The Best 20 Sternly Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Sternly jokes. There are some sternly defiantly jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these sternly intently puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Sternly Jokes and Puns
A Husband and Wife at Custody court
The judge looks sternly at the ex wife.
Judge: why do you think you deserve custody of the child?
Ex wife: I brought him into this world so I should have custody of him
Judge: that is a simple yet good reason.
Then the judge looks towards the Ex husband.
Judge: why do you think you deserve custody of the child, sir?
The ex husband thought long and hard about his response, after a brief moment of silence. He replies
Ex Husband: if I put money into a Pepsi machine and a Pepsi comes out. Is it mine or the machines?
I came home really drunk last night and my wife wasn't happy at all. How much have you had to drink? she asked sternly, staring at me. Nothing I slurred. Look at me! she shouted. It's either me or the pub, which one is it?
I paused for a second while I thought and mumbled, It's you. I can tell by the voice.
A woman is at the park with her son when he starts misbehaving.
She looks at him sternly and says "If you don't stop before I count to 3, we're going home!"
1...
2...
2 and a half...
2 and three quarters...
2 and five sevenths...
Just then a man taps her on the shoulder and hands her his business card. Hi I work for Gabe Newell, co-founder of Valve, and we're looking for a new Vice President. I think you're just what we're looking for. Call me on Monday and we'll talk.
The Library
This is one of my favorite jokes that NOBODY ever thinks is funny. It is funnier when spoken, but since I have no friends, Reddit will have to do.
Here it goes:
A guy walks into a library. He strolls up to the counter and looks at the librarian dead in the eyes and screams MA'AM I'LL HAVE A CHEESEBURGER A LARGE FRY AND A LARGE MILKSHAKE PLEASE!!!
The librarian shushes him and sternly says in a whisper, Sir! This is a library!
The man immediately apologizes and whispers,
So sorry, I'll have a cheeseburger a large fry and a large milkshake please
A chinese couple had a baby
The baby turned out to be white. The father looked sternly at the mother and said: "Two Wongs don't make a white."
What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?
A sternly worded letter from the ethics committee and your funding revoked.
A man walks into a pub in Wales....
And sees two overweight women sitting at the bar. He approaches them, and asks Are you two girls from Britain? . To this, one of the women reply sternly It's Wales you idiot! . So, the man excuses himself, and asks them again: Sorry, are you two whales from Britain?
It's the first day for a fraternity...
It's the first day for a fraternity, and the dean is explaining the rules to the new pledges. He sternly advises them, And I must warn you of the curfew for this semester. If I catch any of you in the women's dorms past eight o'clock at night, it's fifty dollars for the first time, a hundred dollars for the second time, and five hundred dollars for the third time.
One pledge raises his hand and asks, How much for a season pass?
I tried a deadlift for the first time last week...
The mortician sternly asked me to leave the morgue.
God and Moses
God and Moses were up in heaven when out of the blue Moses said God I really love heaven and find it really cool, but it is starting to get a bit boring up here. Why don't we go down to Earth and have some fun with the local girls down there?
God looked at him sternly and said No way Moses, I did that 2000 years ago and they are still talking about it!
Guy bursts into a dentist's office
Guy bursts into a dentist's office and says "HEY, listen here buddy, you have to help me NOW: my teeth are SO sensitive they can sense impending EARTHQUAKES" the dentist looked at him sternly for a moment and said "you've got some nerve"
You can explore sternly calmly reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean sternly cautiously dad jokes. There are also sternly puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
A guest is ordering at a restaurant, Do you think you could bring me what that gentleman over there is having?
The waiter looks at him sternly, No sir, I'm very sure he intends to eat it himself".
[NSFW] I remember my Dad catching me masturbating when I was a teenager
He sternly told me "and you can save that until you're married!"
Imagine his shock when I turned up 12 years later at the evening reception with three buckets full and asked him what I was supposed to do with it now.
A little boy answered a knock at the door...
A little boy answered a knock at the door to find a well-dressed woman.
"Is your mother home?" she asked, politely.
"Uh uh," he said.
"Okay," she said, put off by his lack of manners. "Is your father home?"
"Nope. He done gone to work and he ain't gonna be back 'til after dinner."
"Young man," she said sternly. "Where's your grammar?"
"She's in the kitchen... Bakin' cookies."
*
So there's this new tampon...
So there's this new tampon in the store, and he's complaining about how he hates his job and wishes he was something better. His complaining starts to really annoy everyone when an older tampon walks up, slaps him, and looks him sternly in the eyes and says, "Suck it up."
"This cannot be repeated," he said sternly.
"This this this this this," I replied.
If I ever walk in on my kid smoking reefer
I will sternly say "I WILL NOT stand for this young man/woman... however, I WILL sit down.. now light that $#!\* up"
The NRA showed Trump and Obama the newest NRA advertisement and asked what they thought. At the same time, Trump and Obama sternly said...
"Stick to your guns."
A group of Fibonaccis walk into the bar
The first two walk up to the bar. The bartender looks at them sternly and says, "One of you two better fuckin' order something."
A Cowboy and A giraffe
A cowboy and a giraffe walk into a bar and start drinking, a few hours pass and the giraffe is passed out on the floor and the cowboy finishes his last drink and start s stumbling towards the door.
The bartender yells "hey you can leave that lying there!"
The cowboy looks sternly at the bartender and says "that's not a lion, it's a giraffe."
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the sternly son jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working sternly father piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.