"No, just leave it in the carton! "
P. S. thanks for the 4 people who sort by new. appreciate it.
They gave me another one free of charge.
I said, Yes, but I'm here to get whiskey instead.
i went to the liquor store on my bike and bought a bottle vodka and put it in the basket on the front...then it occoured to me that if i fall or something happens then the bottle might break. so i drank it all right there and its a good thing i did cause i fell 7 times on the way home
apparently this was posted before...i had no idea. a friend sent me a voice recording of someone telling it and i posted it ..sorry
'Can you go down to the store, and get a gallon of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6.'
Later on he returns home and she looks at his purchases and says 'Why the fuck do you have 6 gallons of milk?'
He responded 'They had eggs.'
But all I wanted was that one nightstand.
So, I sprinted to the car, paced down the street, rushed into the store, frantically looking down each aisle until I finally got to the tampons, hurried back to my car and raced home as fast as I could! I burst in through the front door, ran up the stairs, slammed open the bathroom door and shouted, "Walmart, halfway down aisle 10, bottom shelf!"
Cashier: that's a Fire Extinguisher you whore"
I bought a bottle of Rum and put it in the bicycle basket.
As I was about to leave I thought for a moment. If I fall off the bicycle, the bottle might break.
To avoid that, I drank all of the rum before I left the store.
It turned out to be a very good decision, because I fell off the bike seven times on my way home
I started unloading my groceries onto the belt.
Package of Ramen noodles.
Quart of milk.
Half a dozen eggs.
A couple of frozen dinners.
As she is scanning the items, she looks up and smiles, "so, you're single, huh?"
I look at my groceries and smile back. "Yeah, ha, what gave it away?"
"Because you're fucking ugly."
"Twenty dollars?!" he said. "For what?"
"To buy groceries," I told him.
"When I was a boy," my grandfather said. "My mama would give me one dollar, just *one dollar*, and I'd go to the store and come home with two loaves of bread, two sacks of potatoes, a carton of eggs, three bottles of milk, a can of coffee and a box of tea."
He shrugged and paused.
"Times have changed and ya can't do that now," he told me. "Too many fuckin' security cameras."
Looking at games in the App Store, I think all those drug dealers turned to game developers.
Priest - Don't drink too much liquor. You will go to Hell.
Alcoholic - Is it? What about the guy who sells the liquor?
Priest - He will also go to Hell.
Alcoholic - Ok, what about the guy who sells pork tacos in the food truck outside the Liquor Store?
Priest - He too will go to Hell.
Alcoholic - In that case, I have no problem going to Hell.
For the watch
In a small town, a man just opened a small store selling trumpets and guns.
One day his neighbor pays him a visit and says, "So how is your strange business going?"
"What do you mean strange?"
"Because you sell only trumpets and guns!"
"So?"
"Well, let me put it this way, what do you sell the most, trumpets or guns?"
"It evens itself out. Each time a customer buys a trumpet, one of his neighbors buys a gun."
Does that make you an iWitness?
a retail store
It's not my fault they don't have Windows
...'cause I fell 7 times on the way home...
Looks like I'm in store for a wild December
Mike: Nice to meet you. I'm a retired businessman. When my store burned down, rather than rebuilding I took the insurance money and retired here.
John: You know, I'm a retired businessman, too. When a flood washed away my store I took the insurance money and retired here, too.
Mike is silent for a while then he asks John, "How do you start a flood?"
Guardians of the Galaxy
It was a huge Risk that I was willing to take
A little Muslim kid, crying, can't find his mother in a supermarket.
The store attendant asks, "What does your mother look like?"
The kid says.. "I have no fucking idea."
"Any two-watt bulbs?"
"For what?"
"That'll do. I'll take two."
"Two what?"
"I thought you didn't have any. "
"Any what?"
"Yes please."
username checks out.
He said OK, Dan, you're going off to college. You're going to be living away from home, in a dorm, surrounded by beautiful girls. So I got you something from the drug store.
I said It's ok, Dad- I already know about condoms.
He's said No - anti-depressants.
True story: I was at the store with my son and my wife. I have a habit of flipping my wedding ring in the air like a coin and catching it. My son saw me do it and tried to grab it in mid air, causing it to fall to the ground. He scrambled to get it and I said, "Son, hand me that! It's expensive!"
My son asked me, "how much did it cost, dad?"
I replied, "my life."
The guy was in the store buying a fake Christmas tree. The shop attendant asked him, "Are you going to put that tree up yourself?"
The guy replied, "Don't be disgusting! I'm going to put it in the living room!"
The cashier asked, "Do you want a bag?"
I replied, "No, she's not that ugly."
Or a pharmacy, or maybe a shoe store.
Don't believe me? Check my stash
Me: *lifts gallon*
"Yeah, it's easy."
Wife: "I mean from the store."
Me: "I'd imagine it weighs the same there too"
$25k worth of merchandise was stolen. The police said that they will get both computers back.
Well aisle B damned!
Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Store? Well, here are the best Store dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Store pick up lines to share with friends.