Stomach Pains Jokes
18 stomach pains jokes and hilarious stomach pains puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about stomach pains that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Stomach Pains Short Jokes
Short stomach pains jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The stomach pains humour may include short stomach ache jokes also.
- Fear of hospitals Fear of hospitals isn't irrational. I went to 1 once for stomach pain and I had a kid following me ever since calling me mom!
- I've had some pain in my stomach ever since I ate those Radiohead and Arctic Monkeys CDs. I think I've got indiegestion.
- Went to a German restaurant yesterday and came back with crazy stomach pains. Couldn't get off the toilet. It was the wurst.
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Stomach Pains One Liners
Which stomach pains one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with stomach pains? I can suggest the ones about stomach hurting and stomach upset.
- The Indian man went to the doctor complaining about stomach pains. He had Hindigestion.
Heartwarming Stomach Pains Jokes that Make You Laugh
What funny jokes about stomach pains you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean stomach jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make stomach pains pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A 75 year old used to put his fake teeth in a jar of water before sleeping
He used to do this every night. One day he felt thirsty and accidentally drank the water which he put his dentures. The next day, he had severe stomach pain and went to the doctor.
The doctor examined him thoroughly, wiped his brow of sweat visibly shaking and said - In all my years being a doctor, I thought I had seen everything. But this is the first time, I saw an a**... smiling at me .
A blonde walks into a doctor's office, the doctor asks what's wrong and the blonde says "My entire body hurts!"
"Oh?" Said the doctor, "like a whole body ache?"
"No!" said the blonde "like everywhere is searing pain! Here I'll show you!"
The blonde pokes her shoulder "That really hurt!"
She pokes her stomach "That really hurt too!"
She bends down and pokes her knees "Both of those hurt super bad! Can you help me doctor!?"
The doctor looks at her, sighs, and says "Yes I can help you, in fact I solved your problem"
"What is it!?"
"Your finger's broken"
A horse goes to the vet complaining about stomach pains.
After some tests, the vet confirms it's a parasite. He gives the horse a prescription and tells him to come back if the problem persists.
The horse looks at the prescription, and becomes visibly nervous. "A dewomer? Are you sure it's safe?"
"Positive," says the vet, "it's been tested on people."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man is in an emergency room complaining of severe stomach pains and bowel trouble. The physician says that the patient will need a r**... exam.
The doctor positions the patient on the bed on his side and puts on a latex glove.
As he lubes up his glove, he says, "Don't get excited and move too much like last time, Peter"
The patient says, "My name isn't Peter"
The doctor says, "Mine is"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An very obese woman goes to the ER complaining about stomach pains
The nurse checks her in and takes her vitals. She asks if she's s**... actively, the patient says No
A while later the doctor comes in to do a pelvic exam and notices a baby's head crowning. He calls for labor and delivery and exasperated, asks the woman I thought you said you weren't s**... active?!
She replies I'm not, I just lay there.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An extremely obese man with severe stomach pains goes to see a doctor. He can hardly stand, the pain is so bad. After an examination, the doctor is holding the x-rays and asks, "Did you at one time s**... a bullet?" The man answers, "s**... a bullet? Of course not!" The doctor replies, "Well then, I'm afraid you've been shot!"
Who will have child's custody
A couple wants a divorce, but first they must decide who will be the main guardian of their child. The jury asks both the man and woman for a reason why they should be the one to keep the child. So the jury asks the woman first. She says, "Well I carried this child around in my stomach for nine months and I had to go through a painful birth process, this is my child and apart of me." The jury is impressed and then turns to ask the man the same question. The man replies, "OK, I take a coin and put it in the drink machine and a drink comes out, now tell me who does the drink belong to me or the machine"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Big Chief, No f**....
In a small Native community the Medicine Man is making a potion when Big Chief of the Tribe who is suffering from severe constipation walks in and says
"Big Chief No f**..."
The Medicine man Gives him a Potion from the shelf. Big Chief walks away.
The next day Big Chief walks in again and says
"Big Chief No f**..."
The medicine man this time prepares a fresh potion and gives it to Big Chief, Big Chief walks away.
The following day Big Chief walks into the medicine man's hut in severe stomach pain and crying he says.
"Big Chief No f**...!"
This time the medicine man starts to throw every ingredient he has, including eye of newt into the p**.... and gives Big Chief the potion. Big chief walks away.
five minutes later Big Chief's Wife runs into the medicine man's hut yelling.
"Big f**..., No Chief!"
A man's logic
A couple wants a divorce, but first they must decide who will be the main guardian of their child. The jury asks both the man and woman for a reason why they should be the one to keep the child. So the jury asks the woman first. She says, "Well I carried this child around in my stomach for nine months and I had to go through a painful birth process, this is my child and apart of me." The jury is impressed and then turns to ask the man the same question. The man replies, "OK, I take a coin and put it in the drink machine and a drink comes out, now tell me who does the drink belong to me or the machine"
A woman has been having stomach pain for the past week...
A woman goes to the doctor complaining of stomach cramps. Once she reaches the doctor, he tells her they'll need to run a few tests. At the end of the visit, he says she must come back in a week, when the results come in. Once she enters his office, he says, "Well, I hope you're ready for many sleepless nights of crying and changing dirty diapers!"
"Wow, you mean I'm pregnant?" the woman asks excitedly, clasping her hands.
"No, you have inoperable bowel cancer."
A lawyer hunting in the country shoots a duck...
...and it falls on the other side of a tall picket fence surrounding a rickety old house. As the lawyer is climbing over the fence, an old man comes scrambling out of the house yelling "That duck is on my property and it belongs to me!" The lawyer quickly retorts "I shot that duck! and if you make any move to take it from me I'll sue you for everything you own!" The old man says "Well hold on mister, down in this country we settle arguments with the old three kick rule. I kick you three times and you kick me three times until someone gives up." The lawyer, thinking he could easily take the old man, agrees. Immediately the old man kicks the lawyer once in the mouth, once in the stomach, and once in the groin, knocking him to the ground. The lawyer, after moaning for some time and still in quite a bit of pain, gets up and says "Alright old man, now it's my turn!" And the old man says "No I give up, you can have the duck."
A blonde visits her doctor...
... and says to him: "Doc, I am in total agony. Every single part of my body just hurts so much!"
The doctor asks her to give some examples, and she proceeds to touch her forehead. Upon doing this, she screams from pain. She touches her shoulders and tears appear in her eyes. She reaches for her stomach and she starts jumping around due to the pain. After touching her knees and being in pain again, she begs the doctor if she could please stop giving him examples where it hurts, she just wants a remedy.
The doc looks at her for a while, before coming to the conclusion: "Ma'am, your fingers seem to be broken..."
Why doctors are so expensive
Cindy was having a lot of pain in her stomach, so she went to the doctors to get it looked at. She was told she needed minor surgery to remove a growth, and that the operation would take 15 minutes.
The surgery went well with no complications, but when Cindy was shocked to find out that the bill was $1,000.
She yelled the doctor "Why is this bill so high? The operation only took 15 minutes?"
The doctor says "I'll tell you what, I'll charge you $100 for the cut, and $900 for knowing where to cut"