Stool Jokes
139 stool jokes and hilarious stool puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about stool that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Have a seat and grab your favorite recliner or armchair. It's time to enjoy some funny step stool, stool sample, stool softener, and stool pigeon jokes! Laugh at hilarious puns and jokes related to these terrible targets. Here, you've got the best collection of jokes to loosen up tight fists…it's time to get silly with stool!
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Funniest Stool Short Jokes
Short stool jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The stool humour may include short bowel jokes also.
- I think a gay guy hit on me in a bar... He was passing behind me and asked "Do you mind if I push in your stool?"
- What's the difference between a step stool and a 3D printer? The former is a ladder and the latter is a former.
- There was a man on a stool with a rope around his neck. He said he'll kill himself if i didnt give him a high-five. Of course i left him hanging.
- Two men are discussing how they'll reach a lightbulb that needs to be changed. Man 1: would you like the ladder or the step stool?
Man 2: I prefer the ladder.
Man 1: ok, step stool it is. - What is the best pickup line at a gay bar? Let me push your stool in for you.
^^I'm^sorry. - As a gentleman, I asked my date if I could push in her stool... She said let's see how the date goes first
- 3 women in a bar are comparing how loose they are... One claimed they could fit a sausage, another claimed they can fit a cucumber and the other slid down the bar stool.
- In honor of father's day - one from my dad. A dungbeetle walks into a bar and he says to the bartender: Excuse me sir, is this stool taken?
- What did Mr. T say when he saw a fat lady at the bar? I don't hate this bar, but I pity the stool.
- I went to a gay bar. As I sat down to order a drink, I went to a gay bar. As I sat down to order a drink, a kind gentleman approached and offered to push my stool in.
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Stool One Liners
Which stool one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with stool? I can suggest the ones about toilet and toilet seat.
- Why does a milking stool only have three legs? Because the cow has the udder.
- What does Mr. T say when he sees a fat lady at a bar? I pity the stool!
- Hellen Keller walks into a bar. And then a table, and then a stool.
- What's the best pick up line at a gay bar? "May I push your stool in."
- A dung beetle walks into a bar. He says, "Is this stool taken?"
- What did Mr. T say when he saw a fat woman sitting at the bar? "I pity the stool."
- An elderly blind man walks into a bar And a table, and a stool....
- What does violent diarrhoea and a bar fight have in common? Blood on your stool
- What's the worst part about swim-up bars? The watery stools
- Why do cow-milking stools only have three legs? The cow's got the udder.
- What did one gay man say to another at the bar? "Mind if I push your stool in? ;)"
- Two Gay Men Walk Into A Bar One sits down, the other says "Can I push your stool in?"
- What piece of furniture does every person own? A little stool up their butts.
- A fly walks into a bar... and asks: "Is this stool taken?"
- What's a gay-bar pickup line? Can I push your stool in?
Stool Sample Jokes
Here is a list of funny stool sample jokes and even better stool sample puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Went to get stool sample test. It was expensive... ...cost me a buttload.
- If I was a salesman and sold bar stools, I'd hand out free stool samples.
- What's the first step in getting accepted to carpentry school? Submitting a stool sample.
- What's the difference between a doctor and a chair salesman? The chair salesman gives YOU a stool sample.
- My vet asked me for a stool sample from my dog I told them she didn't have any stools, she just sits on the ground, but they just looked at me like I was an idiot.
- A carpenter pulls up to his doctor with his truck "Took me a while to source the right kind of spruce, but I have the stool samples you asked for"
- What's a carpenter's prototype of a bar seat called? A stool sample.
- My doctor said he needed a stool sample from me. The timing was perfect. I was about to go to Ikea anyway
- Why did the doctor go the furniture store? Because he needed a stool sample.
- What do you call it when you sit on a high chair to see if you want to buy it? A stool sample.
Step Stool Jokes
Here is a list of funny step stool jokes and even better step stool puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A man was in a department store trying to decide between a step stool and a ladder... He chose the latter.
- I have a step-stool because I never knew my real stool ^
- What do you call it when your Stepmother poops? A Step-Stool
- I took a sculpting class, but left my receipt either with the sculptor or on the step stool. It's with either the former or the ladder.
- My kids need a step stool. They're real stool abandoned them when they were young.
- What did the ladder say to the step stool? Hello my step brother
- My friend needed to get onto the roof of his house, so I gave him the choice between a step stool and two bars with some rungs between them. He chose the ladder.
- I have a step-stool and never met my real stool
Stool Softener Jokes
Here is a list of funny stool softener jokes and even better stool softener puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I just patented my new combination aphrodisiac and stool softener! SexLax: "Easy come, easy go!"
Wow! A sort-by-new gold! I'm honoured! - What do you call it when... You put a pillow on a stool?
You call it a stool softener
cheesiest joke I made up - I don't need to take a Stool Softener thats number one on the market But I do need to take a Number 2
Experience Instant Grins & Giggles with Playful Stool Jokes
What funny jokes about stool you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean sitting toilet jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make stool pranks.
Still my favorite joke I ever made up. :)
A monocle walks into a bar. After a few drinks he starts to feel pretty good (and a little uncoordinated). He reaches for a cigarette, but the bartender stops him. "Sorry, buddy, but due to city ordinances we don't allow smoking in here. You'll have to step outside to smoke."
So the monocle hops off the bar stool and grabs his cigarettes to head outside. Meanwhile a second monocle emerges from the bathroom. They bump into each other as they cross paths and fall to the floor, hopelessly entangled. They try to get free but the more they struggle, the more tangled they become.
The bartender looks down on this travesty and shakes his head. "Hey you two!" he shouts. "Stop making spectacles of yourselves!"
A man walks into a bar...
The bartender asks "Why the long face?"
The man replies "I just found out my wife is sleeping with another man. I've decided I'm going to drink myself to death."
The bartender looks shocked and says "I'm sorry I can't help you kill yourself."
The man asks "Well what would you do in my situation?"
The bartender puffs himself up a bit and says "If I found out a guy was sleeping with my wife I wouldn't sit around feeling sorry for myself, I'd kill the guy."
The man jumps up from his stool and shouts "That's a great idea! Thanks!" and runs out of the bar.
A couple hours goes by and the bartender is starting to get nervous when the man walks back into the bar with a smile on his face.
"Did you kill the guy?" The bartender asks nervously.
"Nope! I slept with your wife. Whiskey please."
Check-up
An old man goes to the doctor for his yearly physical, his wife tagging along. When the doctor enters the examination room, he tells the old man, "I need a u**... sample, a stool sample and a s**... sample."
The old man, being hard of hearing, looks at his wife and yells: "WHAT?"
"What did he say? What's he want?"
His wife yells back, "He needs your underwear."
Genie with a flaw
A guy walks into a bar. He sets a bag onto the bar, orders three shots of whiskey, and slams them all back.
The bartender asks, "Hey buddy, what's the problem?"
The guy reaches into the bag, pulls out a little piano, then set it on the bar. He reaches back inside, pulls out a little stool, and sets it in front of the piano. He reaches in one more time, pulls out a little man, and sits him on the stool. The man then proceeds to play a wonderful sonata that fills the establishment and leaves the patrons in awe.
"Wow, that was great!" exclaimed the bartender. "Where'd you find this guy?"
The man reaches into the bag one last time and pulls out a lamp. He hands it to the bartender and says "Rub it."
The bartender rubs the lamp and a genie pops out. The genie says "I shall grant you one wish, whatever your heart desires."
"I want a million bucks!" the bartender shouts.
"It shall be done." And
A minute later, a duck walks into the bar. And then another duck, and then another. Soon the bar is full of ducks.
"Hey buddy," the bartender says to the man. "I think your genie is a little deaf. I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks."
"Yeah," said the man. "Do you think I really asked for a twelve-inch pianist?"
How do you fit four girls on a bar stool?
Flip it over.
What did the polite gay man say to the other man when he left the bar?
Please allow me to push in your stool sir.
What does a novice woodworker have in common with a constipated woodworker?
In the end, both are lucky to produce a stool.
How can you tell if you accidentally wandered into a gay bar?
Everyone keeps offering to push your stool in
A crusty old biker walls into a bar..
..and sits down on a bar stool near the end of the bar.
He takes a look at the menu and it reads as follows:
Hamburger - 2.99
Cheeseburger - 3.99
Chicken Sandwich - 4.99
Hand Jobs - 19.99
The crusty old biker waves the bartender down, and up walks this tall, b**..., beautiful redhead in her mid-twenties. She smiles at the biker coyly, and he asks in a quiet voice "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" The bartender blushes slightly and says "Yes, I am" with a s**... little smile.
The biker grins and says "Well wash your hands, because I want a cheeseburger."
An old man doesn't feel well...
So he and his wife go to the doctors office. When they meet with the doctor he says "We need to do a full workup and run some tests. I'm going to need a u**... sample, a stool sample and a s**... sample". The old man, being hard of hearing, turns to his wife and says "eh?". His wife just rolls her eyes and says "Frank, just give him your underwear!"
Blondes and Blind Cowboy
An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender,
'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,
'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair,
Given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
* The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
* The bouncer is a blonde girl.
* I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in
karate.
* The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
* The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy. Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head
and mutters, 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times
3 women sitting at a bar
3 women are sitting at a bar. They start discussing m**....The first woman proudly proclaims
"I can fit 2 fingers!"
The second says
"Well I can fit a whole cucumber!"
The third slipped down the stool.
I ate part of a chair yesterday
It is now a stool.
An elderly couple go to the doctor......
for the husbands annual physical. The husband is hard of hearing and he and the wife sit at the doctors desk after his exam. The doctor starts talking and tells the husband he is ordering some tests, and he'll need to provide a u**... sample, a stool sample, and a blood sample.
The husband looks over to his wife and asks: "what did he just say?" The wife replies "give him your underwear".
Three prostitutes in a bar...
First one holds up four fingers "I can take that inside me" she says.
"Well, I can take this" says the second, holding up a fist.
The third one slides slowly down the bar stool.
What did one gay man say to the other gay man in the gay bar?
Stand up and I'll push your stool in.
Yeah it's g**....
What did the polite homosexual man say to another at the bar?
Mind if I push your stool in for you?
A bear goes into a bar
he sits down and immediately mauls to death and devours the woman on the stool next to him.
he then calmly orders a beer
bartender: "sorry, we don't serve drug users in here"
bear: "but I don't do drugs"
bartender: "what about that barbitchyouate"
Man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool.
Man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool.
The bartender looks at him and says, "What'll it be, buddy?"
The man says, "Set me up with seven whiskey shots and make them doubles."
The bartender does this and watches the man slug one down, then the next, then the next, and so on until all seven are gone almost as quickly as they were served. Staring in disbelief, the bartender asks why he's doing all this drinking.
"You'd drink them this fast too if you had what I have."
The bartender hastily asks, "What do you have pal?"
The man quickly replies, "I have a dollar."
A woman walks into a bar...
A woman walks into a bar with her pet newt on her shoulder. She sits down on a stool and orders a beer. The barman looks at the woman and her newt and asks her, "What's his name?"
"Tiny." The woman replies.
"Why tiny?" The barman inquires.
"Because he's my newt."
Three girls are sitting at a bar talking about how loose they are
The first girl says "I'm so loose my boyfriend can get three fingers inside of me". The second girl says "I'm so loose MY boyfriend can get his whole fist in me." The third girl just smiles and slowly slides down the bar stool.
Screw anyone
A man walks into a bar. He sees a good looking, smartly dressed woman perched on a bar stool.
He walks up behind her and says: "Hi there good looking, how's it going?"
She turns around, faces him, looks him straight in the eye and says: "Listen, I'll screw anybody, anytime, anywhere, your place, my place, it doesn't matter. I've been doing it ever since I got out of college. I just flat out love it."
He says: "No kidding?, I'm a lawyer too! What firm are you with?"
A polar bear walks into a bar
A polar bear walks into a bar and finds a stool. The bartender asks him what he'd like, to which he replies, "I'll have a............. a beer please."
The bartender, slightly confused by the hesitation asks, "why the large pause?"
The polar bear responds, "I was **born** with them!!!"
An old man walked into an ice cream parlor...
He slowly climbed onto a stool, wincing with pain, and then proceeded to order a banana split.
"Crushed nuts, sir?" asked the waitress.
The old man took a deep breath and replied, "No, arthritis"
An old, blind cowboy wanders into a bar....
An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter,
"Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a, very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,
"Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler
"Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, "No... Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
Loose women
3 women are sitting at a bar conversing over lady stuff.
Eventually the first woman says, "I'm so loose I can fit an entire carrot up there.."
The second woman chimes in and says, "yes, well I'm so loose I can fit an entire baseball bat up there.."
The Third woman slides down the bar stool
Bill pulled up a stool at his favorite bar and announced...
My wife Suzie must love me more than any woman has ever loved any man!
What makes you say that? the bartender inquired.
Last week, Bill explained, I had to take a couple of sick days from work. Suzie was so thrilled to have me around that every time the milkman or mailman came by, she'd run down the driveway waving her arms and hollering, 'My husband's home! My husband's home!'
The doctor says to the old man "I'll need to check your blood, u**..., and stool.
The old man who is virtually deaf, turns to his wife and shouts "WHAT'D HE SAY?". His wife says "the doctor said he wants to see your underwear".
3 women are sitting at a bar..
A brunette, a redhead and a blonde.
The brunette says, "I'm so tight, my husband can only fit 3 fingers in me."
The redhead says, "I'm so tight, *my* husband can only fit 1 finger in me!"
The blonde, meanwhile, slides down her stool.
What is the biggest compliment you can pay at a gay bar?
Pushing in somebody's stool.
If your life is awful, get a rope and a stool
...and find the next tree. Throw the rope over a branch and attach the stool to the rope.
Now you've got a swing.
The men at gay bars are so polite...
Every time I stand up they offer to push in my stool.
Three girls sit at a bar bragging about how loose they are.
The first says she can fit a sausage. The second says a cucumber. The third starts to slide down the bar stool
A man walks into a bar...
...wearing a hard hat and overalls, carrying a pickaxe in one hand and a lantern in the other. He sits down on a stool and orders a beer. The bartender takes one look at him and says:
"We don't serve miners here."
Ray Charles walks into a bar...
and a stool and a table
My doctor asked me for a u**... sample and a stool sample.
So I gave him my underwear.
I was about to kill myself yesterday...
Had the noose tied and stool ready. Just when I was about to hang myself, I decide to call the National s**... Hotline. I told them that I was going to hang myself. They said "Hang on for a moment".
A biker walks into a bar...
...and sits down on a bar stool near the end of the bar.
He takes a look at the menu and it reads as follows:
Hamburger - 2.99
Cheeseburger - 3.99
Chicken Sandwich - 4.99
Hand Jobs - 19.99
The crusty old biker waves the bartender down, and up walks this tall, b**..., beautiful redhead in her mid-twenties. She smiles at the biker coyly, and he asks in a quiet voice "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" The bartender blushes slightly and says "Yes, I am" with a s**... little smile. The biker grins and says "Well wash your hands, because I want a cheeseburger."
A shy cowboy goes into a bar
*this is an old one but I'll give it a try*
...so he sees a nice looking c**... sitting on a bar stool. He doesn't know how to approach her so he just takes a seat somewhere else. After a while he gets an idea. He gets up, pulls out his gun, and shoots and kills everyone in the room, but her. He goes to her and says: "Now what is a nice-looking lady like yourself doing here all alone?"
What's the difference between a gentleman and a gay gentleman?
A gentleman pulls his date's chair out for her. A gay gentleman pushes his date's stool in.
A guy walks into a gay club
As he walks up to the bar, a man asks him Excuse me sir, may I push your stool in for you?
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.
After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"
"No," he replied, "Arthritis."
Three bottoms are sitting at a bar.
The first says, I'm so loose my boyfriend can fit his whole hand inside me.
The second says that's nothing. My boyfriend can fit his whole arm inside me!
The third laughs, and the bar stool disappears.
Three gay men are at a bar.
The first one says, I'm so loose, my boyfriend can fit his fist inside me without effort! Second one says, Oh yeah? I'm so loose that my bf can fit his whole arm inside me without effort! Third guy laughs and the stool beneath him disappears.
A dungbeetle walks into a bar and asks the bartender...
"Is this stool taken?"
An indian lady visited a bar for the first time
She was nervous but sat on one tall stool in front of the bartender.
The guy sitting on her left said: "Jack Daniels, Single"
The guy on her right side ordered: "Johnny Walker, Single"
Then the bartender looked at the lady & said: And you..?
The lady replied: "Parmjeet kaur, Married.
A man comes home drunk...
As he stumbles in trying to be quiet as possible not to wake up the wife...he's too drunk and knocks over a stool startling wife from sleep...
Wife, from bedroom: Bob, is that you? what was that ?
Bob: Oh nothing honey, just a stool. Be right there...
As he stumbles into the bedroom he falls over creating a loud CRASHHH
Wife: Bob? Are you OK? What was that sound???
Bob: Oh its nothing honey, i was just hanging my shirt and it fell.
Wife: How did your shirt make such a loud sound?
Bob: I was still wearing it
Good pickup line.
Two male flies are buzzing around the farmyard when they spot a female fly landing on a fresh pile of cow dung.
The one fly says, "Wow, she is cute! I'm going to try to talk to her, wish me luck."
He swoops down, lands right next to her and says, "Excuse me Miss, is this stool taken?"
A dung beetle walks into a bar and asks,
'Is this stool taken?'
A blind man walks into a bar,
Then a stool, the counter, a person , a door .....
A dung beetle walks into a bar and asks the bartender...
Excuse me sir, is this stool taken?
If there's one thing I can't stand
it's a two-legged stool.
"Barkeep, why are there pills glued to the top of the bar seating?" "Oh, some people complained that our seats were too hard. Those are stool softeners."
"And, cushions would have r**... the loose vibes we work so hard to cultivate."
Snail joke (oldie but goodie)
A snail walks into a bar, hops up on the bar stool
and orders a Jack & Coke. The bartender says sorry no snails allowed here ....and the bartender kicks out the snail.
2 weeks later the snail finally re-enters the bar again and asks: what the f*c**... did you do that for ?
What's brown and smelly and sits on a piano stool?
Beethoven's last movement
A snail walks into a bar
The snail sits down on a bar stool and orders a double Jack & Coke. The bartender says, sorry, we have a strict policy on no snails in this bar .... so then the bartender kicks the snail out.
5 days later, the snail comes back in, sits on a bar stool and says to the bartender what the f*c**... did you do that for ?
A dung beetle goes into a bar...
He doesn't order a drink. He just takes a stool.
