Stop Sign Jokes
143 stop sign jokes and hilarious stop sign puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about stop sign that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Stop Sign Short Jokes
Short stop sign jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The stop sign humour may include short traffic sign jokes also.
- A Prius just tried to race me from a stop sign. I totally had it for the first 100 feet... But I can only walk so fast.
- A blonde was driving on the way to disneyland. She came to an intersection and stopped, she saw a sign that read, 'Disneyland Left'. So she pulled a U-turn, cried and drove home.
- What's the difference between a high and drunk driver? The drunk driver goes through the stop sign, while the high driver waits for it to turn green.
- Batman walks into a superhero-only pool, he is quickly stopped by a guard, the guard points to a sign that says "No swimming without supervision."
- I stopped at a roadside stand where a sign read "LOBSTER TAILS $5." I paid my $5 and the guy said....
"Once upon a time, there was this lobster....." - What is the difference between a drunk driver and a high driver? The drunk driver will blow through a stop sign without even knowing it was there..
The high driver will wait until it turns green - Driving high versus driving drunk: Drunks run stop signs. Stoners stop and wait for them to turn green.
- Stopped by a roadside farm where I saw a sign that said DUCK, EGGS I was contemplating the position of the comma when it hit me.
- I saw a man at an intersection holding a sign saying Homeless VET, anything helps. So I stopped to ask him how he ended up on the street, he said I got caught sleeping with my patients.
- I failed the drivers test even though I stopped for the sign I gave it plenty of time to cross, it's not my fault I hit it.
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Stop Sign One Liners
Which stop sign one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with stop sign? I can suggest the ones about road sign and traffic signs.
- Something told me to stop today It must've been a sign
- Yes Sir, Officer. I saw the stop sign. I just didn't see you.
- How did Helen Keller break her arm? You try reading a stop sign at 60 miles an hour.
- I'm tired of people asking what my sign is. Stop okay?
I like octagons. - News flash: Vandals destroy street signs They pulled out all the stops
- Yo momma so dumb she waits for the stop signs to turn green She so ugly they do
- Drunk people run stop signs... ... people who are high, stop and wait for them to change.
- Saw a pretty girl, asked her, "whats your sign?" She said stop.
- Why did the Yield Sign want to divorce the Stop Sign? He caught her in a 4-way
- The stop road signs in Siberia don't say Stop They say Freeze
- Drunk people run stop signs. High people wait for them to turn green.
- Did you hear about the missing stop signs? They're octo-gone.
- I don't drink and drive..... I only drink at stop signs and red lights.
- Alcoholics run right by stop signs... Stoners wait for them to turn green
- I never come to a complete stop at stop signs... That's how I roll.
Stop Sign Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about stop sign you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean stoplight jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make stop sign pranks.
Yo mamma is so s**..., she stopped her car at a stop sign and she's still waiting for it to turn green.
Yo mama is so s**... she came to a stop sign and waited till it said go
There's a blond and a brunette in a car.
The brunette is driving while the blonde is in the passenger seat. They're going down a steep hill when the brunette realizes that the brakes don't work. The brunette tells the blonde that the brakes don't work and they will drive off the side of the cliff because they failed to stop. The blonde then replies, "Don't worry! There's a stop sign ahead."
There's a blond and a brunette in a car.
The brunette is driving while the blonde is in the passenger seat. They're going down a steep hill when the brunette realizes that the brakes don't work. The brunette tells the blonde that the brakes don't work and they will drive off the side of the cliff because they failed to stop. The blonde then replies, "Don't worry! There's a stop sign ahead."
There's a blond and a brunette in a car.
The brunette is driving while the blonde is in the passenger seat. They're going down a steep hill when the brunette realizes that the brakes don't work. The brunette tells the blonde that the brakes don't work and they will drive off the side of the cliff because they failed to stop. The blonde then replies, "Don't worry! There's a stop sign ahead."
Two deaf men were in a coffee shop discussing their wives.
One signs to the other, boy was my wife mad at me last night!
She went on and on and wouldn't stop!
The other Buddy says when my wife goes off on me I just don't listen.
How do you do that? Says the other.
It's easy! I turn off the light!
Yo Mama's so dumb she waited all day at a stop sign.
A cop stops a man for running a stop sign and the subject gives the cop a lot of grief explaining that he did stop.
After several minutes, the cop explained to the gentleman that he didn't stop, he just slowed down a little.
