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Stomach Jokes

171 stomach jokes and hilarious stomach puns to laugh out loud. Read human body jokes about stomach that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Looking for some laughs? Check out our collection of stomach jokes! From puns to one-liners, we've got jokes to make you smile.

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Funniest Stomach Short Jokes

Short stomach jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The stomach humour may include short tummy jokes also.

  1. My mother used to say the way to a mans heart is through his stomach. Lovely woman. Useless surgeon.
  2. As I looked into her eyes I felt my knees go weak and my stomach turned to butterflies. That's when I realized I'd drugged the wrong glass.
  3. As I looked into her eyes across the candlelit table, I felt my knees go weak, my heart began to race and my stomach turned to butterflies... That's when I realized I drugged the wrong glass!
  4. "The best way to a mans heart is through his stomach." The surgeon was fired later that day.
  5. Yo girl, are you my appendix? Because I don't really understand how you work, but this feeling in my stomach makes me want to take you out.
  6. I think it's interesting how people sleep differently I usually sleep on my back, my brother sleeps on his stomach, and my ex sleeps with half of this town
  7. My boyfriend is the best cook With only two nuts, a sausage and some milk he can fill my stomach for 9 months.
  8. My grandmother used to tell me the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. Lovely lady. Terrible surgeon.
  9. Why is it that there's no pharmacies in Africa? Because you shouldn't take medicine on an empty stomach.
  10. As I gazed into her eyes, my knees got weak and I could feel the butterflies in my stomach... I knew right then and there, I poisoned the wrong glass.

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Stomach One Liners

Which stomach one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with stomach? I can suggest the ones about belly and abdominal.

  1. Why did the anime girl eat too much? Because her eyes were bigger than her stomach.
  2. Why ebola medicine doesn't work in Africa? Because it can't be taken on empty stomach
  3. What language does your stomach speak? hungarian!
  4. Do you know why I named my stomach "Budapest"? Because it is the Capital of Hungary!
  5. Why did the cannibal have an upset stomach? He ate someone who disagreed with him.
  6. Did you hear about the one about the heart and stomach? Nevermind, it's an inside joke.
  7. I've got butterflies in my stomach... That's the last time I eat a cocoon.
  8. Why do cows never walk out of horror movies? They're able to stomach a lot.
  9. A guy was found dead with ten stab wounds in his stomach. Somebody really hated his guts.
  10. Why didn't the skeleton like spicy food? 'Cause he didn't have the stomach for it!
  11. Why there were no pharmacies in USSR? Because you can't take pills on an empty stomach
  12. The way to a man's heart is through his stomach That way the ribcage won't be an obstacle
  13. If you have a six pack and get shot four times in the stomach, what do you have? A Tupac
  14. I always had a hunch I should give up my cannibalism But it was just my stomach talking
  15. There is only one type of cake I don't like Stomach ache

Empty Stomach Jokes

Here is a list of funny empty stomach jokes and even better empty stomach puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • The stomach is smarter than the brain. Because the stomach warns you when it is empty, the brain does not.
  • Why are there no pharmacies in Africa? Because it's not recommended to take medecine on an empty stomach.
  • I accidentally went grocery shopping on an empty stomach and now I'm the proud owner of aisle 4.
  • So, a happy Muslim on an empty stomach enters a gay bar............. Bartender asks, "What will it be!?"
    The Muslim replies, "Shots for everyone!"
  • Why is it bad to write on an empty stomach? Paper works better.
  • Why can't ethiopians take med pills? Cause they can't take 'em with empty stomach.
  • Why are there no pharmacies in Africa? Because you can't take meds on an empty stomach!
  • My grandma could never muster up enough force with her hands to open items in a jar She suffocated to death on an empty stomach :/
  • What's the difference between your brain and your stomach? Your stomach lets you know if it's empty.
  • Why arent pills allowed in Africa? Because you can't take them on an empty stomach.

Stomach Ache Jokes

Here is a list of funny stomach ache jokes and even better stomach ache puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Every time my mom burns my grilled cheese sandwich I get a stomach ache... I guess I'm black toast intolerant.
  • Why did the Cannibal logician get a stomach ache? Someone he ate disagreed with him.
  • What did the chick pea say when it got a stomach ache? I falafel.
  • What do ghosts take when they have a stomach ache? PhanTUMS
  • What do you call a stomach ache you get from eating a Cuban sandwich? Castro-intestinal distress.
  • I had a stomach ache... My SO asked what's wrong,
    I said "I have a clog in my intestines"
    she responds with "you need to stop eating shoes"
  • I'm suffering from a more rare kind of stomach ache. It's called Indiegestion, I doubt you've heard of it before.
  • What does a Jew, in Poland with a Stomach ache have? The Auschits
  • I hit someone with my car and ate them afterwards. It gave me a stomach ache. It was a case of hit and runs.
  • I think I'm allergic to cats. They give me stomach aches.
Stomach joke, I think I'm allergic to cats.

