stepping on ducks Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious stepping on ducks puns

Donald Trump is walking out of the White House and heading toward his limo, when a possible assassin steps forward and aims a gun.

A secret service agent, new on the job, shouts "Mickey Mouse!" This startles the would be assassin and he is captured.

Later, the secret service agent's supervisor takes him aside and asks, "What in the hell made you shout Mickey Mouse?"

Blushing, the agent replies, "I got nervous. I meant to shout "Donald, duck!"

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Three men die and go to heaven.

God tells the men that if they do not step on a duck, he will give them a hot wife. The first man goes and steps on a duck and is taken to his ugly wife.
The second man does the same and is also taken to an ugly wife.
The third man was determined not to do anything so he didn't move. Eventually God came back with a hot woman and the man asked, "What did I do to deserve this?"

God replied, "You did nothing, she just stepped on a duck."

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Three women and ducks

Three women die in a car accident and go to heaven when they are at the gate god tells them that there is only one rule and that is that you may not step on a duck. They women enter and do their best to enjoy heaven while being cautious about where they step for there are ducks everywhere. After about a week one of the three women steps on a duck and suddenly this old, smelly, repulsive and hairy man is chained to her for life. This only makes the other women more careful and another month passes by when a second of the three women steps on a duck. Then chained to her is a man more repulsive then the first. The third woman becomes ever so cautious and make it a whole year without treading upon a duck. Chained to her is a handsom, muscular and wonderful gentleman. She says to him "What happened to you?" he replies " I stepped on a duck..."

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Ducks

Three women die in an accident and go to Heaven. There Saint Peter says, 'We only have one rule - don't step on the ducks!' They enter Heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks everywhere. In fact, it's almost impossible not to step on a duck, and the first woman accidently steps on one straight away. Saint Peter comes along with the ugliest man the woman has ever seen and chains them together saying, 'Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!' The next day, the second woman steps on a duck and she too is chained to an incredibly ugly man. The third woman is very, very careful with the ducks and manages to avoid stepping on any of them. One day Saint Peter comes along and chains her to an incredibly handsome man. The woman is delighted but wonders why she's been blessed. She gets on her knees and prays aloud, 'Oh Lord, what have I done to deserve this bounty?' The man says, 'I don't know about you, lady, but I trod on a duck.'

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Three girls die and go to heaven...

They are greeted by st. Peter at the pearly gates. He welcomes them and then says "But be careful, there are lots of ducks in heaven. If you step on any you will be punished". The girls go in and the first one steps on a duck right away and the ugliest man in existence gets chained to her for eternity. The second girl steps on a duck after about a week and the second ugliest man is chained to her for eternity. The third girl, however, never steps on a duck and the most beautiful man she had ever seen was chained to her. "What did I do to deserve such a nice thing?" she asks God. God looks at her and says, "He stepped on a duck."

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Three Ducks are in Court

They are about to take to the stand against Judge Swan.

The first duck steps up.

What is your name and why are you here? , said Judge Swan

My name is Quack and I'm here for blowing bubbles in the pond

Judge Swan waves her hand, signaling for the next duck.

The second duck steps up.

What is your name and why are you here? , said Judge Swan

My name is Quack Quack and I'm here for blowing bubbles in the pond

Judge Swan waves her hand, signaling for the last duck.

The last duck steps up.

Lemme guess, is your name Quack Quack Quack? asked Judge Swan.

No, my name is Bubbles

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Took me a while

*When I was a kid, my mom always used to quote the punchline of this joke. Today, four decades later, I finally heard the joke itself.*

On a hot day, a guy ducks into a bar for a beer. There is no one in the bar but the bartender, a pianist, and a little monkey dancing on the piano.

The guy is drinking his beer, when the monkey comes over, dancing ever more energetically, stepping, jumping, twirling. The dance reaches its frenzied climax, and the monkey gives a little bow, and walks over to glass of beer sitting on the bar, and dunks his testicles in the beer, saying "Ahhhh" as his over-heated genitalia are cooled.

The guy goes over to the piano. "Hey," he says, "Do you know your monkey is soaking his balls in my beer?"

"No," replies the pianist. "But if you hum a few bars, I can fake it."

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3 guys go to heaven...

3 men go to Heaven. They are greeted by Saint Peter at the pearly gates. Saint Peter says to the 3 men, "Welcome to Heaven. There is only 1 rule in Heaven. Do not step on the ducks. God loves his ducks more than anything else, and you will be punished if you step on a duck." Saint Peter opens the gates, and lets the 3 men in. When they enter, they immediately notice that ducks are everywhere. They would have to be very careful not to step on the ducks.

A few days go by. One of the men accidentally steps on a duck. All of a sudden an angel appears and handcuffs the ugliest looking woman he has ever seen to him. The angel leaves.

A few weeks go by, and one of the other men steps on a duck. Again, an angel appears and handcuffs an extremely ugly woman to him.

The third man is very careful to never step on a duck. 3 years go by, and he never steps on a duck. One day an angel appears and handcuffs the most attractive, beautiful woman the man has ever seen to him. Before the man can question it, the angel disappears. The man looks over at the woman and says, "I don't know what I did, but it must have been something good." The woman replies, "I don't know about you, but I just stepped on a duck."

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Sorry if this joke is really old. It is one my grandfather used to tell me this joke all the time. Just passing it along.

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Three men walk into heaven after death and find there is only one rule.

There are ducks running around everywhere, and God tells them that the only rule is to not step on any ducks. You must watch your step wherever you go. The punishment of stepping in a duck is that you are forced to marry someone hideous.

The three men begin to like heaven. They are roaming around when the first man hears a loud, pained quack and discovers he had accidentally stepped on a duck. The next day, he finds that God was serious about the rule, and was forced to marry an very unattractive woman.

The next day, the second man went off on his own. He was daydreaming, and accidentally stepped on a duck. He, too, was made to marry a very ugly woman.

When the two men were lamenting over their punishments, they found their friend with a beautiful supermodel wearing a wedding dress. They go up to God ask how he got to marry such a beautiful women.

"Because, she stepped on a duck."

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Heaven and the Ducks

A man dies and is sent to meet St. Peter at the gates of heaven. There he sees St. Peter standing in front of a field of ducks. The man asks what the ducks are for and St. Peter tells him that if he steps on a duck he will be paired in heaven with an ugly women, however if he can make it through the field he will be rewarded with a beautiful women at his side for all of eternity.
The man carefully begins his trek across the field of ducks and after a few close calls, he makes it to the end of the field. St. Peter arrives at his side and congratulates him on his success and that his partner will be arriving shortly.
Suddenly the most beautiful women in the world appears at his side. He looks at her in aww and says, "how in the world was I lucky enough to end up with a women as beautiful as you!". The women looks at him and replies, "I don't know, all I did was step on a duck.

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Donald is walking out of the White House and headed towards his limo...

Donald is walking out of the White House and headed towards his limo when a possible assassin steps forward and aims a gun.

A secret service agent, new on the job, shouts Mickey Mouse! This startles the would be assassin and he is captured.

Later, the secret service agent's supervisor takes him aside and asks, What in the hell made you shout Mickey Mouse?

Blushing, the agent replies, I got nervous. I meant to shout Donald duck."

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Whatever you do, don't step on a duck.

Three guys got into a car crash and all died. They all get up to heaven and meet St. Peter at the gates. St. Peter said "Okay everyone can come in, but whatever you do don't step on a duck." The gates open and there are ducks everywhere, all over the floor, on tabletops, everywhere.
The first guy walks in and accidentally steps on a duck. St. Peter comes along and handcuffs him to the ugliest woman in all the world and says, "Now you must stay handcuffed for all eternity."
The other two see this and do their best not avoid the ducks. The second guy goes months and months without stepping on any duck. Then one morning he wakes up and as he is getting out of bed he steps on two ducks. St. Peter comes over and handcuffs him to the most atrocious looking and smelling woman and says, "Now you must stay handcuffed to each other for all eternity."
Now the third guy goes years and years and doesn't step on any ducks in all that time. Then one day St. Peter comes along and handcuffs him to the most beautiful woman he as ever seen. St. Peter says, "Now you must stay handcuffed to each other for all eternity." The guy happily says, "Oh my God, what have I done to deserve this?!" And the woman says, "I don't know what you did, but I stepped on a duck."

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Donald is walking out of the White House and headed towards the presidential limo...

Donald is walking out of the White House and headed towards his limo when a possible assassin steps forward and aims a gun.

A secret service agent, new on the job, shouts Mickey Mouse! This startles the would be assassin and he is captured.

Later, the secret service agent's supervisor takes him aside and asks, What in the hell made you shout Mickey Mouse?

Blushing, the agent replies, I got nervous. I meant to shout Donald duck."

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Three women break out of prison...

..a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead. They hear the marshal and his men coming so they duck into a near by potato barn. They find three potato sacks and jump in covering themselves from head to toe.

The marshal sends his deputy into the potato barn to check it out. The deputy see's the three sacks looking out of place, so he steps up to the sack with the redhead and kicks it.

"Woof." says the redhead.

"Just a dog in there." says the not to bright deputy. He kicks the sack with the brunette.

"Meow." purrs the brunette.

"Just a cat." says the deputy. He kicks the sack with the blonde in it.

Nothing happens. He gives it another kick.

"Potato" says the blonde.

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A guys is at a party.....

and steps behind two other guys. He notices that they are a Priest and a Rabbi and both are holding ducks.
He says "What is this? a joke?"
The Priest looks back and says, "No, this is the punchline."

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Three women go to heaven...

Upon entering the pearly gates God states, "You can live a blissful life with anything you can dream of for all eternity. However, you must not step on any of the ducks!" The women look around to see the floor crowded with waddling ducks. Years go by without a hiccup. Finally after 10 years the first woman makes the dreaded mistake and steps on a duck. Immediately she in handcuffed to the most hideous, grotesque man she has ever seen. God states, "This shall remain for all eternity!" Five years later the second women makes the same crucial mistake and "POOF!" another hideous mate handcuffed for the rest of time. Finally after decades, "POOF!" the final women is suddenly strapped to the most handsome, perfect man she has ever seen. She screams to God, "What did I do to be so lucky?!!" At that moment the man looks over and says, "I don't know about you, but I just stepped on a duck!"

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Three men die and go to heaven.

They meet a saint watching the gate, who tells them, "You are all welcome in Heaven. Just do not step on any ducks."

And so they walk in, and the moment they get in, the first man steps on a duck. Then, suddenly, there is a chain on his arm, and on the other end is an incredibly grotesque woman, smelling to the point of being comparable to a harpy. The saint says, "This is your wife, now and for all of eternity.

A few years pass, and the other two are doing just fine. Then, the second man, waking up, rolls over and stands up - "QUACK!" Straight onto a duck. Another woman, even more horrible and smelly than the last is chained to him. "This is your wife, now and for all eternity."

More years pass, and eventually, the saint appears, along with a chain on his arm. On the other end is a woman more beautiful than any he had ever seen. He asks the saint, "Why? I never stepped on a duck."

The woman pipes up, "I did."

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Ducks

Me and my three friends all died and went to heaven(luckily)when we all arrived at the gate to heaven an angel told us that we could do whatever we wanted except no stepping on ducks. We all replied with That's easy thanks and walked away. After a little bit one of the friends walked away. When he came back he was with a super ugly girl. We all asked what happened, I stepped on a duck . Next friend goes comes back with an ugly girl stepped on a duck. Third friend comes back with a super hot girl. We all asked what happened? The girl said I stepped on a duck.

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Three men die and go to heaven

St. Peter welcomes them at the Pearly Gates and tells them they are all allowed to enter but there is one rule they must not break, under no circumstances can of them step on a duck. As they walk in, they realize there are ducks everywhere. The first guy makes it about an hour but then accidentally steps on a duck. St. Peter has him handcuffed to the ugliest woman the man has ever seen. Determined not to make the same mistake, the next two men are careful, but it isn't long before one of them steps on a duck and is handcuffed to a hideous woman. The third man spends the next 3 months treading carefully and manages to avoid all ducks, until one day St. Peter comes and handcuffs him to the most beautiful woman he has ever seen. The man says, "what have i done to deserve such a thing?" The woman answers, "I don't know about you, but i stepped on a duck.

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POTUS walks out of the white house

Heads towards his limo when a possible assassin steps forward and aims a gun.

A secret service agent, new on the job, shouts Mickey Mouse! This startles the would be assassin and he is captured.

Later, the secret service agent's supervisor takes him aside and asks, What in the hell made you shout Mickey Mouse?

Blushing, the agent replies, I got nervous. I meant to shout Donald, duck."

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Jesus, Moses, and an old bearded guy are all golfing...

It's a par 5 and Moses hits his tee shot first and it lands in the fairway.

Jesus hits his tee shot also in the fairway but a little further than Moses's.

The old bearded guy steps up and shanks his tee shot way to the right. The ball bounces off a tree in to a pond where a turtle grabs the ball in his mouth spits it on to the green and a duck kicks it near the hole and a gust of wind puts the ball in the hole.

The old man starts walk toward the next hole like nothing happened when Moses says to Jesus angrily Jesus, I'm done golfing with your dad!

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My Duck Detective is one step away from solving a crime.

He said he almost quacked the case.

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A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded around a table watching a little show.

On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some wheeling and dealing, they settled for $10,000 for the duck and the pot. Three days later the circus owner runs back to the bar in anger, "Your duck is a rip-off! I put him on the pot before a whole audience and he didn't dance a single step!" "So?," asked the duck's former owner, "did you remember to light the candle under the pot?"

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What are the most funny Stepping On Ducks jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Stepping On Ducks? Well, here are the best Stepping On Ducks dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Stepping On Ducks pick up lines to share with friends.

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