that fence over there. It stretches for miles in either direction. Nothing is getting in or over that fence. I made that fence with my own two hands as well. Do they call me John the Fence Maker? No. No they don't." Finally, John turns towards a nearby lake and says, "And look at that lake. I must have caught every kind of fish imaginable in that lake. Probably spent more time on that lake than I have on dry land. Do they call me John the Fisherman? No. No they don't." John pauses. "But you fuck ONE goat..."
👍🏼Lorraine
👍🏼
Went out on the town last night and got really wasted.
Woke up in the middle of the night next to some chick who was snoring, and farting up a storm.
That's when I knew I'd made it home Okay!
There was a giant storm all night long. It rained constantly until morning. John woke up and went to his neighbor Bob's house. Bob was eating his breakfast at the table.
John said, "Goodness, last night was crazy!"
Bob said, "Crazy? How so?"
John replied, "The storm last night! It was so loud and windy!"
Bob jumped up and said, "There was a storm?? Gosh, why didn't you wake me up? You know I can't sleep when it's storming!"
and there's a massive storm outside. Gale force winds.
One man turns to the other and says:
"You know Mac, the wind is so strong right now, I bet you could jump out the window, and the wind would carry you gently down onto that window cleaning platform on the other side of the building, 20 stories down."
"Bullshit!" Mac exclaims, "There's no way that would ever happen."
"Alright then," the first man says, "I'll prove it."
At this, he opens the designated window and steps out. Sure enough, he gently glides down 20 stories, round the building, and onto the platform below. He climbs in through the window and comes back up in the elevator.
"See? I told you that would work," he says.
"That's astounding!" Mac replies, "Let me try!"
He walks up to the window, and jumps out, falling quickly to his death.
The bartender turns to the first man and says:
"You're such a jerk when you're drunk, Superman"
...leaving plenty of damage in its wake. A blonde takes her hailstone-dented car to a body shop to have the dents removed.
The body shop owner is already swamped with work due to the storm, and decides to have some fun with her. He tells the blonde: "You know, you don't have to pay me to have these removed. All you have to do is go home and blow into the tailpipe - all of your dents will pop out."
The blonde drives home, parks in her driveway, and blows into the tailpipe. Over and over she tries and tries, huffing and puffing but to no avail. The girl's roommate, another blonde, arrives home to see the first blonde laying in the driveway completely winded and asks what's going on. The first blonde explains what the mechanic told her, before ending with "I've been at this for an hour, but it's not working."
Roommate looks at the car for a moment before turning to the first blonde and says, "no duh it's not working! Your windows are open!!"
EDIT - grammar
Not win, but greatly improve your chances, actually.
Since winning the lottery is about as likely as getting hit by lightning, standing in an electrical storm should help improve your chances!
Edward Snowed-in
👍🏼A guy goes to his school dance. He could hear from the music and the roar of all the people, it sounded like it was going to be a lot of fun so he got in line to buy a ticket. Once inside he ran into Sally, whom he'd had a massive crush on since grade 3, seven long years ago. They danced up a storm all night, and he felt like tonight was going to "end well". 10 or 15 songs later they had worked up quite a thirst. They meandered over to the drink table and asked the guy in front of them if this was the line to get a drink, and he replied "That's right, this is the punchline".
👍🏼In a transatlantic flight, the turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse whenone wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it. Screaming, she stands up in front of the plane, "I'm too young to die!" she wails. Then she yells, "Well, if I am going to die, I want my last minutes on Earth to be memorable! I've had plenty of sex in my life, but no one has ever made me feel like a woman! I've had it! Is there ANYONE on the plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?!"
For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril, and they all stare riveted at the desperate woman in front of the plane. Then, a man stands up in the rear of the plane. "I can make you feel like a woman," he says. He's gorgeous — tall, built with long, flowing balck hair and jet black eyes. He starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time.
No one moves.
The woman is breathing heavily in anticipation as the stranger approaches. He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches her, and he extends the arm holding his shirt to the trembling woman and whispers: "Iron this."
One day there was a terrible blizzard in Alaska and a lone pilot radioed grown control to turn on their runway lights. Ground control radioed back saying that the pilot could not land there because the storm was too bad. The pilot radioed again and demanded they turned on the runway lights, but again ground control said that the storm was too bad and told the pilot to turn around and land somewhere else. The pilot radioed back and said, "I've already landed, I need the lights to guide me to the lodge!"
👍🏼You've red some of the best storm jokes of all time. We hope you had fun with this collection of 44 puns about storm. Most of the stories are suitable for kids with good sense of humor, children or teens boys and girls, of course dads. You must supervise your chidlren not to read pranks for adults. Note that some jokes are disgusting, filled with black humor so don't tell dirty storm gags to your kids. So please respect and be a good joking daddy !
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