Stephen Jokes

Following is our collection of christine humor and kathleen one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Stephen puns for adults, dirty jackson jokes or clean armageddon gags for kids.

There is an abundance of paddock jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 87 funniest jokes on stephen. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any larry witze you can hear about stephen.

The Best jokes about Stephen

I couldn't follow the storyline of Stephen King's It

Too many Maine characters.

How does Stephen Hawking refresh after a long day?


Jesus may have walked on water...

But Stephen Hawking can run on batteries

I was walking past a homeless man when he yelled, "Stephen King is my older brother and he stole the ideas for all his novels from me!"

I replied, "Surely you must be Joe."

Everyone is a fan of Stephen Hawking now that he died.

I bet they can't name even 3 of his songs.

There is no God -Stephen Hawking, 2011

There is no Stephen Hawking God, 2018

Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners?

Because he can't do stand up

What does Stephen Hawking say when his computer crashes?


I've tried calling Stephen Hawking many times

I keep getting his answering machine

The other day I decided to buy a Ouija board, so I could get in touch with deceased celebrities that havent crossed over yet,

The only celebrity I could get in touch with was Stephen Hawkings.

I asked him a few questions including why he was a ghost and not gone to the after life yet.

Turns out Led Zeppelin was right all along,

there is a stairway to heaven.

How does Stephen Hawking have sex?

Enter, backspace, enter, backspace, enter, backspace...

First Stephen Hawking, now Avicii?

Tough year for the Electronic community.

Why is Stephen Hawking successful?

He can't run away from his responsibilities.

Why is Stephen such a neutral name?

Because its pH is in the middle.

What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and a walkie-talkie?

Stephen Hawking doesn't walkie or talkie.

What do scientists and vegetables have in common?

Stephen Hawking

What did Stephen Hawking say when his computer broke?

I once dated a twin

Years ago I dated a twin.

My friend asked me 'how do you tell them apart?'

I explained 'Well, Rebecca has agreed to wear green nail polish every 2nd day...and Stephen has a dick'

Stephen Hawking has finally released his new book about space.

It's about time, too.

Why can't Stephen Hawking dance?

Because he's white.

I finally got around to reading that book by Stephen Hawking.

It was about time.

It's said that Jesus could walk on water...

Thats nothing! Stephen Hawking ran on batteries

My biology teacher asked me what was the ugliest vegetable IMO.

Apparently, Stephen Hawking was the wrong answer.

Stephen Hawking diagnosed with erectile dysfunction.

It was easy to fix, they just uninstalled his pop-up blocker.

When my kindle reads Fifty Shades of Gray to me

It's like getting an obscene phone call from Stephen Hawking

Knowledge is Power

They always say knowledge is power, but I'm pretty sure I can beat up Stephen Hawking.

Why does Stephen Hawking date African Americans?

Because he loves to study black holes.

So I heard the new Iphone is gonna have that new Stephen King movie preloaded onto it.

Yeah. X is gonna give IT to ya.

I gotta hand it to Stephen Hawking

because he can't catch.

Stephen Hawking can be pretty funny sometimes,

But I dont think he could do standup

Apparently Stephen Hawking is in hospital after he went on a date last night...

She stood him up.

Did Stephen Hawking have a donor card?

. .Cos I really need bits for my kids go-kart

What's the quietest album in the world?

Stephen Hawking - unplugged

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory...

but you couldn't park anywhere near the place.

[credit to Stephen Wright]

Sometimes I feel like Stephen Hawking in the morning

Because I can't get out of bed.

Stephen Hawking

If Stephen hawking started a company, What would his position in the company be?

The Chairman

What do you call a hand job from Stephen Hawking?

A stroke of Genius.

Stephen Hawking is a very paranoid man

He's always looking over his shoulder.

Stephen Hawking has his first date in a long time...

When he returned from the date, he had a twisted ankle, a broken wrist, his glasses were cracked and there was dirt all over his clothes.

Apparently she stood him up.

What's black and sits at the top of the stairs?

Stephen Hawking in a house fire

Researchers rolled an assortment of vegetables down a hill to see which would travel fastest

Stephen Hawking won by a landslide

What if Stephen Colbert got involved in a scandal?

It would be called Colgate.

Do you know if Stephen Hawking still has his old phone number?

Everytime I call, a machine answers.

Stephen Hawking had a hot date last night. She stood him up...

And he immediately fell on the floor.

2 "black" questions that aren't racist.

What's black and sits at the top of the stairs? Stephen Hawking in a house fire.

What's black and screaming? Stevie Wonder answering the iron.

I tried calling Stephen Hawking the other day

But I kept getting his answering machine

I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time"...

So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

-Stephen Wright

Why did Stephen Hawking only eat meat?

Because eating vegetables would be cannibalism.

I just tried to woo Stephen Hawking.

But I don't think I pushed the right buttons.

Have you seen Stephen Hawking's new communication device?

It really speaks for itself.

People ask me what's my favorite vegetable.

Apparently Stephen Hawking is a bad answer.

What has hands but can't clap?

Stephen Hawking

Inauguration Limerick by Stephen Colbert

There once was a man named Barack
Whose re-election came as a shock
He raised taxes I pay
And turned marriage gay
And now he's coming after your Glock

What's Stephen Hawking's favorite meal?

His shoulder.

One more...what's black and sits at the top of a staircase? Stephen Hawking after a house fire. I'm so sorry

I used to use alcohol as a crutch at parties

Now it's more like Stephen Hawking's computer-chair

What happened when Stephen Hawking's wife gave him a handjob?

She had a stroke of genius.

Stephen Hawking can actually be pretty funny sometimes...

But I don't think he's got what it takes to do stand-up.

Did you know people did drugs in the Bible?

That guy Stephen got stoned.

Lately I've noticed a strange fascination shared by everybody that comes over to my house. They can't seem to get enough of this one Stephen King book I have on my shelf.

I guess it's true what they say; company loves Misery.

They Just Released Stephen Hawking's Last Words

"1 percent battery life remaining. Please find nearest charger and plug in device"

Stephen Hawking walks into a bar.

Then Stevie Wonder "says wait you can walk!" Then Hellen keller says "wait you can see!"
Then hitler says "wait you're still alive!"
And that's the story about how my bartender stopped doing drugs.

Did you hear Stephen Miller's wife tested positive for COVID?

It turns out swallowing vampire is as dangerous as eating bat.

What was Stephen Hawking when he was younger?

Stephen Walking

What if Stephen Hawking

Is the real Slim Shady but he can't stand up

Stephen Hawking recently released his most recent book. He has spent the last 15 years writing it.

It's about time.

A New Movie - Stephen Spielberg

Stephen Speilberg has just recently decided to create a new action movie about the greatest composers on Earth. His creates his cast and asks them 'Who do you want to be' ...

Bruce Willis says to him 'I ll play Beethoven, i've always fancied myself as a bit of a genius'

Liam Neeson then pipes up saying 'Im going to be Mozart, i find his music very relaxing and very baroque'

Lastly Arnold Schwarzenegger says 'Ill be Bach'

Stephen Hawkins went on a date, he returned home upset and hurt.

She stood him up.

What's burnt to a crisp and at the top of the stairs?

Stephen Hawking after a house fire.

A lot of people say that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger...

Stephen Hawking disagrees.

A man has been unemployed for a long time...

finally, with the release of Stephen King's remade 'It', he gets a job posting huge billboards around the city. After some weeks however the movie was slumping, so in a desperate effort for publicity, the advertisers sent the man back out with crimson paint and a paint brush and told to give all the clowns a 'bleeding face' effect.
Mid-job, covered in paint, and late into the evening, the police spot him and surround him with guns drawn.
"No, No" he screams, "you don't understand! I'm a red It poster!"

My brother just finished his doctorals

So he went to Starbucks to celebrate.

The cashier said. "What would you like sir?"

"I would like an espresso please" my brother replied.

"Okay sir, I just need your name." The cashier said.

"It's Stephen" My brother replied.

"With a 'ph'?" The cashier asked.

My brother then replied. "No, it's Stephen, with a PhD"

My buddy was into medieval things, so I asked if he had ever been poked by a lance,

He said "no but I was once lightly caressed by a Stephen"

My friend said they'd finally read Stephen Hawking's book.

I said, "It's about time."

Whenever we had guests over, my wife would get embarrassed because I have the mind of a child.

In a jar. On the coffee table. (Credit to Stephen King for this one)

I held the record for collecting Stephen King's books.

Then I lost It.

How do you know Stephen Hawking has jungle fever?

He knows a lot about black holes

It's taken me ages...

...but I've finally finished reading Stephen Hawking's book. It's about time.

Stephen Hawking dick joke

I can finally get an erection.
The doctor's disabled my pop-up blocker.

How does Stephen Hawking commit suicide?


Why can't you own just one Stephen King novel?

Because 'Misery' loves company.

Walking Talking

Stephen Hawking

I watched a silent film version of Stephen Kings "it" the other day.

It was Shh-it.

Stephen Hawkins goes on a date....

he comes back a couple of hours later with broken glasses, grazed knees, twisted ankle.

She'd stood him up.

I've been waiting on Stephen Hawking to tell his racist joke...

I mean, it's got to be a good one – he's been looking over his shoulder for years.

(from my brother Heath).

Whats Stephen Hawking's least favorite song?

Stairway to Heaven

Physicist Frank Wilczek states that there is life on other planets...

Profesor Stephen Hawking maintains his position.

What do you call Kim Jong-un reading a Stephen King novel?

Fearless Reader

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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