They were pirates of the car I be in.
You can hide, but you can't run.
I can't wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
^([I stole this from imgur comments, but I am posting it here so that you can use it today and tomorrow on people you dislike. Merry Christmas.])
You have my Word.
You have my word
I replied, "Surely you must be Joe."
You have my Word.
Then I learned the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and prayed for forgiveness instead
It was like taking baby from a Candi.
I hope you're happy now
I'm not quite sure how I feel about it.
...The thieves stole one large drink, a large popcorn, and a candy bar.
At the end of a night out on the town, a girl takes a black guy back to her house.
They're kissing and moving towards her bedroom when she looks at him with the most flirtatious eyes she can muster and says: "Is it true what they say about black guys? ;)"
To which the man responded "Of course it is baby.", stabbed her, stole her wallet and left.
How low can you get?
But I let him keep it because he spends less money than she does.
It was a strobbery.
The suspects stole 3 medium popcorns, 1 bag of skittles and 4 small diet cokes.
But I knew she'd come crawling back to me.
He responds, Sure is. Then he punched her in the face and stole her purse.
Because I stole it from my neighbor
It's ok though, she always comes crawling back.
My thoughts are with his family.
I'm not annoyed. I'm delighted.
"Now, Madam, can you describe the man who stole your handbag?"
"Oh, it all happened so fast! He pushed me over from behind, I didn't see him at all. One thing though; he was a vegan."
"How do you know that?"
"He told me as he was running off."
My thoughts and prayers are with his family.
Police : why didn't you report the stolen credit card ?
Me : The thief was spending less than my wife
Dirty bastards.
You'll have nothing to gain.
So, I stole a car and asked for forgiveness.
To whoever stole my thesaurus, you made my day bad. I hope bad things happen to you. You're a bad person.
You can hide but you can't run
I'd be absolutely delighted
I don't know how these people can sleep at night.
They both got 6 months
I will find you. You have my word.
They each got 6 months.
I know I should be more upset, but I'm absolutely delighted!
The reason the parents are crying.
I stole this off of Late Night w/Seth Meyers
I got such a fright I almost wet her panties.
I'm not sure how I feel about that....
They each got six months.
Would it be called an Edison?
Just off down the police station now to look at a few mug shots.
And one said, 'What's the worst thing you've ever done?'
To which he replied, 'I stole some milk from the supermarket one day. What's the worst thing you've ever done?'
'I had sex with my teacher.'
'But I thought you were homeschooled...'
'Yeah...'
A farmer wrote a letter to his son in jail for robbing a bank
This year, I can't plant potatoes because you are not here to plow the field."
The son wrote back, Papa, don't dare plow the field That is where I hid the money I stole.
The police intercepted the letter and by the next day they'd dug up the entire field but found nothing. The son wrote to his father, Now you can plant your potatoes.
**They each got 6 months.**
It happened last week and the cops still don't have anything to go on.
You Have My Word.
They both got 6 months.
P.S this is my first ever post! Please be nice!
Sorry for the typo
So one day he stole some bread because he was starving and couldn't buy food. He was caught and sentenced to death. It's really not that funny, but this joke was poor Lee executed.
Right now the cops have nothing to go on.
I told him 'you can hide but you can't run'.
You have my Word.
They stole everything except my deodorant, shampoo and hand soap.
Dirty bastards
Since then I have kicked a puppy, stole from 4 shops and set fire to an orphanage.!
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