stir Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious stir puns

Jenny was not the best student in Sunday School.

Usually she slept through the class.

One day the teacher called on her while she was having a nap:

"Tell me, Jenny, who created the universe?"

She didn't stir, so Mike, a boy in the chair behind her, quickly took a pencil

and jabbed her in the rear.

"GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted Jenny

And the teacher said, "Very good".

Soon, Jenny was fast asleep again. A while later the teacher asks Jenny:

"Who is our Lord and Saviour?" Once again, Mike pricked her with a pencil.

"JESUS CHRIST!" shouted Jenny.

And the teacher said, "very good."

Soon, a third question comes: "What did Eve say to Adam after she had

her twenty-third child?" And again, Mike jabbed her with the pencil.

Jenny jumped in her seat and shouted:

"IF YOU STICK THAT F*****G THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT

IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE!"

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Cute things to call your girlfriend:

1. Sugar
2. Honey
3. Flour
4. Egg
5. 1/2lb butter
6. Stir
7. Pour into pan
8. Preheat to 375Β°

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Little April in Sunday school...

Little April was not the best student in Sunday school.Usually she slept through the class.

One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?"

When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good" and April fell back asleep.

A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Saviour," But, April didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. 'JESUS CHRIST!" shouted April and the teacher said, "very good," and April fell back to sleep.

Then the teacher asked April a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, "IF YOU STICK THAT FUCKING THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ASS!"

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If you stick that thing in me one more time...

Little Mary Margaret was not the best student in Catholic School. Usually she slept through the class.

One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping. "Tell me Mary Margaret, who created the universe?"

When Mary Margaret didn't stir, little Johnny who was her friend sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear.

"God Almighty!" shouted Mary Margaret. The Nun said, "Very good!" and continued teaching her class.

A little later the Nun asked Mary Margaret, "Who is our Lord and Savior?" But Mary didn't stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to her rescue and stuck Mary Margaret in the butt.

"Jesus Christ!" shouted Mary Margaret and the Nun once again said, "Very good," and Mary Margaret fell back asleep.

The Nun asked her a third question, "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?"

Again, Johnny came to the rescue. This time Mary Margaret jumped up and shouted, "If you stick that thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!"

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Little Johnny

Little April was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?" When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good" and April fell back asleep. A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Saviour," But, April didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. "JESUS CHRIST!" shouted April and the teacher said, "very good," and April fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked April a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, "IF YOU STICK THAT FUCKING THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ASS!"

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Little Mary was not the best student...

in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class.

One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, 'Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?'

When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, and altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed it in her rear.

'God Almighty!' shouted Mary and the teacher said, 'Very good,' and Mary slowly fell back asleep.

A while later the teacher asked Mary, 'Who is our Lord and Saviour?' But Mary didn't even stir from her slumber.

Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again.

'Jesus Christ!' yelled Mary and the teacher said, 'Very good,' and Mary slowly fell back asleep.

Then the teacher asked Marh a third question. 'What did Eve say to Adam after she had her 23rd child?' And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin.

This time Mary jumped up and shouted, 'If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'

The teacher fainted.

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did you ever hear the one about the racist teaspoon?

it caused quite a stir

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HOW TO GET RID OF ANTS

HOW TO GET RID OF ANTS

My buddy from Atlanta Georgia swears this works.

Go to Home Depot or Walmart and buy a can of black spray paint.

Stir up each ant mound as you go and the area around them with a stick.

The ants will emerge by the hundreds to defend the mounds.

Spray each mound and the surrounding area, making sure you get plenty of paint on the ants as well.

Once the ants realize they live in a black neighborhood, they quit working and start killing each other.

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My friend stirs soup with his left hand.

But I stir soup with a spoon.

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Cute things to call your girlfriend:

1. Sugar
2. Honey
3. Flour
4. Egg
5. 1/2 lb of butter
6. Stir
7. Pour into pan
8. Preheat oven to 375Β°

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Adam and Eve

Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?"

When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "God Almighty!" shouted Mary, and the teacher said, "Very good," and Mary fell back asleep.

A while later the teacher asked Mary, "Who is our Lord and Savior," but Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue, and stuck her again. "Jesus Christ!" shouted Mary, and the teacher said, "Very good," and Mary fell back asleep.

Then the teacher asked Mary a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, "If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!

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Using a cinnamon stick to stir your eggnog isn't a religious practice.

It's egg-nog-stick.

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Why was the teaspoon arrested?

For causing such a stir!!

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Coffee drinking trio

3 friends are bragging about their coffee drinking habits.

1st: I take it dark, thick and black. It's so strong, the spoon stands upright in my cup when I stir it.

2nd: big deal, at least you use a cup. I pour it directly from the kettle into my mouth.

3rd: yeah? We'll I don't even use a kettle. I chew the coffee beans, drink some water and just go sit on the stove for a while.

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Little Lucy & Little Johnny

Little Lucy was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class.

One day the teacher called on her while she was napping,
"Tell me, Lucy, who created the universe?"

