stomachs Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious stomachs puns

A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa..

'The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining.. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. However, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have eaten, or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?

After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, 'Wedding Cake.'

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Inflation

Three generations of prostitutes are all living in one house. One day the daughter prostitute comes home.

"I just got $40 for a blowjob!" she says.

"Thats ridiculous!" says the mother prostitute, "back in my day I only got $20 dollars for a blowjob!"

The grandmother prostitute pipes up and says "$20?! back in my day we were just glad to get something warm in our stomachs!"

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Lethal Food

A dietician was once addressing a large audience in Chicago.

"The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago.

Red meat is awful. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realises the germs in our drinking water.

But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all eat it. Can anyone here tell me what lethal product I'm referring to?"

"You, sir, in the first row, please give us your idea."

The man lowered his head and said, "Wedding cake."


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Bad foods to eat

A doctor tells a group of patients, "The material we put into our stomachs is terrible. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High-fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?" An old man raises his hand and says, "Wedding cake."

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3 boys find a 5 dollar bill on the sidewalk

3 boys find a 5 dollar bill on the sidewalk and try to decide how to spend it.
The first boy says "we should go buy a comic book". The other 2 decide against it, realizing that once they've read it, they'll have nothing left.
The second boy says "we should go buy candy". The other 2 decide against it, realizing that much candy will give them upset stomachs.
The 3rd boy says "I know! We can buy a box of tampons! According to the commercials, with it we can go horseback riding, swimming, biking, jogging..."

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Did you hear about the gang that smuggles viagra in their stomachs?

The cops are on the look out for a group of hardened criminals.

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ways to turn men down










Ways To Turn Men Down

He: Can I buy you a drink?
She: Actually, i'd rather have the money

He: I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours.
She: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours.

He: Your face must turn a few heads.
She: And your face must turn a few stomachs.

He: Haven't I seen you some place before?
She: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

He: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
She: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

He: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
She: Unfertilized.

He: I want to give myself to you.
She: Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

He: Didn't we go on a date once? or was it twice?
She: Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

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Once Papa Bear, Mama Bear and Baby Bear had upset stomachs.

They went to the doctor who gave Papa Bear a big dose, Mama Bear a medium dose, and Baby Bear a little dose, and asked them to come again the next day.



The next day, the doctor asked them about the condition of their stomach.



Papa Bear said, "Me very thankful, me did a tankful."

Mama Bear said, "Me very grateful, me did a plateful."

Baby Bear said, "Me broken hearted, me only farted."

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Awful food

A Doctor was addressing a large audience in New York..

"The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us
sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining.. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water.

However, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have eaten, or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?"

After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said,

"Wedding Cake."

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Why do arguing lesbian couples get sick to their stomachs?

Dunno, maybe they ate something that disagreed with them.

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Thinking of starting a magazine detailing the contents of various famous authors' stomachs...

...I think I'll call it Reader's Digest.

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Why did the cow exit the grocery store with 6 carts teeming with food?

She went shopping on four empty stomachs.

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When do lesbians have sex?

When neither of their stomachs hurt.

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You know, zombies would be smarter than we think.

They would have more brains in their stomachs than we do in our heads.

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Men are great cooks

With just some sausage and two eggs, they can fill a woman's stomach for 9 months

Yes ^I ^^Know ^^^Babies ^^^^Aren't ^^^^^In ^^^^^^Stomachs

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Why do cows have four stomachs?

Graze anatomy

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What are the most funny Stomachs jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Stomachs? Well, here are the best Stomachs dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Stomachs pick up lines to share with friends.

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