Storm Jokes

Atheism is a non-prophet organization

As the storm raged,the captain realized his ship was sinking fast.
So he shouted out, "Anyone here know how to pray?"
Just o**... stepped forward and said, "Aye, captain,I know how to pray."
"Good,"said the captain, "You pray while the rest of us put on our life jackets - we're one short."

Why shouldn't you smoke w**... during a thunder storm?

Because lightning strikes the highest object.

A man from West Virginia and a woman from Kentucky got married...

The day after their wedding, the man's father sees him storm into the house, gun in hand. "What's got you upset, son?" The father asked. To which the man replied, "I shot my wife. I found out she was a v**..., so if she isn't good enough for her family, she isn't good enough for ours!"

An apple

A sudden desert storm had made a traveler lost his direction. The only thing he had was an apple. It was so precious, whenever he was thirsty or hungry, he would only look at the apple, then he would walk again full of hope.
Unfortunately, he still died in the desert. It was written on the police report: He would have walked out of the desert if he had had a Samsung or Nokia.

stormtrooper family dinner

So a stormtrooper tells his son its time for dinner.
the boy asks his dad "what are we having?"
"Wookie meatloaf." He replied.
After a few minutes of eating, the stormtrooper asks his son "How is it?"
"It's chewy."

We had a big storm on the weekend, we had a b**... and you couldn't go outside. After a while the batteries on my laptop and phone had run out so I read the newspaper and finished my latest book. After that there was nothing to do so I sat down and talked to my wife for an hour or so.

She seems quite nice.

Why do stormtroopers make good drivers?

They won't ever hit anything.

A stormtrooper sits down to have dinner with his family...

His son asks him "dad what is this we are eating?"
The stromtrooper replies "Baby wookie steaks. How is it?"
His sons says "It's a little chewy."

Have you heard about the new emo-punk band taking Mexico by storm?

They're called *Hispanic! At the Disco*.

I'm ginger, my birthday is on April fools day, I was born during a thunder storm, and I have a lazy eye... If anything, my life is a joke..

I think my new idea for DIY orthodontics is going to take the world by storm.

brace yourself

Once saw a bunch of n**... saluting in icy precipitation.

It was quite the heil storm.

Why do you never see any Stormtroopers as photographers?

They always miss the shot

Hurricane Joaquin

This Category 3 Storm is likely to hit the Eastern US this week.
Good news for Arizona residents: you will not be affected by Joaquin, Phoenix.

Why can't a Stormtrooper have a baby?

Because they always miss.

2 Stormtrooper are eating a Wookie steak

it was chewy

Why did the Stormtrooper buy an iPhone?

Because he couldn't find the Droid he was looking for.

Why do stormtroopers never have long distance relationships?

Because they'd miss each other.

Why is stormtrooper always late from work?

He keeps missing his train

A prayer

As the storm raged, the captain realized his ship was sinking fast.
He called out: "Anyone here know how to pray?"
One man stepped forward: "Aye, Captain, I know how to pray."
Good", said the captain, "you pray while the rest of us put on our life jackets - we're one short"

A ship was sailing in the middle of the ocean....

A storm was developing in the distance. As the storm raged, the captain realised the ship was sinking fast.
He called out loud, "Anyone here knows how to pray?"
A man proudly raised his hand and came forward, "Aye Captain, I know how to pray."
The Captain replied, "Great, you keep praying while the rest of us put our life jackets on.......we are short of one!"

All the power lines went down in a storm last Friday ...

Everyone was *delighted*.

A stormtrooper just got sent to the firing squad.

He will be missed.

What do you call a rain of strategy games?

A Tropico storm

An Old Man and His Lake

An old man went down to his lake to clear brush from a recent storm. When he arrived he found 8 beautiful women skinny dipping in the water. Seeing him the women yelled "you get out of here old man. We're staying under the water until you're long gone so you don't see a thing." Quickly the old man replied "I apologize ladies. I'm not here to spy on you. I just came to feed the alligators."

Stormtrooper helmets

I would wear a stormtrooper helmet everytime I went for a ride on a motorcycle to avoid HITTING anything.

A stormtrooper and a redshirt get into a fight.

The stormtrooper missed every shot.
The redshirt died anyway.

My kettle sounds like thunder and rain.

I think a storm is brewing.

Hurricane Irma was coming, and my mother was thirsty.

My mother has a glass of port wine with almost
every dinner, and insists that any guests over 21 do the same. A handful of my friends have also come to wait out the storm with us, as they had to evacuate. While at the grocery store stocking up on food, my mother insists on getting more wine for our guests. However, the grocery store was out of her favourite brand. It's okay. She said. Any Port in a storm.

Fortnite is a very popular new game

It's taking the world by storm.

Why did the stormtroppers buy iPhone?

Cuz they couldn't find the droids they were looking for

Why do stormtroopers always make the best boyfriends?

Because they always miss you.

There was a bad storm that broke the chicken coop causing a farmer to lose a few chickens.

After the storm he asked his farm hand how many chickens were left.
16 chickens, sir.
Alright, round them up, please.
20 chickens, sir.

Two friends are traveling through a deafening storm

"SURE IS WINDY TODAY!"
"IT'S THURSDAY!"
"ME TOO! I THINK THERE'S A BAR JUST UP THE ROAD!"

