Steven He Jokes
128 steven he jokes and hilarious steven he puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about steven he that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Steven He Short Jokes
Short steven he jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The steven he humour may include short steven name jokes also.
- I rolled my first joint last night! Today I have an ankle the size of a football. :(
- Aerosmith According to fellow band members, Aerosmith's Steven Tyler handle a pen very femininely. Rumour has it he doodles like a lady.
- What if Steven Hawking... What if Steven Hawking is the real Slim shady, but we don't know because he cant stand up.
- If there is Adam and Eve, or Adam and Steve. It only seems fair the Eve gets a turn with both... ...That would make it Eve 'n Steven.
- Did you know Steven Spielberg and John Williams like to play basketball together? He shoots, he scores.
- My co-worker always tells me: "I see dead people" And I always tell him: "Shut up, Steven, we're morticians."
- I heard Steven Spielberg is directing a film about a fat alien... It's called "Eat-T, The Extra Cholesterol".
- My family gatherings follow jenga rules No winners. Just one big looser who ruins it for everyone else. Thanks uncle Steven.
- I got a sweater for my birthday. I'd have preferred a moaner or a screamer. Credit to Steven Wright.
- Steven Spielberg just announced he's not doing anymore shark movies. This is a real Jaw dropper
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Steven He One Liners
Which steven he one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with steven he? I can suggest the ones about steven wright and steven hawking.
- Steven Hawking walks into a bar... Just kidding.
- Steven Hawkings last words were probably 30 years ago.
- What did Steven hawking say when he first got his wheelchair? I can't stand being in this
- It's a shame that Steven Hawking died He's been on a roll since age 21.
- Seagull joke Q: What do you call a seagull that knows martial arts?
A: Steven Seagull - The Wright Way "I think it is wrong that one company makes Monopoly."
-Steven Wright - What's the most dangerous thing about Steven Seagal? his Cholesterol level
- what was Steven Hawkins favourite snack? his right shoulder
- Why can't Steven hawking drive Because he has no motor function
- Why is being Steven Hawking so great? Because he never gets nervous...
- Steven Gerrard has had the worst ending for a Captain Since the Titanic!
- What kind of health insurance does Steven Hawking have? AVG Antivirus
- Steven Tyler opens home for girls about to be abused. Calling it early.
- Anyone know the title of Steven Tyler's new cook book? Wok this way.
- Daddy, I love you sooooooo much! "Hey, until we get that DNA test, I am Steven to you"
Steven He Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about steven he you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean steve harvey jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make steven he pranks.
Steven Spielberg was busy discussing his new action adventure about famous classical composers.
Bruce Willis, Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger were in the room.
"Who do you want to play?" Spielberg asked Bruce Willis.
"I've always been a big fan of Chopin," said Bruce.
"I'll play him."
"And you, Sylvester?" asked Spielberg.
"Mozart's the one for me!" said Sly.
"And what about you?" Spielberg asked Arnold Schwarzenegger.
"I'll be Bach," said Arnie.
A Sunday School teacher of pre-schoolers was concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus Christ because of the Christmas season emphasis on His birth.
He wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred a long time ago, that He grew up, etc.
So he asked his class, "Where is Jesus today?"
Steven raised his hand and said, "He’s in heaven."
Mary was called on and answered, "He’s in my heart."
Little Johnny, waving his hand furiously, blurted out, "I know! I know! He’s in our bathroom!"
The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a response.
The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds.
He finally gathered his wits and asked Little Johnny how he knew this.
And Little Johnny said, "Well… every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?'"
Chuck Norris roundhoused some wannabe cop named Agent Sasevel so hard that it rearranged the letters of his name to Steven Seagal.
Who knows where Jesus is?
A Sunday School teacher was concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus Christ because of the Christmas season emphasis on His birth. He wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred a long time ago, that He grew up, etc. So he asked his class, "Where is Jesus today?"
Steven raised his hand and said, "He's in heaven."
Mary was called on and answered, "He's in my heart."
Little Johnny, waving his hand furiously, blurted out, "I know! I know! He's in our bathroom!!!"
The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a response. The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds. He finally gathered his wits and asked Little Johnny how he knew this.
And Little Johnny said, "Well...every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?'!"
Please read in Steven Wright's voice...
I was driving my friend around and he told me he was hungry. Asked if I'd take him to the drive-thru. I said yes. I pull up to the place and we wait in line for about five minutes. Finally it's our turn. The lady asks how she can help us today and I tell her I need two cheeseburgers, a large fry, and a small Pepsi. She apologizes and says she can't help me.
