The Best 73 Step Jokes

I saw two kids fighting on the elementary school playground and being the only adult around, I had to step in...

Little bastards didn't stand a chance…

I have a step ladder

its a nice ladder, but I wish I knew my real ladder.

If you're thinking about joining Hypochondriacs Anonymous remember...

The first step is admitting you don't have a problem.

Why can't Stephen Hawking dance?

Because he's white.

Instructions for falling down stairs...

Step 1

Step 2

Step 4


Step 8

I bought a book on how to build stairs

Its a step by step guide

I have a step ladder

I never met my real ladder .

I stepped on a rusty Lego the other day...

I'm worried I might have contracted Tetris.

Step on a crack, break your momma's back!

So then I went on a walk with my family. I stepped on a crack, looked at my mom, and said "Why didn't your back break, mom?"

"You're adopted."

What did Stephen Hawking say when his computer broke?

Russia's Three Steps to Homework

Step 1. Putin it off

Step 2. Stalin

Step 3. Russian to finish

Step 1: Be named Muhammed. Step 2: Get some followers.

Step 3: Prophet.

How does Stephen Hawking refresh after a long day?

F5

Shout out to my arms for always being by my side...

& my legs for being there every step of the way

a stepfather walks in on his stepdaughter

a stepfather walks into his stepdaughter's room, as he walks in he sees his stepdaughter pleasuring herself with a cucumber, in disgust he leaves her room as fast as possible

he then says,"dammit I was gonna eat that!..................
now it will taste like cucumber"

I asked my Dad if we could get any pets...

He said pets are just a step backwards.

How does Stephen Hawking have sex?

Enter, backspace, enter, backspace, enter, backspace...

Just saw two elementary school kids in a fistfight...

So as an adult, I had to step in.

They didn't stand a chance.

I built a staircase using an online tutorial!

When I finished I thought something looked wrong so I went back to look at the instructions. I missed a step.

What does Stephen Hawking say when his computer crashes?

Nothing.

I have a stepladder...

...because my real ladder left when I was a kid.

How to fall down stairs

Step 1

Step 6

Step 8, 9, 11, 12

Saw my ex-gf being beaten up by 4 guys, so as a human being I had to step in and help..

She didn't stand a chance against the 5 of us

Why is Stephen Hawking successful?

He can't run away from his responsibilities.

Stephen Hawking has finally released his new book about space.

It's about time, too.

Buzz Aldrin was the second man to step foot on the moon.

Neil before him. Neil.

Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners?

Because he can't do stand up

I have a stepladder.

I never knew my real ladder.

Why I Joined the Air Force

The DOD was conducting an all service briefing and the leader posed this question.
What would you do if you found a scorpion in your tent?
A sailor said, I'd step on it.
A soldier said, I'd squash it with my boot.
A marine said, I'd catch it, break the stinger off, and eat it.
An Airman said. I'd call room service and find out why there's a tent in my room.

What does a grape say when you step on it?

Nothing. It just lets out a little wine.

How to fall down stairs

* Step 1
* Step 2
* Step 4
* Step 15

Ebay needs to step their game up.

I searched for a cigarette lighter and 15,000 matches came up.

The boss of a small company has two employees, Jack and Jill…

Just recently the company has been doing badly, so the boss decides one of them must go.

Arriving at his office on Monday, the first person he sees is Jill, so he asks her to step into his office and explains his dilemma.

"Look Jill, I'm afraid I'm going to have to lay you or Jack off."

Jill replies, "You'll have to jack off then, 'cause I've got a headache."

When you die, you come one step closer to God.

You don't exist.

What's the difference between a step stool and a 3D printer?

The former is a ladder and the latter is a former.

I saw a guy getting jumped by 4 people so I decided to step in and help...

That guy stood no chance against the 5 of us.

Instructions how to fall down stairs:

Step 1

Step 2

Step 4

Step 14

Studying engineering in school is like World War 2.

The objective is clear, there's an obvious enemy, and everyone is fighting for the same cause.

Interviewing to get an engineering job is like Vietnam. Everybody tells you a different objective, you're not properly equipped for the environment, and the Asians are always one step ahead.

My girlfriend said she wanted to try lunges.

That's a big step forward.

3 steps to fix anything

1. Try duct tape, if that doesn't work, see 2

2. Try gorilla glue, if that doesn't work, see 3

3. Try J.B. Weld, if that doesn't work, C4

What is the fastest way to become a millionaire?

Step 1: become a billionaire.

Step 2: buy an EA game.

So there I was hard at work

Then all of a sudden my boss tells me to step out of the meeting because I was making my colleagues uncomfortable

Why is Stephen such a neutral name?

Because its pH is in the middle.

First Stephen Hawking, now Avicii?

Tough year for the Electronic community.

My wife conceived on the staircase

I guess I have a step child now

Saw a group of 4 guys beating up an old guy earlier and decided to step in

He never stood a chance against 5 of us

One time I saw 4 kids bullying another kid so I decided to step in

He didn't stand a chance against the 5 of us

How do you get rich in Ancient Greece? Well, step one, become an oracle. Step two:

Prophet.

Step by step guide on how to fall down stairs

Step 1:

Step 2:

Step 4:

Step 7:

Step 12:

Step 18:

Step 25:

Hospital

Two men are discussing how they'll reach a lightbulb that needs to be changed.

Man 1: would you like the ladder or the step stool?

Man 2: I prefer the ladder.

Man 1: ok, step stool it is.

My step-sister walked into my room one day and she says, "Hey, big brother... take off my shirt."

So I took off her shirt.

Then she says, "Take off my skirt..."

So I took off her skirt.

Then she says, "Take off my bra and panties..."

So I took off her bra and panties.

Then she says, "If I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, I'm telling mom and dad!"

What are the two steps to marrying a country girl?

First; a tractor.

Next; fertilizer.

A guy says to his wife: "Thanks to that new scale you bought, I always know how much I poop!"

Wife: "So you step on the scale before you poop, go to the toilet, step on the scale again and the difference is the weight of your poop?

He: Oh, yeah, I guess you could also do it that way...

Did you know that Stephen King has a son named Joe?

I'm not joking, but he is

How to become a millionaire:

Step One: Be a billionaire

Step Two: Short sell $GME

How to fall down the stairs

Step 1.

Step 2.

Step 3.

Step 6.

Step 11.

Step 16.

Floor.

I am Buzz Aldrin, the second man to step on the moon.

Neil before me.

How to cook crack and clean crabs:

Step one: use commas

A group of police officers are sitting outside a woman's house after she murdered her husband

One calls dispatch and says "we got a woman armed with a knife in here and she just killed her husband."

Dispatch says "do you know why she killed her husband?"

The officer replies "yeah, she told him not to step on the floor right after she mopped, and he stepped on it anyway"

Dispatch asks "well do you have her in custody yet?"

"No not yet" the officer says

Dispatch says "Why not?"

The officer hesitates for a moment, then finally replies "well the floor still looks wet"

SERIOUS: This subreddit needs to understand what a "dad joke" really means.

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

At the check out at Walmart and my son is sitting in the cart seat…

I've already pulled him and the cart up to past the check out folks so I could start putting bags in the cart. The women in the lane over says, Oh hello there handsome! Obviously talking to my son, however I shout back, Oh hey! How's it going?
The woman checking us out laughed so hard she had to take a step back and the woman I said it to was so red faced and chuckling she couldn't really say much! The few folks in line began laughing too so it was pretty funny and the epitome of dad joke! Ha! I've made it!

How to turn your tongue into very own super hero!

Step 1: place tongue between teeth

Step 2: bite down. Hard.

Step 3: your tongue should now be Thor.

How do you marry a country girl?

Step 1: A tractor

Step 2: Fertilizer

I wrote a book on how to fall down the stairs.

It's a step by step guide.

My wife told me if I'm going to stay home, then start doing lunges to get back in shape.

This would be a big step forward.

How to catch a polar bear.

In honor of my Grandpa, here is my favorite Dad joke, that he told me when I was a young one, and that I, in turn, have shared with each of my kids.

How to catch a polar bear:

Step 1: Go to a frozen lake way up north.

Step 2: Cut a 6 foot hole in the ice

Step 3: Place frozen peas all along the border of the hole in the ice.

Step 4: Hide

Step 5: When a polar bear comes up to take a pea, kick him in the ice hole.

My wife said I should do lunges to stay in shape

That would be a big step forward

I bought ladders from IKEA today.

They came with step by step instructions.

I was so exhausted when I went to bed that I slept right through my son and his friends having a raging weed and heavy metal party in the yard all thru the night. As the sun came up, the party was still in full swing and my phone had blown up with messages complaining about the noise and the smell.

So I wake up in the morning and I step outside and I take a deep breath and I get real high and I scream from the top of my lungs 'WHAT'S GOIN' ON?'

Why was my dog afraid to step on the scale?

He didn't want to see another dog pound!