Step Jokes
156 step jokes and hilarious step puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about step that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funny step jokes that will make you laugh out loud! This article includes twelve step jokes, multi-step jokes, two step jokes, thirteen step jokes, the next step jokes, three step jokes, first step jokes, staircase jokes, stride jokes, and SNU jokes. Have fun and get ready to be in stitches!
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Funniest Step Short Jokes
Short step jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The step humour may include short stein jokes also.
- How do you get rich in Ancient Greece? Well, step one, become an oracle. Step two: Prophet.
- A joke I remember making up when I was 7 : What do you get when a giant steps on a house? Mushrooms
- Step by step guide on how to fall down stairs Step 1:
Step 2:
Step 4:
Step 7:
Step 12:
Step 18:
Step 25:
Hospital - Elon Musk lands on mars and steps out of his spaceship ### "It's a small step for a man, but a giant leap for mankind," says the ground control officer and cuts off all communications.
- In a safety meeting at work they asked me what steps I'd take in a fire Apparently "Really big and fast ones" was the wrong answer.
- You know why I hate elevators? Half the time they are up to something, the other half they are just bringing you down. I should really start taking steps to avoid them..
- I've been reading a book called How To Use A ladder Well, it's more of a step-by-step guide.
- How to fall down the stairs Step 1.
Step 2.
Step 3.
Step 6.
Step 11.
Step 16.
Floor. - What's the difference between a step stool and a 3D printer? The former is a ladder and the latter is a former.
- I wasn't very close to my father when he died... Which was good because he stepped on a landmine
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Step One Liners
Which step one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with step? I can suggest the ones about stab and stance.
- How to become a millionaire: Step One: Be a billionaire
Step Two: Short sell $GME - I've recently developed a severe phobia of elevators. I'm taking steps to avoid them.
- Step 1: Be named Muhammed. Step 2: Get some followers. Step 3: Prophet.
- I'm glad I wasn't close to my dad when he died He stepped on a landmine
- What does a grape say when you step on it? Nothing. It just lets out a little wine.
- How to fall down stairs * Step 1
* Step 2
* Step 4
* Step 15 - How to fall down stairs Step 1
Step 6
Step 8, 9, 11, 12 - I am Buzz Aldrin, the second man to step on the moon. Neil before me.
- How do you marry a country girl? Step 1: A tractor
Step 2: Fertilizer - My girlfriend said she wanted to try lunges. That's a big step forward.
- I wrote a book on how to fall down the stairs. It's a step by step guide.
- I stepped on a rusty lego the other day... I'm worried I might have contracted Tetris.
- When you die, you come one step closer to God. You don't exist.
- How do you get over the fear of elevators? Just take some steps to avoid them.
- I told my carpenter I didn't want carpeted steps. He gave me a blank stair.
First Step Jokes
Here is a list of funny first step jokes and even better first step puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- If you're thinking about joining Hypochondriacs Anonymous remember... The first step is admitting you don't have a problem.
- I stepped on snail once as a child. I guess it was my first crush.
- At Hypochondriacs Anonymous.... The first step is admitting you don't have a problem.
- My first dad joke My step daughter told me she wanted to write a book called The Language of Farts. I said knowing her it would be a New York Times best smeller!
- What's the first step to making a series about flying a plane? Filming the pilot
- What's the first step in making Bronco cookies? Beat em in a bowl for three hours.
- A scoliosis patient had given up hope of recovery.. But after the long and painful surgery, he took his first steps and humbly said "I stand corrected".
- What's the first step in getting accepted to carpentry school? Submitting a stool sample.
- Me: The first step to success is denial. Other person: No it's not.
Me: I'm so proud of you. - Two economists fall into a hole they realize they are trapped, and so they come up with a plan. The first step in their plan is... assume a ladder.
2 Step Jokes
Here is a list of funny 2 step jokes and even better 2 step puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What is the fastest way to become a millionaire? Step 1: become a billionaire.
Step 2: buy an EA game. - How to turn your tongue into very own super hero! Step 1: place tongue between teeth
Step 2: bite down. Hard.
Step 3: your tongue should now be Thor. - Two men are discussing how they'll reach a lightbulb that needs to be changed. Man 1: would you like the ladder or the step stool?
Man 2: I prefer the ladder.
Man 1: ok, step stool it is. - 3 steps to fix anything 1. Try duct tape, if that doesn't work, see 2
2. Try gorilla glue, if that doesn't work, see 3
3. Try J.B. Weld, if that doesn't work, C4 - How to fall down the stairs. Step 1.
Step 2.
Step 3.
Step 7.
Step 11.
Step 17. - Step 1: Walk on water. Step 2: Turn water into wine. Step 3: Prophet
- Here are two steps to take if you are ever stuck on a desserted island. Step 1: Check spelling.
Step 2: If correct, enjoy. - How to climb a ladder Step 1.
Step 2.
Step 3. - Two easy steps to become a millionaire 1: Be a billionaire
2: Set up businesses in Russia - I am going for dancing lessons. We did the waltz yesterday and it was really hard.
I just feel like I'm always taking 2 steps forward and 1 back.
Three Step Jokes
Here is a list of funny three step jokes and even better three step puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My girl wants to travel so bad I told her to pick up a basketball and take three step
- Anyone hear the one about the three legged chess player? Some say he's always a step ahead of the competition.
- What are the three steps Matthew McConaughey takes to make a left turn? All right, all right, all right
- How to fall down the stairs: Step One...
Step Two...
Step Three-and-a-Half...
Step Seven...
Steps Ten through Fifteen. - How to: Climb a staircase. Step one, Step two,
Step three,
Step four... - "You can't teach clever!" "Yes you can!
It is a three step process:
Find what is normal
Then do the opposite!" - Step One: Bop-it Step Two: Twist It
Step Three: Profit - How to even in three and half easy steps. I literally can't even.
Step Ladder Jokes
Here is a list of funny step ladder jokes and even better step ladder puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My friend was showing me his tool shed. He pointed to a ladder.
"That's my step ladder," he said.
"I never met my real ladder." - I fell off of a 20 foot ladder today at work. Thankfully I was on the bottom step.
- This is my step ladder... I never knew my real ladder...
- My mom's new husband gave me his ladder. It's now my step ladder.
- Why is a step ladder better then a regular ladder? Because your regular ladder went for cigarettes and never came back.
- Why wasn't the elf allowed to use the step ladder to decorate the Christmas tree? Because of 'elf and safety restrictions.
- This is a step ladder. I never knew my real ladder.
Last I heard he was in a twelve step program.
I'll see myself out. - I'd like to introduce you to my step ladder! I never knew my real ladder...
- I've just got a step ladder It'll never be my real ladder, though.
- This is my step ladder He's pretty useful around the house yet I'm still salty I never met my real ladder..
12 Step Jokes
Here is a list of funny 12 step jokes and even better 12 step puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- There's a 12-step program for pun users. But it dozen work.
- There's a new 12 step program for people who can't stop talking. On-and-on-anon.
- Jesus Christ, 12 years old, steps out of his home but neglects to close the door behind him. Mary: Hold on, son! Were you born in a barn?
- I gave step counter to my son. He managed to do 12,000 steps without leaving his room.
- "The 12 boys stranded in a flooded cave system in Thailand have started diving lessons in the latest step in efforts to bring them out alive." I think they've hired Naymar.
- Today I conquered my fear of public speaking and gave a rousing, powerful speech about how nobody likes a quitter. ...aaaand they kicked me out of the 12-step program.
- I'm in a 12 step program for musical theatre addicts. I'm on step 5, 6, 7, and!
- I have a step ladder I never knew my real ladder...but I heard great things about him, like he supported 3 people at one time... last I heard he was In a 12 step program
- I was so addicted to ladders, using them to get high. Luckily, i found a 12 step program to get off.
- I am an alcoholic currently in the 12 step program. I am about 8.33% done.
Comical & Quirky Step Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about step you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean stage jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make step pranks.
Still my favorite joke I ever made up. :)
A monocle walks into a bar. After a few drinks he starts to feel pretty good (and a little uncoordinated). He reaches for a cigarette, but the bartender stops him. "Sorry, buddy, but due to city ordinances we don't allow smoking in here. You'll have to step outside to smoke."
So the monocle hops off the bar stool and grabs his cigarettes to head outside. Meanwhile a second monocle emerges from the bathroom. They bump into each other as they cross paths and fall to the floor, hopelessly entangled. They try to get free but the more they struggle, the more tangled they become.
The bartender looks down on this travesty and shakes his head. "Hey you two!" he shouts. "Stop making spectacles of yourselves!"
In a crowded city at a bus stop, a beautiful young woman was waiting for the bus. She was decked out in a tight leather mini skirt, with matching tight leather boots and jacket...
As the bus rolled up and it became her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step on the bus.
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind and unzipped her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.
Again, she tried to make the step onto the bus, only to discover she still couldn't!
So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind and unzipped her skirt a little more and for a second time attempted the step and once again, still she could not raise her leg because of the tight skirt.
With a coy little smile to the driver, she again unzipped the offending skirt to give a little more slack and again was unable to make the step.
About this time, a big Texan that was behind her in the line picked her up easily from the waist and placed her lightly on the step of the bus.
Well, she went ballistic and turned on the would-be hero screeching at him, "How dare you touch my body!! I don't even know who you are!"
At this, the Texan drawled, "Well ma'am normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we was friends."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So a man walks in to a CVS..
and he goes to the female cashier and asks how he can know what size c**... he should wear. She tells him to step behind the counter, she unzips his pants, gives him a few tugs and says "Medium". He buys his condoms and tells his buddy "Hey, there's this girl at the CVS who can guess your c**... size just by looking!". His buddy, being a 'skeptic' goes and checks it out. She follows the same routine and says "large". He calls his friend when he gets home and is ecstatic. His 14 year old brother overheard the conversation and decided to 'try it out' for himself. So he goes to the CVS and asks the cashier what size c**... he is, she asks him behind the counter, gives him a few tugs and says "Clean up on register 5!".
**tl;dr - h**....**
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Jim's car is swerving all over the road so a cop pulls him over...
Jim's car is swerving all over the road so a cop pulls him over, Step out of the car says the cop, I am going to need you to take a breathalyzer test. I can't , Jim responds You see I have very bad asthma, that can set off an attack. Alright, says the cop, then you're going to have to take a blood test. Can't do that either, Jim responds, I am a hemophiliac, if a wound is opened, I won't stop bleeding, and I could bleed to death. Ok, the cop answers then I will need a u**... sample. Sorry, says Jim I also have diabetes, that could push my sugar count really low. Fine, so just come on out, and walk a straight line for me. Can't do that either responds Jim. Why not? Demanded the exasperated cop. Well, because I'm drunk!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
RIP Neil Armstrong
When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he not only gave his famous "One small step for man; one giant leap for mankind" statement, but followed it by several remarks, including the usual COM traffic between him, the other astronauts, and Mission Control. Before he re-entered the lander, he made the enigmatic remark "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky."
Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut. However, upon checking, [they found] there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs.
Over the years, many people have questioned him as to what the "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky" statement meant. On July 5, in Tampa Bay, FL, while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26- year-old question to Armstrong. He finally responded. It seems that Mr. Gorsky had died and so Armstrong felt he could answer the question. When he was a kid, Neil was playing baseball with his brother in the backyard. His brother hit a fly ball which landed in front of his neighbors' bedroom window. The neighbors were Mr. and Mrs. Gorsky. As he leaned down to pick up the ball, he heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky, "o**... s**...? o**... s**... you want? You'll get o**... s**... when the kid next door walks on the moon!"
Three women and ducks
Three women die in a car accident and go to heaven when they are at the gate god tells them that there is only one rule and that is that you may not step on a duck. They women enter and do their best to enjoy heaven while being cautious about where they step for there are ducks everywhere. After about a week one of the three women steps on a duck and suddenly this old, smelly, repulsive and hairy man is chained to her for life. This only makes the other women more careful and another month passes by when a second of the three women steps on a duck. Then chained to her is a man more repulsive then the first. The third woman becomes ever so cautious and make it a whole year without treading upon a duck. Chained to her is a handsom, muscular and wonderful gentleman. She says to him "What happened to you?" he replies " I stepped on a duck..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Miniskirt
A small crowd gathers at a bus stop. A b**... blonde in a tight top and even tighter miniskirt shows up same time as the bus. Being a gentleman, a man lets her onto the bus first.
She goes to take her first step up the bus stairs, her legs are unable to take the step. The miniskirt was far too tight. Smiling apologetically to everyone, she reaches back to unzips the zipper a little. She attempts to step up the stairs, again, the skirt is still too tight. She reaches around her back, unzips the zipper a little. Smiling once more, she attempts to step up. Sigh, the skirt is still too tight, she reaches behind her a third time.
Two large hands grab her by the waist, lifting her up and placing her at the top of the steps. "Get your hands off me! How dare you touch me," she squealed.
"Ma'am, as much as I don't mind," the gentleman paused,"you were pulling down my zipper".
Why can't Stephen Hawking dance?
Because he's white.
Ducks
Three women die in an accident and go to Heaven. There Saint Peter says, 'We only have one rule - don't step on the ducks!' They enter Heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks everywhere. In fact, it's almost impossible not to step on a duck, and the first woman accidently steps on one straight away. Saint Peter comes along with the ugliest man the woman has ever seen and chains them together saying, 'Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!' The next day, the second woman steps on a duck and she too is chained to an incredibly ugly man. The third woman is very, very careful with the ducks and manages to avoid stepping on any of them. One day Saint Peter comes along and chains her to an incredibly handsome man. The woman is delighted but wonders why she's been blessed. She gets on her knees and prays aloud, 'Oh Lord, what have I done to deserve this bounty?' The man says, 'I don't know about you, lady, but I trod on a duck.'
I bought a book on how to build stairs
Its a step by step guide
Pregnant Lady on the Train
A young boy ride's the train every morning to and from school. One day as we was getting off the train he saw how much of a rush this one pregnant women was in, so he stepped aside and said "after you ma'am," as he stepped aside and let her step off the train. From that day on they began to sit next to each other every single day, twice a day. They told each other about their days, their families, their problems, and their goals. They eventually got so close that the young boy was invited to the hospital just after the birth of her first child. at this moment she turned to the young boy and said, with a smile, "I'm going to name him after you"
Excited but a little bit confused the boy responded:
"I really appreciated that, but he's your child, I think you should name him first"
Step on a crack, break your momma's back!
So then I went on a walk with my family. I stepped on a crack, looked at my mom, and said "Why didn't your back break, mom?"
"You're adopted."
What did Stephen Hawking say when his computer broke?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Russia's Three Steps to Homework
Step 1. Putin it off
Step 2. Stalin
Step 3. Russian to finish
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A one-armed eldery man and his wife step into a restaurant in Paris
The man orders a steak while his wife goes for a salad. The waiter sees the man struggle with his steak, as he only has one arm. The waiter feels bad for the man, but doesn't want to ask him if everything is alright because he might embarrase the man. At one point the man leaves the table to go to the bathroom and the waiter approaches the woman.
"Is everything alright?" He asks. The woman tells him that her husband lost his arm in the second world war when he was fighting in Paris. The waiter tells his manager they've got a proper veteran in their restaurant and the manager doesn't think twice. "Everyone that fought for our freedom eats for free!"
The waiter brings them the good news and the couple is much delighted. After dinner the manager and the waiter e**... the couple to the door. When holding the door open for the veteran he looks at the manager and says "Vielen dank für die guten abend"
How does Stephen Hawking refresh after a long day?
F5
Shout out to my arms for always being by my side...
& my legs for being there every step of the way
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
a stepfather walks in on his stepdaughter
a stepfather walks into his stepdaughter's room, as he walks in he sees his stepdaughter pleasuring herself with a cucumber, in disgust he leaves her room as fast as possible
he then says,"d**... I was gonna eat that!..................
now it will taste like cucumber"
The priest, laywer, and engineer
By chance, a priest, a laywer, and an engineer find themselves in line to be guillotined. They demand that the priest steps up, and he reluctantly does so. They put his head in the guillotine and pull the rope, but to everyone's surprise, nothing happens. The priest declares that he was saved by divine intervention, and they let him go.
They then make the lawyer step up to the guillotine. They pull the rope and again, nothing happens. The lawyer reminds them that he cannot be executed twice for the same crime, and so they reluctantly let him go.
Then they make the engineer step up, and they put his head in the guillotine. The engineer says, "Oh wait, *here's* your problem.."
Three men die and go to heaven.
God tells the men that if they do not step on a duck, he will give them a hot wife. The first man goes and steps on a duck and is taken to his ugly wife.
The second man does the same and is also taken to an ugly wife.
The third man was determined not to do anything so he didn't move. Eventually God came back with a hot woman and the man asked, "What did I do to deserve this?"
God replied, "You did nothing, she just stepped on a duck."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Johnny was in class one day...
and the teacher was asking everyone what their parents do. One said her dad was a firefighter, another said his mom was a nurse. When the teach asked Johnny what his dad does Johnny said "Well my dad is a stripper in a gay bar, and if the guy looks good and the money is right he'll have s**... with him out back in the alley." The teacher asked everyone to take their seats and sit quietly, then asked Johnny to step into the hall. She asked Johnny if his dad was really a stripper in a gay bar and Johnny said "Absolutely not. He's the quarterback for the Dallas Cowboys, but I was too embarrassed to say that."
I asked my Dad if we could get any pets...
He said pets are just a step backwards.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How does Stephen Hawking have s**...?
Enter, backspace, enter, backspace, enter, backspace...
Just saw two elementary school kids in a fistfight...
So as an adult, I had to step in.
They didn't stand a chance.
I built a staircase using an online tutorial!
When I finished I thought something looked wrong so I went back to look at the instructions. I missed a step.
What does Stephen Hawking say when his computer crashes?
Nothing.
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are all on their way to heaven
One day, a blonde, brunette, and a redhead were on their way to heaven.
God told them that there were 1,000 stairs to reach heaven, and on every stair he would tell them a joke. If they laughed, or even just smiled, they would not make it into heaven.
The redhead managed to make it to the 45th step before laughing.
The brunette reached 200 and cracked a smile.
The blonde made it all the way to the 999th step and burst out in laughter before God had even told his joke.
"Why are you laughing when I haven't even told my joke yet?" God asked the Blonde.
"I just got the first one!" she answered.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Some Muslims were having an argument on my street the other day...
I wanted to step in, but I was afraid it would blow up in my face.
Saw my ex-gf being beaten up by 4 guys, so as a human being I had to step in and help..
She didn't stand a chance against the 5 of us
Why is Stephen Hawking successful?
He can't run away from his responsibilities.
Stephen Hawking has finally released his new book about space.
It's about time, too.
Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners?
Because he can't do stand up
I have a stepladder.
I never knew my real ladder.
Stephen Hawking can be pretty funny sometimes,
But I dont think he could do standup
Why I Joined the Air Force
The DOD was conducting an all service briefing and the leader posed this question.
What would you do if you found a scorpion in your tent?
A sailor said, I'd step on it.
A soldier said, I'd squash it with my boot.
A marine said, I'd catch it, break the stinger off, and eat it.
An Airman said. I'd call room service and find out why there's a tent in my room.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
People are like trashcans
When you step on their feet, their mouth opens.
Tommy comes back off his holiday with his mum and his step dad and the teacher asks him...
"Hello Tommy, did you enjoy your holiday?"
"I did Teacher"
"And did your stepdad take you out, show you things, go exploring?"
"Yes he did teacher, he took me out rowing 1/2 a mile into the lake every day, and then I'd swim back."
"Oh, well, um, it's an awful long way to swim isn't, 1/2 a mile?"
"Oh no teacher, no, it was easy once I'd got out of the bag!"
The other day I saw 4 gang members beating up a kid.
So I decided to step in. He didn't stand a chance against 5 of us.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The boss of a small company has two employees, Jack and Jill…
Just recently the company has been doing badly, so the boss decides one of them must go.
Arriving at his office on Monday, the first person he sees is Jill, so he asks her to step into his office and explains his dilemma.