What did the stormtrooper say to Luke Skywalker when he saw him?

I've missed you so much!

Since Vampires are supposedly hurt by holy water, I always wondered why priests don't just say a prayer over every storm cloud, kill the vampires from above. Then I realized why so many Vampires are from Europe...

Someone already blessed the rains down in Africa

What does Stormy Daniels have in common with American farmers?

They both got s**... and paid off by Trump.

If vampires are hurt by holy water, why don't priests just bless a storm cloud to kill vampires everywhere? But then I remembered why so many vampires are from Europe...

Someone already blessed the rains down in Africa.

Since the storm started, my wife keeps looking through the windows.

If it gets worse, I'll have to let her in.

Air Force One gets caught in a storm in the midwest

And crashes. Because most of the roads are out, it takes emergency responders a long time to reach the wreck. When they get there, they see a farmer.
"Did you see the plane c**...?" asked the EMTs.
"Ayup. Sure did. Buried them all too," answered the farmer.
"None of them survived?"
"Well, the president said he did, but you know what a liar he is."

A renowned scientist is frustrated with the popularity of misinformation. In an interview, he tells the press my research is meaningless if taken out of context!

The next day, the public is taken by storm as headlines spread that Renowned Scientist Claims That His Research is Meaningless!

Why was the Stormtrooper so sad when his Jedi friend left?

He always misses him.

Captain, we need to get the safest part of the storm

Eye

A stormtrooper walks into a bar and orders a martini

The bartender asks while handing the stormtrooper his drink, "Shouldn't you not be drinking on the job?"
The stormtrooper arches his eyebrow, "And hit what I'm aiming for?"

Google really does spy on us

This is why I don't trust smartphones. My friend and I were talking about repairing his roof over the next week, because the recent storm took off a few portions. The next day I saw advertisements all over Facebook telling me there are hot shingles in my area looking to get nailed.

Since vampires are hurt by holy water, I always wondered why Priests don't bless storm clouds and kill them from above. Then I realized why most vampires live in Europe

Someone already blessed the rains down in Africa

Why do Stormtroopers only have iPhones?

Because they couldn't find the Androids they were looking for!

A zookeeper lost a pair of mongoose to a storm and needed to replace them. He began writing an email to his supplier...

Dear sir, please send me two mongooses at once.
That didn't sound right, so he tried again.
Dear sir, please send me two mongeese at once.
That still didn't sound right, so he gave it one last attempt:
Dear sir, please send me one mongoose. And while you're at it- send me another mongoose.
(In memory of my dad who told that joke at every family gathering for 30 years.)

A camel decided to educate his son who he suspected was getting a little insquisitive...

"Why do we have two humps," asked the son.
"That's so we can go for days without water. We can store it in the humps."
"Why do we have very long eyelashes?
"That," he was told, "is to protect the eyes from sand in a sand storm."
"And why do we have bulbous looking feet?"
"That's so we're can travel twice as fast through the desert."
"Dad," asked the young camel, "What the h**... are we doing in this zoo?"

My brother hasn't stopped staring through the window since the storm started

I suppose I should let him in

We are all like Stormy Daniels now.

Just waiting for him to finish.

A blonde and her boyfriend went to the movies

In the film, the main character is running through the storm so she says, "I bet you £20, that they don't get struck by lightning."
And her boyfriend agrees.

20 seconds later the main character is stuck by lightning and the blonde looks confused and gets £20 to give.


Her boyfriend said "I can't take this, I have seen the movie before."
She replies, "So have I but I didn't think lightning would strike twice in the same place!"

After cleaning up from a recent severe storm, my neighbor offered me free wood for my fireplace.

That was very nice of him. Free firewood doesn't grow on trees, you know.

It was stormy weather outside, so I was really surprised to hear the doorbell ring.

The doorbell camera revealed it was my mother in law, completely soaked from the rain, and shivering in the icy wind. Concerned she might catch a cold, I hollered:
Please, don't just stand there!
Go home!
————————————
Disclaimer:
I really appreciate my mother in law. This is a joke (which I like to tell her once in a while). In-laws deserve to be treated with respect, just like real human beings.

How do you get a trump supporter to wear a mask?

Convince them to storm the capitol building

A blonde got lost in her car in a snow storm. She remembered what her dad had once told her: "If you ever get stuck in a snow storm, wait for a snow plow and follow it." Pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it.

She followed the plow for about forty five minutes. Finally the driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was doing. She explained that her dad had told her if she ever got stuck in the snow, to follow a plow.
The driver nodded and said, "Well, I'm done with the Walmart parking lot, now you can follow me over to Target."

11:45 Arrive at the crime scene

11:45 Examine body, signs of a struggle
11:45 Found m**... weapon in storm drain
11:45 Realize watch is broken

Why do stormtroopers always wear masks?

Because they keep missing their shots. #covid

How is a Stormtrooper like an empty church?

Both of their Pews are missing people

A storm came through last night.

It blew 25% of my roof off.
Oof.

What's the least likely way for a Stormtrooper to die?

Shooting himself.

Johnny's Brother…

Little Johnny's new baby brother was screaming up a storm.
He asked his mom, "Where'd you get him?"
His mother replied, "He came from heaven, Johnny."
Johnny says, "WOW! I can see why they threw him out!!