Stomach Hurting Jokes

Here is a list of funny stomach hurting jokes and even better stomach hurting puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • It wasn't when the bully called me a big fat doughboy that hurt as much as the punch in my stomach. It left a big impression.
  • Why didn't the dyslexic bodybuilder workout when his stomach hurt? He felt it was an Abd Omen
  • Three people walk into a bar, a tall one, a short one, and a medium height one. The tall one hurts his hip, the short one hurts his head, and the medium one hurts his stomach.
  • When do l**... have s**...? When neither of their stomachs hurt.
  • Why don't rapists eat at TGI Friday's? It's hard to r**... when your stomach hurts.

Stomach Upset Jokes

Here is a list of funny stomach upset jokes and even better stomach upset puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What do you call a quesadilla that gives you upset stomach? A quesadiarrhea. (A case a diarrhea)
  • Why did the race car driver have an upset stomach? He had "Indy"gestion
  • Took my cat to the vet the other day, he had an upset stomach. The vet asked me whats wrong with the cat,
    I told him he isnt "feline" very good.
    (Im sorry im advance)
  • I just had some cheese dip and got an upset stomach Turns out it was a bad queso gas.
  • What do you call a boxer with an upset stomach? Gaseous Clay
  • What do call the President of Russia with an upset stomach? Vladimir Poopin
  • What's the best food for an upset stomach? Cheerios.
  • What does a robber take for an upset stomach? Klepto-bismol
  • What do you give a deer with an upset stomach?
    Elkaseltzer.
  • Upset stomach Don't know what my stomach is upset about, but it has been quite vociferous about it

Stomach Bug Jokes

Here is a list of funny stomach bug jokes and even better stomach bug puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Hey I seem to have picked up a stomach bug So far just explosive diarrhea. I will keep y'all posted as situation can best be described as fluid.
  • What happens when if you eat a microphone? You end up with a stomach bug.
  • Which doctor should you see when you have a stomach bug? The gastro-entomologist.
  • Why shouldn't you eat a microphone? You'll end up with a stomach bug.
  • Have had a stomach bug all day... Needless to say I had a really c**... St Party's day.
Stomach joke, Have had a stomach bug all day...

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about stomach can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of stomach puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Silly Stomach Jokes for a Good Time with Friends

What funny jokes about stomach you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean belly button jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make stomach prank.

Helpful Daughter

Little Susie, a six year old , complained:"Mother, I've got a stomach ache."
"That's because our stomach is empty", the mother replied. "You would feel better if you had something in it."
That afternoon her daddy came complaining that he had a severe headache all day.
Susie perked up: " That's because it's empty", she said. "You'd feel better if you had something in it."

Be careful of your aim

A woman was pregnant with triplets.
One day she goes into this bank as it was being held up. She gets shot 3 times in her stomach, but luckily she lives.
She goes to the doctor who tells her that her children will be all right, and that one day the bullets will come out.
So 13 years later, one triplet, a girl, runs out of the bathroom and says "MOM, MOM, I WAS GOING TO THE BATHROOM AND A BULLET CAME OUT!" So the mother tells her the story.
The next day the second daughter comes out and says the same thing, "MOM, I WAS GOING TO THE BATHROOM AND A BULLET CAME OUT!"
On the third day the son comes out and says "MOM, MOM!" So she goes, "Let me guess, you were going to the bathroom and a bullet came out?" he replies "No, I was jerking off and I shot the dog!"

Somebody told me that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach...

I'm really glad I went for a second opinion before my surgery.

Trip to the doctor.

A man walks into a doctor's office and sits down on the hospital bed and says, "Doc, it hurts me on my leg right here, on my arm right here, and on my stomach right here. I don't know whats wrong!
The Doctor turns to the man and says,"You idiot, your finger is broken!"

Why wouldn't the skeleton ride any roller coasters?

He just didn't have the stomach for them.

Fat guy.

