Stew Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines


Yes, Sir?

I want to complain about this airline. Every time I fly, I get the same seat, I can't see the in-flight movie and there are no windows blinds so I can't sleep.

Captain, shut up and land the plane.

Russian computer: "Enter password"

Me: "Beef stew"

Russian computer: "Password not stroganoff"

I want my password to be beef stew

but google says it's not stroganoff.

Why are there only 239 beans in Irish stew?

Because one more, and it'd be too farty.

Tried to sign up to a website the other day...

I put my password as "beef stew"

It said password not stroganoff.

My wife and I were camping...

and an angry looking bear surprised us while we were eating. She looked at me and said "Should I give him some of the stew I made?"

I said, "No, he looks angry enough already."

I just found out I couldn't use "beef stew" as a password.

Apparently it's not stroganoff.

Cold stew

A man walks into a diner, he see the special of the day, is cold stew and asks the waitress for a bowl of it. The waitress says "Sorry the guy at the next table just got the last bowl."
"Thats fine" he replies "Ill just have a cup of coffee" as he sits drinking the coffee he notices the guy at the next table eating a sandwich drinking a coffee but not touching the stew. He leans in and asks "are you going to eat that?"
"No, no, you can go ahead." the man says. He takes the stew and starts eatting, not great, but not terrible, and its free. About half way through the bowl he comes across a dead rat at the bottom of the bowl, he up and vomits back into the bowl. The guy at the next table leans over and says "Yea, thats how far I made it."

What do you call a leper in a jacuzzi?


Bonus: what do you do if an epileptic jumps into a jacuzzi? You throw in your laundry.

Google said I couldn't use "beef stew" as my password.

It's not stroganoff.

A Chinese man stumbles home late one night really drunk...

Seeing his wife at the top of the stairs he says "hey baby how about a little number 69!"

The wife replies, "you drunk sonofabitch, make your own Mongolian Beef Stew!"

What did the stewardess say when the vulture tried to board the plane with two dead raccoons?

"Sorry, only one carrion per passenger."

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs hanging on your wall?


That same guy in your pool? Bob

Same guy in your hot tub? Stew

Sitting under your car that's missing a wheel? Jack

Same guy on your porch? Matt

Same guy getting hit with a baseball bat? Homer

Same guy lying in a pile of leaves? Russel

What do you call a girl with one leg shorter than the other? Eileen

Chinese girl with the same condition? Irene.

I tried to make my password "Beef stew"...

... but got the error message "your password is not stroganoff"

I ordered rabbit stew but had to return it.

There was a hare in my soup

I just told a cow that he's being watched.

I always like to make beef stew.


Only a Genius can say these four words, Four times Really fast without getting Tongue twisted.
Eye , Yum , Stew , Peed

If you can say these four words very fast without getting tongue tied, you're a genius.

1) Eye
2) Yam
3) Stew
4) Peed

Cold Stew

A Man walks into a diner, he sees they have a special "today only" on Cold Stew. He sits down at the diner table and asks the waitress to order a bowl. "im sorry sir." she replies "The gentleman beside you just ordered the last bowl."
"thats alright, ill just have a coffee."
sitting drinking his coffee he notices the guy next to him drinking a coffee eating a sandwich but not really touching the stew so he leans over "Hey man, you gonna eat that?"
"No, No, you go ahead" the mans replies
Pulling the bowl towards himself he begins to dig in, has a unique bittery taste not awful, just curious, but its free and its not the worst stew hes eaten so he continues vigirously. Halfway into the bowl of stew he discovers a large dead rat at the bottom of the bowl, without missing a beat the man up and pukes back up into the bowl. Disgusted with the meal and himself wiping the spit and remanants of puke from his chin the man next to him leans over and says
"Yea, thats how far I made it..."

My computer asked me to pick a password, so I typed Beef Stew.

Unfortunately it wasn't Stroganoff.

Disney have finally announced a Ratatouille sequel!

It's called "Incredible Stew"

Popular joke in Ukraine

"Driver of a Russian humanitarian aid truck was beaten by Russian soldiers when tried to light a cigarette near cans with beef stew."

Cannibal Jokes...

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other "Does this taste funny to you?"

A cannibal invites a friend around for dinner. As they're tucking into the starter, the guest says
"Wow. Your wife make a lovely stew."
"I know." answers the host. "I sure will miss her."

Two cannibals are sharing a lost tourist.
"You start at the feet. I'll start at the head." says the first. After a little while he notices his friend hasn't said much. "You ok?" he asks.
"Fine." Comes the reply. "I'm having a ball."
"You're eating too fast."

What do you call a guy who falls into a Yellowstone hot spring?


What did the Three Bears(of Goldilocks) have for dinner?


Two cannibals

Two cannibals are lying around with swollen bellies surrounded by bones.

"Your wife sure makes a great stew," says the first cannibal.

"She sure does," replies the second, "but I'm sure going to miss her."

Who serves all you can eat rabbit stew?

Warren Buffet!

What do you call a leper in a hot tub?


How do you make gorilla stew?

You keep it waiting

What do you call an artist who loves making stew?


What do you call

What do you call a Leper in a hot tub?


Just an old joke I remember from my child hood lol

The perfect Irish bean stew

(In an Irish accent)
Why does d' perfect Irish stew require exactly two hundred n' terty nine beans?

Because if you added one more it'd be two farty.

What country has the coldest bean stew


The steward on the plane asked me if I would like an inside seat.

I said, "They're all inside seats."

I couldn't be with a guy called stew..

I don't like people's leftovers.

What did the casserole say when he broke up with the goulash?

It's not me, it's stew!

Last night I had beef stew with dumplings.

I shouldn't call her that, but she's a big girl.

Why didn't the chef finish his stew?

Cause he was too busy stroganoff!

Show me a cannibal who gets sick on missionary stew...

...and I'll show you that you can't keep a good man down!

How do you make beef stew?

Tell a cow they're being watched.

What did the cook name his son?


Apparently you can't use "beef stew" as a password.

The stewardess asks, Would you like dinner? He says, What are my choices?

She says, Yes or no.

What do you call 4 lepers in a jacuzzi?


What are the funniest stew jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Stew? Well, here are the best Stew puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Stew pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes