The Best 62 Stole Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Stole jokes. There are some stole steal jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these stole broke puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Stole Jokes and Puns

While driving to work, robbers jumped into my car and stole everything.

They were pirates of the car I be in.

A woman in her twenties sees a large black man walking by and decides to flirt with him. So is it true what they say about black guys?

He responds, Sure is. Then he punched her in the face and stole her purse.

Heard about the two guys who stole a calendar?

They both got 6 months

Stole joke, Heard about the two guys who stole a calendar?

A local theater was just robbed of $286 the other day...

...The thieves stole one large drink, a large popcorn, and a candy bar.

A piece of fruit held up a bank and stole some money.

It was a strobbery.


Did you hear about the two guys who stole a calender?

They each got 6 months.

Who ever stole my copy of Microsoft Office is in trouble.

You have my Word.

Stole joke, Who ever stole my copy of Microsoft Office is in trouble.

My girlfriend broke up with me because I stole her wheelchair.

It's ok though, she always comes crawling back.

I bought my son a fridge for Christmas.

I can't wait to see his face light up when he opens it.

Whoever stole my Microsoft Office, I'm coming after you...

You have my word

When I was a kid I prayed every night for a new bicycle

Then I learned the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and prayed for forgiveness instead

You can explore stole theif reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean stole robbery dad jokes. There are also stole puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


A girl takes a black guy home.

At the end of a night out on the town, a girl takes a black guy back to her house.

They're kissing and moving towards her bedroom when she looks at him with the most flirtatious eyes she can muster and says: "Is it true what they say about black guys? ;)"

To which the man responded "Of course it is baby.", stabbed her, stole her wallet and left.

A local movie theatre was robbed of $600 worth of merchandise

The suspects stole 3 medium popcorns, 1 bag of skittles and 4 small diet cokes.

I just found out that the guy who stole my journal has died.

My thoughts are with his family.

To whoever stole my thesaurus...

To whoever stole my thesaurus, you made my day bad. I hope bad things happen to you. You're a bad person.

I asked God for a car, but I know God doesn't work that way...

So, I stole a car and asked for forgiveness.

Stole joke, I asked God for a car, but I know God doesn't work that way...

To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office: I will find you..

You have my Word.

I named my dog WiFi

Because I stole it from my neighbor

To the handicapped guy who stole my bag

You can hide but you can't run


I stole a stripper's kid.

It was like taking baby from a Candi.

Someone stole my mood ring...

I'm not sure how I feel about that....

My girlfriend broke up with me cause I stole her wheelchair

But I knew she'd come crawling back to me.

A group of teenagers robbed our local supermarket and stole 180 cans of red bull.

I don't know how these people can sleep at night.

A thief stole my wife's credit card

But I let him keep it because he spends less money than she does.

Somebody stole my mood ring

I'm not quite sure how I feel about it.

A policeman arrives at the crime scene

"Now, Madam, can you describe the man who stole your handbag?"

"Oh, it all happened so fast! He pushed me over from behind, I didn't see him at all. One thing though; he was a vegan."

"How do you know that?"

"He told me as he was running off."

If someone broke into my house and stole all the lights...

I'd be absolutely delighted

To the man in the wheelchair that stole my camouflage jacket...

You can hide, but you can't run.

What's the difference between a straight wedding and a gay wedding?

The reason the parents are crying.

I stole this off of Late Night w/Seth Meyers

I was walking past a homeless man when he yelled, "Stephen King is my older brother and he stole the ideas for all his novels from me!"

I replied, "Surely you must be Joe."

My stolen card

Police : why didn't you report the stolen credit card ?
Me : The thief was spending less than my wife

To the person who stole my Microsoft Office Account...

I will find you. You have my word.

Someone stole my flashlight.

I'm not annoyed. I'm delighted.

The thief that stole my diary and my Bible died today.

My thoughts and prayers are with his family.

To the guy who stole my antidepresants,

I hope you're happy now

To the guy who stole my weight loss pills..

You'll have nothing to gain.

Someone broke into my house last night and stole my Limbo stick..

How low can you get?

A burglar stole all the light bulbs in my house

I know I should be more upset, but I'm absolutely delighted!

My neighbour banged on my door yesterday asking if I'd seen who stole her laundry off her line.

I got such a fright I almost wet her panties.

Can't believe someone broke into my shed and stole my limbo stick

How low can ya go

My wife asked me to prepare our 4 year old ginger son for his first day at school.

So I punched him & stole his lunch money.

Last week someone broke into my house and stole 20% of my couch.

Ouch.

To the man in the wheelchair that stole my camo jacket

You can hide but you can't run

I asked my horse if he stole my thesaurus.

He said nope.

An old farmer wrote to his son in prison:

This year I wont be able to
plant potatoes because I cant dig the field. I know if you were here
you would help me The son wrote back: Dad don't even think of
digging the field because that's where I buried the money I stole
Police read the letter and the very next day the whole field was dug
by police looking for the money but nothing was found.
The next day the son wrote again:
Now plant your potatoes dad; it's the best I can do from here.

The judge asked the woman what she stole. She replied, I stole a can of peaches.

The judge then asked, how many peaches were in the can?

Six, replied the woman.

After consideration, the judge decided to sentence her one night of prison for every peach she stole. Six nights total.

At this moment the woman felt helpless, bawling her eyes out, she didn't know what to do.

And before the judge smacked the mallet down to make it final, her husband entered into the courtroom and yelled, your honor, wait!

The judge froze and listened to what the husband wanted to say.

She also stole a can of peas!

A movie theater in my town was recently robbed of over $20,000 of merchandise

The thieves apparently stole 5 popcorn/soda combos and 10 boxes of Raisinets.

It was a sad and disappointing day when I discovered my Universal Remote Control did not, in fact, control the Universe.

Not even remotely.

(I stole this joke from fb and it made my drunk ass laugh out loud so I wanted to share but I'm sorry if it's a repost)

Old Fridge

A guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying, "Free to good homeβ€”you want it you take it." For three days, the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it.

He eventually decided that people were rather skeptical about such a good deal, so he changed the sign to read, "Fridge for sale, $50."

The next day, someone stole it.

One stolen joke is a coincidence. Two stolen jokes is a pattern.

Thirty stolen jokes is an Amy Schumer special.

What do you call a thief who keeps the things he stole on public display?

British

Went to a diner with a couple I know. They started arguing.

Normally, I'm not one to take sides, but they were so distracted by yelling at each other that I stole her fries and his cole slaw...

I went to the Olympics in Tokyo...

... and saw a guy walking around with a big stick.
So I asked: "Are you a pole vaulter?".
He replied: "No I'm German, but how did you know my name is Walter?"

(stole this joke from Billy Connolly)

When I was young, I used to pray to the Lord everyday to give me a bike.

But then I realised it doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and asked him to forgive me.

To the man who stole my anti-depression meds.

I hope you're happy now.

What is a pirate's favorite letter?

The one his wife wrote him before the plague stole her away.

Stole this one: I'm starting a dating app for transmascs and nonbinaries

It's called Bindr

I used to have 100 gaming consoles, until somebody stole my Nintendo Switch

Now I have 99 consoles, but a Switch ain't one.

Someone broke into my place and stole all my fruit...

... I'm peachless!

To whoever stole my glasses

I have contacts

To whoever stole my window,

Look out!

I had 8 Bitcoins

But a plumber stole them from me

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the stole robbers jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working stole stealer piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes