Stomach Hurting Jokes
20 stomach hurting jokes and hilarious stomach hurting puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about stomach hurting that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Stomach Hurting Short Jokes
Short stomach hurting jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The stomach hurting humour may include short stomach pains jokes also.
- It wasn't when the bully called me a big fat doughboy that hurt as much as the punch in my stomach. It left a big impression.
- Why didn't the dyslexic bodybuilder workout when his stomach hurt? He felt it was an Abd Omen
- Three people walk into a bar, a tall one, a short one, and a medium height one. The tall one hurts his hip, the short one hurts his head, and the medium one hurts his stomach.
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Stomach Hurting One Liners
Which stomach hurting one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with stomach hurting? I can suggest the ones about stomach ache and stomach upset.
- When do l**... have s**...? When neither of their stomachs hurt.
- Why don't rapists eat at TGI Friday's? It's hard to r**... when your stomach hurts.
Stomach Hurting Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about stomach hurting you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean stomach jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make stomach hurting pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Chinese Sick Day
h**... Chow calls in to work and say,
"Hey boss, I no come work today, I very sick. Got headache, stomach ache, and legs hurt. I no come work today"
The boss says, "You know something h**... Chow, I really need you today. When I get sick like you do, I go to my wife and ask for s**.... That make everything better and I go to work. You try that."
Two hours later h**... Chow calls again and says,
"I try what you say and I feel great! I be at work soon. You have really nice house by the way!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Chinese man calls in sick
h**... Chow calls in work and say, "Hey, I no come work today. I really sick, got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come to work."
The boss says, "You know what h**..., I really need you today. When I feel sick like you do, I go to my wife and ask her for s**.... That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that."
Two hours later h**... Chow calls again. "I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon. You got nice house."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Lee has a terrible headache
Lee calls in work and say "I no come work today. I really sick, got headache, stomach ache, and legs hurt. I no come to work today."
His boss says "I really need you today, Lee. You know, whenever I am not feeling OK like you, I go ask my wife for s**.... I always feel better after."
A couple of hours later, Lee calls in. "I do what you say. I feel great now. I be at work soon. You have nice house"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Billy Bob calls in to work and says, "Hey, boss I really sick. I got headache, stomach ache and my legs hurt. I not come work."
The boss says, "You know Billy Bob, I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife and tell her to give me s**.... That makes everything better and I can go to work. You should try that."
Two hours later, Billy Bob calls again: "Boss, I do what you say and feel great. I be at work soon. You got nice house."
A blonde walks into a doctor's office, the doctor asks what's wrong and the blonde says "My entire body hurts!"
"Oh?" Said the doctor, "like a whole body ache?"
"No!" said the blonde "like everywhere is searing pain! Here I'll show you!"
The blonde pokes her shoulder "That really hurt!"
She pokes her stomach "That really hurt too!"
She bends down and pokes her knees "Both of those hurt super bad! Can you help me doctor!?"
The doctor looks at her, sighs, and says "Yes I can help you, in fact I solved your problem"
"What is it!?"
"Your finger's broken"
Trip to the doctor.
A man walks into a doctor's office and sits down on the hospital bed and says, "Doc, it hurts me on my leg right here, on my arm right here, and on my stomach right here. I don't know whats wrong!
The Doctor turns to the man and says,"You idiot, your finger is broken!"
Doc, every part of my body hurts:
Me: I touch my head it hurts.
I touch my stomach it hurrs
I touch my leg it hurts
I touch my eye it hurts
I touch my neck it hurts.
What is wrong with me?
Doc: You have a broken finger
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
This is something my dad told me.
A man was going to meet his girlfriend's dad, when they started eating dinner his stomach started to hurt and he let a little f**... out, no one noticed so he was like neat then he let a little more out, then the dad shouted Rover! , the man snickered and thought they think it's the dog f**... so he f**... again so the dad shouted Rover! then the man thought again man this is so cool so he did it again but a bit more, then the dad shouted a final time Rover get over here before that man s**... on you!
A blonde, who had just dyed her hair, went to the hospital because her whole body hurt.
She told the doctor that where ever she touched herself it would hurt.
The doctor told her to demonstrate.
She touched her nose and it hurt.
She touched her stomach and it hurt.
The doctor asked her if she was a blonde and she said yes.
"Look Here Lady, your finger is broken!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
tom and his boss
n the morning Tom calls to his boss:
- Good morning, boss, unfortunately I'm not coming to work today. I'm really sick. I got a headache, stomach ache, and my both hands and legs hurt, so I'm not coming into work."
The boss replies:
- You know Tom, I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife, and tell her to give me s**.... That makes me feel better, and I can go to work. You should try that.
2 hours later Tom calls:
- Boss, I followed your advise, and I feel great! I'll be at work soon. By the way, you got nice house.
A man walks into a doctor's office with stomach problems
The doctor runs some tests and tells the man it can be solved, but he has to take a suppository once a day for two weeks. The doctor inserts the first one to show the patient how it is done.
The next day the man is trying to insert the medication, but is too squeamish to do it. So he asks his wife to help. Gladly she says yes and the man bends over as the wife braces herself with one hand on his should and the other to insert the medication. As the wife is about to insert the suppository the man jumps up shock.
"what's wrong, did I hurt you?" asks the wife.
"No" said the husband "I just realized the doctor had both his hands on my shoulders when he gave me the medication"
A blonde visits her doctor...
... and says to him: "Doc, I am in total agony. Every single part of my body just hurts so much!"
The doctor asks her to give some examples, and she proceeds to touch her forehead. Upon doing this, she screams from pain. She touches her shoulders and tears appear in her eyes. She reaches for her stomach and she starts jumping around due to the pain. After touching her knees and being in pain again, she begs the doctor if she could please stop giving him examples where it hurts, she just wants a remedy.
The doc looks at her for a while, before coming to the conclusion: "Ma'am, your fingers seem to be broken..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
It is a normal drill day at the Marine base in Virginia.
The whole regiment is lined up in formation, and the colonel is walking around inspecting people.
There are rows of marines stacked behind one another waiting to be inspected.
The colonel gets to the first squad leader, stands in front of him and punches him in the stomach the hardest he can.
After about a minute, the squad leader catches his breath.
The colonel bellows, "DID THAT HURT SOLDIER?"
Then the soldier says "NO, SIR."
The colonel shouts, "WHY NOT?"
Then the soldier says, "BECAUSE I AM A MARINE!"
The colonel gets up to the second squad leader, stands in front of him, and kicks him in the kneecap.
After about a minute when the soldier is finally standing, the colonel hollers,
"DID THAT HURT?"
The soldier responds, "NO, SIR."
And the colonel says "WHY NOT?"
Then the soldier shouts, "BECAUSE I AM A MARINE!"
The colonel gets up to the third squad leader.
He notices that there is an e**... between his legs.
The colonel takes a stick from the floor, and whacks the e**... with it.
The man barely makes a sound.
The colonel asks him "DID THAT HURT?"
And the soldier says "NO, SIR."
Then the colonel shouts, "WHY NOT?"
Then the soldier points at the man standing behind him and says, "BECASUE IT WAS HIS."