The Best 92 Stephen Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Stephen jokes. There are some stephen kathleen jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these stephen stephen colbert puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Stephen Jokes and Puns

It's said that Jesus could walk on water...

Thats nothing! Stephen Hawking ran on batteries

Stephen Hawking had a hot date last night. She stood him up...

And he immediately fell on the floor.

When my kindle reads Fifty Shades of Gray to me

It's like getting an obscene phone call from Stephen Hawking

Stephen joke, When my kindle reads Fifty Shades of Gray to me

2 "black" questions that aren't racist.

What's black and sits at the top of the stairs? Stephen Hawking in a house fire.

What's black and screaming? Stevie Wonder answering the iron.

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory...

but you couldn't park anywhere near the place.

[credit to Stephen Wright]


Inauguration Limerick by Stephen Colbert

There once was a man named Barack
Whose re-election came as a shock
He raised taxes I pay
And turned marriage gay
And now he's coming after your Glock

Why can't Stephen Hawking dance?

Because he's white.

Stephen joke, Why can't Stephen Hawking dance?

How do you know Stephen Hawking has jungle fever?

He knows a lot about black holes

It's taken me ages...

...but I've finally finished reading Stephen Hawking's book. It's about time.

What did Stephen Hawking say when his computer broke?

Sometimes I feel like Stephen Hawking in the morning

Because I can't get out of bed.

You can explore stephen christine reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean stephen jackson dad jokes. There are also stephen puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


What's black and sits at the top of the stairs?

Stephen Hawking in a house fire

How does Stephen Hawking refresh after a long day?

F5

Apparently Stephen Hawking is in hospital after he went on a date last night...

She stood him up.

What do scientists and vegetables have in common?

Stephen Hawking

A New Movie - Stephen Spielberg

Stephen Speilberg has just recently decided to create a new action movie about the greatest composers on Earth. His creates his cast and asks them 'Who do you want to be' ...

Bruce Willis says to him 'I ll play Beethoven, i've always fancied myself as a bit of a genius'

Liam Neeson then pipes up saying 'Im going to be Mozart, i find his music very relaxing and very baroque'

Lastly Arnold Schwarzenegger says 'Ill be Bach'

Stephen joke, A New Movie - Stephen Spielberg

Stephen Hawking can actually be pretty funny sometimes...

But I don't think he's got what it takes to do stand-up.

I just tried to woo Stephen Hawking.

But I don't think I pushed the right buttons.

I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time"...

So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

-Stephen Wright


How does Stephen Hawking have sex?

Enter, backspace, enter, backspace, enter, backspace...

What has hands but can't clap?

Stephen Hawking

What's Stephen Hawking's favorite meal?

His shoulder.

One more...what's black and sits at the top of a staircase? Stephen Hawking after a house fire. I'm so sorry

I gotta hand it to Stephen Hawking

because he can't catch.

What's the quietest album in the world?

Stephen Hawking - unplugged

What do you call a hand job from Stephen Hawking?

A stroke of Genius.

What does Stephen Hawking say when his computer crashes?

Nothing.

Do you know if Stephen Hawking still has his old phone number?

Everytime I call, a machine answers.

I held the record for collecting Stephen King's books.

Then I lost It.

A lot of people say that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger...

Stephen Hawking disagrees.

What's burnt to a crisp and at the top of the stairs?

Stephen Hawking after a house fire.

My brother just finished his doctorals

So he went to Starbucks to celebrate.

The cashier said. "What would you like sir?"

"I would like an espresso please" my brother replied.

"Okay sir, I just need your name." The cashier said.

"It's Stephen" My brother replied.

"With a 'ph'?" The cashier asked.

My brother then replied. "No, it's Stephen, with a PhD"

Why is Stephen Hawking successful?

He can't run away from his responsibilities.

Knowledge is Power

They always say knowledge is power, but I'm pretty sure I can beat up Stephen Hawking.

Stephen Hawking has finally released his new book about space.

It's about time, too.

Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners?

Because he can't do stand up

What if Stephen Hawking

Is the real Slim Shady but he can't stand up

Stephen Hawking can be pretty funny sometimes,

But I dont think he could do standup

People ask me what's my favorite vegetable.

Apparently Stephen Hawking is a bad answer.

I used to use alcohol as a crutch at parties

Now it's more like Stephen Hawking's computer-chair

What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and a walkie-talkie?

Stephen Hawking doesn't walkie or talkie.

Stephen Hawking is a very paranoid man

He's always looking over his shoulder.

What was Stephen Hawking when he was younger?

Stephen Walking

What happened when Stephen Hawking's wife gave him a handjob?

She had a stroke of genius.

Jesus may have walked on water...

But Stephen Hawking can run on batteries

My buddy was into medieval things, so I asked if he had ever been poked by a lance,

He said "no but I was once lightly caressed by a Stephen"

Why does Stephen Hawking date African Americans?

Because he loves to study black holes.

Have you seen Stephen Hawking's new communication device?

It really speaks for itself.

I've tried calling Stephen Hawking many times

I keep getting his answering machine

Lately I've noticed a strange fascination shared by everybody that comes over to my house. They can't seem to get enough of this one Stephen King book I have on my shelf.

I guess it's true what they say; company loves Misery.

I tried calling Stephen Hawking the other day

But I kept getting his answering machine

I finally got around to reading that book by Stephen Hawking.

It was about time.

Stephen Hawking diagnosed with erectile dysfunction.

It was easy to fix, they just uninstalled his pop-up blocker.

My biology teacher asked me what was the ugliest vegetable IMO.

Apparently, Stephen Hawking was the wrong answer.

Stephen Hawking recently released his most recent book. He has spent the last 15 years writing it.

It's about time.

So I heard the new Iphone is gonna have that new Stephen King movie preloaded onto it.

Yeah. X is gonna give IT to ya.

Stephen Hawking

If Stephen hawking started a company, What would his position in the company be?

The Chairman

Did you know people did drugs in the Bible?

That guy Stephen got stoned.

What if Stephen Colbert got involved in a scandal?

It would be called Colgate.

Stephen Hawkins went on a date, he returned home upset and hurt.

She stood him up.

I was walking past a homeless man when he yelled, "Stephen King is my older brother and he stole the ideas for all his novels from me!"

I replied, "Surely you must be Joe."

Why is Stephen such a neutral name?

Because its pH is in the middle.

Researchers rolled an assortment of vegetables down a hill to see which would travel fastest

Stephen Hawking won by a landslide

Stephen Hawking has his first date in a long time...

When he returned from the date, he had a twisted ankle, a broken wrist, his glasses were cracked and there was dirt all over his clothes.

Apparently she stood him up.

Everyone is a fan of Stephen Hawking now that he died.

I bet they can't name even 3 of his songs.

They Just Released Stephen Hawking's Last Words

"1 percent battery life remaining. Please find nearest charger and plug in device"

First Stephen Hawking, now Avicii?

Tough year for the Electronic community.

Why did Stephen Hawking only eat meat?

Because eating vegetables would be cannibalism.

There is no God -Stephen Hawking, 2011

There is no Stephen Hawking God, 2018

I once dated a twin

Years ago I dated a twin.

My friend asked me 'how do you tell them apart?'

I explained 'Well, Rebecca has agreed to wear green nail polish every 2nd day...and Stephen has a dick'

The other day I decided to buy a Ouija board, so I could get in touch with deceased celebrities that havent crossed over yet,

The only celebrity I could get in touch with was Stephen Hawkings.

I asked him a few questions including why he was a ghost and not gone to the after life yet.

Turns out Led Zeppelin was right all along,

there is a stairway to heaven.

Did Stephen Hawking have a donor card?

. .Cos I really need bits for my kids go-kart

My friend said they'd finally read Stephen Hawking's book.

I said, "It's about time."

I couldn't follow the storyline of Stephen King's It

Too many Maine characters.

Whenever we had guests over, my wife would get embarrassed because I have the mind of a child.

In a jar. On the coffee table. (Credit to Stephen King for this one)

Did you hear Stephen Miller's wife tested positive for COVID?

It turns out swallowing vampire is as dangerous as eating bat.

Stephen Hawking walks into a bar.

Then Stevie Wonder "says wait you can walk!" Then Hellen keller says "wait you can see!"
Then hitler says "wait you're still alive!"
And that's the story about how my bartender stopped doing drugs.

Stephen Hawking dick joke

Why did Steven hawking never get a boner?
Cause google blocked his pop up !

If Donald Trump, Rudy Giuliani, Bill Barr, Stephen Miller, and Jared Kushner we're on Air Force One together and the plane were to suddenly crash, who would survive?

The United States of America.

My friend said we should tear down statues of Stephen Hawking

I didn't know there were any statues of Stephen Hawking still standing.

I went to a bookstore recently.

Someone was throwing Stephen King books at everyone. I wondered why they were doing that. Then IT hit me.

My cousin always introduces himself as "Stephen with a P-H"

It's because he's slightly acidic

What do Stephen Hawking and Tony Hawk have in common?

The both love ramps.

Did you know that Stephen King has a son named Joe?

I'm not joking, but he is

School report.

My teacher gave us an assignment to tell her our idols and then say what we would do if they walked in our house. I got off easy because I said Stephen Hawking.

sarcastic jokes

* Stephen:- Knock knock !!
* Robert:- Who's there !!??
* Stephen:- Yah !!
* Robert:- Yah who !!??
* Stephen:- No I prefer Google !

Stephen Hawkings' last paper on space is finally going to published posthumously...

It's about time too.

Not only was Stephen Hawking a great physicist, he was also a great comedian.

Sadly, his stand-up wasn't very good.

Tom Hanks was recently quoted talking about how much he disliked one of Stephen King's novels.

T. Hanks: I hate It.

The other day I decided to buy a Ouija board

I wanted to see if I could get in touch with deceased celebrities that havent crossed over yet.

The only celebrity I could get in touch with was Stephen Hawkings.

I asked him a few questions including why he was a ghost and how come he had not gone to the after life yet?"

Turns out Led Zeppelin was right all along,

there IS a stairway to heaven.

Stephen Hawking walks into a bar...

still looking for punchline?

I don't want to spoil the ending of IT by Stephen King

But I can tell you, IT's going down well

My friend Stephen King has a son named Joe

I'm not Joking, he is

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the stephen stephen hawking jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working stephen stephen hawkins piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes