The Best 83 Stories Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Stories jokes. There are some stories narrate jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these stories golf stories and puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 Funniest Stories Jokes and Puns
As a child my parents used to tell me about the Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy and Santa
I dont believe in those stories anymore, thank GOD
Annoyed by the professor of anatomy
who liked to tell "naughty" stories during class, a group of female students decided that the next time he started to tell one, they would all rise and leave the room in protest. The professor, however, got wind of their scheme just before class the following day, so he bided his time. Then, halfway through the lecture, he began. "They say there is quite a shortage of prostitutes in France." The girls looked at one another, arose and started for the door. "Young ladies," said the professor with a broad smile, "the next plane doesn't leave till tomorrow afternoon."
When I was young, at bedtimes...
My mum used to tell me fairy stories with a happy ending. Just one of the benefits of having a masseuse as a parent I guess.
Why do so many guys have crazy girlfriend stories but no girls have crazy boyfriend stories?
Because all girls with crazy boyfriend stories are dead.
I think the most profound advice my father ever told me was...
"Stop using me in your bullshit stories."
Why are 9/11 victims the best readers?
They can go through 94 stories in seconds!
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims. They went through 100 stories in 10 seconds.
My uncle survived a fall of 39 stories off a building
Unfortunately, he fell off the 40th story.
Who are the world's fastest readers?
The 911 victims. They went through 50 stories in a minute.
I'm so sorry
Why are 9/11 victims great readers?
They can go through 90 stories in 10 seconds
9/11 victims are the fastest readers.
They went through 80 stories in 10 seconds!
You can explore stories fairytale reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean stories story dad jokes. There are also stories puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
New Yorkers,some of them go through 110 stories in 10 seconds.
Who were the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims. Went through 87 stories in 10 seconds flat.
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims.
They go through 50 stories in just a few seconds.
Manatees
A Spanish sailor and a French sailor are talking at a port bar together. The French sailor tells the Spanish sailor that he's been hearing stories of mermaids from the English sailors. The Spanish sailor says that mermaids are just a myth and the English just mistook manatees for mermaids. The French sailor asks how could you mistake a manatee for a mermaid? The Spanish sailor responds "Have you seen English women?"
How long does it take to reach the ground from 110 stories up?
The rest of your life.
What type of stories do cocaine addicts write?
Snort stories
Who are the fastest readers?
9/11 victims. They got through over 40 stories in seconds.
Who are the fastest readers ?
9/11 victims, they went through 64 stories in just 8 seconds
I live with my wife in a two story house...
"I'm too tired" and "I have a headache" are the only two stories I hear...
So I was talking with a dentist...
...and I asked if he had any crazy stories from his years in practice.
"Yes, actually. One time I cut a man's arm off."
"What, how!?"
"I could trouble you with the details, but I really just did it acciDENTALly."
Who are the best readers in the world?
Suicide jumpers : hundreds of stories in a few seconds
What's an Ethiopian's favorite book?
"My Life And Other Short Stories"
A grandfather is telling his grandson war stories...
Grandfather: Did I ever tell you about the time we destroyed the opposing forces?
Grandson: I don't think you have...
Grandfather: it was hundred to two... Clearly outmatched. But we destroyed them both!
Which is the tallest building in the world?
The library, because it has many stories.
Okay, I'll show myself out.
My wife is leaving me because my stories never make any sense...
And that's how I saved Christmas...
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims because they went through 104 stories in just a few seconds
What kind of building is the tallest?
Libraries, because they have the most stories!
The internet is so full of people making up fake stories for fake internet points that no one is giving any credit to the real heroes anymore...
Like me, who just yesterday beat up a volcano
Who are the fastest story readers in history?
9/11 victims because they went through hundreds of stories in a few seconds.
Which type of people are the world's fastest readers [DARK HUMOUR]
9/11 victims. They went through more than 50 stories in 10 seconds.
My parents have been saving embarrassing videos and stories of me for my entire life, hoping to one day show the person that chooses to marry me.
Jokes on them.
9/11 victims are the fastest readers
They went through 90 stories in 10 seconds.
I'm so jealous of Martin Luther King Jr.