A man is weighing himself in the bathroom s**... in his stomach when his wife comes in and says, "That's not going to help."
The guy say, "Well it is, it's the only way I can see the numbers."

Whoever said the way to a man's heart is through his stomach...

Was aiming a little high...

Tribal Wisdom

So a cowboy is riding along a trail in the old west and sees an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground. As he gets closer he hears the Indian saying to himself "Wagon...two gray horses...two passengers, man and woman...man driving" The cowboy goes "Wow! you can tell all that by just putting your ear to the ground?" The Indian replies "No. Wagon pass half hour ago, run me over."

I heard we like Native American jokes.

Two cowboys come upon an Indian lying on his stomach with
his ear to the ground.
One of the cowboys stops and says to the other, "You see
that Indian?"
"Yeah," says the other cowboy.
"Look," says the first one, "he's listening to the ground.
He can hear things for miles in any direction."
Just then the Indian looks up. "Covered wagon," he says,
"about two miles away. Have two horses, one brown, one white.
Man, woman, child, household effects in wagon."
"Incredible!" says the cowboy to his friend. "This Indian
knows how far away they are, how many horses, what color they
are, who is in the wagon, and what is in the wagon. Amazing!"
The Indian looks up and says, "Ran over me about a
half hour ago."

My dad's favorite joke.

A lady walks into a cafe and orders a burger from the cashier. She notices the cook isn't wearing a shirt and curiously watches him prepare her food. He takes a handful of ground beef and slaps it against his hairy stomach, flips it over, and does the same to the other side. Appalled, the lady looks at the cashier and says, "Eww, that's *disgusting*!" The cashier replies, "If you think that's g**..., you should see him make donuts."

A Irishman, m**... goes to the doctor complaining of stomach pain...

Doctor: "Well I cant find anything wrong with you , it must be the drinking"
m**... : "Ill come back when you're sober Doctor"

A woman goes to the doctor

A woman goes to the doctor one day and tells him she's been having some stomach pains. In reply the doctor takes some samples and tells the woman to come back a week later when the results are in. So a week later the woman goes to the doctor and asks "So what's wrong with me?", "well..." says the doctor "in 6 months from now you be changing diapers.", in astonishment the woman exclaims "wow, I'm pregnant?", "No..." says the doctor "you have bowel cancer."

A blonde is dying

A blonde lady walks into her Dr's office and says 'oh Doctor, I'm dying, I'm dying. The Dr says 'oh my, what's the problem?' She taps her forehead and says 'it hurts here'. She taps her neck and says 'it hurts here', she taps her chest and says 'it hurts here', she taps her stomach and says 'it hurts here'. 'I hurt everywhere Dr, I'm dying'.
The doctor exams her and says 'lady, you've got a broken finger!'.

If you think the way to a mans heart is through his stomach....

Then you're aiming too high

Chinese Sick Day

h**... Chow calls in to work and say,
"Hey boss, I no come work today, I very sick. Got headache, stomach ache, and legs hurt. I no come work today"
The boss says, "You know something h**... Chow, I really need you today. When I get sick like you do, I go to my wife and ask for s**.... That make everything better and I go to work. You try that."
Two hours later h**... Chow calls again and says,
"I try what you say and I feel great! I be at work soon. You have really nice house by the way!"

A young child caught her parents in the bedroom last night.

The child asks,
"Mommy, what were you doing bouncing on daddy's stomach last night?"
The mother replies,
"I have to do that, or else daddy's belly gets very fat. Bouncing keeps him skinny."
"That's not going to work, you silly!" responds the child.
"Why not?" asks the mother.
"Because the babysitter keeps blowing him back up again."

Hey girl, are you my appendix?

Because I'm not completely sure how you work, but this strange feeling in my stomach makes me want to take you out.

A woman goes to the doctors complaining of stomach cramps...

She gets sent off for some test and comes back a week later.
"Well, I hope you're ready for endless sleepless nights of crying and changing dirty diapers!" the doc says.
"Wow, you mean I'm pregnant?" the woman replies thrilled.
"No, you've got bowel cancer."

I gave a homeless man 10 dollars and told him, "I want to make sure you find something good to eat". After watching him come out of the store with a pack of cigarettes I was quite upset

His stomach was too after I made sure he ate them.

