Top 10 storm Jokes

If America is storming Area 51 then the Europeans can storm the Vatican

We'll take the aliens, you get the predators

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A straight tree and a gay tree lived next to each other for 60 years

The straight tree was always making fun of the gay tree. One evening a storm comes along and lightning hits the straight tree and it shatters into hundreds of pieces. The gay tree bust out laughing and says "look who's a faggot now"

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A storm blew away 25% of my roof last night.

Oof

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Why did the Storm Trooper decide to buy an Iphone?

Because he couldn't find the Droid he was looking for.

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God's Vacation

God decides he'd like to take a vacation. So he goes to St. Peter at the pearly gates and asks,

"Pete, I need a vacation, being God is fucking stressful. Where should I go?"

St. Peter says, "well Pluto has good skiing."

God shakes his head fervently and replies, "no way, I broke my leg there once."

Next, St. Peter suggests Jupiter - "there's an eons-long storm that could be fun."

God says, "no way, I almost got struck by lightning there last time"

So then, St. Peter suggests Earth - "you can do just about anything there."

God fires back, "Fuck that, Pete. I went there 2000 years ago, knocked up some Jewish chick and they're still fucking talking about it!"

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First day at Navy school.

A young naval student was being put through the paces by an old sea captain.

"What would you do if a sudden storm sprang up on the starboard?"

"Throw out an anchor, sir," the student replied.

"What would you do if another storm sprang up after?"

"Throw out another anchor, sir."

"And if another terrific storm sprang up forward, what would you do then?" asked the captain.

"Throw out another anchor, sir."

"Hold on," said the captain. "Where are you getting all those anchors from?"

"From the same place you're getting your storms, sir."

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Why did the Stormtrooper buy an iPhone?

He couldn't find the droid he was looking for.

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Atheism is a non-prophet organization

As the storm raged,the captain realized his ship was sinking fast.

So he shouted out, "Anyone here know how to pray?"

Just one guy stepped forward and said, "Aye, captain,I know how to pray."

"Good,"said the captain, "You pray while the rest of us put on our life jackets - we're one short."

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A blonde in a snowstorm

A blonde driving a car became lost in a snowstorm. She didn't panic however, because she remembered what her dad had once told her. "If you ever get stuck in a snowstorm, just wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it."

Sure enough, pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for about forty-five minutes.

Finally the driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was doing. And she explained that her dad had told her if she ever got stuck in a snow storm, to follow a plow.

The driver nodded and said, "Well, I'm done with the Wal-Mart parking lot, do you want to follow me over to Best Buy now?"

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This is why priests don't drink

SIPPING VODKA

A new Priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the Monsignor how he had done.

The Monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.."

So next Sunday he took the Monsignor's advice.. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.. He proceeded to talk up a storm.

Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:

1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
2) There are 10 commandments, not 12..
3) There are 12 disciples, not 10...
4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C..
7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.
8) David slew Goliath; he did not kick the shit out of him..
9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
10) We do not refer to the cross as the 'Big T.'
11) When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said,"Take this and eat it for this is my body.." He did not say,"Eat me."
12) The Virgin Mary is not called 'Mary with the Cherry'.
13) The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.
14) Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

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