The gentleman said 'Stop or slow down, what's the difference?'.
The cop pulled the guy out of the car and worked him over for about a minute and then said, 'Would you like for me to stop or just slow down?'
Chuck Norris can make a stop sign say go.
A farmhand is driving around the farm, checking the fences.
After a few minutes he radios his boss and says, "Boss, I’ve got a problem. I hit a pig on the road and he’s stuck in the bull-bars of my truck. He’s still wriggling. What should I do?"
"In the back of your truck there’s a shotgun. Shoot the pig in the head and when it stops wriggling you can pull it out and throw it in a bush."
The farm worker says okay and signs off.
About 10 minutes later he radios back.
"Boss I did what you said, I shot the pig and dragged it out and threw it in a bush."
"So what’s the problem now?" his Boss snapped.
"The blue light on his motorcycle is still flashing!"
Yo mamma so s**... she stopped at a stop sign and waited for it to turn green.
When I play rock, paper, scissors, people think I always choose scissors.
They're wrong. I'm actually flashing a peace sign. Stop the violence.
Guy gets pulled over for not stopping at a stop sign
The guy yells at the cop and says "I know I didn't stop, I slowed down, what's the difference?!"
Cop starts beating the driver with his baton and after a few minutes asks the driver "Do you want me to stop or slow down?"
One fine day, a bus driver went to the bus garage, started his bus and drove off along the route:
No problems for the first few stops.
A few people got on, a few got off and things went generally well.
At the next stop, however, a big hulk of a guy got on.
Six foot eight, built like a wrestler, arms hanging down to the ground.
He glared at the driver and said. "Big John doesn't pay!" And sat down at the back.
Did I mention that the driver was five feet three, thin, and basically meek?
Well, he was.
Naturally, he didn't argue with Big John, but he wasn't happy about it.
The next day the same thing happened...
Big John got on again, made a show of refusing to pay, and sat down.
And the next day and the one after that, and so forth.
This grated on the bus driver, who started losing sleep over the way Big John was taking advantage of him.
Finally he could stand it no longer.
He signed up for body building courses, karate, judo and all that good stuff.
By the end of the summer, he had become quite strong; what's more, he felt really good about himself.
So on the next Monday, when Big John once again got on the bus and said. "Big John doesn't pay!"
The driver stood up, glared back at the passenger, and screamed. "And why not?"
With a surprised look on his face, Big John replied. "Big John has a bus pass!"
The 2 Prostitutes
Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car which said:
*"Two Prostitutes - $50.00."*
A policeman, seeing the sign, stopped them and told them they'd either have to remove the sign or go to jail.
Just at that time, another car passed with a sign saying: *"JESUS SAVES."*
One of the girls asked the officer,
'How come you don't stop them?!'
'Well, that's a little different,' the officer smiled, 'Their sign pertains to religion.'
The following day the same police officer noticed the same two h**... driving around with a large sign on their car.
He figured he had an easy arrest until he read their new sign:
*"Two Fallen Angels Seeking Peter --$50"*
Stop Sign
A man gets pulled over by a police officer for running a stop sign. The officer says "you didn't stop at that stop sign." The man replies "oh come on, I slowed down to almost a stop." The officer looks at the man and says "please step out of the vehicle sir." The man obliges, and at this point the police officer starts to beat him with a baton and says "now do you want me to stop, or do you want me to slow down?"
What's the difference between a drunk driver and a s**... driver?
A drunk driver will run the stop sign. A s**... driver will stop and wait for the sign to turn green.
No Strings Allowed
Three strings were walking down the street looking for a good time. They come upon a bar and figure they'd go in for a drink. The first one stops & points out a sign to the others "No Strings Allowed". Well, the first one, not wanting to be discriminated against says "Screw this, I'm going in." As he enters the bar, the bartender shouts "HEY STRING, get out! no strings allowed in here," as he pulls out some scissors. The string slowly backs out of the bar and tells his friends. The 2nd string says, "i'm not putting up with that!" and goes in. Again, the bartender yells, this time coming out from behind the bar with his scissors "Hey! No strings allowed in here!" Seeing the large bartender coming towards him, the 2nd string turns and goes back outside. The 3rd string says, "well, i don't care, i'm getting a drink". But before he enters, the 3rd string musses his ends and ties himself up in the middle. He enters the bar and the bartender shouts again "Hey, No Strings Allowed." The 3rd string calmly says, "I'm no string". The bartender pauses and says, "you're not a string?" and was somewhat confused. The 3rd string replies, "Nope, I'm a frayed knot."
A California state trooper pulled over a driver who ran a stop sign.
"C'mon, Officer. I slowed down, didn't I?" argued the driver.
"But you must come to a complete stop at the sign," said the trooper.
"'Stop.' 'Slow down.' What's the difference, really?" quibbled the driver.
The cop was so irritated that he whipped out his billy club and started hitting the man's arm with it, shouting, "Well, do you want me to stop or slow down?!"
A priest, a drunkard, and an engineer are taken to the guillotine...
On a beautiful Sunday afternoon in the midst of the French Revolution the revolting citizens led a priest, a drunkard and an engineer to the guillotine. They ask the priest if he wants to face up or down when he meets his fate. The priest says he would like to face up so he will be looking towards heaven when he dies. They raise the blade of the guillotine and release it. It comes speeding down and suddenly stops just inches from his neck. The authorities take this as divine intervention and release the priest.
The drunkard comes to the guillotine next. He also decides to die face up, hoping that he will be as fortunate as the priest. They raise the blade of the guillotine and release it. It comes speeding down and suddenly stops just inches from his neck. Again, the authorities take this as a sign of divine intervention, and they release the drunkard as well.
Next is the engineer. He, too, decides to die facing up. As they slowly raise the blade of the guillotine, the engineer suddenly says, "Hey, I see what your problem is ..."
A police officer pulls a guy over.....
and the driver rolls down his window and asks why he is being pulled over. The cop explains that he didn't completely stop at the stop sign. The driver says: I slowed down and took a look. The cop grabs him through the window, pulls his head out, and starts slapping him in the face with his summons book repeatedly. After about twenty slaps, the cop asks him:
Do you want me to stop or slow down?
True Story from South Carolina
A real estate agent said she saw a for sale sign leaned against a stump in front of a house. She saw a car in the driveway and decided to stop and inquire about the property. She rang the bell, an old man appeared, she explained who she was and asked how much the house was listed for. The old man laughed and said "Lady the house aint for sale, the stump is."
I got pulled over for running a stop sign.
The cop says, "Didn't you see the stop sign?"
Yeah, but I don't believe everything I read.
My wife and I went to the County Agricultural Show
One of the first exhibits we stopped at was the breeding bulls. We went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said:
THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR
My wife playfully nudged me in the ribs ..... Smiled and said, "He mated 50 times last year, that's almost once a week".
We walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said:
THIS BULL MATED 150 TIMES LAST YEAR
My wife gave me a healthy jab and said, "WOW~~That's more than twice a week! .......... You could learn a lot from him".
We walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said:
THIS BULL MATED 365 TIMES LAST YEAR
My wife was so excited that her elbow nearly broke my ribs, and said, "That's once a day .. You could REALLY learn something from this one".
I looked at her and said, "Go over and ask him if it was with the same cow".
My condition has been upgraded from critical to stable and the doctors say I should eventually make a full recovery.
California Roll
A man driving approaches a stop sign and slows down to a cool 5 mph, rolls smoothly across the crosswalk, looks both ways, and glides forward when he sees the coast is clear.
Unbeknownst to him, a cop sees this and pulls him over on the next block.
The cop pulls the guy out of the car and starts beating him.
The guy starts yelling "Stop! STOP!! What are you doing?! Stop!!!"
"Oh I'm sorry, did you want me to stop or slow down?"
Stop sign
A guy is driving, comes up to a four way stop. He slows down, looks down each street quickly and goes through the sign. A few moments later a police officer pulls him over.
The officer approaches the driver, asks "do you know why I pulled you over?".
The driver sighs, "yes, it's because I slowed down instead of stopping at the stop sign... But what's the difference ?".
The officer asks him to step out of the car, the man complies. The officer then takes out his night stick and starts rapidly beating the man over the head!
After a few hits the officer says "Do you want me to stop, or slow down?"
A lawyer and a cop
A lawyer ran a stop sign and was immediately pulled over by a cop. The lawyer started shouting, "I slowed down! No one was coming! What's the difference?"
The cop asked him to step out of his car. As soon as the lawyer was out, the cop pulled out his baton and starting beating the guy. Quickly, left, right, upside the head, everywhere.
After a few minutes, the officer stops, looks at the lawyer and says, "Now....do you want me to slow down or do you want me to stop?"
