Sternly Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

A woman is at the park with her son when he starts misbehaving.

She looks at him sternly and says "If you don't stop before I count to 3, we're going home!"



2 and a half...

2 and three quarters...

2 and five sevenths...

Just then a man taps her on the shoulder and hands her his business card. Hi I work for Gabe Newell, co-founder of Valve, and we're looking for a new Vice President. I think you're just what we're looking for. Call me on Monday and we'll talk.

A chinese couple had a baby

The baby turned out to be white. The father looked sternly at the mother and said: "Two Wongs don't make a white."

What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

A sternly worded letter from the ethics committee and your funding revoked.

A man walks into a pub in Wales....

And sees two overweight women sitting at the bar. He approaches them, and asks Are you two girls from Britain? . To this, one of the women reply sternly It's Wales you idiot! . So, the man excuses himself, and asks them again: Sorry, are you two whales from Britain?

It's the first day for a fraternity...

It's the first day for a fraternity, and the dean is explaining the rules to the new pledges. He sternly advises them, And I must warn you of the curfew for this semester. If I catch any of you in the women's dorms past eight o'clock at night, it's fifty dollars for the first time, a hundred dollars for the second time, and five hundred dollars for the third time.

One pledge raises his hand and asks, How much for a season pass?

I tried a deadlift for the first time last week...

The mortician sternly asked me to leave the morgue.

God and Moses

God and Moses were up in heaven when out of the blue Moses said God I really love heaven and find it really cool, but it is starting to get a bit boring up here. Why don't we go down to Earth and have some fun with the local girls down there?

God looked at him sternly and said No way Moses, I did that 2000 years ago and they are still talking about it!

Guy bursts into a dentist's office

Guy bursts into a dentist's office and says "HEY, listen here buddy, you have to help me NOW: my teeth are SO sensitive they can sense impending EARTHQUAKES" the dentist looked at him sternly for a moment and said "you've got some nerve"

[NSFW] I remember my Dad catching me masturbating when I was a teenager

He sternly told me "and you can save that until you're married!"

Imagine his shock when I turned up 12 years later at the evening reception with three buckets full and asked him what I was supposed to do with it now.

So there's this new tampon...

So there's this new tampon in the store, and he's complaining about how he hates his job and wishes he was something better. His complaining starts to really annoy everyone when an older tampon walks up, slaps him, and looks him sternly in the eyes and says, "Suck it up."

A String Walks Into A Bar

He says, "hey bar keep, I'll have a beer". The bartenders sternly replies, "we don't serve strings here". The string walks away discouraged.
He comes in a few days later and tries again, "hey bar keep, I'll take a rye". The bartender, more aggravated replies, "I told you, we don't serve strings here!" The string leaves disappointed.
The string figures he will try again a few days later. He walks up to the door of the bar and thinks for a second....This time he ties himself in a loop and messes up his hair. He walks up to the bar and says, "hello bar keep, I'll have a rum and coke". The bartender replies, "hey, aren't you a string?" The string replies, "no, I'm afraid not"

A little boy answered a knock at the door...

A little boy answered a knock at the door to find a well-dressed woman.

"Is your mother home?" she asked, politely.

"Uh uh," he said.

"Okay," she said, put off by his lack of manners. "Is your father home?"

"Nope. He done gone to work and he ain't gonna be back 'til after dinner."

"Young man," she said sternly. "Where's your grammar?"

"She's in the kitchen... Bakin' cookies."


"This cannot be repeated," he said sternly.

"This this this this this," I replied.

A group of Fibonaccis walk into the bar

The first two walk up to the bar. The bartender looks at them sternly and says, "One of you two better fuckin' order something."

The NRA showed Trump and Obama the newest NRA advertisement and asked what they thought. At the same time, Trump and Obama sternly said...

"Stick to your guns."

A Cowboy and A giraffe

A cowboy and a giraffe walk into a bar and start drinking, a few hours pass and the giraffe is passed out on the floor and the cowboy finishes his last drink and start s stumbling towards the door.
The bartender yells "hey you can leave that lying there!"
The cowboy looks sternly at the bartender and says "that's not a lion, it's a giraffe."

What are the funniest sternly jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Sternly? Well, here are the best Sternly puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Sternly pick up lines to share with friends.


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