The Best 51 Stewardess Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Stewardess jokes. There are some stewardess pilot jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these stewardess air stewardess puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Stewardess Jokes and Puns
A very nervous woman on her first Aeroplane flight, asked the stewardess, how often do planes crash?
Stewardess replies.
Only once..
So there is a mother and her daughter sitting on the plane.
They haven't taken off yet and are still on the runway. The daughter, who is pretty young, say four or five, looks out the window and gets to thinking....
"Mommy. If big dogs have puppies and big cats have kittens, then shouldn't big airplanes have little baby airplanes?"
And the mom, she's hungover and jet lagged.
"aw, baby, just go ask the stewardess"
So the daughter gets up to ask the flight attendant.
"Hey stewardess lady, if big dogs have puppies and big cats have kittens then shouldn't big airplanes have little baby airplanes?"
And the stewardss says "did your mother tell you to come ask me this?" The girl nods.
"well, you see, sweetheart, this is JetBlue. And we always pull out on time. That's why there's no baby airplanes. Go ask your mom about that."
We've all had this on a plane...
I called over the air stewardess and said, "Sorry to trouble you, but I'm trying to relax and this young kid behind me keeps screaming and hitting me on the back."
"I'm not surprised," she replied, "That's his seat and you're squashing him."
Irish and Muslim on a plane
A Muslim was sitting next to Paddy on a plane.
Paddy ordered a whiskey.
The stewardess asked the Muslim if he'd like a drink.
He replied in disgust "I'd rather be raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips!"
Paddy handed his drink back and said
"Me too, I didn't know we had a choice!"
Only three doors
An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.
The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"
The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"
A man was on a plane...
A man was on a plane when a stewardess approached him and said "Would you like some headphones?" To which the man replied "Yes I would, but how did you know my name was Phones?"
*
Southwest
A mother and her very young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The little boy (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don't big airplanes have baby airplanes?"
The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the stewardess.
So the boy went down the aisle and asked the stewardess. The stewardess, who was very busy at the time, smiled and said, "Did your Mom tell you to ask me?"
The boy said, "yes she did."
"Well, then, you go and tell your mother that there are no baby airplanes because Southwest always pulls out on time. Have your Mom explain that to you."
A vulture is boarding an airplane carrying two dead raccoons.
The stewardess says, "I'm sorry sir, there is only one carrion allowed per passenger."
A vulture boards a plane
A vulture boards a plane and sits in his seat. Almost immediately he pulls the smelliest, nastiest looking meat from a bag.
Seeing this the stewardess asks "sir, what is that?"
The vulture replies "oh this? It's just my carrion"
A man was overly excited to fly for the first time...
As he sat in his seat, he could contain his excitement no longer and began saying "Boeing! Boeing! Boeing!" over and over again.
Irritated, a stewardess comes over to him and says "Be silent!"
The man nods, and continues "Oeing, Oeing, Oeing..."
This one got my coworkers
The stewardess on my flight asked me what snack I would like.
I told her "The plain chips would be fine.
She says "They are all plane chips, sir."
You can explore stewardess turbulence reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean stewardess plane dad jokes. There are also stewardess puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
A man took his seat on an airplane when he was approached by a stewardess.
Stewardess: Hello, sir, would you like some headphones?
Man: Why, yes! How did you know my name was Phones?
Stewardess
Yes, Sir?
I want to complain about this airline. Every time I fly, I get the same seat, I can't see the in-flight movie and there are no windows blinds so I can't sleep.
Captain, shut up and land the plane.
What did the fish say when it ran into the wall?
DAM! (airplane stewardess told me and had me on ground laughing)
A man on an airplane was having a heart attack
The stewardess asked if anyone on board was a doctor. A man replies, "I'm a vegan!"
A jew , a christian, and a muslim board a plane
The stewardess says : ahh, you guys again?
A woman has a heart attack in a plane.
The stewardess asks "Is there a doctor on board?".
A person comes forward and announces "I'm a vegan."
A vulture boards a plane...
...carrying with him two dead raccoons. The stewardess says, "I'm sorry, but we only allow each passenger one carrion."
A Man Has a Heart Attack on a Plane...
Stewardess: Is **anybody** here a doctor?!
Man: (Raising Hand) I'm a vegan.
BLONDE FLIGHT ATTENDANT
The flight crew all showed up on time, all except for one brand-new stewardess. They called the hotel and she answered the phone, sobbing. I can't get out of my room, she cried. What... Why not? There are only three doors in this room. One is the bathroom, one is the closet, and the other way has a sign hanging on it that says, 'Do Not Disturb'.
I was on this plane once...
Captain sets for take off and we are 35000 feet in the air, the captain then sets his mic down but forgets to turn it off.
The captain turns to the co-pilot and says "all I could use right now is a blow job and a cup of coffee".
The stewardess starts running from the back of the plane to tell the captain he still has his mic on.
A guy in the back of the plane screams out "hey hun, don't forget the coffee!".
The stewardess asks, Would you like dinner? He says, What are my choices?
She says, Yes or no.
What do you call a pregnant stewardess?
Pilot error
I was woken on the plane by a panicky stewardess
That's how i lost my job as a pilot.
The last thing you want on a flight is to be woken by a panicking stewardess.
Particularly if, like me, you're the pilot.
A kinky passenger grinningly exposed himself to a stewardess as he boarded the plane.
"I'm sorry," said the woman, "but you'll have to show me your ticket, not your stub."
An Irishman and a Muslim are sat next to each other on a flight...
An Irishman and a Muslim are sat next to each other on a flight.
The stewardess comes up and asks the Irish man if he'd like a drink. He orders a whiskey and the stewardess hands it to him.
The stewardess then asks the Muslim if he'd like a drink. "I'd rather be raped by a dozen whores!" he shouts back.
The Irishman calmly hands his whiskey back to the stewardess and says "I'll have what he's having".
Would you also like headphones?
Stewardess: Would you also like headphones?
.
.
Guy: Absolutely! And how did you know my name was phones?
I'm gonna name my first born son "Phones"
So when the stewardess asks if he "would like some headphones" he can answer "Absolutely!"
A guy is on a trip on a small airline.
The stewardess says, Would you like dinner?
He says, What are my choices?
She says, Yes or no.
I was on a cross country flight and the stewardess asked me if I wanted any headphones?
I said, "sure, and how did you know my name was Phones?"
On the plane
A businessman travels on the plane, first class. He tries to start a conversation with beautiful stewardess:
-What's your name?
-Angela Benz, sir.
-That is a beautiful name! Is there any connection with Mercedes Benz?
-Yes, sir. A very close one.
-How close?
-Same price.
What did the stewardess say when the vulture tried to board the plane with two dead raccoons?
"Sorry, only one carrion per passenger."
I asked the stewardess to switch my seat on a plane
because I was seated right next to a screaming baby.
Apparently that's not something they let you do if the baby is your own.
A pilot and his co-pilot go on a blind date with the same stewardess.
Let's just say more than one cockpit was being occupied that night.
I was on a flight when I was younger and a beautiful stewardess asked me if I would like and of their T.W.A coffee...
I replied: No, but I would love some of your T.W.A tea.
My husband and I are flying out for a trip tomorrow. I asked him if he wanted to join the mile high club.
He said, I don't know if the stewardess would be down for that.
A buzzad walks on to a plane
A buzzard walks on to a plane with a kill in each claw. The stewardess stops him.
"One carrion per person."
In Honor of His First Emmy, My Favorite Henry Winkler Joke
Henry Winkler boards a plane and sits in First Class. The attractive stewardess says, "Would you like a drink?" and he says, "Yes, thank you."
She brings him the drink, and then asks, "Would you like some headphones?"
He says, "Absolutely. But by the way, it's pronounced 'Fonz.'"
I was on a plane recently and the stewardess said that in the event of an accident i had to stick my head between my legs.
I couldn't help thinking,
'if i could do that i wouldn't be flying to Thailand in the first place.'
A stewardess approached me and asked: "Do you want some headphones?"
Me: How did you know my name was Phones?
What do you call a slutty stewardess?
The cockpit.
An Irishman and a mormon sat next to each other on a plane.
The irishman immediately asked the stewardess for a whiskey. The stewardess served him his whiskey and asked the mormon if he would like a drink too.
The mormon replied that he would rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch his lips.
The irishman hurriedly handed back his whiskey and said "Me too, I didn't know we had a choice."
A plane is falling and will eventually crash
A hot blonde stewardess is running to a handsome Italian guy.
The stewardess takes off her clothes and says If this is going to be my last day on earth, treat me like a women!
The Italian guy takes off his shirt and says Iron this
A vulture is walking down the jetway at the airport.
He has two dead badgers, one under each wing. The stewardess stops him and says, "I'm sorry sir, you're only allowed one carrion."
I used to date an air stewardess from Helsinki
I dropped her off at work one day and she just vanished into Finnair
A man walked onto a plane, holding a vulture.
The stewardess asked "What the heck is that?"
He said "It's my carri-on luggage"
*sorry sorry sorry*
coffee
You know, I was on this plane once. And I'm sittin' there and the captain comes on and he does his whole, "We'll be cruising at 35,000 feet," then he puts the mike down but he forgets to turn it off. Then he turns to the copilot and goes, "You know, all I could go for right now is a fuckin' blow job and a cup of coffee." So the stewardess fuckin' goes bombin' up from the back of the plane to tell him the mic's still on, and this guy behind me goes, "Hey hon, don't forget the coffee!"
stewardess on my flight wasn't holding back. telling everyone exactly what she thought.
walking down the aisle, looking right at everyone, saying trash trash trash
A group of aeronautics professors walked onto a plane...
They all settled down into their seats when there was an announcement."We have decided to waive your fee since you were responsible for educating our engineer staff on how to construct this fine plane!"
All the professors run out of the plane immediately except one.
When a stewardess asked her why she didn't run out, she responded "If it's made by a student of mine, it will not start!"
What did the stewardess say to the vulture when he boarded the flight with two bags?
Only one Carrion permitted on this flight.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the stewardess boeing jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working stewardess twa piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.