The Best 85 Stoner Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Stoner jokes. There are some stoner joint jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these stoner doobie puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Stoner Jokes and Puns

What does a stoner with Parkinson's disease do in the morning?

Shake and bake.

Why were the welder and stoner such good friends?

They both love to spark up joints.

What kind of poker do stoner cows play?

High Steaks

Stoner joke, What kind of poker do stoner cows play?

Why did the stoner take his wife to court?

He wanted to get joint custody.

Why couldn't the stoner simplify his binomials in front of the class?

Because a watched pothead never FOILS.

How do you get a stoner to comprehend what you're saying?

Put it bluntly.

What do you call a stoner that is masturbating?

A highjacker.

Stoner joke, What do you call a stoner that is masturbating?

Where do stoners keep their money?

In a joint account

Why did the stoner go to the chapel?

To marry Jane

What do you call a very preoccupied stoner?

I dunno, but I guess he'd be cannabisy.

What do stoners and bacteria have in common?

Neither are considered intelligent life forms.

You can explore stoner druggie reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean stoner hemp dad jokes. There are also stoner puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

What do you call a stoner working at a repair shop?

High maintenance

My stoner neighbors got divorced

but it's okay because they got joint custody

Where do stoner cars store their weed?

In potholes.

Today my stoner friend used my to-do list as a blunt wrap

He was high on my list of priorities

What did the Japanese stoner say?

Toke yo

Stoner joke, What did the Japanese stoner say?

What do stoners ride to school?

The cannibus

I used to be a stoner in my home country...

...but then I started to respect women

What do you call a stoner that complains about luck?

A Hearthstoner

A vegan, a runner, and a stoner walked into a bar

They all told me in the first minute.

Making plans with a stoner is like having sex with a prostitute...

...They tell you they're coming, but you know it's a lie.

My girlfriend is a stoner who works at a hotel fixing whatever breaks.

She's kind of high maintenance.

A dyslexic stoner enters a competition.

He comes out on pot.

What did one hash brownie say to the other?

We're so baked.

What did the stoner say to his friend?

I'm so high,I can hear the brownies talking to each other.

Why do stoners spend so much money?

because they're high rollers

A cop pulls over a stoner

The cop looks at him and asks "How high are you?" to which the stoner replies "No officer, the correct way to say it is Hi how are you."

What did the French stoner say?

80 blaze it

Why do stoners make lousy poker players?

Because they keep smoking the pot.

Stoner goes to the doctor

A stoner goes to the doctor complaining he sees cats playing soccer every night when he falls asleep. The doctor recommends he stays up for a night. Stoner says ok but he can't miss the final tonight.

What's the difference between a nerd and a stoner?

One gets high scores, while the other gets high on scores.

What do a cheezit and a hungry white stoner have in common?

Both are baked snack crackers.

Have you heard the one about the constipated stoner?

Try as he might, he just couldn't get off the pot.

Did you hear about the stoner ghost?

He got arrested for possession

What does a stoner do if he sees a spaceman?

He parks in it, dude.

What do you call a stoner lizard?


What's the difference between a stoner and a Jew?

The stoner doesn't scream when it's baked.

What do you call a stoner king?

His highness.

What does a stoner cut down trees with?

Ah sah dude

The hard of hearing stoner...

got really disappointed when he finally arrived at his uncle's wheat farm.

How do stoners propose to one another?

Marriage, you wanna?

A drunk driver will run a stop sign.

A stoner will wait for it to turn green.

Why are stoners and prime numbers so similar?

The higher they are, the more spaced out they become

How did the stoner die?

From blunt force trauma

What's a stoners favorite dessert?

Baked goods

Why couldn't Medusa pass a drug test?

Because she was a stoner.

How many stoners does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, it's already LIT!

-What do you call a stoner who recently broke up with his girlfriend?


What does a stoner use to cut wood?

A saw dude

Stoners everywhere are uniting to push for legalization of marijuana

It is a joint effort

What's the difference between a redneck and a stoner?

One bud lights and the other lights bud.

If a stoner was giving you orders...

Would you address them as "your highness"?

My stoner friend didn't have any rolling papers so he asked if he could use my to-do list.

He was high on my list of priorities.

What do you call a stoner who is also a chronic masturbator?

A weed whacker.

What did the stoner musician hit me on the head with?

A blunt instrument

Anything recommended by a stoner

Comes highly recommended.

My stoner friend rolled a joint using a page from my agenda notebook.

He is high on my list of priorities.

How did the stoner feel when he jumped into a vat of marijuana infused vodka?

He was in high spirits

What do you call a stoner who is also a nudist?

Smokey the bare

What did one stoner noodle say to the other?

Pasta blunt homie.

How come you never see stoners jog?

It's hard on their joints.

Two stoners are talking about religion, "Dude. Did you know that like, uh, God, he has a name?" The other replies, "Really dude? No way!"

The first answers, "Yahweh!"

Why do stoner communists excel in academics?

They get high marx

Stoner: Where do I go to get some bongs?

English person: Big Ben, mate.

Did you hear about the stoner who had a stash that never went stale or moldy? He used to spend hours stoned just staring at it...

I guess it's true what they say, a watched pot never spoils.

Do you smoke?

Non-smoker Nah

Cigarette smoker Yeah

Stoner Smoke what?

What is the difference between a drunk and a stoner at a stop sign?

The drunk guy runs it and the stoner waits for it to turn green!

I tried being a stoner for the first time today.

The person I threw the rock at didn't appreciate it though.

What is a stoners favorite computer software?


What does a stoners mouth and shirt have in common?

They are both 100% cotton

How did the stoner propose to his wife?

Marriage, Juana?

Which monster likes weed the most?

Medusa. She's a total stoner.

What does a stoner do when he sees a space man?

He parks in it, man.

What food does a stoner serve his guests at a party?

Pot Roast. Ba dum dum

Stoner thought of the day:

Each time you light your lighter. Your lighter gets lighter.. ... Until your lighter gets so lighter it wont light again

What do stoners and arthritis have in common??

They both inflame joints.

What's the difference between an alcoholic and a stoner?

The alcoholic will run the stop sign. The stoner will wait for it to turn green.

Why wouldn't they let the stoner on the basketball team?

Because he couldn't jump high

A cop pulls over a stoner.

Cop: How high are you?

Stoner: No officer, It's "*Hi, how are you?*"

Where is a stoners favorite place to sit in a resturaunt

In the high chair

What do you call a stoner who fell down a hill?

Tumble weed

My stoner friend used my daily planner to roll up a joint

He's now high on my list of priorities.

What's the difference between a drunk and a stoner?

When driving, a drunk will approach a stop sign and may speed right through it.

A stoner will actually stop... and wait for it to turn green.

How do you have a serious conversation with a stoner?

You have to be very blunt with them.

[corny joke alert]

Hear about the stoner who's getting a divorce?

Yeah he's fighting for joint custody.

What do you call a Stoner Arsonist?

A Highlighter.

What do the subjects of a stoner king refer to him as?

Your Highness

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the stoner thc jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working stoner psychedelic piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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