The Best 33 Stolen Car Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Stolen Car jokes. There are some stolen car accelerator jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these stolen car amy schumer stolen puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Stolen Car Jokes and Puns

Recently, I woke up to find that two of my car's tires had been stolen.

When the police officer arrived, he asked, "When were you last driving the car?"

"Last night at 11:00," I said.

"And the tires were on it then?"

My car got stolen yesterday !!

I thought of calling the cops but then realized it was better not to call them and let the car thief take care of the dead bodies in my trunk.

Silly Drunks.

A drunk phoned the police to report that thieves had been in his car.

"They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator!" he cried out.

However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time with the same voice on the line.

"Nevermind," he said with a hiccup. "I got in the back seat by mistake."

Stolen Car joke, Silly Drunks.

My friend Carlos got his car stolen

We call him Los now

I love walking on the beach with my girlfriend.

Until the LSD wears off and I'm just dragging a stolen mannequin around a car park.

Until the LSD wears off and I'm just dragging a stolen mannequin around a car park.

A drunk is walking around downtown...

When he walks up to a cop to complain that his car has been stolen.
The cop asks, "Well, where was the last place you saw it?"
The drunk says, "It was right here at the end of this key."
The cop says, "Well, I suggest you go over to the station house and fill out a report."
The drunk starts to walk away when the cop says, "Hey, before you go, you might want to zip your fly."
The drunk looks down and says, "Aw, man, they got my girl, too."

A drunk walks up to a cop...

Drunk: "Man, somebody stole my car..."

Cop: "Where was your car when it got stolen?"

Drunk: "Right here on the end of this key."

Cop: "Well maybe you should go down to the precinct, and they'll fill out all the proper paper work. But before you go, you might want to zip up your fly."

The drunk looks down and replies: "Man, they got my girl too..."

Stolen Car joke, A drunk walks up to a cop...

I love walking on the beach with my girlfriend

Until the LSD wears off and I'm actually dragging a stolen mannequin around a car park

What did the car say when it's front wheels were stolen?

I don't want to go anywhere. I'm two tired.

A man parks his car on the street and goes into a shop....

...When he comes out, the car is not where he left it and apparently was stolen. So he calls the police and hopelessly goes back home. Two days later, he finds his car at his front door, with a note left in:

I am very sorry but I had to borrow your car, because my wife was in labor and about to give birth and I had to act quickly. I deeply apologize and send these front-row concert tickets for you and your wife to enjoy this tuesday evening.

So the man and his wife go to the concert tuesday evening. When they return home, they realize someone broke in and the house was burgled. And a note was left on the floor: Soo, did you like the concert?

Sorry for the terrible grammar :D

A man walks into a police station

"My car has been stolen" he says laughingly.
"Your car has been stolen, but why are you laughing then?" The officer says.

"Because my wife was still in it!"

You can explore stolen car burglary reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean stolen car thefts dad jokes. There are also stolen car puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

What do you call a Mexican whose car has been stolen?


What do you call a Mexican that had his car stolen?


A police officer pulls over a driver...

A police officer pulls over a driver and informs him that he has just won $5,000 in a safety competition, all because he is wearing his seat belt.

"What are you going to do with the prize money?" the officer asks.

The man responds, "I guess I'll go to driving school and get my license."

His wife says, "Officer, don't listen to him. He's a smart aleck when he's drunk."

The guy in the back seat pops up out from under the blanket and says, "I knew we wouldn't get far in this stolen car."

Just then a knock comes from the trunk and a voice calls out, "Are we over the border yet?"


An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!
" she cried. The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way."

A few minutes later, the officer radios in.
"Disregard," he says. She got in the back-seat by mistake."

Virginity is like a car

I had mine stolen in a Walmart parking lot.

Stolen Car joke, Virginity is like a car

An elderly lady dials 911.

"Help! Someone's stolen everything in my car," the lady says. "My radio, my windshield, my GPS, even my steering wheel!"

Shortly after, an officer walks up to the car and talks to his radio. "Disregard that last call," the officer said. "She just got in the back seat."

Parked my car in Mexico City last night. Came out in the morning to find a gang of kids had come and stolen all the parts off it.

Jesus took the wheel.

You know its bad where you live when

You check the classified section and see stolen car for sale

A man walks into a bar.

He's lost his job, his wife left him, and his car was just stolen. He makes his way to the counter and orders a beer to drown himself in, sitting down next to a joke.

The joke turns and says to him, baffled: "This isn't how it's supposed to go."

The man replies "*You're* telling *me*?"

There was an accordion player

He was going out for a drink after a show with his friend and was nervous about leaving his instrument in the car as he didn't want to get it stolen. His friend told him it was alright and nobody would try to steal an accordion. After a night of drinking they walk back to the car and notice a window is broken. The musician is mad at his friend for letting him leave the instrument until they get to the car and find two accordions.

An elderly woman called 911...

An elderly woman called 911 from her cell phone to report that her car had been broken into.

"They've stolen everything! My radio is gone, my center console is gone, my mirror and the rosary beads hanging from it...even the steering wheel!"

The dispatcher responds that an officer is on the way.

Minutes later, the officer arrives and radios back into dispatch.

"Disregard that last call. She got in the back seat by mistake."

My wife's car got stolen while she was out the other day.

I said , Were you able to see what the guy looked like?

She replied, No, but I got the license plate number!

What did the artist say when his car got stolen?

Where did my Van Gogh?

A boy sees his dad's car being stolen

In panic, he calls his dad to tell about the event:

-Dad, I just saw someone stealing your car!

-What?! Did you see the person's face?

-No, but I took a picture of the license plate number!

Why did the fisherman's vehicle get stolen?

Because it was a bait car

If you think about it, the car's keys travel more than the car.

Mine did too

Until my car got stolen.

Murphy's Car Is Stolen

Murphy's wife borrowed his car and parked in the supermarket car park. Just as she came out laden with shopping, she saw a young lad break into the car, hot wire it and drive off.Β  Naturally she reported the matter to the police.' What did he look like?, the sergeant asked.Β  'I don't know she replied, but I got the licence plate'.

A police officer stops a speeding car and walks up to the driver

"Do you know you were going 20 km/h over the speed limit ?"

The guy respond : "How am I supposed to know ? I don't have a license".

His wife, sitting on the passenger seat, interjects : "Don't listen to him, he's drunk."

Their kid, on the backseat, sighs "I knew we weren't going to go far with a stolen car..."

A voice comes out of the trunk "Did we pass the border yet ?"

I ran into the pub and shouted to my mate. Dave! I've just saw your car being stolen."

He said Didn't you try to stop them?

I said, No, but don't worry. I got the registration.

Dangerfield on Carson: : "One night my wife went out and her car was stolen"

"I asked her 'did you see what he looked like?' She said, 'no but I got the license plate number.'"

What do you call a Mexican who's car was stolen?


I was out on the west coast, trying to sell some guns to a street gang.

The gang member handed me a bag of severed toes with tiny $'s and tiny blue bandanas tied to them. I said "What's this?! No cash?!" He said it was the latest trend "Crip Toe Currency".

After a few months I wanted to buy a stolen sports car, but had no cash. My friend worked at a morgue so he got me a bag of severed toes and I drew $'s on them and tied tiny red bananas to them. I went to that gang member and tried to pay for the car and he said...
"Sorry. I don't want your Blood Money."

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the stolen car plunder jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working stolen car chevy piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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