The Trap

A woman was sure that her husband was cheating on her by having an affair with the maid, so she laid down a trap.
One evening, she suddenly sent the maid home and didn't tell her husband.
That night when they went to bed, the husband gave the old story, "Please excuse me my dear, my stomach aches" and went to the bathroom.
The wife promptly went and got into the maid's bed. She switched the lights off. When he came in silently, he wasted no time or words and had his way with her.
When they were finished and both still panting, the wife said, "Well my dear, you didn't expect to find me in this bed, did you?" And turned on the light.
"Absolutely not!", said her son.

A man was stabbed in the stomach in an alley...

he was gonna punch him back, but he didn't have the guts.

Why are men the best chefs?

Because with only 2 nuts, one sausage, and a little bit of milk, they can fill a woman's stomach for 9 months.

Two cowboys were riding their horses through the plains when they saw an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground.

See that Indian? One of the Cowboys said. "He can hear everything that's going on for miles around."
They rode up to him, and the Indian said, "white pickup. Four people in the front, six in the back. Big party."
"Wow" the other cowboy said. "You can tell all that from just listening to the ground?"
"Nah, I fell off the back."

Chinese man calls in sick

h**... Chow calls in work and say, "Hey, I no come work today. I really sick, got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come to work."
The boss says, "You know what h**..., I really need you today. When I feel sick like you do, I go to my wife and ask her for s**.... That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that."
Two hours later h**... Chow calls again. "I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon. You got nice house."

What did the stomach say to the burp?

If you're real quiet I'll let you out the back door.

I got caught smuggling insects

I was anxious. My heart began to race and I had butterflies in my stomach.

A woman noticed her husband standing on the weighing scale s**... his stomach

Ha­­! That's not going to help, she said.
Sure, it does, he said. It's the only way I can see the numbers.

What did the nervous spider say to the audience?

"Forgive me guys, but I've got butterflies in my stomach."

A man asks a blonde how many apples

can she eat on an empty stomach. The blonde replies "Four".
The man says, "No, you can only eat one. After that your stomach is not empty". The blonde gets excited and plans to ask the same question to her friend.
Blonde: How many apples can you eat on an empty stomach?
Friend: Five.
Blonde: Aww shucks. It would have been so much fun if you had said four.

Any woman who thinks the way to a mans heart is through his stomach...

is aiming about ten inches too high.

The way to a man's heart is through his stomach...

...that way, you don't have to break open that s**... ribcage.

Fear of hospitals

Fear of hospitals isn't irrational. I went to 1 once for stomach pain and I had a kid following me ever since calling me mom!

Lee has a terrible headache

Lee calls in work and say "I no come work today. I really sick, got headache, stomach ache, and legs hurt. I no come to work today."
His boss says "I really need you today, Lee. You know, whenever I am not feeling OK like you, I go ask my wife for s**.... I always feel better after."
A couple of hours later, Lee calls in. "I do what you say. I feel great now. I be at work soon. You have nice house"

A Horse walks into a bar

A horse walks into a bar and says to the barman "5 whiskeys please!" before downing the whole lot.
The barman looks at the horse and says "That's quite a stomach you've got, are you an alcoholic?"
The horse says "I don't think I am". Suddenly the horse poofs out of existence.
See the joke is a reference to Descartes the philosopher who coined the phrase "I think. Therefore I am." However explaining this prior to the joke would be putting Descartes before the horse.

A three-year old walks over to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in a doctor's surgery.

Why is your stomach so big? – he asks.
I´m having a baby. – she replies.
Is the baby in your stomach? – he asks, with his big eyes.
Yes, it is. – she says.
Is it a good baby? – he asks, with a puzzled look.
Oh, yes. A really good baby. – the lady replies.
Shocked and surprised, he asks: Then why did you eat him?

My sister is pregnant, and suddenly said, He's k**...!

So I punched her in the stomach. Can't believe her son thinks it's okay to hit women.

My mother always said the quickest way to a man's heart is through his stomach

Lovely woman, TERRIBLE surgeon

My mom says that the best way to a man's heart is through his stomach.

Her malpractice suit isn't going so well.

When my wife caught me standing on the bathroom scale, s**... in my stomach, she laughed, Ha­­! That's not going to help!

Sure, it does. I said. It's the only way I can see the numbers.

Earlier today, a man was admitted to hospital due to 8 plastic horses found in his stomach

His condition is now stable.

Weight check

A man stands on his bathroom scale. As his wife walks in she sees him inhale and hold it to s**... in his stomach.
She says "That's not going to make a difference".
He says "Sure it is, now I can see the numbers".

A little boy caught his mom riding his dad.

The little boy said, Mom what are you doing?
She said, Son, your daddy's stomach is too big so I sit on top to flatten it out.
He said, Aw momma you're wasting your time because when you're not here the lady next door gets on her knees and blows it back up!

Men will be Men.

Girl : Look your husband is talking to a pretty female.
Wife : let him.. I want to see how long he can talk to the female with his stomach "s**... in".

A woman caught her husband on the weight scale, s**... in his stomach.

"Joe, you know that's not going to help you," she said
"Oh it helps a lot," he replies. It's the only way I can see the numbers!

Why did the Skeleton turned down the chance to be a surgeon??

Because it didn't have the stomach for it.

A little boy asks his dad, "Where does p**... come from?"

His father is taken aback by the question but decides to tell the son the truth.
"Well, son," he says, "food passes down the oesophagus, enters the stomach, where digestive enzymes induce a probiotic reaction. Then it passes through the alimentary canal before waste enters the colon, and then it finally emerges as p**...."
"Wow," says the boy. "So where does Tigger come from?"

What do you get when you eat unsalted butter, all-purpose flour, baking powder, sugar, raw eggs, vanilla extract and whole milk?

A stomach cake!

A pregnant woman walks into a bank being robbed,

She tried to call the cops and got shot in the stomach three times. Luckily, all her children were safe.
15 years later, one of her daughters came up to her and said, "Mom, I was peeing and a bullet came out." So, she told her daughter the story.
Then, her other daughter walked into the room and she said, "Mom, I was peeing and a bullet came out." So, she told her daughter the story.
Finally, her son came in and she assumed she knew what he was going to say, "Let me guess, you were peeing and a bullet came out?"
The son replied, "No, what? I was m**... and I shot the dog."

Daddy's Fat

Mommy, what were you doing bouncing on Daddy's stomach last night?
"I have to do that, or dad's belly gets really fat, bouncing on his belly keeps him skinny."
That's not going to work.
"Why baby?"
Because the babysitter keeps blowing him up again!

A three-year-old walked up to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in the doctors office.

He inquisitively asked the lady, "Why is your stomach so big?"
She replied, "I am having a baby."
With big eyes, he asked, "Is the baby in your stomach?"
She answered, "He sure is."
Then the little boy, with a puzzled look, asked, "Is it a good baby?"
She said, "Oh, yes. It is a real good baby."
With an even more surprised and shocked look, he asked,
"Then why did you eat him?"

A woman sees her son shoving candy into his mouth.

"Stop it" she said, "You shouldn't eat so much candy at once."
"Why?" her son replied.
"Because, if you eat too much candy at once, your stomach will grow bigger, and bigger, and finally it will explode!"
The boy is frightened by the image of his stomach exploding, so he stops eating candy.

The next day, the boy and his mom go to church, and the boy sits down next to a very pregnant woman. The boy looks closely at her stomach, then up to her face, and finally he says to the pregnant woman, "I know what you've been doing."

I took our body weight scale out to weigh myself

And after stepping on the scale I pulled in my stomach, to which my girlfriend reacted: "you know that doesn't help at all". I told her "sure it does, now I can see the numbers"

A fat woman was standing on the weighing scale while holding her stomach in.

Um, I don't think that's going to help said the husband.
To which the wife replies in a confused manner,
Sure it does. How else I could see the numbers?

My grandmother always use to say the fastest way to a man's heart is through the stomach

She was a terrible surgeon.

My wife saw me standing on the scale pulling in my stomach

"Pulling in your stomach wont make you any lighter" she said
"I know", I said, "but if I don't, I cant see what it says on the dial"

I used to date a girl who was lactose intolerant.

We broke up because she couldn't stomach my cheesy jokes.

That's Milk

Sometimes, I wonder what was going in the mind of the first person, who squeezed a pink, drooping part of a cow's stomach, saw a thick white liquid come out and declared,"I'm gonna drink this."

They say when you're nervous, you get butterflies in your stomach.

This really bugged me, so I had a surgeon perform an insect-ion to see if this was true. The results were extremely alarving. What they found in my stomach will moth likely make you feel sqwormish.

My wife always says, "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach!"

Lovely woman.
Terrible surgeon.

A woman was watching her husband standing on the bathroom scale, s**... in his stomach

Thinking he was trying to weigh less with maneuver, she commented, "I don't think that is going to help." "Sure it will," he said. "It's the only way I can see the numbers..

Stomach joke, A woman was watching her husband standing on the bathroom scale, s**... in his stomach

jokes about stomach

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these stomach jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.