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Stick Man Jokes

106 stick man jokes and hilarious stick man puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about stick man that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Stick Man Short Jokes

Short stick man jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The stick man humour may include short stick figure jokes also.

  1. My dad rubs Elmers Glue on his hands like lotion before he goes hunting. I know, it's weird, and I've tried talking him out of it... But he's sticking to his guns on this one. stubborn man.
  2. Did you hear about the man arrested for throwing stones and sticks in the river? There was damming evidence.
  3. A man walks into a bar... Second prize in the national limbo competition is nothing to shake a stick at
  4. A man walked into a bar. The barman said, "You've got a steering wheel sticking out of your fly." "I know," said the man, "it's driving me nuts."
  5. Was in line at the bank today When a man walked in wearing sunglasses and holding a white and red walking stick, demanding all our money.
    He was robbing us blind!
  6. An old man goes to rob a bank... He walks up to the teller, raises his walking stick up into the air and shouts "This is a stick up!"
  7. Why can't you take a picture of a man with a walking stick? Ans: You take a photo with a camera not a walking stick.
  8. A man goes to see the doctor. He has a carrot in his ear, a stick of celery up his nose and mash potato and peas in his hair.
    Doctor says "You not eating right."
  9. A man goes to the doctor with a steering wheel sticking out of his pants. He says to the doctor "Doctor, can you remove this steering wheel? It's driving me nuts".
  10. Why did the stick-figure man's arm keep hitting him in the face? Because it was the punch line.

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Stick Man One Liners

Which stick man one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with stick man? I can suggest the ones about stick people and stick.

  1. What did the stick man say after he fell on his side? ok
  2. Man sticks finger into electrical socket... What happens next will shock you.
  3. Why did the man stick a lightbulb in his mouth? He wanted a light snack
  4. Police man: come out with your hands up! Guy: *sticks hands up* I'm gay!
  5. A Roman man walks into a bar He sticks up 2 fingers and the bartender gives him 5 beers
  6. How does a man have a child? By sticking his DNA woman
  7. What does a snow man say when he's robbing a bank? Stick 'em up!
  8. Why did Spider-Man join the NRA? Because he always sticks to his guns.
  9. I got into a car accident last week. A man with stick never saw it coming.
  10. A one-armed man was robbed The robber said "stick it up"
  11. Anyone can climb a wall like Spider-Man If you stick to it
  12. Q: What has a hard dome and sticks out of a man's pajamas? His head
  13. What's the stickiest substance known to man? A stick... idiot!
  14. What does the man that sticks weapons up his a**... have? An arsenal.
  15. How do you make a man like 10 pounds of fat? Stick a n**... on it.

Howlingly Hilarious Stick Man Jokes for an Unforgettable Evening

What funny jokes about stick man you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean stick and poke jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make stick man pranks.

A penguin is having car trouble...

A penguin is having car trouble, so he stops by a mechanic's shop for some repairs. He tells him he will need about an hour to find out what's wrong. The penguin walks downtown and it's a hot day, so he stops to get some ice cream. He doesn't have any arms to eat the ice cream with, so he just sticks his beak right into it. The penguin returns to the shop and the mechanic says "It looks like you blew a seal." The penguin replies "Nah man, it's just ice cream."

A man goes for a walk...

and as he walks he approaches the local mental institution, on the other side of the wall he can hear the patients chanting "3! 3! 3! 3!". His curiosity has been piqued by all the commotion coming from within so he decides to take a glimpse through a hole he sees in the wall, as he bends down and peers through the wall silence falls over the yard and a long stick gets shoved through the hole and pokes him in the eye
"4! 4! 4! 4! 4!"

"Fourteen!"

a man walks by a mental hospital and over the wall he can hear the patients saying,"Fourteen" over and over again. The wall is too high to see over and as he walks along it he sees a small hole. Bending down to look through and see why they are chanting "Fourteen", he can see some movement.
All of a sudden a stick pushes through into his eye!

Then he hears...Fifteen!...Fifteen!...Fifteen!!!

A Man With Sticks in the Middle of Town.

A man is hitting two sticks together in the middle of a small town in suburban America.
Another man walks up and asks, "why are you hitting those sticks together?"
The first man replies, "I'm keeping the elephants away."
Confused, the other man says, "but there are no elephants around here!"
The man with the sticks calmly replies, "You're welcome."

I see your limerick...

There once was a man from Wheeling
Who pounded his p**... with great feeling
And then like a trout
He'd stick his mouth out
And wait for the drops from the ceiling

two men are driving down the country road when....

...one man sees a sheep with its head stuck in the fence. he pulls the truck over, gets out, walks up to the sheep and pulls down his pants and has s**... with the sheep. After he is done he walks back and tells his buddy "hey man its your turn". his buddy walks over to the sheep, gives a deep sigh, and sticks his head in the fence.

Guy walks into a bar...

and sees a pirate with a steering wheel sticking out of his pants. Intrigued, the man approaches and inquires "whats with the steering wheel?" to which the pirate responds, "Arrr, its drivin' me nuts!"

A man looking for work

A man was looking for work. In fact, he was desperate. He heard the circus was in town and so he went and asked the ring master if there was a job for him. The ring master said, "We're lucky you showed up! Our tiger just died and he was a big part of the show. What we need you to do is put on this tiger costume and pretend to be a real tiger. Nobody will know the difference." So the man put on the tiger costume, and he had to admit, it was a very realistic costume. Soon the show started, and the time came for the tiger act. The man, eager to do a good job, lept out into the ring, snarling just like a real tiger. The crowd cheered. He did all the things the tiger was supposed to do: let the trainer stick his head in his mouth, balanced on a ball, and finally walked across a tightrope. The crowd loved it. But then a lion and a bear entered the ring. The ring master announced, "Now you will see these three ferocious beasts enter one cage together!" The man had no choice as he was herded into the cage with the lion and the bear. The two animals roared and snarled, and the man became afraid for his life. He began running around the cage, shouting, "Let me out! I'm not a real tiger! Help!" Then the lion grabbed him and said, "Shut up! Do you want us all to lose our jobs?"

Father, what causes arthritis?

A drunk that smelled like a brewery got on a bus one day. He sat down next to a priest. The drunk's shirt was stained, his face was full of bright red lipstick and he had a half-empty bottle of wine sticking out of his pocket. He opened his newspaper and started reading. A couple minutes later, he asked the priest, ''Father, what causes arthritis?''
''Mister, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, and contempt for your fellow man,'' the priest replied. ''Imagine that,'' the drunk muttered. He returned to reading his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, turned to the man and apologized: ''I'm sorry, I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?'' ''I don't have arthritis, Father,'' the drunk said, ''but I just read in the paper that the Pope does.''

Movie theater madness

A young lad did some work for a farmer and when he was done was given a goose as barter payment. He tucked the goose under his arm and began walking home. As he was passing through town he noticed that a movie that he wanted to see was playing at the theater. Since they didn't allow animals he stuffed the goose down his pants, paid for his ticket and found a seat in the packed theater next to two old ladies as the lights dimmed.
The goose began to struggle and not wanting to be discovered, the young man inconspicuously unzipped his fly so that the goose could breathe. Shortly thereafter, one of the old ladies nudged the other, "Edna, the boy sitting next to me has his fly unzipped and something is sticking out!"
"Martha", her companion replied,"When you've seen one you've seen 'em all."
"Well you've never seen one like this before. It's eating my popcorn!"

A man is walking on a sidewalk past...

An insane asylum. He hears voices on the inside chanting "thirteen,thirteen, thirteen".
He is curious why they are chanting that. He looks around and finds a hole that allows himself to look inside the fence. As he puts his eye on the hole a stick jabs him in the eye. And the chant changes to "fourteen, fourteen, fourteen".
My dad tells this joke all the time.

Why did the police drop the charges against the man accused of being an olive branch?

Because the charges wooden stick.



My humblest apologies.
* The case! Drop the case! Ah f**....

Old man Johnson and his world-champion pole vaulting neighbor are really one in the same...

They both grip their sticks and try to get it up.

Doctor's Visit

A man goes to the doctor and complains he's not feeling well.
The doctor looks at him and notices he has a stick of celery up one nostril a carrot up the other and broccoli sticking out of his ears.
The doctor says " I know what's wrong,your not eating properly"!

A man on fire

A man is filling up his car tank with gasoline and accidentally gets some on his hand. He doesn't notice it, so when he gets into his car he lights a cigarette. His arm instantly catches on fire. The man sticks his arm out the window and begins to wave it around attempting to blow out the flames crawling up his sleeve. A policeman sees the man struggling with his arm on fire and arrests him on the spot for an unlicensed firearm.

A man lives on the 15th floor of an apartment.

One rainy Saturday afternoon he walks out onto his balcony and sticks his hand out over the edge to see if it's raining or not, and a glass eye falls into his hand. He looks up, and there is a gorgeous woman standing on the balcony above him, who apologises and says she was just leaning out to check the rain and her glass eye fell out. She asks him to bring it up the stairs to her, which he does immediately. To say thanks, she kisses him on the mouth. Mildly surprised, he asks, "Do you do that to every guy you meet?"
And she replies, "Only the ones that catch my eye."

A man walks into a doctor's office with a piece of lettuce sticking out of his bottom.

The doctor examines him for awhile but doesn't say a word.
Finally the man can't help himself and asks "Doctor, is this a problem?"
The doctor replies:
"Problem? It is just the tip of the iceberg!"

A man walks into a bank and approaches the counter.

He yells "This is a f**...-up!"
Confused the bank teller asks "Don't you mean stick-up?"
The man scuffs his shoes on the carpet and says "No, I've left my gun at home.

My boss recently fired me...

So, my boss recently fired me and he sent me an email that read "I did not want to fire you, but I had to. You were slacking on every project I assigned to you and you get too easily distracted. Please stop by and pick up your things, OK? I expect to see that your office is empty by Saturday."
I then realized how much OK resembled a stick-man.

A wife gives her husband a cheating test.

A man's wife wanted to know how her husband would react if she was to just up and leave one day so she came up with a way to trick her husband into thinking she had left. She wrote a note saying how she was tired of living with him and doesn't want to put up with him anymore. She left the note on the kitchen counter and hid under the bed and waited for her husband to come home.
Her husband soon came home, saw the note and wrote something on it. Immediately he started dancing and singing while changing into another pair of clothes. He than proceeds to dial someone and says: Hey babe the idiot finally had enough of me, I was so s**... to marry her wish I found you first, I'll be over in 10 minutes! He than rushes out the door and drives off in his car.
The wife comes out from under the bed, tears in her eyes goes to read what her husband had wrote on the note, it said; " I can see your feet sticking out from under the bed idiot, I have gone to buy some beer."

A guy walks in to his backyard and sees a gorilla in his tree

He gets online and finds a man who specializes in gorilla removal. When he arrives at the house he has a stick, a set of handcuffs, a chihuahua, and a shotgun.
He tells the homeowner "I'm going to climb up in the tree and use the stick to hit the gorilla until he falls out of the tree. Upon landing, the trained chihuahua will viciously lunge for the gorillas g**... and when he attempts to protect himself we will slap on the handcuffs."
The homeowner, a little bewildered, says "that's crazy enough it just might work, but what is the shotgun for?"
"If I fall out of the tree first....shoot the chihuahua."

A guy is standing in Times Square hitting two sticks together

A police man walks up to him, thinking he is crazy, and asks "what in the world are you doing?"
The man replies "I'm keeping the mountain lions away!"
The police man says "there's not a mountain lion within 1000 miles of here!"
The man grins "I know I'm doing a pretty good job, aren't I?"

Obama and Putin are walking on the beach.

Obama says "We have got great submarines, they can stay under water for 6 weeks". Putin replies "That's nothing, our submarines can stay under water for 10 weeks". Suddenly, a submarine emerges and a man sticks his head out and yells "Heil h**...! Do you have diesel?"

A man drives through a stop sign..

A cop pulls him over and asks for his information.
"Sir, you just drove through that intersection without stopping."
"Aww come on, it's not a big deal..I slowed down!"
The officer steps back, looking down at his feet, all of a sudden he pulls out his night stick and starts beating the man.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING??!" The man screams.
"Would you like me to slow down, or stop?"

A man walks by an insane asylum...

An man walks by an insane asylum and hears the inmates gleefully shouting "21! 21! 21" As he gets closer he sees a hole in the brick wall which he approaches so he can peek in and see what's going on. The inmates poke a stick through the hole, poking him in the eye, and yell "22! 22! 22!"

Insane Asylum

A man was walking down the street next to the Insane Aslyum.
As he was walking he heard voices over the wall chanting 21. Curiosity took over and he found a hole in the wall and looked through it.
When he looked all the sudden a stick poked him in the eye and the people behind the wall started chanting 22.

A man is walking through a forest and sees a huge hole

The whole is really deep. It's huge and dark and seems bottomless, so the man decides to see how deep.
He throws in a pebble and listens, but it doesn't make a sound.
He throws in a big stick; still no sound
He throws in a huge tree stump he prised up out of the ground; nothing
Suddenly, a dog comes running by and jumps straight into the hole at alarming speed.
The man stares into the hole, dumbfounded, when another man walks by and asks "have you seen my dog?"
"Yeah" he replies, "he just jumped in this hole"
"That's funny" the other man replies, "I had him tied to a tree stump"

A man walks into a bar with a steering wheel sticking out of his pants

The barman says "excuse me mate, but did you know that you have a steering wheel sticking out of your pants?" The man replies "Know it, it's been driving me nuts all day"

So there's this blind man right

He's walking down the street feeling around with his stick. He stops in front of this fish market. He stops and takes a deep breath. And says: Good Morning Ladies!

A woman ask her husband if he wants to go bowling or spend a night together at home...

The man said:
"I don't want to spend my time sticking my fingers in stinky holes where everyone putted their fingers in..
Let's go bowling!"

Old age

An old man went to the doctor for his annual check up.
The doctor asks the old man to show him his s**... organs.
The old man sticks out his tongue and shows him two fingers.

There was this blind man right, he was feelin his way down the street with his stick right,

he walks past the fish market, took a deep breath and said... phew,
Good morning ladies

Two old men are in the middle of a conversation...

When one old man tells the other, "My old friend my time is coming and all I ask from you is that when I die, you put two packs of cigarettes in my grave." His friend sits still in silence thinking about his friend's kick impending death when suddenly he asks, "Ok my friend, I'll stick a lighter in there for you too." His friend starts to laugh and says, "Oh no, don't go through that trouble. Where I'm going I won't need a lighter."

A man walks into the Doctor's

"Doctor, Doctor! I've got a sore t**...."
The doctor goes,
"I know how to fix this, stand by the window and stick your tongue out."
The man complies and stands by the window for a good 5 to 10 minutes sticking his tongue out before he can't stand it anymore.
"Doctor, this seems ridiculous, are you sure it's going to help my sore t**...?"
"No, I just don't like the man across the road."

I was walking through the Olympic Park when I saw a man with a really long stick, I asked him "Are you a pole vaulter?"

He said "Yes, but how do you know my name is Walter?"

The year is 2017.

There are machines which can look through skin and see bones. There are machines which keep you alive when your brain and heart have stopped. There's even a machine that can tell you who your parents are with a single drop of spit. However, when I need my prostate checking, a man sticks his finger up my a**... and wriggles it about a bit.

I'm going to combine my love for political activism with my love of archery

so that I can stick it to the man from a distance

Saw a gentleman with a Christmas walking stick

Saw a gentleman with a Christmas themed walking stick, covered in tinsel and alot of tree lights, I complimented the man on the festiveness of the stick.
He turned and said "Yes well usually I have difficulty with my stick being a bit too heavy but this is the only time of the year it's light"..

A crook walks into a bait and tackle store and sees the cashier is blind.

She asks him for a 50 dollar fishing rod, and he walks over and shows it to her. Then she thanks him and sticks a 100 dollar rod into her cart.
But the blind man isn't s**..., and when she rings it up, he feels the rod and he says "that will be 100 dollars for the fishing rod."
the woman is so embarassed at being caught stealing she rips a loud one.
"and that will be $5.89 for the duck call and $3.29 for the musk scent"

A man walks into a bank with a branch.

He stands in the middle of the room holding his branch in front of himself and shouts, "Freeze! This is a stick-up!"

Old man says to old woman, I bet you can't guess how old I am.

She responds, I bet I can. Unzip your pants
The guy is shocked but plays along. The woman sticks her hand in his pants and feels him up for a few minutes before saying, You're 83!
The old guy is astonished and says, I am 83! How did you know?
The old lady says, You told me yesterday.

A man and his son go for a walk through the woods and get separated.

After frantically searching for his son, the man finally finds him standing over a dead animal and poking it with a stick.
Dad, what's this? The boy asks
Carrion, my wayward son.

OK Joke

So, my boss recently fired me and he sent me an email that read "I did not want to fire you, but I had to. You were slacking on every project I assigned to you and you get too easily distracted. Please stop by and pick up your things, OK? I expect to see that your office is empty by Saturday."
I then realized how much OK resembled a stick-man.
(I found this on my home computer in a file called "OK Joke.txt". I have no idea where it came from. Also, I'm supposed to be working now.)

An elderly man takes his grandson golfing,

Once they were at their first hole the grandfather remarks, y'know when I was your age I could hit the ball right over that big ash tree over yonder. The boy looks and sees it is quite a hit and not wanting to be out done he whacks one right dead center and it sticks right in the trunk. As he stood there impressed by his grandfathers feat, the man finished his comment, 'course when I was your age that tree was 'bout 3 feet tall

While at the olympics, a man with a long stick waljed past me

I said;
"Excuse me, a you a pole vaulter?"
He replied;
"No, I'm a German, but how did you know my name was Walter?"

A Greek guy visits his Kiwi friend.

A Greek guy visits his kiwi friend. This friend happens to own a sheep farm and gives his friend a tour. After a while, they see a sheep that has its head stuck in the fence. The kiwi goes over and gives it a huge kick and laughs about it. He then tells the Greek that it's his turn. The Greek man walks over to the fence and sticks his head in.

A man is yelling "People, listen to me! I am the son of Satan!" out of the window of a mental asylum.

Another one sticks his head out and yells:
"Don't listen to him, he's a maniac! I don't have a son!"

A man is walking by a mental asylum...

...when he hears the patients inside shouting 'FOURTEEN! FOURTEEN! FOURTEEN!'. The asylum yard has a 9 foot tall concrete wall, so he can't see inside, but he notices a small hole in the wall, about waist high. Curious, he approaches the hole and looks through it. A stick suddenly pops out of the hole and jabs him in the eye, and the inmates start shouting 'FIFTEEN! FIFTEEN! FIFTEEN!'

How do you know a Scottish man is a MacDonald?

You stick your hand up their kilt and you feel a quarter pounder
hes a MacDonald

All was calm at the grocery store until a man holding a stick above his head ran into the store.

This is a stick-up!

After many faithful years as a Christian, John's dedication finally paid off as he found himself the girl of his dreams.

At the wedding he walks over to his best friend for advice.
"Hey man! What is it that I'm supposed to do when I get her all alone after the wedding?"
"Ah, that's simple. You just take your most prized-possession and stick it in where she pees."
"Ah! Thanks dude!"
"No problem!"
Later that night, John took his bowling ball and put it in the toilet.

Man goes to a doctor for a physical

Doctor says "You are doing well except for your dickie doo". "What's that?" the man asks. The doctor says "That's when your belly sticks out further than your dickie doo".

Five pounds.

A young woman walks towards a fishmongers stall. She approaches him and says
Woman: I nee five pounds o makkel.
Fishmonger: what was that hon? I couldnt understand you.
Woman: makkel. Five pounds.
Fishmonger: I'm sorry I still didnt catch that.
The woman is visibly frustrated and sticks her hands into her pants, pulling her fingers out and under the man's nose.
Fishmonger: HOLY MACKEREL!
Woman: Five pounds.

A pilot is flying a plane and shortly after mid-air announcement , forgets to turn off the mic.

He then mentions to his copilot : "I am dating that cute air hostess. After we land , we will go to the hotel and bang. "
The air hostess after hearing this runs towards the front of the plane at full speed to tell the pilot to turn off the mic and hits a blind man's stick and falls down.
The guy sitting on the other side says : "Why are you in such a hurry , we haven't even landed yet! "

A man goes to the doctor with a carrot sticking out of his ear..

a banana in his other ear, spaghetti on his head and a sausage sticking out of his nose.
He says "Doctor, I'm not feeling very well".
Doctor replies "Hmmm, I don't think your eating properly".

A man is walking besides the insane asylum

When he hears a commotion coming over the fence. The people inside the asylum are chanting
FIVE, FIVE, FIVE, FIVE...
He notices a small hole on the wall and curiously peeks inside to see what's going on.
Someone pokes him in the eye with a stick. And then he hears chanting
SIX, SIX, SIX...

A man realized he needed to pu...

A man realized he needed to purchase a hearing aid, but didn't want to spend a lot of money. "How much do they cost?" he asked the salesman.
"Anything from $2 to $2,000."
"Can I see the $2 model?" said the customer.
The salesman put the device around the man's neck, and said: "You just stick this button in your ear and run this little string down into your pocket."
"How does it work?" asked the customer.
"For $2, it doesn't work," said the salesman. "But when people see it on you, they'll talk louder."

A man drives up to a stop sign and rolls through it.

Shortly after a cop pulls him over. The cop asks, Do you know why I pulled you over? The man says, No . The cop says, You ran a stop sign back there . The man says, OK, but I slowed down though . The cop then asks, Could you please step out of the vehicle, Sir? The man gets out of his car. The cop pulls out his night stick and begins beating him. The man yells, STOP, STOP! The cops say, Oh, you want me to slow down?

Man buys a talking centipede.

Man buys a talking centipede for $5000 and takes it home in a small box.
When he gets home, he opens the box and says "Would you like to go for a beer?"
The centipede doesn't answer...
Raising his voice he repeats the question, still no reply.
30 mins later and getting angry, thinking he's been ripped off, he shouts the question loudly.
At which the centipede sticks his head out of his box and says "I heard you the 1st time...I'm putting my f**... shoes on!!!"

A game warden sees an old man going out fishing alone and asks if he can go along.

The old man relents and rows out to the middle of the lake. Then he opens his tackle box, pulls out a stick of dynamite, lights it and drops it into the lake. After it goes off the boat is surrounded with dead fish and the old guy starts scooping up the bodies. The warden is incensed and says 'That's i**... and a thousand dollar fine when we get to shore!' So the old guy pulls out another stick of dynamite, lights it and hands it to the warden saying..

'You want to just talk all day or are you going to start fishing?'

jokes about stick man