"Look Jill, I'm afraid I'm going to have to lay you or j**...."
Jill replies, "You'll have to j**... then, 'cause I've got a headache."
Stephen Hawking diagnosed with erectile dysfunction.
It was easy to fix, they just uninstalled his pop-up blocker.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An idiot has a mirror in his closet
He wakes up one night and opens the closet and he sees himself. Scared, he quickly calls the cops
"Police! There's a burglar in my closet, come quickly!"
A police man arrives at the idiots house and opens the closet and finds the mirror. He takes a step back and slaps the idiot as hard as he can
"Why did you call me when you already had a policeman inside?!"
What's Kim Jong Un's favorite step of mitosis?
Nuclear division.
So there I was hard at work
Then all of a sudden my boss tells me to step out of the meeting because I was making my colleagues uncomfortable
A rather drunk lieutenant formed up the platoon:
"Soldiers, why is the formation so crooked?"
"Because the Earth is round!" - someone called out.
"Who said that?"
"Galileo."
"Galileo, step forward!"
"But he has died long ago!"
"So then?! People here are dying, and no one is reporting this to me?"
*Joke was translated from Bulgarian*
Why is Stephen such a neutral name?
Because its pH is in the middle.
First Stephen Hawking, now Avicii?
Tough year for the Electronic community.
My wife conceived on the staircase
I guess I have a step child now
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How to fall down the stairs
Step 1
Step 2
Step 4,6,9,13,18,24
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Stephen Hawking d**... joke
Why did Steven hawking never get a b**...?
Cause google blocked his pop up !
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My step-sister walked into my room one day and she says, "Hey, big brother... take off my shirt."
So I took off her shirt.
Then she says, "Take off my skirt..."
So I took off her skirt.
Then she says, "Take off my bra and p**......"
So I took off her bra and p**....
Then she says, "If I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, I'm telling mom and dad!"
A little boy was in a relative's wedding.
As he was coming down the aisle he would take two steps, stop, and turn to the crowd (alternating between bride's side and groom's side). While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar. So it went, step, step, ROAR, step, step, ROAR -- all the way down the aisle.
As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached the pulpit.
The little boy, however, was getting more and more distressed from all the laughing, and was also near tears by the time he reached the pulpit.
When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and said, "I was being the Ring Bear"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy says to his wife: "Thanks to that new scale you bought, I always know how much I p**...!"
Wife: "So you step on the scale before you p**..., go to the toilet, step on the scale again and the difference is the weight of your p**...?
He: Oh, yeah, I guess you could also do it that way...
Did you know that Stephen King has a son named Joe?
I'm not joking, but he is
Stephen Hawkings' last paper on space is finally going to published posthumously...
It's about time too.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How to cook crack and clean c**...:
Step one: use commas
A group of police officers are sitting outside a woman's house after she murdered her husband
One calls dispatch and says "we got a woman armed with a knife in here and she just killed her husband."
Dispatch says "do you know why she killed her husband?"
The officer replies "yeah, she told him not to step on the floor right after she mopped, and he stepped on it anyway"
Dispatch asks "well do you have her in custody yet?"
"No not yet" the officer says
Dispatch says "Why not?"
The officer hesitates for a moment, then finally replies "well the floor still looks wet"
At the check out at Walmart and my son is sitting in the cart seat…
I've already pulled him and the cart up to past the check out folks so I could start putting bags in the cart. The women in the lane over says, Oh hello there handsome! Obviously talking to my son, however I shout back, Oh hey! How's it going?
The woman checking us out laughed so hard she had to take a step back and the woman I said it to was so red faced and chuckling she couldn't really say much! The few folks in line began laughing too so it was pretty funny and the epitome of dad joke! Ha! I've made it!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was so exhausted when I went to bed that I slept right through my son and his friends having a r**... w**... and heavy metal party in the yard all thru the night. As the sun came up, the party was still in full swing and my phone had blown up with messages complaining about the noise and the smell.
So I wake up in the morning and I step outside and I take a deep breath and I get real high and I scream from the top of my lungs 'WHAT'S GOIN' ON?'
