stings Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious stings puns

Two soldiers are walking through the desert...

And a scorpion crawls up on one of the Tim's leg and stings him right in the dick. Johnny calls the base and asks to talk with the medic. He tells him what happened to Tim and asks what the best course of action would be. Since the base is far away, the medic tells Johnny that he has to suck the venom out of the wound before it spreads. Tim asks: "What did the medic say?"
Johnny says: "He says you're gonna fucking die"

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What floats like a butterfly and stings like a bee?

Nothing.

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A woman got stung by a bee on the golf course

As she was allergic to bee stings, she frantically ran to the clubhouse to get help. "I've been stung by a bee," she cried to the clubhouse attendant. "Where were you stung?" he asked. "Between the first and second hole," she said. He replied, "I think your stance may be a little too wide."

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When your girlfriend comes home in a white suit, smelling of honey and covered in bee stings

You know she's a keeper.

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There's a type of bee that after it stings you, you pass out and it tries to have sex with you.

It's a Cos-Bee.

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A beautiful young lady is sunbathing naked when a bee flies into her vagina...

Her husband starts to panic so he brings her to the nearest hospital. The doctor had idea which involves the husband to put honey on his dick and putting it in her vagina until it stings his dick, then he pulls the bee out as it will be stuck on his dick. So after a few minutes he agrees but couldnt do it because he was afraid it will hurt like hell. The doctor asked the young couple if it was ok for him to perform it. After another few moments they agreed. So the doctor put honey on his dick and put it in the ladys pussy. After a few uncomfortable minutes of him thrusting in his wifes pussy the husband yells out, "fuck how long will it take for the bee to sting your dick!?!?" the doctor panted out, "change of plan, im drowning that bitch!"

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Dating a hoarder

I used to date a hoarder, and she broke up with me. That stings extra hardβ€”I'm like the one thing she can get rid of.

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I used to date a hoarder, and she broke up with me. That really stings ... I'm like the one thing she could get rid of.

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Captain Blackbeard and his first mate Kelly capture a ship searching for precious jewels...

The ship is carrying three groups: guides, soldiers, and miners. They are transferring the three groups over in three boats. During the transfer, the boat with the guides capsizes, followed by the soldiers, but the miners cross safely.
A bloom of jellyfish passes by and stings the men in the water. Once Blackbeard gets the stung men on board, he hope's to ease their pain and orders his men to urinate on them.
He looks around to see his first mate peeing on a group of very upset (and very dry) men. He yells out, "Aaaarrrrr Kelly! Quit pissin on those miners!"

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A man and his wife are having sex

Out in the woods when a bee enters the woman's vagina. The couple stop and immediately go to the hospital. The doctor tells them there is a simple solution. Cover the mans penis in honey and have him lure the bee out. The husband says "what if the bee stings me?". The doctor replied there is a chance. The man is too scared so the doctor must do it. He takes off his clothes, slathers his Dick with honey, and inserts it. The bee flies out. "Is it over?" The husband says?"
"Nah I think there's a nest in here let me try again"

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If it stings when you wee

Urine trouble

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NSFW - I was on vacation in Australia with my girlfriend

And we were sunbathing on a nudist beach.

All of a sudden a hornet flew down and stung her right on her special area. It immediately swelled up and turned a rather nasty colour.

I immediately rang the Australian helpline for insect stings.

"G'Day mate, what seems to be the bother?"
"Well, we were sunbathing nude and a hornet flew down and stung my girlfriend's crotch, and it's swollen up and turned a nasty colour, and I don't know what to do!"
"Bummer, mate."
"Thanks."

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A bee, a fly, and a mosquito signed up for a website that sometimes stings, usually stinks, and mostly sucks. What website is this?

BuzzFeed

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Buyer beware

A man wants to purchase some farmland, but is wary of the bees on the property. The farmer thinks the bees are harmless so he makes the prospective buyer a deal: he'll tie the buyer naked to a tree that has a bee hive for an hour, and if any bee stings him, the farmer will GIVE him the land for free.

The farmer ties the buyer up and leaves. He comes back an hour later and finds the buyer nearly unconscious. The farmer asks, "Are you all right?"

The reply: "Doesn't that calf have a mother?"

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Which wrestler has the finisher that stings the most?

Stone Cold Steve Irwin.

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Whats worse than one bee sting?

Two bee stings
Whats worse than two bee stings?

The holocaust
Whats worse than the holocaust?



Three bee stings

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What's white and stings when it lands in your eye?

A space shuttle

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What's worse than a bee sting?

2 bee stings.


[What's worse than 2 bee stings?](#s "The Holocaust")


[What's worse than The Holocaust?](#s "3 bee stings")

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Yeah, so I had an unwise fling on the 18th hole after my best round ever.

/golfclap stings a little more now.

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What type of bees doesn't stings?

Boobees.

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What's worst than one bee sting?

Two bee stings

What's worst than two bee stings?

The Holocaust.

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You know what's worse than a bee sting?

2 bee stings.

You know what's worse than 2 bee stings?

The Holocaust.

You know what's worse than the Holocaust?

3 bee stings.

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Why did Muhammad Ali pass away?

Too many bee stings

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What are the most funny Stings jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Stings? Well, here are the best Stings dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Stings pick up lines to share with friends.

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