Son to mother: "Mom, all the kids in the school are making fun of me because I am still a virgin."
Mother: "Well, start giving them bad grades and they will stop."
Take your foot off his head.
**
Guy: "I'm coming over"
Girl: "We should stop using walkie talkies in bed, over."
They stopped releasing anything worth listening to.
"Whatever means necessary," she replied.
"No it doesn't," I said.
He'll stop at nothing to avoid them.
Which was ironic since we were at a bus stop
Thanks daylight savings!
She asked why I broke up with the last girl and I said
"It didn't work out."
She told me to be more specific so I said
"I just told you, she didn't exercise."
It's giving me a headache, and dizziness, and nausea.
In one ear, out the other.
Parents stop and looked, laugh a lot and then carry on
boy leaves the room in disgust.
2 days later, father walks down stairs to find boy on top of grandmother, naked and fucking her ultra hard and fast,
boy turns to father and says "not so funny when it's YOUR mum, IS it?!
EDIT- My English is not that good yet btw anyone cares to PM me the joke with proper punctutation and proper english
"Stop playing with that shotgun you little fucking cunt."
I guess it's time to take Matters into my own hands
"Jump in, I'll give you a lift home" I said.
"Fuck off" he shouted back.
"What an ungrateful little cunt" I thought as I zipped up my backpack and continued my walk.
I can't stop coming to conclusions.
"Jeremy, you've been a doctor for over 8 years now, please stop starting every phone conversation we have with that."
Keep kids from dying from old age, stop vaccinating today.
They all looked shocked when I didn't stop
And then I saw her face...
They have enough on their plate anyway.
Cause I'm trying to give you a physical
Just say you're rooting for the man with the knife.
I really need to stop playing monopoly with my uncle.
Your pupils; they dilate.
Her: Come over.
Him: I'm coming over.
Her: We should stop using walkie talkies in bed, over.
When you're eating a watermelon!
To stop hispanic attacks.
Also the police say I should stop referring to her as my girlfriend.
I have to stay 100 feet away from her at all times. Also, the police say I should stop referring to her as my girlfriend.
I said maybe.
But I'm not about to listen to some drunk who talks to himself.
Me: Do you guys think it's ruining our marriage? Let me know in the comments below!
I asked him why and he replied, "Because I'm trying to examine you."
I had to put my foot down
So I told him if he didn't stop bleeding right away, he'd die.
If we stick together, we can stop this shit.
Your mom doesn't stop sucking when I smack her
They got tired of people pretending to be Ash.
Terrorist: "Say your last words!"
Dad: "Your last words!"
Terrorist: "What? ugh, you Americans. Be serious!"
Dad: "Okay, I'll be Sirius. Who are you going to be?"
Terrorist: "Stop. Why isn't this scaring your?"
Dad: "Nothing really scares me anymore; not since I saw that monster henway."
Terrorist: "What's a 'henway'"?
Dad: "About a pound and a half."
Terrorist: "Stop! I'm serious!"
Dad: "Hi Sirius! I'm Dad!"
Girl: Stop flirting with me on the walkie talkies, someone's gonna hear us. Over.
His doctor asks him what he remembers.
- All i remember is getting on an elevator with a gorgeous woman and her husband. She had a beautiful cleavage and i couldn't stop staring at it. She then looked at me and told me "Can you please press one?".
And there's an old lady there with a little chihuahua.
It's constantly jumping at my leg, begging for some sandwich.
I ask the lady,
" Do you mind if I throw your dog a bit?"
" Why no, go ahead", she says, sweetly.
So I threw the yappy little bastard under a bus.
Invite two of them.
I stop at nothing to avoid them.
Wedding cake
I can stop whenever I want
Dear 6,
Please stop spreading rumors about me eating 9. You shouldn't be talking. I hear you two do some pretty nasty things together.
Sincerely,
7
They said that couldn't do anything about crows and to stop calling.
The last stop is the bedroom, where a big brass gong sits next to the bed.
"What's that gong for?" the friend asks him.
"It's not a gong," the drunk replies. "It's a talking clock."
"How does it work?"
The guy picks up a hammer, gives the gong an ear-shattering pound, and steps back.
Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screams, "Hey asshole! It's 3:30 in the fucking morning!"
Because there's so many Links
"Oh, really? Did *he* eat a lot of chocolate?"
"No, he minded his own damn business."
He told me to stop vigorously masturbating and get the hell out of his office.
"Who is there?"
"Grandma!"
"Grandma wh-, HOLY SHIT STOP THE FUNERAL!"
Me: Oh no! Why doctor?"
Doctor: Because I'm trying to talk to you, and it's very distracting.
I can't stop coming to conclusions.
Two friars decide to open up a business selling flowers in LA. They settup a booth right outside of Hugh Hefners playboy mansion. After about a week, their business wasnt going so well and it was also driving away people from the playboy mansion seeing two friars outside.
Eventually Hugh Hefner himself came out and put a stop to all of this.
The point of the story is: Only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
Badum psh
As she got in I asked, *"How much for a blow job?"*
She said, *"Thirty dollars."*
I said, *"Can you do twenty?"*
*"Yeah, okay"*, she replied.
I said, *"Great, here's $600 then."*
But I can't. I'm on a roll now
Which is ironic, because we were at a bus stop.
"Need help finding a size?" = Please stop fucking up my display
"I can put that back for you" = you're going to fuck up my display
"Let me hold your items for you" = So you dont leave this somewhere and fuck up a display
But i can stop any time i want.
He said Sure, if it bothers you, I'll stop.
"Jump in", I yelled, "I'll give you a lift home". "Fuck off!", he shouted back. 'What an ungrateful bastard' I thought as I zipped up my backpack and kept on walking.
Jesus holds up a piece of bread and says, "This is my body."
Then he holds up a cup of wine, saying," This is my blood."
Then he holds up a jar of mayonnaise and Peter says, "Let me stop you right there, Jesus."
Trump turns to them and shouts: "Stop chasing us and I'll pay you a million dollars!" The terrorists continued.
Then Merkel turns to them and shouts: "Stop chasing us and I'll give you German citizenship!" The terrorists still kept chasing.
Then Kim Jong-un turns and shouts: "You are about to cross the border into the People's Democratic Republic of Korea. Welcome!"
The terrorists screamed and turned to run away.
But he's doing more than anyone else in the world to stop Donald Trump from being elected president.
How much of this "No More Tears" shampoo do I have to feed this baby to get it to stop crying?
I thought she was joking
But then i saw her face
Then today he called me to brag that he got his wife pregnant.
When I asked him why that could possibly be necessary, he said
"Because I'm trying to give you an eye exam."
...and then I saw her face...
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