The Best 35 Stop Masturbation Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Stop Masturbation jokes. There are some stop masturbation jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these stop masturbation puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Stop Masturbation Jokes and Puns

I walked into a room full of men masturbating

They all looked shocked when I didn't stop

My doctor said I need to stop masturbating. When I asked why, he said ..

Cause I'm trying to give you a physical

My doctor told me I needed to stop masturbating.

I asked him why and he replied, "Because I'm trying to examine you."

Doctor: I have the results of your test. You're gonna have to stop masturbating.

Me: Oh no! Why doctor?"

Doctor: Because I'm trying to talk to you, and it's very distracting.

I was in the confessional booth today and I asked the priest if he thought it might be a good idea to stop masturbating.

He said Sure, if it bothers you, I'll stop.


Last time I went for an eye exam, the doctor said to me, "You're going to have to stop masturbating."

When I asked him why that could possibly be necessary, he said
"Because I'm trying to give you an eye exam."

A man goes to the doctor with a terrible rash on his nuts

The doctor says, "well you'll have to stop masturbating". Man says "why?"

Doctor says, "because it's making it really hard to examine you"

I went to the doctor the other day

He said that I needed to stop masturbating.

I asked "Why? I'm a normal 22 year old man, it shouldn't be an issue".

He said "Yeah but I'm trying to examine you".

Doctor's visit

Doctor: It's bad news, Jim.

Jim: What is it, doc?

Doctor: You have to stop masturbating.

Jim: Oh god...why?

Doctor: Because I'm talking to you.

I don't know how to tell you this

Doctor: I don't know how to tell you this but you really have to stop masturbating.

Patient: Really doctor, why?

Doctor: So I can examine you.

I asked my priest if it might be a good idea to stop masturbating

##

## But he wouldn't.

You can explore stop masturbation reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean stop masturbation dad jokes. There are also stop masturbation puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


A man goes to the doctor for a physical.

The doctor tells him, "You have to stop masturbating."

The man says, "Why?"

The doctor says, "Because I'm trying to give you a physical."

Dad: "Son, if you don't stop masturbating you're gonna go blind."

Son: "I'm over here Dad."

So this guy goes to the Dr.

And the Dr says "You have to stop masturbating."

the guy says "Why?"

And the Dr says "Because I'm trying to examine you."

A man has an appointment with a urologist.

The man is sitting on the examination table when the Urologist walks in. The urologist glances at the man's medical history, makes a few notes and then says: "Look, I hate to break it to you, but you have to stop masturbating."

The man frowns and says, "Why, Doc?"

The urologist responds: "So I can examine you."

I went to the doctor today...

He had me take off my clothes and put on a gown so he could complete a full physical. I was worried I would be receiving a prostate exam. Anyways, he walked back in and had me pull my gown up for the ole turn your head and cough check. When I did he took one look at me and said, "Very interesting....You have got to stop masturbating." I asked why, he said, "Because I'm trying to examine you."

Guy goes to the doctor

A guy goes to the doctor because his knee is swollen and very painful. After a brief chat, the doctor instructs the man to drop his pants so he can examine the knee.

The doctor examines the guy's knee for a moment, looking at it from all angles. He finally looks up at the guy and says, "Well, I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but you're going to have to stop masturbating."

"What? Why?" asks the guy.

"Because I'm trying to examine your knee."

So a guy walks into the doctors office...

...and says, "Doc, you gotta help me, I woke up this morning and my left eye was blind!"

"Alright," says the Doctor, "have a seat and I'll check you out."

The doctor looks him in the eye, and after a second says "Well, you're going to have to stop masturbating for a little while."

"Why?" asks the man.

"Because I'm trying to give you an eye exam."

A man went to see his doctor.

"You need to stop masturbating," the doctor said.

The man asked, "Why?"

The doctor replied, "Because I''m trying to examine you!"


I had my prostate checked the other day...

He said, "Bad news. You are going have to stop masturbating."

"What?... Permanently?..."

"No. Just while I am examining you."

During a routine physical the Doctor said, "You've got to stop masturbating."

"Why?" asked the patient.

"Because I'm trying to give you a physical!"

Doctor: I have some medical news.

You'll have to stop masturbating for a while.

Patient: Why?

Doctor: Because I'm talking to you.

I went to the doctor and he told me I had to stop masturbating.

"Why"? I asked him.

"So I can examine you." he said.

Why were cornflakes invented joke

Well your favourite morning meal was invented to lower your libido and stops you from masturbating early in the morning.

A guy goes to the doctor

A guy goes to the doctor for his annual checkup, and the doctor says, "You need to stop masturbating."

"Why?" the man asks.

The doctor replies, "Because I'm trying to examine you."

A guy goes to the doctor...

The doctor says "You have to stop masturbating."

The guy says "Why?"

The doctor says "...because I'm trying to take your blood pressure."

Doctor: "I have some bad news. You going to have to stop masturbating."

Man: "That's terrible, doc, why?!"

Doctor: "I'm trying to examine you."

Louiis CK goes to see his doctor...

Doctor says:

I have some bad news for you. You have to stop masturbating!

Oh no doc! Why? Why?!

I'm trying to examine you!

A guy went to the doctor for a checkup.

The doctor said,"Well first of all, sir, you'll have to stop masturbating." The guy said,"Why?" The doctor replied, "So I can examine you."

My New Year's Resolution was to stop masturbating

Well I guess there's always next year

Not for your health.

A man walks into the doctor's office for his annual check up. The doctor starts to look him over and says, "you need to stop masturbating"

The man looks up at the doctor concerned and asks, "why?"

And the doctor replies, "because i'm trying to examine you."

I visited my doctor last week, and he told me I had to stop masturbating. I asked him why, because surely it's not dangerous.

He said it was distracting him.

Computer diagnosis

One day, Pete complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts. I guess I should see a doctor."

His friend said, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.

Simply put in a sample of your urine, and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about and it will only cost you $10.00."

Pete figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00.

The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause, out popped a small slip of paper which read:

1. You have tennis elbow.
2. Soak your arm in warm water, avoid heavy labor.
3. It will be better in two weeks.......

That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this computer could be fooled.

He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction.

He went back to the drug store, located the computer, poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00. The machine again made the usual noises, flashed its alights, and printed out the following analysis:

1. Your tap water is too hard.

2. Get a water softener.

3. Your dog has ringworm.

4. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.

5. Your daughter is using cocaine.

6. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic.

7. Your wife is pregnant ....... twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.

8. And if you don't stop masturbating, your elbow will never get better.

A serial masturbator goes to the doctor.

Doctor tells him, "You've got to stop masturbating." Man asks, "Why?" Doctor says, "So that I can examine you."

A joke my grandpa told me

A man goes to the doctor for a rectal exam. The doctor says "Sir, you really need to stop masturbating."
The man, worried, asks "What? Why??"
The doctor replies "Because I'm trying to do my exam."

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the stop masturbation jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working stop masturbation piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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