Following is our collection of Stop jokes which are very funny. There are some stop desist jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these stop incessant puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Son to mother: "Mom, all the kids in the school are making fun of me because I am still a virgin."
Mother: "Well, start giving them bad grades and they will stop."
Take your foot off his head.
**
Guy: "I'm coming over"
Girl: "We should stop using walkie talkies in bed, over."
They stopped releasing anything worth listening to.
"Whatever means necessary," she replied.
"No it doesn't," I said.
He'll stop at nothing to avoid them.
Which was ironic since we were at a bus stop
Thanks daylight savings!
...I told him to lighten up.
But I can't. I'm on a roll now
Two friars decide to open up a business selling flowers in LA. They settup a booth right outside of Hugh Hefners playboy mansion. After about a week, their business wasnt going so well and it was also driving away people from the playboy mansion seeing two friars outside.
Eventually Hugh Hefner himself came out and put a stop to all of this.
The point of the story is: Only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
Badum psh
You can explore stop bus stop reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean stop start dad jokes. There are also stop puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Me: Oh no! Why doctor?"
Doctor: Because I'm trying to talk to you, and it's very distracting.
I had to put my foot down
His doctor asks him what he remembers.
- All i remember is getting on an elevator with a gorgeous woman and her husband. She had a beautiful cleavage and i couldn't stop staring at it. She then looked at me and told me "Can you please press one?".
So I told him if he didn't stop bleeding right away, he'd die.
Invite two of them.
Dear 6,
Please stop spreading rumors about me eating 9. You shouldn't be talking. I hear you two do some pretty nasty things together.
Sincerely,
7
They all looked shocked when I didn't stop
"Jeremy, you've been a doctor for over 8 years now, please stop starting every phone conversation we have with that."
They said that couldn't do anything about crows and to stop calling.
Your mom doesn't stop sucking when I smack her
I asked him why and he replied, "Because I'm trying to examine you."
They got tired of people pretending to be Ash.
I stop at nothing to avoid them.
But i can stop any time i want.
Which is ironic, because we were at a bus stop.
Also the police say I should stop referring to her as my girlfriend.
But he's doing more than anyone else in the world to stop Donald Trump from being elected president.
I can stop whenever I want
He said Sure, if it bothers you, I'll stop.
She looks at him sternly and says "If you don't stop before I count to 3, we're going home!"
1...
2...
2 and a half...
2 and three quarters...
2 and five sevenths...
Just then a man taps her on the shoulder and hands her his business card. Hi I work for Gabe Newell, co-founder of Valve, and we're looking for a new Vice President. I think you're just what we're looking for. Call me on Monday and we'll talk.
When I asked him why that could possibly be necessary, he said
"Because I'm trying to give you an eye exam."
How much of this "No More Tears" shampoo do I have to feed this baby to get it to stop crying?
To stop hispanic attacks.
Then today he called me to brag that he got his wife pregnant.
But I'm not about to listen to some drunk who talks to himself.
Wedding cake
Because there's so many Links
They have enough on their plate anyway.
Jesus holds up a piece of bread and says, "This is my body."
Then he holds up a cup of wine, saying," This is my blood."
Then he holds up a jar of mayonnaise and Peter says, "Let me stop you right there, Jesus."
As she got in I asked, *"How much for a blow job?"*
She said, *"Thirty dollars."*
I said, *"Can you do twenty?"*
*"Yeah, okay"*, she replied.
I said, *"Great, here's $600 then."*
I can't stop coming to conclusions.
I thought she was joking
But then i saw her face
Me: Do you guys think it's ruining our marriage? Let me know in the comments below!
When you're eating a watermelon!
Teacher: tell me a sentence that starts with an "I"
Student: I is the...
Teacher: stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I".
Student: okay! I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
Trump turns to them and shouts: "Stop chasing us and I'll pay you a million dollars!" The terrorists continued.
Then Merkel turns to them and shouts: "Stop chasing us and I'll give you German citizenship!" The terrorists still kept chasing.
Then Kim Jong-un turns and shouts: "You are about to cross the border into the People's Democratic Republic of Korea. Welcome!"
The terrorists screamed and turned to run away.
I said maybe.
Keep kids from dying from old age, stop vaccinating today.
I really need to stop playing monopoly with my uncle.
Terrorist: "Say your last words!"
Dad: "Your last words!"
Terrorist: "What? ugh, you Americans. Be serious!"
Dad: "Okay, I'll be Sirius. Who are you going to be?"
Terrorist: "Stop. Why isn't this scaring your?"
Dad: "Nothing really scares me anymore; not since I saw that monster henway."
Terrorist: "What's a 'henway'"?
Dad: "About a pound and a half."
Terrorist: "Stop! I'm serious!"
Dad: "Hi Sirius! I'm Dad!"
Cause I'm trying to give you a physical
I have to stay 100 feet away from her at all times. Also, the police say I should stop referring to her as my girlfriend.
It's giving me a headache, and dizziness, and nausea.
And then I saw her face...
Just say you're rooting for the man with the knife.
...and then I saw her face...
She asked why I broke up with the last girl and I said
"It didn't work out."
She told me to be more specific so I said
"I just told you, she didn't exercise."
Girl: Stop flirting with me on the walkie talkies, someone's gonna hear us. Over.
Your pupils; they dilate.
I can't stop coming to conclusions.
In one ear, out the other.
As if any of us still have jobs
Update: stop bragging about being employed, it's lowering morale /s
As an idiot myself, it's very offensive that people think he's one of us.
-- Go bring me a beer and I'll tell you.
-- But mommy said you should stop drinking!
-- Get yourself an ice-cream too while you bring me that beer.
-- Oh, okay!
Guy: I'm coming over
Girl: We should stop using Walkie-Talkies in bed over
So she says to her baby
_"Eat up now or I'm going to give it to that nice man over there"_ and points at the man sitting across from her
10 mins later _"You have to eat, baby, or I will give to that man!"_
5 mins later _"Baby come on now, I can't waste this milk so you have to eat or im giving it to that man"_
At this point the gentleman sitting across from her yells
_"FFS Make up your mind lady, my stop was 3 stops ago!"_
He goes and sits outside the class and can't stop laughing. The principle walks by and sees him. He asks, Frank, why are you sitting outside your class laughing?"
I farted in class and the teacher threw me out. The principle asks him again, Well then, why are you laughing?
Because those idiots are sitting in the class smelling my fart while I'm outside in the fresh air."
There is a beer in front of him. A macho, muscular man enters the pub, taps him on the shoulder and drinks his beer! The skinny man starts crying. The big man:
\- Oh, stop crying, baby. That's just one beer...
The small man:
\- Okay, listen! Today my wife left me, my bank account is empty, my house is empty! I even got fired from my job. I didn't want to live anymore, so i tried to kill myself. I lay down on the rails - they changed the train route! i tried to hang myself - the rope broke! I tried to shoot myself - the gun broke! And now, i'm buying a beer with my last money, i'm pouring poison inside and you're drinking it!
I was almost kidnapped three times today.
But few know about Harold the Brown Nose Reindeer.
He was as strong as the rest, and could fly as high..he just couldn't stop as fast.
A man in Moscow is walking home after his day at work and he walks past a security checkpoint. One of the guards calls to him and tells him to stop, but he takes off running. The guard raises his rifle, takes aim, and shoots him dead in the street. The other guard stares at him.
What did you do that for? he asks.
Curfew violation, the other guard says.
Curfew violation? Curfew isn't for another half hour!
I know. That's my friend. I know where he lives. He never would have made it.
He always broke the fourth wall.
I went to get the results of a scan and all he had to say was "I've consulted your chart and I can see Cancer is rising in Uranus".
The first one says, "What a beautiful night...look at that bright, full moon." The second man stops and looks at his drunk friends. "You fool, that's the sun, not the moon", he mumbles. Soon, they start arguing.
As they are arguing, they pass by another drunk man. They both stop his ask him, "Can you tell us wether that thing up in the sky is the sun or the moon?"
The drunk man looks up, and then looks back and says, "Sorry, I don't live around here."
The doctor says it's terminal.
It keeps the pilot cool. If you see it stop, and you will start to see him sweat
He told me to stop going to those places
That's when I really had to put my foot down.
How am I gonna be an optimist about this?
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the stop tired jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working stop passengers piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.