Nobody ever wants to hear stories about my weird dreams
Who are the worlds fastest readers?
9/11 victims. They blew through 87 stories in 10 seconds
What Kind of Stories do Cows Tell Their Children at Night?
Dairytales
With all the stories about how everyone's being sexually harassed
...I'm starting to think I might be ugly.
TIL Arthur Conan Doyle wrote a series of short stories about crimes committed by landscapers
He collectively referred to them as *Holmes and Gardens*.
Easter this year is April Fools Day
Just remember that so you don't fall for any crazy stories like people coming back from the dead.
If I had a dollar every time a news story features the president in these 4 years...
News stories will start to feature me in the next 4 years.
I don't like floors.
They make up stories.
I learned Braille to read ghost stories,
It's going to be scary, I can feel it.
There's always multiple sides to a story, unless you're at a library...
...then there's multiple stories to a side.
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9-11 Victims because they went through 81 stories in 10 seconds
What state has the fastest readers?
New York, they set the world record for fast reading in 2001 for going through 110 stories in about 10 seconds.
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims, they went through 89 stories in mere seconds
Do you know how many Polish jokes there are in the world?
Only like 3, the rest are true stories.
I'm not the smartest student ever so I tried something a little risky to get a better grade...
I got a D- on my recent English test and my dad wasn't very happy with my mark. I asked my teacher if I could do a sexual favour for her to get a B+. She got very offended. My classmates didn't think that was okay either, and they stopped talking to me for a few weeks.
If you guys want, I can tell more stories about my homeschooling
My wife insulted me saying I suck at finishing stories.
That's when I hit her with the sickest burn / comeback of all time.
Why does the library have so many floors?
CAUSE IT'S FULL OF STORIES!!!
I'm so sorry
What is considered the tallest building in the world?
The library, because it has so many stories
What building has the most stories?
A Library!
An e-girl hit my dms and asked if I wanted to buy nudes.
I said nah I'm broke I don't have any money. She said cmon they're really cheap. And I said no Im still broke and she said pleeeeeeeaaaase it's only 3.50 and then I realized that this e-girl was about 8 stories tall and was a crustacean from the protozoic era. I said dammit Loch Ness monster I ain't giving you no tree fiddy.
Whats the tallest building in the world ?
The library , cause it has the most stories.
I was wondering why there were so many stories about vampires in Europe, but not in Africa, and than I realized Vampires are killed by Holy water...
They blessed the rains down in Africa.
Two old men are sitting around telling stories...
Did I ever tell you about my run-in with a grizzly bear?
If you did, I don't remember
Well, I was walking along this trail when out of nowhere a grizzly bear jumped out at me! RAWRRRRRRR!
Oh my god! What happened?
I crapped my pants
Well, that's understandable. That sounds horrifying
No! Just now, when I went 'RAWRRRR!' I crapped my pants
JFK is back!
He certainly has some mind-blowing stories to tell us!
Don't adopt a puppy to see if you're ready for kids
Adopt a homeless guy with diarrhea & a bunch of stories that don't go anywhere.
My friend is always complaining about the Swedish car dealership he works at. Today I had enough and finally said I don't want to hear anymore of your
Saab stories
What stories did Vikings tell their children?
Norsery Rhymes
I was wondering why there are so many stories about vampires in Europe but not in África. Then i realised vampires are killed by holy water.
They bless the rains down in Africa .
Credits to u/Josh1804
I was confused why there are so many stories about vampires in Europe, but not in Africa.
Then I remembered that vampires are killed by holy water.
They bless the rains down in Africa.
Reddit, no matter how much I love cake...
...I would never dessert you.
What's the difference between a jumper and a sweater?
A sweater doesn't go splat after falling 40 stories...
What's the best first name for a news anchor that breaks a lot of big stories?
This: Justin.
2 hunters chat about their hunting stories
2 hunters talk about what has happened to them and the first one says... "Once, when I was in Africa and I was hunting I feel something is behind me... so I turn around and see a huge lion right behind me ...so I start running in order to escape but it was getting closer and closer but when it just about to get me … the lion just slipped and fell on the ground so I escaped." the second hunter then ask him in awe "and how the hell you didn't shit yourself mate? so he replies "what you think the lion slipped on ?"
A guy goes to a New Year's Day party. There are hundreds of people, holiday music is playing.
A few groups of people are playing cards. Others are shooting billiards. Yet another group is sitting around a warm fire telling stories. Everyone seems to be having a wonderful time. Realizing he is hungry, the man gets in a large queue and starts chatting with an old friend. After many minutes go by, he realizes he is not in the food line at all. He asks his friend about if this is the right line. Oh, no, the friend said...
This is the punchline.
Top news stories for yesterday
CNN: Trump phone call
MSNBC: Trump phone call
Fox news: Does walking a dog make you happier?
The Grade 2 pupils returned to class after the long weekend. Their teacher told them to tell their classmates about the most exciting thing they did during the weekend, but to use adult words in telling their stories.
First Pupil: "I visited my Nana." Teacher: "Please use adult words, you visited your Grandmother."
Second Pupil: I had a ride on a choo-choo." Teacher: "Please, you had a ride on a train."
Third Pupil: I read a whole book by myself for the first time." Teacher: "Excellent. And what was the name of the book?" Third Pupil, with a big grin: "Winnie The Shit!"
Who are the fastest readers?
9/11 victims, they went through more than 50 stories in less than 10 seconds!
I have many stories about my unfortunate attempts to bring horses to a halt.
They're my tales of whoa.
Everyone knows the story of "doubting Thomas" and his reaction to the death and resurrection of Christ
He was famously known for insisting on seeing the wounds for himself, and while most think it was because he didn't believe the stories he was hearing, I know it was because he wanted to confirm that Jesus was indeed a holey man.
How many blonde jokes are there?
One. The rest are true stories!
One of the Saddest Stories I've Ever Heard
The HighSchool Girls National diving team's plane crashed into the ocean, and they washed up on a deserted island.
Physically, the few survivors were unharmed, but as the days past, their minds began to crack as they realized that they had not the tools, knowledge, or materials to build a working diving board and bring some normalcy back into their lives!
…
…
But alas… The poor bastards were forced to resort to cannonballism.
Why do white women like trading stories about asking for the manager?
Because Sharon is Karen.
A propper pirate walks into a bar, wearing his pirate hat, eye patch, old guns by his hip, of course also a hook and all these kind of things. The barmaid asks him:
What the hell happened to you?! Why do you have a hook?! He replies: „Ah well its just one of these war stories, you know.. lost my hand in a fight.
„Wow! And how did you get the eye patch? sais she.
„Oh, that is because seagull shit into my eye there once.
The barmaid responds: „What?! But nobody loses his eyesight from this?!
„Yes that is true.. answers the pirate, „..but at that point I only had the hook since 3 days.
Why do lizards like long stories?
Because they dragon.
How tall is a library?
I don't know, it depends on how many stories it has.
One of my faves that I came up with my senior year of high school in 2013. First joke on this sub, hopefully many more to come.
Hearing about an artists day Is so annoying
Their stories are always so drawn out.
A propper pirate walks into a bar, wearing his pirate hat, eye patch, old guns by his hip, of course also a hook and all these kind of things. The barmaid asks him:
What the hell happened to you?! Why do you have a hook?! He replies: „Ah well its just one of these war stories, you know.. lost my hand in a fight.
„Wow! And how did you get the eye patch? sais she.
„Oh, that is because seagull shit into my eye there once.
The barmaid responds: „What?! But nobody loses his eyesight from this?!
„Yes that is true.. answers the pirate, „..but at that point I only had the hook since 3 days.
Libraries are the tallest buildings
Because they have the most stories
A Bear tells Stories to his Grandchild
"Tell us about the time you nearly robbed a bank!", asks little Billy.
"Well," says the bear, "I walked into the bank with my gun and told everyone to put their hands up"
"Then what happened?" asked Billy
The bear, visibly scared, responds, "I don't know, they all got really big so I ran away"
I always wondered why you hear stories of vampires in Europe but never Africa.
Then I remembered vampires are killed by holy water, and they bless the rain down in Africa
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the stories two sides to every story puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working stories stories of piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.
