Stop Bleeding Jokes
17 stop bleeding jokes and hilarious stop bleeding puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about stop bleeding that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Stop Bleeding Short Jokes
Short stop bleeding jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The stop bleeding humour may include short nose bleed jokes also.
- My friend was bleeding, and the first aid book told me to apply pressure. So I told him if he didn't stop bleeding right away, he'd die.
- If you don't know how to administer first aid for deadly bleeding, don't worry! All bleeding stops eventually
- I'm not addicted to video games I just have to play 8 hours a day to stop the shaking and another 4 to stop the nose bleed
- Nurse to bleeding patient - Don't worry ...... All bleedings stop.....
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......eventually - What is the connection between bandages and stopping bleeding. It's just gauze and effect.
- What is a hemophiliac's least favorite song? Don't stop ble-eding
(The pause is necessary)
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Stop Bleeding One Liners
Which stop bleeding one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with stop bleeding? I can suggest the ones about nosebleed and taking blood.
- How do you stop a lawyer from bleeding out? Attorney kit.
- How does a lawyer stop the bleeding?
With Attorney-kit.
Great Stop Bleeding Jokes to Share, Laugh and Enjoy with Friends
What funny jokes about stop bleeding you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean first aid jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make stop bleeding pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Jim's car is swerving all over the road so a cop pulls him over...
Jim's car is swerving all over the road so a cop pulls him over, Step out of the car says the cop, I am going to need you to take a breathalyzer test. I can't , Jim responds You see I have very bad asthma, that can set off an attack. Alright, says the cop, then you're going to have to take a blood test. Can't do that either, Jim responds, I am a hemophiliac, if a wound is opened, I won't stop bleeding, and I could bleed to death. Ok, the cop answers then I will need a u**... sample. Sorry, says Jim I also have diabetes, that could push my sugar count really low. Fine, so just come on out, and walk a straight line for me. Can't do that either responds Jim. Why not? Demanded the exasperated cop. Well, because I'm drunk!
A group of soldiers on a first-aid course were tested by the instructor. He asked the recruits: 'If the sergeant major sustained a head injury during an exercise what would you do about it ?
One soldier said: 'I'd wrap a tourniquet around his neck and tighten it until the bleeding stopped.'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Ice on your neck can stop nose bleeds
But then again, you could get shot, arrested, or die from an overdose.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A police man stops a car and sees a nerdy little man sitting at the wheel...
A police officer pulls over this guy who had been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy's window and says
"Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube."
The man says, "Sorry officer I can't do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that I'll have a really bad asthma attack."
"Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample."
"I can't do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I'll bleed to death."
"Well, then we need a u**... sample."
"I'm sorry officer I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that I'll get really low blood sugar."
"Alright then I need you to come out here and walk this white line."
"I can't do that, officer."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm too drunk to do that."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Spanish Joke - Translated
Jim's car is swerving all over the road so a cop pulls him over.
Step out of the car says the cop, I am going to need you to take a Breathalyzer test.
I can't , Jim responds You see I have very bad asthma, that can set off an attack.
Alright, says the cop, then you're going to have to take a blood test.
Can't do that either, Jim responds, I am a hemophiliac, if a wound is opened, I won't stop bleeding, and I could bleed to death.
Ok, the cop answers then I will need a u**... sample.
Sorry, says Jim I also have diabetes, that could push my sugar count really low.
Fine, so just come on out, and walk a straight line for me.
Can't do that either responds Jim.
Why not? Demanded the exasperated cop.
Well, because I'm drunk!
Edit 1: Formatting
Tell me if I translated this properly!
Bell Ringer Wanted
A beautiful, old church with a tall steeple and bell tower was in need of someone to ring the bell every hour as the priest was getting too old to climb the stairs.
He put out a sign asking for someone to fill the position, and an hour later he hears 3 slow thuds on the front door. The priest opens the door to find a man standing there with no arms. He says, "I am here about the open position, it has always been my dream to ring the bell in this church".
Hesitant, the priest figures he will let the man audition, so they walk all the way to the top of the steeple where the large bell resides. The priest tells the man to go ahead and ring the bell, not sure how he will be able to pull the cord without any arms.
The man takes a few steps back, then runs and jumps face first at the bell, and it let out the most amazing ring causing the entire town to stop in awe. The man however, was bleeding from the nose after hitting his face, and the priest said, "that was the most beautiful sound the bell has ever made, but I cannot allow you do that to yourself every hour".
Distraught, the man throws himself from the top of the bell tower to the streets below. Two men walking by see the man fall, and stop near the body. One says to the other, "he looks familiar, do you know his name". The other man replies, "no, but his face rings a bell".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man leaves a bar, gets into his car and drives away.
A mile down the road, he's stopped by a police officer.
The officer walked up to the driver's side window holding a Breathalyzer and said: "Good evening sir. We're testing for drunk driving. Would you please blow into this machine?"
The man says: "Sorry officer, but I can't do that. I have asthma. If I blow in that machine, I will get out of air."
"Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample", said the officer.
"I can't do that. I have anemia and if you stick a needle in me I will bleed to death."
"Well, then we need a u**... sample."
"I'm sorry officer, I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that I'll get really low blood sugar."
"Alright... then you'll have to get out and walk 5 yards along this white line."
"I can't do that either, officer."
The officer was getting irritated... "And why not?"
"Because I'm dead drunk."