Stole Jokes

What are some Stole jokes?

While driving to work, robbers jumped into my car and stole everything.

They were pirates of the car I be in.

To the man in the wheelchair that stole my camouflage jacket...

You can hide, but you can't run.

I bought my son a fridge for Christmas.

I can't wait to see his face light up when he opens it.

^([I stole this from imgur comments, but I am posting it here so that you can use it today and tomorrow on people you dislike. Merry Christmas.])

To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office: I will find you..

You have my Word.

Whoever stole my Microsoft Office, I'm coming after you...

You have my word

I was walking past a homeless man when he yelled, "Stephen King is my older brother and he stole the ideas for all his novels from me!"

I replied, "Surely you must be Joe."

Who ever stole my copy of Microsoft Office is in trouble.

You have my Word.

When I was a kid I prayed every night for a new bicycle

Then I learned the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and prayed for forgiveness instead

I stole a stripper's kid.

It was like taking baby from a Candi.

To the guy who stole my antidepresants,

I hope you're happy now

Somebody stole my mood ring

I'm not quite sure how I feel about it.

A local theater was just robbed of $286 the other day...

...The thieves stole one large drink, a large popcorn, and a candy bar.

A girl takes a black guy home.

At the end of a night out on the town, a girl takes a black guy back to her house.

They're kissing and moving towards her bedroom when she looks at him with the most flirtatious eyes she can muster and says: "Is it true what they say about black guys? ;)"

To which the man responded "Of course it is baby.", stabbed her, stole her wallet and left.

Someone broke into my house last night and stole my Limbo stick..

How low can you get?

A thief stole my wife's credit card

But I let him keep it because he spends less money than she does.

A piece of fruit held up a bank and stole some money.

It was a strobbery.

A local movie theatre was robbed of $600 worth of merchandise

The suspects stole 3 medium popcorns, 1 bag of skittles and 4 small diet cokes.

My girlfriend broke up with me cause I stole her wheelchair

But I knew she'd come crawling back to me.

A woman in her twenties sees a large black man walking by and decides to flirt with him. So is it true what they say about black guys?

He responds, Sure is. Then he punched her in the face and stole her purse.

I named my dog WiFi

Because I stole it from my neighbor

My girlfriend broke up with me because I stole her wheelchair.

It's ok though, she always comes crawling back.

I just found out that the guy who stole my journal has died.

My thoughts are with his family.

Someone stole my flashlight.

I'm not annoyed. I'm delighted.

A policeman arrives at the crime scene

"Now, Madam, can you describe the man who stole your handbag?"

"Oh, it all happened so fast! He pushed me over from behind, I didn't see him at all. One thing though; he was a vegan."

"How do you know that?"

"He told me as he was running off."

The thief that stole my diary and my Bible died today.

My thoughts and prayers are with his family.

My stolen card

Police : why didn't you report the stolen credit card ?
Me : The thief was spending less than my wife

Thieves broke into my house and stole everything except my soap.

Dirty bastards.

To the guy who stole my weight loss pills..

You'll have nothing to gain.

I asked God for a car, but I know God doesn't work that way...

So, I stole a car and asked for forgiveness.

To whoever stole my thesaurus...

To whoever stole my thesaurus, you made my day bad. I hope bad things happen to you. You're a bad person.

To the handicapped guy who stole my bag

You can hide but you can't run

If someone broke into my house and stole all the lights...

I'd be absolutely delighted

A group of teenagers robbed our local supermarket and stole 180 cans of red bull.

I don't know how these people can sleep at night.

Heard about the two guys who stole a calendar?

They both got 6 months

To the person who stole my Microsoft Office Account...

I will find you. You have my word.

Did you hear about the two guys who stole a calender?

They each got 6 months.

A burglar stole all the light bulbs in my house

I know I should be more upset, but I'm absolutely delighted!

What's the difference between a straight wedding and a gay wedding?

The reason the parents are crying.



I stole this off of Late Night w/Seth Meyers

My neighbour banged on my door yesterday asking if I'd seen who stole her laundry off her line.

I got such a fright I almost wet her panties.

Someone stole my mood ring...

I'm not sure how I feel about that....

You hear about the two guys that stole a calendar?

They each got six months.

If someone stole a Tesla

Would it be called an Edison?

Someone stole my coffee cup from work today.

Just off down the police station now to look at a few mug shots.

Two friends were talking

And one said, 'What's the worst thing you've ever done?'

To which he replied, 'I stole some milk from the supermarket one day. What's the worst thing you've ever done?'

'I had sex with my teacher.'

'But I thought you were homeschooled...'

'Yeah...'

Farmer and Son

A farmer wrote a letter to his son in jail for robbing a bank
This year, I can't plant potatoes because you are not here to plow the field."
The son wrote back, Papa, don't dare plow the field That is where I hid the money I stole.
The police intercepted the letter and by the next day they'd dug up the entire field but found nothing. The son wrote to his father, Now you can plant your potatoes.

Did you hear about two guys stole a calendar?

**They each got 6 months.**

Did you hear about the robbers who broke into the police station and stole all the toilet seats?

It happened last week and the cops still don't have anything to go on.

Someone Stole My Microsoft Office and They're Going To Pay For It,

You Have My Word.

Did you hear about the two criminals who stole a calendar?

They both got 6 months.

P.S this is my first ever post! Please be nice!

Sorry for the typo

I had this friend named Leonardo. We called him Lee. Anyway, he didn't have alot of money. In fact, he was basically broke...

So one day he stole some bread because he was starving and couldn't buy food. He was caught and sentenced to death. It's really not that funny, but this joke was poor Lee executed.

Someone broke into the local police station and stole the toilet.

Right now the cops have nothing to go on.

A bloke in a wheelchair stole my camouflage stuff

I told him 'you can hide but you can't run'.

Someone stole my Microsoft office from my laptop. I will find you and I will get you.

You have my Word.

Help! I've been robbed!

They stole everything except my deodorant, shampoo and hand soap.

Dirty bastards

On her deathbed my wife said, "Sweety, I will see you in Heaven."

Since then I have kicked a puppy, stole from 4 shops and set fire to an orphanage.!

How to make Stole jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Stole to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Stole? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Stole pick up lines to share with friends.

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