When Lucy didn't stir, Little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.

"God Almighty! " shouted Lucy and the teacher said,

"Very good," and Lucy fell back asleep.

A while later the teacher asked Lucy, "Who is our Lord and Savior?"

But, Lucy didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again.

"Jesus Christ!" shouted Lucy and the teacher said, "Very good," and Lucy fell back asleep.

Then the teacher asked Lucy a third question.

"What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?

And again, Johnny Jabbed her with the pin. This time Lucy jumped up and shouted, "If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!"

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An Englishman is visiting Ireland for the first time...

His first stop is Cork where he decides he wants to kiss the famous Blarney Stone. Unfortunately for him he hasn't a clue where the stone is, so he walks into a pub to ask for directions.

He walks into the pub and yells, "Alright Paddies, I'm visiting from London and I'm looking for someone to take me to kiss this famous Blarney's Stone I've heard so much about."

There's a small stir in the bar as every Irishman scowls at him, until one man stands up. The huge, red-bearded man walks over to the Englishman, towering over him by a full foot.

He says, "Aye, I'll take ye to the Blarney Stone, but there's something you missed."

"And what might that be?" the Englishman replies.

"Ye see, there's two Blarney stones." the Irishman tells him.

The Englishman, slightly peeved at this insight, sighs to him, "Well I don't care, I just want to kiss one."

"Well alright," the Irishman replies as he drops his pants, "I'm Blarney. Kiss one."

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How to deal with an anthill

Next time you have an anthill problem, here is what you do;

Grab yourself a can of black spray paint and cover the entire anthill in it. Then grab a stick or something of the sort and stir the paint in. Once all the ants realize they now live in a black neighborhood, they stop working and start shooting each other.

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The Tea Survey

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were taking part in a survey about tea-drinking habits.

'I always stir my tea with my left hand,' said The Englishman.

'I always stir my tea with my right hand,' said The Scotsman.

How about you?' the Irishman was asked.

'Oh me?' said the Irishman, 'I always use a spoon.'

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Protip: If you stir some coconut oil into your kale

It makes it easier to scrape into the trash

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What do you say when a stirring utensil is doing something unsafe?

Hey that's whisky behavior

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What do you call a hoe that you use to stir a fire.

An ash hoe.

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While in the stirrups at the gynecologist's office, the woman overhears the doctor say...

My, what a big vagina! … My, what a big vagina!

The woman became furious and spoke up: I can't believe I heard you say something so unprofessionalβ€”not just once, twice!

I'm very sorry and I apologize the doctor said, But in my defense I only said it once ^once ^^once ^^^once …

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Little Mary #1

Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher asked her while she was napping, "Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?"

When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.

"God Almighty!" shouted Mary. The teacher said, "Very good," and little Mary fell back asleep.

A while later the teacher asked Mary, "Who is our Lord and Savior?"
But, Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. "Jesus Christ!" shouted Mary.

The teacher said, "Very good," and little Mary fell back asleep.

Then the teacher asked Mary a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?"

And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, "If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!"

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While cooking dinner this happened.

I was making stir fry and opened a bag of peas. One pea gets lose and rolls off the counter. It was like slow motion as I watched it hit floor and roll under the stove. I turned to my wife who also witnessed the incident and said: "We have an escape pea." ...got a laugh

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Why do Chinese people stir their tea clockwise while the Japanese stir it anticlockwise?

To dissolve the sugar.

(Courtesy of my dad)

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What do the inhabitants of Endor use to cook their stir frys?

An Ewok

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How to get rid of ants.

Go to Home Depot or Wall-mart and buy a can of black spray paint. Any brand works great.

Stir up each ant mound as you go and the area around them with a stick.
The ants will emerge by the hundreds to defend the mounds. Spray each mound and the surrounding area, making sure you get plenty of paint on the ants as well.

Once the ants realize they live in a black neighborhood, they quit working and start killing each other.

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Did you hear about the troublesome teaspoon?

It went into the kitchen and caused a stir.

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What do you call rooster stir fry?

Cock of the wok.

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Have I told you about the time I met Steven Tyler and he taught me how to cook stir fry?

He told me to "wok this way."

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They Should Make A Star Wars Themed Cooking Competition.

They could call it Stir Wars.

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One day the teacher called on April while she was napping,

"Tell me, April, who created the universe?"

When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good" and April fell back asleep.

A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Saviour," But, April didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. 'JESUS CHRIST!" shouted April and the teacher said, "very good," and April fell back to sleep.

Then the teacher asked April a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, "IF YOU STICK THAT FUCKING THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE!"

The Teacher fainted.ο»Ώ

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Why would you use your right hand to stir your coffee?

I would use a spoon.

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Why does asparagus make your pee smell so bad?

Next time I'm just going to stir it with a straw like everybody else

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How do you stir the politics in a Coca Cola drink?

You add ices.

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What are the most funny Stir jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Stir? Well, here are the best Stir dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Stir pick up lines to share with friends.

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