"Why not?"
"You're at a bank."
A dog goes into a hardware store...
...and says: I'd like a job please . The hardware store owner says: We don't hire talking dogs, why don't you go join the circus? The dog replies: What would the circus want with a plumber .
-Steven Alan Green
Who is the favorite author of someone addicted to ecstasy?
Steven King. JK Rowling.
Steven Spielberg is casting for his upcoming blockbuster on the history of classical music.
He asks his stars who they want to play. Brad Pitt says, "I want to be Mozart. His pastiche of influences from several European countries has always fascinated me." Tom Cruise chimes in with, "I'd like to be Beethoven. I love the way he handled the transition from Classicism to Romanticism." Arnold Schwarzenegger says, "I'll be Bach."
Steven Gerrard is releasing a biography on his time at Liverpool
As of yet, the book has no title.
I went to a garage sale.
"How much for the garage?" "It's not for sale."
-- Steven Wright
What would George "Kingfish" Stevens say about Obama if he were alive today?
We is the stuckees.
Little Johnny... Finding Jesus
A Sunday school teacher is concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, "Where is Jesus today?"
Steven raises his hand and says, "He's in Heaven."
Mary answers, "He's in my heart."
Little Johnny waves his hand furiously and blurts out, "He's in our bathroom!"
The surprised teacher asks Little Johnny how he knows this.
"Well," Little Johnny says, "every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?!'"
THE GOVINATOR
Jean Claude Van Dam, Steven Segal, and Arnold Schwarzenagger all decide to go out trick-or-treating as musical composers for Halloween. They go into a costume store and look for masks. Jean Claude sees a costume that he likes and says, "I think I'll go as Beethoven." Steven Segal sees a costume that grabs his attention and says, "I'll be Mozart." Arnold had a tough time finding a costume that he liked, but he eventually found one that appeased his interest. He picks up a costume and said, "I'll be Bach."
Made this up. Feels like a Steven Wright joke...
My teacher asked me to use the word "bucolic" in a sentence.
I said, "You want me to use the word 'bucolic' in a sentence?"
She replied, "Yes."
I said, "I just did."
Why do they call him shitman?
His name is steven hitman
My name is Steven
But the bank calls me Owen. Owen Lotts.
Steven Spielberg, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone are in a bar
After a few drinks Steven says he's thinking about making an action movie about classical composers
Sylvester says "I wanna be Mozart!"
Arnold says "in that case...I'll be Bach"
It's a small world...
... but I wouldn't want to paint it.
(All credit to Steven Wright)
A routine call to an elderly patient..
A doctor is making a routine call to one of his elderly patients.
He asks, And how are you doing today, Mr. Johnson?
Mr. Johnson replies, I feel just fine, doc. But you know, it's the strangest thing. Every night when I get up to pee, the bathroom light goes on for me automatically when I open the door!
The doctor is worried that the old guy is getting senile, so he phones the man's son, and the son's wife answers.
The doctor tells her, Mrs. Johnson, I'm a little concerned about your father-in-law. It seems that when he gets up to urinate at night and opens the bathroom door, the light somehow goes on…
Mrs. Johnson yells, STEVEN! Daddy's peeing in the refrigerator again!
It was my birthday last week, I got a dehumidifier and a humidifier....
Put them in the same room, let em fight it out. -Steven Wright
One day, I made instant coffee in my microwave.
I nearly went back in time.
- Steven Wright
A new manager was hired....
The new manager walked all around the factory, inspecting his workers, when he came to a room where he saw someone slacking off, leaning against the wall. The manager hid behind a few pipes and watched the employee for 5 minutes.
The person didn't move a muscle, so the manager aproached him and ordered him to get into the manager's office.
"What is your name?" Asked the manager.
"Steven," he replied.
"And how much do you make in a week?"
"I make about 400 dollars."
the manager pulls out 400 and hands it to him.
"Here's this week's pay, now get out of here and never let me see you again!"
Steven then gets up and goes away.
Realizing he needs a replacement, the manager then walks up to a random worker and asks him: "that guy, Steve, who just left, what does he do around here?"
"Oh Steve?" Replied the worker, "that's the pizza delivery man!"
Steven Hawking, seconds from death, fell into a black hole.
"Aha! I've arrived in the nick of time"
Steven Spielberg and Harrison Ford returning for "Indiana Jones 5".
Punchline coming July 19, 2019.
Yo mama..
is so old that Steven Spielberg used her as a dinosaur consultant in Jurassic Park
Could Cat Stevens beat Wolf Blitzer?
No, but Tiger Woods
Why does Steven Hawking hate the band Muse?
Because he can't stand their song Uprising, it wants him to rise up and take the power back.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do Steven Avery's victims see him n**... from the waist down?
Because his lawyers keep filing away his briefs.
They say it takes talent to keep making movies after 50
Apparently they haven't said this to Steven Seagal
Have you heard about the new documentary on Steven Hawking?
It is called Veggie Tales.
Who has the fastest brain in the world?
Steven Hawking with a brake failure!
Steven Seagal calls to Putin
- Vladymir . I love your country. Somebody just wire by mistake 73 $ on my account in Sbierbank.
- This is not a mistake Steven. This is your annual salary here.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I wish Steven Hawking was Jewish
I prefer my vegetables cooked
Roses are red, I hope you go to heaven...
TIL Actor Steven Buscemi was a firefighter in 9/11
Steven hawking is setting a bad example for kids these days...
Being on his computer all day
I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights
I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Name a girl who pleasures herself with a vegetable?
Steven Hawking's wife
So there's these two beavers...
one is named Joe and the other, Steven. Joe and Steven have a fire. Joe decides he's hungry so he grabs a pan and some sticks.
Steven runs over and says "Joe what are you doing?" And says "im just grilling up some sticks."
Steven immediately smacks the pan from Joe's paw and says
"JOE THATS A NON STICK PAN"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man walks into a bar
"Ow, they must have lowered this bar for minorities!"
"No, you just s**... at limbo Steven."
George R.R. Martin, Steven Moffat, and Joss Whedon walk into a bar.
Everyone you've ever loved dies.
I brought one of those records that helps you learn spanish while you sleep,
during the night the needle skipped and the next day i could only stutter in spanish.
-Steven Wright (i think)
I went to the doctor for a rash...
Doctor: What toiletries are you using?
Me: Steven's soap, Steven's shampoo, Steven's toothpaste and Steven's toothbrush.
Doctor: Huh, so is Steven's a foreign brand?
Me: No, Steven is my roommate.
I watched a film where Steven Spielberg was circumcised...
... it was a Director's Cut.
I had a microwave fireplace installed, so...
now I can have a lovely warm evening in by the fire in less than ten minutes - Steven Wright
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man wakes up in the hospital after electrocuting himself...
Doctor: What is your name?
Man: Steven
Doctor: Good. Who is the current US President?
Man: Obama
Doctor: Oh no that is incorrect it is President Trump
Man: d**... it didn't work
People think Steven Hawking is so clever but when you ask him a question and he is typing his answer on his little screen, how do we know he isn't just looking up the answer on the internet.?
My grandmother gave me 5$ and said Now don't tell your mother
I told her Its gonna cost you a lot more then that to keep me quiet
- Steven Wright
I don't understand all the fuss about getting rid of guns in America. Just do what Steven Speilberg did.
Replace all the guns with walkie-talkies. Not that hard!
Steven Hawkings is going to have amazing flowers at his gravestone.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why are the vegans sad Steven Hawking died
1 less vegetable
Have I told you about the time I met Steven Tyler and he taught me how to cook stir fry?
He told me to "wok this way."
How do you jump-start a car?
Make it watch Steven King's IT
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman caught her husband on the weight scale s**... on his big fat belly
"Steven, that won't help you, you know?"
"Oh it helps A LOT." The man says. "It's the only way I can see the numbers on the thing!"
Steven Gerrard is appointed as the Rangers manager
A Rangers spokesman said, "We were looking for someone with previous experience at stopping Brendan Rodgers from winning the league."
Hello steven
This is clem fandango can you hear me?
Why was there a gardener on duty at Steven Hawking's burial?
They needed help planting the vegetable.
Thanos appears in the Universe of Steven Universe
He snaps his fingers and half of Steven is gone.
I bought a three-way ticket to the capital of South Africa.
(Original joke, inspired by Steven Wright)
Legendary comedian Steven Wright really became famous when he helped a woman give birth in a portable toilet.
He was known for his Bedpan delivery.
teacher: what are 2, 4, 6, 8, 10...?
steven: even numbers
stephen: ephen numbers
In prison there's a lot of dudes called Steve. Steve 13 owed Steve 9 one so he killed Steve 5 for him and they all moved down a number.
They're even Steven's now.