Stone Jokes

Funniest Stone Short Jokes

Short stone jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The stone humour may include short rock jokes also.

1. My neighbor's in the guinness book of records. He's had 44 concussions. He lives very close to me, in fact it's just a stone's throw away.
2. I was writing a joke about a stone rolling up a hill, but it lost momentum. It still has potential.
3. A man recently lost 28 pounds just eating chicken. It's the only recorded instance of one bird killing two stone.
4. It's obviously worse to pass a kidney stone than giving birth to a baby. Because people always say they want another baby but no ones ever said they want another kidney stone.
5. "Beatles or Stones?" I asked my son. "Why can't I just have something normal for dinner?" he pleaded
6. My wife and I have both decided to go on a diet before our holiday to the States as we don't want to feel self conscious at the beach. It's going well, so far we've both put on five stone.
7. Thanos goes to his urologist. The urologist says, "Congrats Thanos, you now also have the kidney stone"
8. People in glass houses, shouldn't throw stones... They should use them to build proper houses.
9. I finally read Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. I know it's only 6 words, but I'm proud of myself.
10. The asteroid event that ended dinosaurs was technically the highest ratio of killing birds to one stone

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Stone One Liners

Which stone one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with stone? I can suggest the ones about stein and steel.

1. What's Sisyphus' least favorite band? Rolling Stones
2. Why is a German stone intelligent? Because its not just a stone, it's ein Stein
3. What does it say on Billy Mays' s tomb stone? BILLY MAYS HERE!
4. Why does nobody like a rich stone? Because he takes everything for granite.
5. I dated a couple of anorexic girls once. Two birds, one stone.
6. Why were all Roman buildings made of stone? They crucified the carpenter.
7. If you ever meet a girl named stone... Don't take her for granite
8. Want to know the secret to killing two birds with one stone? Throw it twice.
9. What happens when you give Eevee a French stone? You get a Napoleon
10. My girlfriend likes golden meteor showers (I have kidney stones)
11. My house is a stone's throw away from the bus stop. It's the one with broken windows.
12. What do you call a gay guy's kidney stones? Fruity pebbles
13. What did the pee say when it was blocked by a kidney stone? "u**... my way."
14. I passed my kidney stones with flying colors! But mostly red.
15. What would happen if The Styx and The Stones got a band together? It wood rock.

Rolling Stone Jokes

Here is a list of funny rolling stone jokes and even better rolling stone puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• I'm in a band. We do covers of Stone Sour, Stone Temple Pilots, and The Rolling Stones. We're a rock band.
• What's the difference between a Scotsman and the Rolling Stones? The Rolling Stones sing "hey you... Get off of my cloud."
  The Scotsman says, "Hey McCloud, get off of my ewe."
• What's the difference between a Scotsmen and The Rolling Stones? The Rolling Stones would yell 'Hey! You! Get offa mah cloud!"
  But a Scotsmen would tell 'Hey! McCloud! Get offa mah EWE!'
• What are the Rolling Stones better at than the Bee gees? Stayin' Alive
• What's the difference between a rolling stone and a Scottish shepherd? One says, "hey, you! Get off of my cloud!"
  The other says, "hey Macleod! Get off of my ewe!"
• What version of the Rolling Stones' "Hey You, Get Off of My Cloud" is played on Scottish Radio? Hey, McCloud! Get off of my ewe!
• What's Indiana Jones's least favorite band? The Rolling Stones
• I wish my parents ran when they heard The Rolling Stones. Now they're stuck under a pile of rocks.
• Why is it appropriate that the Rolling Stones let their song Start Me Up be used for a Windows 95 commercial? Because it contains the lyrics You'd make a grown man cry.
• Styx and The Rolling Stones I think Styx and The Rolling Stones should've toured together
  They could've called it the Break Your Bones Tour

Standing Stone Jokes

Here is a list of funny standing stone jokes and even better standing stone puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• Stand aside Thanos... Tom Brady has the six infinity stones now.

Passing Kidney Stone Jokes

Here is a list of funny passing kidney stone jokes and even better passing kidney stone puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• Chuck Norris passed 6 kidney stones. Thanos used them in the Infinity Gauntlet.
• What did Phil Jackson name his kidney stone? Kobe because it never passed
• Someone asked me what I would do if I had a kidney stone ? I said I'll pass on that
• This shall not pass Your urologist about you kidney stone
• Why are GOP healthcare plans like kidney stones? They both hurt people when they pass
• Just got home from the doctor, apparently I have a couple of kidney stones... It should be okay though, he told me that *these two shall pass.*
• Pete Carrol has kidney stone complications. It should have been removed by surgery....
  (wait for it)....
  But he decided to try to pass it.
• Chuck Norris passed a kidney stone once.
  That stone is now known as The Death Star.
• What did King Solomon say when his doctor told him he had a kidney stone? "This, too, shall pass."

Philosopher Stone Jokes

Here is a list of funny philosopher stone jokes and even better philosopher stone puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• What did the philosopher say to the stone?.... I can't believe they made a film about us
• If Socrates had kidney problems He could find a philosopher's stone
• What is the volume of a copy of Harry Potter and the philosopher's stone? One

Kidney Stone Jokes

Here is a list of funny kidney stone jokes and even better kidney stone puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• Human-beings get rich as they grow old: Silver in Hair;
  Gold in Teeth;
  Sugar in Blood;
  Precious Stones in Kidney;
  And a never ending supply of Gas!
• How do you know kidney stones are worse than pregnancy? After a a kidney stone, nobody says let's have another
• The doctor told Harry Potter to drink 2L of Water a Day, but Harry didn't listen. Harry Potter and the Kidney Stone.
• The worst band to listen to if you have kidney problems. The Stones.
• I've had kidney stones for my entire life and it seems that they'll always be there forever They're infinity stones
• It took me a couple attempts to clear out this kidney obstruction Two pees for one stone
• What do you call kidney stones made of lead? Flintstones.
• How do you call a band of people with kidney disease? The stones.
• When did Thanos realize that his quest is actually hurting him? When he acquired the kidney stones.
• What one stone Thanos is afraid of? Kidney.

Cheerful Fun Stone Jokes for Lovely Laughter

What funny jokes about stone you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean glass jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make stone pranks.