The Indian That Never Forgets
Once a man was traveling through the west on vacation, when he saw a sign that said, "Meet the Indian Who Never Forgets, Next Exit". Well, being curious, the man stops at the attraction to see the Indian. He asks the man, "What did you have for breakfast on June 9, 1978?" The Indian replies "Eggs!"
Well, everyone has eggs for breakfast, this guy is a charlatan, the man thinks.
The man tells his friend about the experience, and his friend replies "That's disrespectful, you should greet an indian in their native language. Next time instead of "Hi" say "How".
10 years later, the same man is on vacation again, and sees the sign for the Indian again. He thinks what the heck, I'll stop in and see him.
Remembering his friend's advice, when the man approaches the Indian, he holds up his hand and says, "How!"
The Indian replies, "Scrambled."
A cop pulls over a guy who just ran a stop sign.
Cop: You ran that stop sign back there.
Driver: Oh, come on now officer, it's called a California stop! I slowed down and no one was coming so I just rolled through.
Cop: Step out of the car please, sir.
Driver: What? Why? This is outrageous! I slowed down, and no one was even coming!
Cop: Please, sir, I'm going to need you to step out of the vehicle.
Driver: (disgruntled) FINE THEN! HAVE IT YOUR WAY! (steps out)
Cop: (Mercilessly begins to beat the driver with his baton) Now, sir, do you want me to *stop*, or *slow* down?
Drunk drivers run stop signs
Stones wait for them to turn green.
A man rolls thru a STOP sign and a cop pulls him over
"I pulled you over because you failed to stop at that stop sign. You only slowed down."
"Slow down... stop... what's the difference?"
The cop pulls the man out of his car and begins beating him with his nightstick.
"Now you tell me whether you want me to stop... or slow down."
*This joke was told to me by a police officer, which made it kinda scary.
A man is on business in Italy...
A man is on business in Italy and in between meetings one day he decides to go to lunch at a restaurant nearby. While he is walking down the street he sees a sign that says come in and try our bull fight special. The man walks in the restaurant and orders the bull fight special, a few minutes later he's served a giant plate of pasta with two giant meatballs on top. The next day after his meeting he goes back to the restaurant and orders the bull fight special again, a few minutes later he's served a giant plate of pasta with two small meatballs on top. He stops the waiter and asks why there are two small meatballs when yesterday there were two giant meatballs, the waiter responds by saying "Señor sometimes the bull, he does not loose".
Why can't Californians stop at stop signs?
I don't know and this is not a laughing matter.
A group of priests stand by the road...
... holding a sign "IT'S NOT TOO LATE TO TURN BACK. THIS PATH IS DOOMED!!" Most people just drive by but then suddenly someone stops and yells at the priests: "No one will belive this religious b**...! You're wasting your time!" After that one of the priests says: Maby we should just write "The bridge has fallen!"?
A man drives through a stop sign..
A cop pulls him over and asks for his information.
"Sir, you just drove through that intersection without stopping."
"Aww come on, it's not a big deal..I slowed down!"
The officer steps back, looking down at his feet, all of a sudden he pulls out his night stick and starts beating the man.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING??!" The man screams.
"Would you like me to slow down, or stop?"
A driver gets pulled over . . .
A man gets pulled over for rolling through a stop sign. While the officer is doing the routine license check, he spots two penguins sitting in the back seat of the car.
The cop tells the driver, "I'll let you off this time, but you need to take those penguins straight to the zoo." The driver was happy to get off with just a warning, so he agrees.
The next day, the officer sees the same car in another part of town, with some penguins peeking out the back windows.
He pulls over the driver again. "Hey, I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo just yesterday!"
"Your sure did," says the driver, "and what a great idea that was. We had so much fun that today I'm taking them to the beach!"
I saw a man the other day arguing with a traffic sign
The sign looked incredibly uncomfortable. It really wanted him to Stop.
A guy got run over by the PopeMobile yesterday.
I guess he didn't see the sign that said "Cross traffic does not stop."
I didn't let my st-st-stutter stop me from achieving my dream career
I'm a door-to-door salesman. I sell "No Soliciting" signs. The more I st-st-stutter the more I seem to sell.
The plus sign could not stop taking c**....
I guess you could say he was add-icted
Three blondes were driving to Disneyland...
Three blondes were driving to Disneyland. When they were close to the destination they saw a sign: Disneyland Left . They stopped, started to cry and finally turned around and drove back home.
An old man was pulled over
An old man was pulled over for failing to stop at a stop sign. When questioned the man replied "I slowed down, same difference!". The officer then took out his baton and started striking the man and he asked the man "would you like me to slow down or stop?"
A drunk will blow through the stop sign!
A s**... will wait for the stop sign to turn green.
My sickly grandfather wouldn't stop talking about youth in Asia.
I thought he was a sick pervert. I'm glad he signed up for his death.
[My first ever submission!] A man is driving through a shady part of town...
...When he pulls up at a stop sign.
A woman of the night, about 3 inches tall, approaches his car and shouts to him in a voice that betrays any femininity; "Hey darl, you looking for a good time? I'm only 10 cents per hour."
The driver replies "Sorry, I don't want any micro-transactions."
I was at the airport security and there was a sign that read...
"Federal law prohibits the making of any jokes on airplane highjacking and b**...."
I stopped and told the officer that you don't have to worry about me, I take my bombs very seriously.
My hearing is next month.
I stopped to help out a homeless guy today
He had a sign that said "Hungry. Anything helps."
So I gave him some raspberries and went on my way.
He chuckled a bit, but he's probably still hungry.
I saw a sign...
It said "Slow." I thought "What did you just call me!?" Then I saw a Stop sign and thought "If you think you can tell me what to do right after an insult, you have grossly overestimated your power!"
Then I got T-b**... by a Cop car.
A guy standing in a bus looked at a girl, she looked back
Then he smiled... She smiled back
He winked... She winked back
He gave her a sign to leave on the next stop
She got up and exited the bus. He took her seat.
A man walks into a store that has a broken neon sign
A man walks into a store and says,"hey, you should fix your neon sign out front, the letter E is burnt out".
The storekeeper replies, "I can't replace the letter, it would ruin the joke!"
"What joke?" Asks the man.
"Stop me if you've heard it before," says the shopkeep, "because it's an old E, but it's a good E."
A drunk driver will run a stop sign.
A s**... will wait for it to turn green.
Two blondes are on the way to Disneyland
and sees a sign with a photo of Disneyland.
It reads: Disneyland left
Suddenly they stop and start crying.
What did the 2 legged dog have to do at the stop sign?
He had to pause.
So the government shut down...
I saw my senator with a sign that said, "Will lie, cheat, and steal for food."
Or
now my senator has to lie, cheat, and steal for free.
Or
so will my senator stop lying, cheating, and stealing?
Take your pick or insert your parasite of choice. And don't forget to tip your waitresses.
A man runs through a stop sign and gets pulled over by a cop
"You are supposed to stop at a stop sign" the cop says.
"But I slowed down." The driver says
"that's the same thing."
The officer then drags the guy into the road and beats him with his baton
"Now do you want me to stop or slow down?!"
I think I just met a bulimic cannibal who lives in the rough part of town...
She won't stop throwing up gang signs.
What kind of s**... bomber stops at a stop sign?
Allah abiding one.
A Spanish teacher is at the grocery store-
-and as he's shopping he sees a sign exclaiming "Soy milk!"
So he stops and says, "Hola milk! Soy Ricardo!"
Many years ago, an Irish cop was walking his beat in Boston
He sees a rabbi pull to a complete stop at a stop sign, only to get rear-ended moments later. The officer goes up to the rabbi's car and says "Don't worry, I saw everything." He walks over to the car that rear-ended the rabbi only to find a Catholic priest as the driver. The police officer looks at him and says "Ok Father, how fast was the car going when he backed into you?"
Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car that said: "TWO PROSTITUTES $50.00."
A policeman stopped them and told them they'd either have to remove the sign or go to jail. Just then, another car passed with a sign saying, "JESUS SAVES." One of the girls asked the cop, "Why don't you stop them?" "Well, that's a little different," the cop smiled. "Their sign pertains to religion." The two ladies frowned as they took their sign down and drove off. The following day the cop noticed the same two ladies driving around with a large sign on their car again. This time the sign read: "TWO ANGELS SEEKING PETER $50.00.
Stop signs are red, traffic lights are green,
I ride a bicycle, and have no idea what that means.
Traffic stop
A car slows down at a stop sign and keeps driving. A cop sees him and pulls him over.
The cop asks, "Why didn't you stop?"
The man says, "I slowed down."
The cop pulls out his nightstick and starts beating him. "Now," the cop says, "do you want me to stop or slow down?"
I started directing the queue with 'stop' and 'go' signs..
But was arrested for human trafficking.