The Best 95 Stick Jokes

Following is our collection of Stick jokes which are very funny. There are some stick nonstick jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these stick finger puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

So a pirate has been on a ship for 6 months...

but there are no women on the ship and being male,he had some...urges, so he asked the captain " arr its been 6 months since we've had a lass on the ship and some of the others are getting urges. what can we do about them??" and the captain responds" go down to the front of the ship and there will be a barrel, stick your privates in there and go at it." so he did as he was told and when he was done he came back. he told the captain " captain! that was great! how many times can i use it????" and the captain turned to him and said " every day except thursday." and the pirate asked " why?" the captain responded " aye, because thats your turn to be in the barrel."

An attractive young girl, chaperoned by an ugly old
lady, entered the doctorΒ΄s office.

"We have come for an examination," said the young girl.

"Alright," said the doctor. "Go behind that curtain and take your clothes off."

"No, not me," said the girl. "itΒ΄s my old aunt here."

"Very well,"said the doctor. "Madam, stick out your tongue."

What's brown and sticky?

A stick.

What's brown and runny?

Usain Bolt.

What's brown and rhymes with snoop?

Dr. Dre.

Flying Blind

A Frenchman, Englishman, and an American are flying in an airplane on a cloudy, storming night when suddenly the plane is struck by lightning.

The pilot turns to his three passengers and says, "The plane's GPS is broken. I need each of you to stick your hand out the door, feel around, and tell me which city we are flying over judging by what you touch."

The Frenchman goes first. He opens the door, puts his hand outside of the door, and brings it in a minute later. "We're flying over Paris! I could feel the Eiffel Tower!"

The Englishman is next. He sticks his hand outside and draws it back in a minute later. "I just touched Big Ben! We are just over London!"

Finally, it is the American's turn. He shoves his hand outside the plane and brings it back in immediately. "We're flying over Detroit. I know because my watch just got stolen."

Women are like parking spaces...

Sometimes all the good ones are taken, so you have to stick it in a disabled one.


What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?

A stick

How do you stick things together like Fred Flinstone?

You add a dab of glue.

There were 3 moles living in a hole...

One day, they wake up to the smell of pancakes cooking. The first mole sticks his head out of the hole and says "I smell pancakes!" The second mole sticks his head out of the hole and says "I smell syrup!" The last mole tries to stick his head out of the hole, but gets stuck behind the other two, so he said "All I smell is molasses."

The saddest joke I've heard

My wife ran off with my best friend...
Now, when I throw the stick, it just lays there.

What do you call a broken boomerang?

A stick.

During a lady's medical examination...

The doctor says: "Your heart, lungs, pulse and blood pressure are all fine. Now let me see the bit that gets you ladies into all kinds of trouble."
The lady starts taking off her underwear but is interrupted by the doctor.

"No! No! Don't take off your clothes. Just stick out your tongue!"

Top Stick Puns and Funny Jokes

You can explore stick poke reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean stick nostril dad jokes. There are also stick puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


What's brown and sticky?

A stick.

How I learned to miknd my own business:

I was walking past the mental hospital the other day, and all the patients were yelling "13...13...13..."

The fence was too high for me to see over but I saw a little gap in the planks, so I looked through to see what was going on.

Someone poked me in the eye with a stick and then they all started shouting "14... 14... 14..."!

Why didn't Hitler drive a stick shift?

Because he hated Stalin

I accidentally gave my girlfriend a glue stick instead of chapstick...

She's still not talking to me :(

I almost had to fight someone today after they hit me with a stick,

but he walked away like he didn't even see me.

How does Smaug copy files to a USB stick?

Dragon drop

Women are like parking spaces....

All the good ones are gone, so every now and then when no one is looking, you stick it in a disabled one.

I wanted to learn how to drive a stick shift.

But I couldn't find a manual.


