JokoJokes

Stock Market Jokes

84 stock market jokes and hilarious stock market puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about stock market that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Quick Jump To

Popular Stock Market Short Jokes

Short stock market jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The stock market humour may include short stock broker jokes also.

  1. Everyone is panicking about the stock markets.... But the 31 foot mexican ladder company I invested in is surging.
  2. I'm sorry, I won't be buying ingredients for soup anytime soon The stock market is terrible
  3. What do women and the stock market have in common? If you don't pull out in time, it will cost you a lot of money.
  4. To Non-USA Redditor's You all thought trying to enjoy Reddit without enduring US politics was hard?
    Welcome to 2021 where we introduce you to our stock market!
  5. I've recently started investing in stocks I hope this leads to me finally becoming a bouillonaire someday.
  6. I lost 50 pounds in the past month Investing money in the London stock market wasn't a good idea.
  7. What do you call a giant psychic who manipulates the stock market. A tall medium who shorts.
  8. This simple change in lifestyle will help you lose 2 pounds every week! Just invest in the British stock market
  9. What's the difference between a pigeon and a stockbroker? The pigeon can still make a deposit on a BMW.
  10. What's the quickest way to become a millionaire in the stock market? Invest a billion dollars.

Share These Stock Market Jokes With Friends




Stock Market One Liners

Which stock market one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with stock market? I can suggest the ones about stock and market crash.

  1. Why don't clowns invest their money in the market? They'd be the laughing stock.
  2. The stock market is like a woman.... ....when she goes down, you buy more
  3. Where can you buy soup in bulk? The stock market.
  4. Do you know why the European stock markets are sliding down? Greece.
  5. PETA is a successful investor in the laughing stock market.
  6. The way to end up $1 Million using the stock market LEGIT invest 10 million into it
  7. I started investing in Egyptian tourism Until I realized it was just a pyramid scheme
  8. Secretly found that I can manipulate stock market Whatever I bought, it went red.
  9. I put a bull and a bear in a cage to fight. The stock market crashed shortly after...
  10. I figured out how to make a million dollars on the stock market Invest two million
  11. Yo mama's so fat… When she skips a meal, the stock market drops.
  12. Why do Muslims invest in the stock market? For the profit.
  13. The stock market ... When it wanes, it poors.
  14. What do you call an alligator at the stock market? An investigator.
  15. How do you keep track of the math stock market? The S&π 500

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about stock market can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of stock market puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Ridiculous Stock Market Jokes to Spark Fun and Laughter

What funny jokes about stock market you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean housing market jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make stock market prank.

Where did the bull carry his stock-market report?
In his beef case.

What do you call a stock market c**... in Japan?

The "My Yen" Apocalypse

Stock Market Report

Helium was up, feathers were down. Paper was stationary.
Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading. Knives were up sharply. Pencils lost a few points.
Hiking equipment was trailing. Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline. Weights were up in heavy trading.
Mining equipment hit rock bottom. Diapers remained unchanged.
The market for raisins dried up. Balloon prices were inflated. And toilet paper touched a new bottom.

Ups and Downs of Investing

I was browsing the stock market earlier, turns out most of the airlines are crashing.

I lost 40 Pounds in 4 months!!

I didn't realize the British stock market was so volatile.

The stock market plunge of 2008 was worse than a divorce...

I lost half of everything, but I still have my wife!

Today in the stock market...

Feathers are down, while escalators have continued on their slow decline. The market for raisins has dried up. Scott Tissue reached a new bottom, while paper remained stationary. There is is some good news, however: helium is up, and elevators rose, as well.

Chinese stock market

title

China's stock market is down again

We should have seen it coming. The red flags were everywhere.

What is the difference between a casino and the stock market ?

The casino comps you after taking all your money

s**... is like the stock market...

It's better if you're insider.

Where is the best place to buy chicken broth?

at the stock market

A stock market c**... is worse than a divorce.

You lose half your money and your wife is still around.

What's the difference between the stock market and women?

With the stock market you can only lose when you pull out.

What's the one thing you need to know in order to make money on the stock market AND not have kids without using condoms?

The right time to pull out.

The stock market has been looking thinner lately.

It's lost several Pounds.

How is m**... stock sold on the stock market?

Buy high sell higher.

The stock market has rebounded solidly since the news of Trump's win

...led by the surging coathanger manufacturing sector.

Where did the crooked buisinessman end up when the stock market crashed?

In a CELL! SELL! SELL!

An economist, an accountant and a lawyer decided to gamble....

And that's how stock markets came into existence!!!

What would happen if a clown opened his business up to the global market?

He would be a laughing stock!

In today's news: Man found washing dishes...

...as wife watches 'Keeping up with the Stock Market.'

So SpaceX is launching the Falcon Heavy Today...

Too bad it isn't carrying the stock market.

In the stock market today....

Northern Tissue touched a new bottom, and millions of investors were wiped clean.

It's time to sell your stocks in the wood chip industry!

The market is getting tu-mulch-uous.

"Ever since we got married, my wife has tried to change me.

She got me to stop drinking, smoking and running around until all hours of the night. She taught me how to dress well, enjoy the fine arts, gourmet cooking, classical music, even how to invest in the stock market," said the man.
"Sounds like you may be bitter because she changed you so drastically," remarked his friend.
"I'm not bitter. Now that I'm so improved, she just isn't good enough for me."

Kids have the lowest standards

Everything is about b**... their friends moms even though their mamas are so fat that when she skips a meal, the stock market crashes

The stock market is like s**....

You just need to know when to pull out.

What's the best way to make a small fortune in the stock market?

Start off with a big one.

The romans once tied together a bear and a bull in the colosseum to see what happened.

Unfortunately all that happened was the stock market collapsed

Well you know what they say about investing in the stock market

Watch all of your money go *huawei*

The stock market is amazing...

- I invested, waited around 2 hours and BAM: I got 400 dollars!
- But you invested 800 dollars...
- It's already something.

Why are many vegans anticapitalist?

Because they can't stand the stock market.

Why don't people in trailer parks invest in the stock market?

Because their money is t**... in bonds.

The Covid 19 Toilet Paper craze was a lot like the Stock Market c**... of 1929

But this time, instead of everyone dumping their stocks, they're stocking for dumps

The stock market is like a guy with IBS

All it takes is one f**... to ruin the day.

My friends say I should invest in the stock market.

I said " well of course , I'm not going to a store with nothing in it"

I bumped into an old school friend the other day.

He seemed to be doing very well for himself, fancy clothes, new car. You could tell he was now very successful and wealthy.
I asked him how he had been doing and he said great, I've got loads of money, fancy cars and a big house.
I asked him how he came to be so rich and he replied I've been using animal carcasses and boiling them down to a concentrate and selling that for a profit. I've made a killing on the stocks market.

Guess history repeats itself!

We have Electro Swing, another Pandemic, and a Crashing Stock Market! Looks like the Twenties are back again!

What's considered t**... if you're poor, but classy if you're rich?

Manipulating the stock market

I'm new to the stock market and I've been getting really good at pinpointing the peak of penny stocks. I'll explain.

That's when I tend to buy them.

Yo Mamma So s**...

She thought Chicken Stock was KFC's share market

Why is a stock market c**... worse than a divorce?

Because you lose half of your money but your wife is still there

What's the difference between me and the stock market?

1) My parents are actually invested in the stock market
2) The stock market still has some value
3) People care that the stock market is currently depressed

jokes about stock market

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these stock market jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.