Following is our collection of Stiff jokes which are very funny. There are some stiff necrophiliacs jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these stiff cloudy puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
A stiff one
I had to beat off some stiff competition though
Its a teabag
A man came to visit his grandparents, and he noticed his grandfather sitting on the porch in the rocking chair wearing only a shirt, with nothing on from the waist down.
'Grandpa, what are you doing? Your goober is out in the wind for everyone to see!' he exclaimed.
The old man slowly looked at him and said,
'Well....last week I sat out here with no shirt on and I got a stiff neck. This is your grandma's idea.'
A husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th anniversary. The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting a headstone that reads: 'Here lies my wife, cold as ever'." "Yeah," she replies, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone reading: 'Here lies my husband, stiff at last."
-Sacha Guitry
Yes, Sir, what happened ?
"I think my wife's dead". "What happened, Sir ?" "Well...she's lying in bed, cold and stiff as usual, but the dishes haven't been done in 3 days !"
Man, threading a needle is tough!
And he says, "Grandpa, where are your pants?"
The old man replies, "It was your Grandmother's idea. Yesterday I complained about having a stiff neck after sitting out here shirtless, so she suggested I stay out here pantsless before bedtime."
A little stiff.
I told him to make a stiff nightcap and drop a couple of pills in it. You know, just take Aleve of Absinthe.
A man was walking down the street when he noticed his grandpa sitting on the porch in a rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down.
"Grandpa, what are you doing?" he exclaimed.
The old man looked off in the distance and did not answer him.
"Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with no pants on?" he asked again.
The old man slyly looked at him and said, "Well last week I sat out here with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck. This was your Grandma`s idea!"
You can explore stiff hairspray reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean stiff arthritis dad jokes. There are also stiff puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
At the end of the day, a stiff gets buried either way.
Because the competition is stiff.
... but I heard there's some stiff competition.
Walking into the bar, Bob said to the bartender, "Pour me a stiff one, I just had another fight with the little woman."
"Oh yeah?" said John "And how did this one end?"
"When it was over," Bob replied, "she came to me on her hands and knees.
"Really? Now that's a switch! What did she say?"
She said, "Come out from under that bed, you little chickenshit!!
His first words were: "Huh... I'm a little stiff".
"Oh yeah?" retorts the wife. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, "Here Lies My Husband Stiff At Last.'"
Because I am stiff below the waist
I'm doing my best but there is some stiff competition
Q: What is 1 foot long, stiff and makes women scream all night?
A: A dead baby.
Cot death.
He was a little stiff
Stiff competition.
But the competition is stiff.
When I was on the Isle of Skye
I overdid the old Spanish fly
I had a stiff member
From the fourth of December
Till Friday the tenth of July
A spine
And asks the bartender for a lemonade.
"Of course!" says the bartender, "I've never seen a stiff drink!"
Courtesy of the video game Fable 3.
Cold, Stiff, and been in the cellar for the past few years.
Let's just say there was some stiff competition.
Doesn't matter, so long as it's stiff.
How, you ask? I walked into an autopsy. It was stiff.
Roses are red. nuts are brown.
Skirts go up. pants go down.
Body to body. skin to skin.
When it's stiff. stick it in.
It goes in dry. It comes out wet.
The longer it's in. The stronger it gets.
It comes out dripping. And it starts to sag.
It's not what you think. It's a tea bag.
When you are both stiff
At what point does CPR become necrophilia?
Heh.
Heh.
When you're both stiff.
First post here :D
They were met with stiff resistance
The dentist asks the man what happened, to which the man responds saying:
"My wife cooked some chicken and roti (Indian flatbread) but the bread was very hard and stiff."
The dentist replied: "You should have told her the bread was too hard and refused to eat it"
To which the man responds:
"Man, that's exactly what I did!"
(A joke originally told to me by my grandfather in Urdu)
Because they've always got a stiff in the trunk.
Strawberry milkshake with vodka.
A boy and his grandfather are playing outside. They see a worm come out of a hole.
"I bet you $5 you can't put the worm back in that hole," the grandfather said.
The boy gets a glint in his eye and runs into the house. He returns with a bottle of hairspray and proceeds to spray the worm until it is stiff, then he sticks it in the hole.
The grandpa, defeated, gives the boy $5 and takes the bottle of hairspray. He walks into the house and the boy keeps playing.
A while later, the grandfather returns outside and gives the boy $10.
"But grandpa, you already gave me the money for the bet," the boy told him.
"Yeah, I know. *That* money is from grandma."
Vomit 😝
"Can I have a lemonade?" He asks the bartender.
The bartender says "Sure, I've never seen a stiff drink."
1. They both put a stiff in a box.
2. They both require lots of tissues.
3. They can both sometimes make people cry.
There was too much stiff competition!
My wife told next time to mow with my pants off.
There's gonna be stiff competition
I have minstrel cramps.
And now I've got a stiff neck.
except the one you want.
when you pry it from my frosty, frozen, lifeless, stiff extremities.
You put a stiff one in both.
To mourn the passing of the stiff they buried last night.
Because both are a little stiff.
I heard they're shooting something at YouTube HQ today.
Isn't Rick and Morty that thing you get when you go all stiff after you die?
A wife asks her husband how his day at work went. It was awful, the man explains, pouring himself a stiff drink. All of our computer systems shut down today so we had to do everything manually.
That sounds awful, the wife consoles.
You're telling me, he replies after a sip, I had to keep shuffling the deck of cards for solitaire by hand.
She must be rolling them too tight.
**Elderly Woman 1:** My joints are getting stiff again.
**Elderly Woman 2:** You're rolling them too tight.
Mourning wood.
Original
the competition was stiff
to claim world's best handjob
She filled herself up with whiskey, bitters, and sugar, and topped herself off with an orange slice and cherry.
I ended up going as the "stiff" part of our couples' costume.
from drinking a bottle of glue?
He was a little stiff.
staff stuff stiff stuff
I make all my drinks stiff.
Brah, threading a needle isn't as easy as it looks!
Skirts go up, pants go down.
Body to body, skin to skin.
When it's stiff, just stick it in.
It goes in dry and comes out wet and the longer it's in, the stronger it gets.
It comes out dripping and It starts to sag.
Nothing to enjoy more on Sundays than a Lipton tea bag :-)
It's morning wood
They get to choose what is engraved on each other's headstones.
Husband says, "Here lies Karen. Quiet at last"
Wife says, "Here lies Kevin, stiff at last"
It's hard to come up with an original erection joke. The competition is stiff.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the stiff numb jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working stiff hangover piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.