Walking past a lunatic asylum

Walking past a lunatic asylum , and I could hear the inmates shouting 13, 13, 13, 13, curiosity got the better of me but the walls were too tall to see over .all the time they kept on shouting 13, 13, 13, finally I found a hole in the wall so I took a peep and some fool poked me in the eye with a stick and then they started shouting 14, 14, 14, 14,

A guy walks in to his backyard and sees a gorilla in his tree

He gets online and finds a man who specializes in gorilla removal. When he arrives at the house he has a stick, a set of handcuffs, a chihuahua, and a shotgun.
He tells the homeowner "I'm going to climb up in the tree and use the stick to hit the gorilla until he falls out of the tree. Upon landing, the trained chihuahua will viciously lunge for the gorillas genitals and when he attempts to protect himself we will slap on the handcuffs."
The homeowner, a little bewildered, says "that's crazy enough it just might work, but what is the shotgun for?"
"If I fall out of the tree first....shoot the chihuahua."

What does a bowling ball and your mom have in common?

You can pick them up, stick your fingers in them, and throw them in the gutter, and they'll always come back.

A man drives through a stop sign..

A cop pulls him over and asks for his information.

"Sir, you just drove through that intersection without stopping."

"Aww come on, it's not a big deal..I slowed down!"

The officer steps back, looking down at his feet, all of a sudden he pulls out his night stick and starts beating the man.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING??!" The man screams.

"Would you like me to slow down, or stop?"

Squirrels are like cigarettes.

They are completely harmless until you stick one in your mouth and light them on fire.

What kind of crows stick together?

velcrows

I can't cook. My strategy for operating the oven is basically the same as my strategy for sex

I do my best to turn it on, then I stick my stuff in and hope for the best.

Why Won't Michigan Governor Rick Snyder Take Any Flint Tap Water With Him Overseas In Order To Stick To His Promise That He'd Drink It For A Full Month...?

Because he can't get it through the airport metal detectors.

When a girl seductively tells you, "you can stick it wherever you want"

Apparently in her roommate is NOT one of the options

What subject did Dracula major in during college?

AcCOUNTing

This joke must be on a popsicle stick somewhere.

A Family of Moles

There was a papa mole, a momma mole, and a baby mole. They lived in a hole out in the country near a farmhouse. Papa mole poked his head out of the hole and said, "Mmmm, I smell sausage!" Momma mole poked her head outside the hole and said, "Mmmm, I smell pancakes!" Baby mole tried to stick his head outside but couldn't because of the two bigger moles. Baby mole said, "The only thing I smell is molasses."

I smell maple syrup!

A mama mole, a papa mole, and a baby mole all live in a little mole hole. One day the papa mole sticks his head out of the hole, sniffs the air and says, "Yum! I smell maple syrup!"

The mama mole sticks her head out of the hole, sniffs the air and says "Yum! I smell honey!"

The baby mole tries to stick his head out of the hole to sniff the air, but can't because the bigger moles are in the way. So he says, "Geez, all I can smell is . . . . .

molasses."

My friend said his dog could retrieve a stick from 5 miles away.

That just seems a little far fetched to me.

If you were stranded on an island and could bring three items what would you bring?

Michael Phelps, a saddle, and stick with a gold medal on the end.

What do you call a stick with autism?

Autistic

What's the similarity between iPhone 7 and my girlfriend?

They both let me stick it in only one place.

A man is walking through a forest and sees a huge hole

The whole is really deep. It's huge and dark and seems bottomless, so the man decides to see how deep.

He throws in a pebble and listens, but it doesn't make a sound.

He throws in a big stick; still no sound

He throws in a huge tree stump he prised up out of the ground; nothing

Suddenly, a dog comes running by and jumps straight into the hole at alarming speed.

The man stares into the hole, dumbfounded, when another man walks by and asks "have you seen my dog?"

"Yeah" he replies, "he just jumped in this hole"

"That's funny" the other man replies, "I had him tied to a tree stump"

My sex life is like finding a parking spot

My sex life is like finding a parking spot in town.

All the good ones are taken, so sometimes when no one is looking I have to stick it into disabled one.

Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet?

He was looking for Pooh.
-
*My little brother told me this one; hit me with a little bit of nostalgia.*

Girl, you must be a trash can...

Because I want to take off your top and stick my junk in you.

The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick.

I accidentally gave her a glue stick.

She still isn't talking to me.

A mate told me that he threw a stick over a mile and his dog caught and returned it.

Seems pretty far fetched to me.

I was walking by a mental institution on my way to work

And in the yard behind the fence, I heard people shouting "four, four, four...". I was curious so I peeked through the wood planks to see what was happening. Someone jabbed a stick in my eye and then everyone started shouting "five, five, five...".

My six year old daughter was watching me shave this morning..

"Why do you shave, daddy?" she enquired.

"Because mommy likes me with nice smooth skin." I explained.

"Does it hurt?" she asked.

"No, not at all." I said. "Unless I cut myself."

"And then do you put a Band Aid on?" She asked.

"No, I just stick a little piece of toilet paper on any cuts." I told her.

"But don't they just fall off?"

"No, sweetheart." I replied. "They're held in place when I put my underpants back on."

Cigarettes are just like squirrels.

They aren't dangerous until you stick one in your mouth and light it on fire.

Any bug can hit a windshield..

But it takes some guts to stick.

So there's these two beavers...

one is named Joe and the other, Steven. Joe and Steven have a fire. Joe decides he's hungry so he grabs a pan and some sticks.

Steven runs over and says "Joe what are you doing?" And says "im just grilling up some sticks."

Steven immediately smacks the pan from Joe's paw and says

"JOE THATS A NON STICK PAN"

If I were stranded on a deserted island with 3 things of my choice...

I would have to choose Michael Phelps, a saddle, and a stick with a gold medal tied to it.

Walter.

I was in the park the other day and saw a guy practising his athletic trials, with a long metal stick for the Olympics. I asked if he was a pole vaulter, and he replied "Nein, I'm German. How did you know my name was Walter?"

What kind of birds always stick together?

Velcrows

I got a new stick of deodorant today.

The instructions said 'remove cap and push up bottom'

I can barely walk, but when I fart the room smells wonderful

People are like drums...

If you hit them with a stick, they will make noise.

Isaac Newton, Albert Einstein and Blaise Pascal are playing hide and seek

Einstein is counting down while Newton and Pascal are trying to hide. Pascal jumps into the bushes and Newton walks a few steps, picks up a stick, draws a square on the ground and just stands there. Einstein turns around and instantly spots Newton.

- Found you Newton, you lose!
- Now wait a minute good sir, can't you see what I drew below me? I am a Newton on a square meter so technically you found Pascal.

Women are like car parking spaces...

Usually, most of the good ones are taken....
So once in a while, you gotta stick it in a disabled one

I covered all my weapons in glue.

I questioned it at first, but I decided to stick to my guns.

What do you call it when a Chinese ghost hits you with a stick?

Bam! *Boo*!

10 years ago to this day, I cut myself with a stick of RAM

I guess you could say I have a pretty sharp memory.

My new year's resolution is to stay out of shape

Maybe I won't stick with this one either.

What did the stamp say to the envelope?

Stick with me and we'll go places.

I've got a really good dad joke.

My girlfriend's pregnant and she thinks I'm going to stick around.

I have a bumper stick on my car that says Honk it you think I'm sexy

Then I wait at a green light to make me feel good about myself.

Women are like parking spaces...

Normally, the good ones are taken so occasionally, when nobody is looking, you have to stick it in a disabled one.

I bought myself a new deodorant stick this morning.

The instructions say " remove cap and push up bottom ".

I can't walk very well at the moment, but every time I fart, the room smells incredible.

What do you call birds that stick together?

Vel-Crows

A blonde walked into a gas station...

A blonde walked into a gas station and told the manager, "I locked my keys in my car and I was wondering if you had a coat hanger I could stick through the window and unlock the door."

"Why, sure," said the manager, "We have something that works especially for that."

A couple minutes later, the manager walked outside to see how the blonde was doing. He heard another voice. "No, no, a little to the left," said the other blonde inside the car.

Cigarettes are like hamsters

Totally harmless, until you stick one in your mouth and set it on fire.

My friend is a male stripper. He hates his job and wants to quit, but the pay is too good.

So he decided to stick it out for a little longer.

Would you believe me…

Would you believe me if I told you that I think a dog could retrieve a stick that's been thrown over a mile away? Or would you say that idea is…

far fetched?

What did the stick man say after he fell on his side?

ok

How is a piano like a stick shift?

They both have three pedals, and most people only know what two of them do.

I purchased a deodorant stick today

Instructions say, Remove cap and push up bottom
I can hardly walk but the room smells lovely when I fart.

Someone broke into my house last night and stole my Limbo stick..

How low can you get?

Bought a deodrant stick today...

It said 'remove top and push up bottom'
I can hardly walk but my farts smell lovely.

As a spectator at the last Summer Olympics, I saw a guy walking around carrying a 10 foot long stick...

"Are you a pole vaulter?" I asked.

"No," he responded. "I'm a German. But how did you know my name is Walter?"

I was on a plane recently and the stewardess said that in the event of an accident i had to stick my head between my legs.

I couldn't help thinking,

'if i could do that i wouldn't be flying to Thailand in the first place.'

Why is it easy to come up with nicknames for a tree?

Because they stick.

I came up with this one, I hope it's good cause it's my only achievement in life.

"When I stick it in my mouth, do you want me to look into your eyes?"

"Ma'am, just blow in the breathalyzer, please."

Did you hear about the dog that ran 2 miles to return the stick its master threw?

I don't believe it. I think it's a bit far-fetched.

What do you call a fish stuck in a tree?

A fish stick!

A stranger gave me a really old metal box...

He said it was supposed to contain gold coins, but the lock and the hinges were so rusty which made it very hard to open. I tried a hammer and a crowbar, but the box just won't budge.

So, I'm thinking of trying to open this box with a stick of dynamite, as a last resort. I'll update you guys later if it works or not.

What do you call a walking stick that makes you walk faster?

A hurricane

US Postal Service was considering a new Trump postage stamp...

But in the early focus-group testing, most people were spitting on the wrong side causing the stamp not to stick to the envelopes.

Can't believe someone broke into my shed and stole my limbo stick

How low can ya go

I searched Reddit and this joke hasn't been posted.

USPS came out with a Donald Trump stamp. They were Yugely popular at first, but suddenly went out of circulation, because they wont stick to the envelopes.

This enraged the president, and he demanded a full investigation, blamed the democrats and JINA and the lame-stream media.



After months of testing, costing $2.65 billion in congressional spending and firing of 25+ people, the special prosecutor appointed by Trump presented the following findings.

* The stamps have no manufacturing defects.
* There is nothing wrong with the adhesive.
* People are spitting on the wrong side of the stamp.

I live in Saudi Arabia, so I have to translate this joke. I will do my best. Stick with me.

Three women walk into a pub.

What's the difference between a hippo, a zippo, and a stick of glue?

One is a heavy mammal and one is a little lighter.

I was walking past the mental hospital the other day, and all the patients were shouting, "13... 13... 13..."

The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a little gap in the planks, so I looked through to see what was going on.

Some idiot poked me in the eye with a stick, then they all started shouting, "14.... 14... 14..."

A man is walking besides the insane asylum

When he hears a commotion coming over the fence. The people inside the asylum are chanting

FIVE, FIVE, FIVE, FIVE...

He notices a small hole on the wall and curiously peeks inside to see what's going on.

Someone pokes him in the eye with a stick. And then he hears chanting

SIX, SIX, SIX...

Two drunk guys were about to get into a brawl.

One of the guys grabs a stick and draws a line in the dirt and says "If you cross this line, I'll hit you in the face".

That was the punchline.

A man realized he needed to pu...

A man realized he needed to purchase a hearing aid, but didn't want to spend a lot of money. "How much do they cost?" he asked the salesman.
"Anything from $2 to $2,000."
"Can I see the $2 model?" said the customer.
The salesman put the device around the man's neck, and said: "You just stick this button in your ear and run this little string down into your pocket."
"How does it work?" asked the customer.
"For $2, it doesn't work," said the salesman. "But when people see it on you, they'll talk louder."

If you keep sticking to your guns...

...then hot glue may not be for you.

How does a non American frighten an American?

Stick your hand down the sink.

Those Zoom doctor appointments are not very good.

Especially when your doctor has you stick your finger up your own ass and then you find out that he isn't really a doctor and you are in the wrong meeting.

My grandma was beaten to death by my grandpa.

Not as in, with like a stick or anything. He just died first.

What do you call a Russian usb stick?

Put-in

What is the difference between hungry and horny?

Where do you stick the cucumber?!

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the stick lick jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working stick stickin piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes