Still Game Jokes
44 still game jokes and hilarious still game puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about still game that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Still Game Short Jokes
Short still game jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The still game humour may include short console game jokes also.
- British teenager Emma Raducanu has just won $2.5m by winning the US open final Sadly she needed 2 band-aids and a bandage for a cut on her leg in the last game, so she still owes about $25k
- That World Series game was so long... When it started Kevin Spacey was still a respected actor.
- People are complaining that games are too short but New Battlefront has 4500 hours of gameplay and people are still complaining!
- I was having trouble dating but a girl finally asked me if I wanted to get coffee today. Sure she was wearing an apron and standing behind a register but still, my pick up game is getting better.
- The Trump Years in a Nutshell 2016: Trump doesn't stand a chance.
2017: Trump's still trying?
2018: "Hey, are you guys going to watch the hunger games tonight? I hope my district wins" - While gaming last night, I was called a loser due to still having my default skin But when I showed up to school, the next day, wearing a new skin, I'm a psychopath.
- Somebody says video games don't have any impact on your psyche. I can't agree with that. My Ex-girlfriend played Tetris a lot in her childhood.
She's still waiting for a long stick. - Nintendo recently found a truck that was stolen in 2015 and all the Wii games were still in the trailer. They released them for sale at only $59.99.
- My team had to play a football game on a pitch that was littered with loads of stones and gravel. Luckily we still won on aggregate.
- I do not have a hard time finding friends. The have a hard time finding me. At least I hope they still search for me. This hide n seek game is already two days long...
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Still Game One Liners
Which still game one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with still game? I can suggest the ones about video game and mind game.
- I like Ouija boards It's the only game I can still play with grandma.
- Bush or Bin Laden, who would win in a game of chess? Bin Laden, he still has his towers.
- If I had the cure for Ebola Game Stop would still only but it for $4.50
Humorous Still Game Jokes to Bring Fun and Laughter to Your Life
What funny jokes about still game you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean board game jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make still game pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
After numerous rounds of, "We don't know if o**.
.. is still alive," o**... himself decided to send Ted Kennedy a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game. Kennedy opened the letter which appeared to contain a single line of coded message, 370HSSV-0773H. Kennedy was baffled, so he e-mailed it to John Kerry. Kerry and his aides had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI. Noone could solve it at the FBI, so it went to the CIA, then to the NSA. With no clue as to its meaning, the FBI finally asked Marine Corps Intelligence for help. Within a few seconds the Marine Corps cabled back with this reply, "Tell Kennedy he's holding the message upside down."
When Chuck Norris plays sudoku, he can put two same numbers in one square and still solve it right.
15 years ago I started a burping contest with Chuck Norris.
.. who had the longest?
I don't know he is still busy.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
After numerous rounds of, "We don't know if o**... is still alive," o**... himself decided to send Ted Kennedy a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game.
Kennedy opened the letter which appeared to contain a single line of the coded message, 370HSSV-0773H.
Kennedy was baffled, so he e-mailed it to John Kerry.
Kerry and his aides had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI.
Noone could solve it at the FBI, so it went to the CIA, then to the NSA.
With no clue as to its meaning, the FBI finally asked Marine Corps Intelligence for help.
Within a few seconds, the Marine Corps cabled back with this reply, "Tell Kennedy he's holding the message upside down."
My daughter learned to count!
My daughter woke me around 11:50 last night. My wife and I had picked her up from her friend Sally's birthday party, brought her home, and put her to bed. My wife went into the bedroom to read while I fell asleep watching the Braves game.
"Daddy," she whispered, tugging my shirt sleeve. "Guess how old I'm going to be next month."
"I don't know, beauty," I said as I slipped on my glasses. "How old?"
She smiled and held up four fingers.
It is 7:30 now. My wife and I have been up with her for almost 8 hours. She still refuses to tell us where she got them.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy buys an old brass lamp at a flea market
He takes it home, and starts to clean it up. He rubs it a few times with a polishing cloth, and a genie pops out.
The guy says, "Hey, look at that, a genie. I get three wishes, right?
The genie says, "Sorry, no. People were wishing for all kinds of crazy stuff, so we had to cut it down. You get to choose from one of two wishes. You can wish for a better s**... life, or a better golf game.
The guy thinks about it for a bit, and says, "You know, my short game hasn't improved in years, no matter how hard I try. I'd like a better golf game."
The genie says, "Really? I haven't been at this genie thing for that long, but you are the first guy I've had who wanted a better golf game. You must get more chicks than Hugh Hefner.
"Oh, nothing like that."
"But still, you must be getting it two or three times a day."
"Be serious"
"Once a day at least"
"No, not that often"
"Well, what's your s**... life like?"
"I probably average once or twice a week."
"You're getting laid once or twice a week and you don't think that there's room for improvement?
The guy says, "Well, I think I do pretty well for a priest in a small town who doesn't drive."
Taking his son golfing
Mr. Smith was a bad golfer, but God help him, he still loved to play the game. One weekend morning, his wife couldn't look after their son, so he agreed to bring him along, and have him act as his caddy.
When they got to the course, he pulled his son aside and handed him a scorecard.
"Here's the scorecard Timmy. I need to you write down the number I tell you for each hole, OK?"
"OK Daddy!" His son replied.
So they went out and boy, oh boy was it a bad day for Mr. Smith. Every other shot, it seemed, went into the rough, a sand trap or somewhere other than where he wanted. After a long, hot arduous round, he was ready to hit the 19th hole...but first he had to get the score.
"Ok Timmy, what do you have my score at for today?"
His son pulled out the scorecard and counted up the total and said "I have you with a 72 dad."
"72? That's amazing! That's like 50 strokes lower than my average. Are you sure you wrote down the number I said for every hole?"
"Yeah, you yelled Fore! on every hole."
(For those who don't know about golf, "Fore" is a yell you give when your ball is going in the direction of other golfers)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The McDonalds
When I was 8 I brought in my tomogatchi (**ignore spelling**) to a McDonald's. my family sat down to eat and I saw this girl with a tomogatchi too. She stares at me then goes into the bathroom. I wait a minute then follow her in. She was waiting for me. We linked our games and had tomogatchi babies together.
Still to this day, the most s**... thing I have ever done.
A blonde decided to go ice-fishing
...so she packed up all her gear and went ice fishing. She cut a hole and put the fishing line down the hole. After 15 minutes, after feeling nothing, she wasn't sure there would be a fish, so she prayed to her God, asking for a fish to please come bite her line. A few minutes later, a loud booming voice said: "THERE'S NO FISH THERE!" So she packed up her stuff and she found another spot. Again, she prayed for a fish to biter her line, but to no avail. Again, she heard a loud, booming voice, "THERE'S NO FISH THERE!" Still feeling hopeful, the blonde moved her stuff and cut a third hole in the ice. This time, without even praying, the loud booming voice said, "GET OFF THE ICE, THE GAME IS ABOUT TO START!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy scores a ticket for a Green Bay Packers home game....
Finds his seat about 20 rows up on the 50 yard line behind the Packers bench. As the stadium begins to fill up a nice looking middle aged woman comes and sits in a seat just in front of him. The game starts and he can't help but notice that the seat beside this woman remains vacant. At half time the seat is still vacant so he asks the woman about it. She tells him: "My husband and I have had season tickets for these seats for many years. my husband has recently passed away and I don't see any sense in letting them both be vacant." The man replies: "Well, couldn't you find a friend or family member to use the other ticket?" And she says: "Well, no. They're all at the f**...."
2 Poles are watching a Football game...
There is an attack by one team and the first Polish dude says:
-I bet you 20 bucks he will not score
-You are on - Replies the second one.
The attack goes through and the person scores. So the the first
pole reaches for his wallet, but the second one stops him saying:
-I cheated a little, this is a rerun I knew he'd score, keep your money.
-I also watched the game before, though I am still surprised the goalie let the same goal happen twice.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The other day I started watching Game of Thrones
I told my friend about it. Told him all about the violence, m**..., decapitation, gore, s**..., gay s**..., midget s**..., prostitution, r**..., paedophilia, i**... and inbreeding... And he was like: "Oh so you're still on the first episode then?"
A woman heads to the golf course...
A woman and a couple of her friends head out for 9 holes at their local golf course. None of them are particularly good at the game, so after a couple of drinks the woman ends up making a horrible shot and sends the ball shooting wildly across the course.
In her surprise she forgets to yell fore, and a moment later there's a howl from a gentleman on the cart path. His club bag is on the ground and he's got his hands between his legs as he swears loudly. The woman rushes over in a tizzy. "I'm so incredibly sorry! Let me make it up to you. You'll feel much better." "Really ma'am, you don't have to worry-" The man says, but the woman has already stooped to her knees, undone his belt and begun expertly fellating him. After a few minutes she looks up at him. "See? That must feel much better." The man says, "Well that was lovely. But I think my thumb is still broken..."
My dad tonight at dinner. Thought I would share.
My sister was in a hurry to get to a hockey game and was anxious to eat supper.
Sister: We better get eatin' soon.
Dad: I hope not, we still have food to eat.
Sister: *Blank stare*
tl;dr: Eaten vs eating
I traded my brother for an old Game Boy game
I'm still not sure what that old guy wanted him for.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Overheard @ high school's red & white football game
Clueless freshman: "So, who are we playing?"
Crowd: "It's intrasquad!"
Pregnant pause.
Clueless freshman: "So we're still going to lose!"
A blonde and a lawyer are sitting next to each other on a plane
A blonde and a lawyer are sitting next to each other on a plane. The lawyer asks the blonde if she wants to play a game, "All you have to do is ask a question and if i get it wrong or don't know it i give you five dollars, then i ask you a question and if you get it wrong you pay me five dollars."
"No," she says, "I just want to sleep."
He keeps asking and she finally gives in when he says if he gets it wrong he will pay her five hundred dollars, but she still only has to pay five dollars.
"What is the distance from the earth to the moon?" he asks.
She gives him 5 dollars. "What goes up the hill with four legs and comes down with five?" she asks.
He pulls out his laptop and searches it, but finds nothing. Then he emails his friends. After an hour, he still hasn't got an answer, he hands her 500 dollars. Then he asks her, "So what is the answer?"
She hands him 5 dollars.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My girlfriend and I play a game where we see who can yell r**... the loudest while having s**....
She doesn't know we play it but she still wins every time.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I find it strange..
I find it strange how Americans will still, on the anniversary of 9/11, play League of Legends. A game where you have to destroy towers.
So EA decided that after buying a game, gamers still need to pay money or grind for characters...
...That's it. That's the joke.
The other day during lunch break I saw one of my colleagues playing some kind of war game on his smartphone. As I poured my coffee I asked him about the game he was playing and we started small talking. Few minutes into our small talk he stated that so far he'd spend $700 in in game purchases.
I bursted into a loud laughter while shouting how that was the stupidest thing and biggest waste of money I've ever heard of!
Man, I was still laughing out loud in disbelief walking off and even still chuckling as I entered the smoking room
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Theory of Jumping Fleas
A lunatic asylum inmate amused himself by placing the pet flea on his left hand and on the command "Jump, Freddie, jump", the insect would leap to his right hand.
This game helped the poor man to pass away the mindless hours but one day he produced a tiny pair of scissors and proceeded to cut off Freddie the Flea's legs. He then placed his truncated pet on his hand and gave the familiar command but to no avail.
And then raising his voice he shouted "Jump, Freddie, jump!" but still the flea remained in his left hand.
'There you are,' cried the man triumphantly. 'That proves my theory, you cut off their legs they go deaf.'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"Thank you Lord"
Two guys are walking through a game park & they come across a lion that has not eaten for days. The lion starts chasing the two men. They run as fast as they can and the o**... starts getting tired and decides to say a prayer, "Please turn this lion into a Christian, Lord." He looks to see if the lion is still chasing and he sees the lion on its knees. Happy to see his prayer answered, he turns around and heads towards the lion. As he comes closer to the lion, he hears the it saying a prayer: "Thank you Lord for the food I am about to receive."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My long term girlfriend and I like to play a s**... game to spice things up and keep it interesting...
She pretends to be a nurse, and I pretend that I'm still attracted to her.
My 12-year-old son was so happy when he found out tonight, for game night, is fort night.
Who knew kids that age still find joy making pillow and blanket tents?!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Sometimes I get bored during s**...
So I play a game called, Just the Shaft, because I still like puzzles.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So, a guy is at the Superbowl championship game when he notices the seat next to his is empty.
He finds this very odd but forgets about it quickly. A little bit later he notices that the seat is still empty. He tries to forget about it and focus on the game. An empty seat at the Superbowl is just too weird though. He then asks the guy in the seat two seats over if he knows what's up with the empty seat. The guy says that the empty seat was meant for his wife who had passed away. The other guy says he is sorry to hear that but didn't he have a friend or family member that he could have given the ticket to? The widower says "Yes, but they are all at the f**...."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer,
"Just watch, this is the dumbest kid in the whole world."
The barber puts a dollar bill in his right hand and a quarter in his left.He then asks the boy,"which one do you want?" The boy takes the quarter and leaves the shop. The barber chuckles and tells his customer,"didn't i tell you,that kid is really dumb.Even after so many years,he has still not learnt to take the dollar."
sometime later ,the customer sees the kid having an ice-cream outside.He walks up to him and asks ,"Hey son ,I don't think you are dumb. How come you never picked the dollar ?"
The kid answers ,"Because, the day I take the dollar ,the game is over."
