The Best 35 Stock Market Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Stock Market jokes. There are some stock market markets jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these stock market shares puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Stock Market Jokes and Puns

What's considered trashy if you're poor, but classy if you're rich?

Manipulating the stock market

Everyone is panicking about the stock markets....

But the 31 foot mexican ladder company I invested in is surging.

A stock market crash is worse than a divorce.

You lose half your money and your wife is still around.

The stock market is like sex.

You just need to know when to pull out.

I'm sorry, I won't be buying ingredients for soup anytime soon

The stock market is terrible


What do women and the stock market have in common?

If you don't pull out in time, it will cost you a lot of money.

To Non-USA Redditor's

You all thought trying to enjoy Reddit without enduring US politics was hard?

Welcome to 2021 where we introduce you to our stock market!

Why is a stock market crash worse than a divorce?

Because you lose half of your money but your wife is still there

Stock Market Report

Helium was up, feathers were down. Paper was stationary.

Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading. Knives were up sharply. Pencils lost a few points.

Hiking equipment was trailing. Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline. Weights were up in heavy trading.

Mining equipment hit rock bottom. Diapers remained unchanged.

The market for raisins dried up. Balloon prices were inflated. And toilet paper touched a new bottom.

I've recently started investing in stocks

I hope this leads to me finally becoming a bouillonaire someday.

I bumped into an old school friend the other day.

He seemed to be doing very well for himself, fancy clothes, new car. You could tell he was now very successful and wealthy.
I asked him how he had been doing and he said great, I've got loads of money, fancy cars and a big house.
I asked him how he came to be so rich and he replied I've been using animal carcasses and boiling them down to a concentrate and selling that for a profit. I've made a killing on the stocks market.

You can explore stock market stock price reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean stock market stock prices dad jokes. There are also stock market puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Why don't clowns invest their money in the market?

They'd be the laughing stock.

The stock market is like a woman....

....when she goes down, you buy more

Where can you buy soup in bulk?

The stock market.

What do you call a stock market crash in Japan?

The "My Yen" Apocalypse

The Covid 19 Toilet Paper craze was a lot like the Stock Market Crash of 1929

But this time, instead of everyone dumping their stocks, they're stocking for dumps

Do you know why the European stock markets are sliding down?

Greece.

Yo Mamma So Stupid

She thought Chicken Stock was KFC's share market

What's the difference between a pigeon and a stockbroker?

The pigeon can still make a deposit on a BMW.


I'm new to the stock market and I've been getting really good at pinpointing the peak of penny stocks. I'll explain.

That's when I tend to buy them.

How is marijuana stock sold on the stock market?

Buy high sell higher.

PETA is a successful investor

in the laughing stock market.

The stock market plunge of 2008 was worse than a divorce...

I lost half of everything, but I still have my wife!

The way to end up $1 Million using the stock market LEGIT

invest 10 million into it

Why don't people in trailer parks invest in the stock market?

Because their money is tied up in bonds.

"Ever since we got married, my wife has tried to change me.

She got me to stop drinking, smoking and running around until all hours of the night. She taught me how to dress well, enjoy the fine arts, gourmet cooking, classical music, even how to invest in the stock market," said the man.
"Sounds like you may be bitter because she changed you so drastically," remarked his friend.
"I'm not bitter. Now that I'm so improved, she just isn't good enough for me."

What's the best way to make a small fortune in the stock market?

Start off with a big one.

Ups and Downs of Investing

I was browsing the stock market earlier, turns out most of the airlines are crashing.

In the stock market today....

Northern Tissue touched a new bottom, and millions of investors were wiped clean.

So SpaceX is launching the Falcon Heavy Today...

Too bad it isn't carrying the stock market.

An economist, an accountant and a lawyer decided to gamble....

And that's how stock markets came into existence!!!

I started investing in Egyptian tourism

Until I realized it was just a pyramid scheme

I put a bull and a bear in a cage to fight.

The stock market crashed shortly after...

The stock market is like a guy with IBS

All it takes is one fart to ruin the day.

I figured out how to make a million dollars on the stock market

Invest two million

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the stock market penny stock jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working stock market securities piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes