Following is our collection of funny Stiff jokes. There are some stiff necrophiliacs jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these stiff stiff neck puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
A stiff one
I had to beat off some stiff competition though
Its a teabag
A man came to visit his grandparents, and he noticed his grandfather sitting on the porch in the rocking chair wearing only a shirt, with nothing on from the waist down.
'Grandpa, what are you doing? Your goober is out in the wind for everyone to see!' he exclaimed.
The old man slowly looked at him and said,
'Well....last week I sat out here with no shirt on and I got a stiff neck. This is your grandma's idea.'
A husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th anniversary. The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting a headstone that reads: 'Here lies my wife, cold as ever'." "Yeah," she replies, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone reading: 'Here lies my husband, stiff at last."
-Sacha Guitry
Yes, Sir, what happened ?
"I think my wife's dead". "What happened, Sir ?" "Well...she's lying in bed, cold and stiff as usual, but the dishes haven't been done in 3 days !"
Man, threading a needle is tough!
And he says, "Grandpa, where are your pants?"
The old man replies, "It was your Grandmother's idea. Yesterday I complained about having a stiff neck after sitting out here shirtless, so she suggested I stay out here pantsless before bedtime."
A little stiff.
I told him to make a stiff nightcap and drop a couple of pills in it. You know, just take Aleve of Absinthe.
A man was walking down the street when he noticed his grandpa sitting on the porch in a rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down.
"Grandpa, what are you doing?" he exclaimed.
The old man looked off in the distance and did not answer him.
"Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with no pants on?" he asked again.
The old man slyly looked at him and said, "Well last week I sat out here with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck. This was your Grandma`s idea!"
You can explore stiff hairspray reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean stiff arthritis dad jokes. There are also stiff puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
At the end of the day, a stiff gets buried either way.
Because the competition is stiff.
Walking into the bar, Bob said to the bartender, "Pour me a stiff one, I just had another fight with the little woman."
"Oh yeah?" said John "And how did this one end?"
"When it was over," Bob replied, "she came to me on her hands and knees.
"Really? Now that's a switch! What did she say?"
She said, "Come out from under that bed, you little chickenshit!!
His first words were: "Huh... I'm a little stiff".
"Oh yeah?" retorts the wife. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, "Here Lies My Husband Stiff At Last.'"
Because I am stiff below the waist
He was a little stiff
Stiff competition.
But the competition is stiff.
A spine
And asks the bartender for a lemonade.
"Of course!" says the bartender, "I've never seen a stiff drink!"
Courtesy of the video game Fable 3.
Cold, Stiff, and been in the cellar for the past few years.
Let's just say there was some stiff competition.
Doesn't matter, so long as it's stiff.
Roses are red. nuts are brown.
Skirts go up. pants go down.
Body to body. skin to skin.
When it's stiff. stick it in.
It goes in dry. It comes out wet.
The longer it's in. The stronger it gets.
It comes out dripping. And it starts to sag.
It's not what you think. It's a tea bag.
When you are both stiff
At what point does CPR become necrophilia?
Heh.
Heh.
When you're both stiff.
First post here :D
They were met with stiff resistance
The dentist asks the man what happened, to which the man responds saying:
"My wife cooked some chicken and roti (Indian flatbread) but the bread was very hard and stiff."
The dentist replied: "You should have told her the bread was too hard and refused to eat it"
To which the man responds:
"Man, that's exactly what I did!"
(A joke originally told to me by my grandfather in Urdu)
Because they've always got a stiff in the trunk.
A boy and his grandfather are playing outside. They see a worm come out of a hole.
"I bet you $5 you can't put the worm back in that hole," the grandfather said.
The boy gets a glint in his eye and runs into the house. He returns with a bottle of hairspray and proceeds to spray the worm until it is stiff, then he sticks it in the hole.
The grandpa, defeated, gives the boy $5 and takes the bottle of hairspray. He walks into the house and the boy keeps playing.
A while later, the grandfather returns outside and gives the boy $10.
"But grandpa, you already gave me the money for the bet," the boy told him.
"Yeah, I know. *That* money is from grandma."
Vomit 😝
1. They both put a stiff in a box.
2. They both require lots of tissues.
3. They can both sometimes make people cry.
There was too much stiff competition!
My wife told next time to mow with my pants off.
There's gonna be stiff competition
I have minstrel cramps.
And now I've got a stiff neck.
except the one you want.
when you pry it from my frosty, frozen, lifeless, stiff extremities.
You put a stiff one in both.
Because both are a little stiff.
I heard they're shooting something at YouTube HQ today.
A wife asks her husband how his day at work went. It was awful, the man explains, pouring himself a stiff drink. All of our computer systems shut down today so we had to do everything manually.
That sounds awful, the wife consoles.
You're telling me, he replies after a sip, I had to keep shuffling the deck of cards for solitaire by hand.
She must be rolling them too tight.
**Elderly Woman 1:** My joints are getting stiff again.
**Elderly Woman 2:** You're rolling them too tight.
Mourning wood.
Original
the competition was stiff
from drinking a bottle of glue?
He was a little stiff.
Brah, threading a needle isn't as easy as it looks!
Skirts go up, pants go down.
Body to body, skin to skin.
When it's stiff, just stick it in.
It goes in dry and comes out wet and the longer it's in, the stronger it gets.
It comes out dripping and It starts to sag.
Nothing to enjoy more on Sundays than a Lipton tea bag :-)
It's morning wood
They get to choose what is engraved on each other's headstones.
Husband says, "Here lies Karen. Quiet at last"
Wife says, "Here lies Kevin, stiff at last"
It's hard to come up with an original erection joke. The competition is stiff.
One day Grandpa was watching Junior playing with an earthworm. Grandpa said, " Junior, I will give you $10 if you can put that worm back down in its hole."
The kids thinks and thinks, then runs into the house and returns with a can of hair spray. He sprays the worn all over and as it gets stiff he stuffs it down into the hole. Grandpa gives the boy $10.
The next day Grandpa comes out to where Junior is playing and gives the boy $20. The boy looked up in confusion and asked, "What's this for?"
Grandpa smiles and says, "That's from Grandma!"
To make it wet, you suck it.
To make it stiff, you lick it.
To get it in, you push it!
Damn! Threading a needle at any age is no joke.
When he finally hobbles his way to the last empty seat, he turns to see a posh stiff lady seated with her frilly pink French poodle.
He turns his head shakily and slurs, "Where'dh ye get tha' pig?"
The lady huffs and retorts, "Ugh! Why, I'll have you know Mr. Squiggles is **not** a pig! He is a purebred French poodle!"
The man squints his eyes and is silent for a second. Then turns back to the lady and slurs once more:
"I wath tokking...to thuh Frensh poothle."
He lays stiff in bed awkwardly staring at the roof of the treehouse. "Have you ever had sex?" She asks, he stands up and points out the window, "when Tarzan horny, Tarzan poke hole in tree."
She walks over to him and says "Just do the same, pretend i'm the tree." He nods, and swiftly kicks her between the legs. "WTF was that?" She shrieks in pain.. "Tarzan always check for squirrels"
A stiff drink.
"Grandpa, what are you doing?" the man exclaims. The old man looks off in the distance and does not answer his grandson. "Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?" he asks again. The old man slyly looks at him and says, "Well, last week I sat out here with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck. This was your Grandma's idea!"
They give you a run for your money.
I had some stiff competition.
bored stiff
Roses are red, nuts are brown, skirts go up, pants go down.
Body to body, skin to skin, when its stiff, stick it in.
The longer it's in, the stronger it gets, it goes in dry and comes out wet.
It comes out dripping, and starts to sag, it's not what you think......
Its a teabag!
The bar keeper saw this happen, and he just had to ask. "Why'd ya kiss your horse on the ass before coming in? You got shit all over your lips!" The cowboy, cool as can be, takes a stiff drink before answering. "It's 'cuz I got chapped lips." The bartender was even more confused; "Horse manure helps with chapped lips?"
"Nah," says the cowboy. "But it keeps me from lickin' 'em"
Husband suggests "Here lies Beryl, silent at last"
Wife suggests "Here lies Barry, stiff at last"
You come in one and go in the other, but you've got to be stiff to go in both.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the stiff hangover jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working stiff cloudy piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.