Steering Jokes
154 steering jokes and hilarious steering puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about steering that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Steering Short Jokes
Short steering jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The steering humour may include short swerving jokes also.
- My Grandfather built me a car entirely out of wood It had wooden seats, wooden doors, wooden steering wheel, wooden floors and a wooden engine. Unfortunately when I tried to start it, it wooden work.
- A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants Bartender: "Why do you have a steering wheel in your pants?"
Pirate: "Arrrr, it's driving me nuts!" - Women are responsible for roughly 45% of car accidents Which is pretty high, considering the steering wheel isn't even on their side.
- Why couldn't stevie wonder drive the bus? There's no steering wheel in the back of the bus.
- Def leopard is the safest band to air drum to while driving Because you can keep one hand on the steering wheel.
Yeah, I know its Def Leppard, auto correct messed that up for me. - Princess Dianna was on the radio the night she died. And the steering wheel, and the dashboard, and the windshield...
- New dad as of today, so here is my first dad joke. What do you call it when you accidentally butcher your heifer instead of your steer? A Ms. Steak.
- A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants. When the bartender points it out, the pirate replies "Arrrgh, it's been driving me nuts all day."
- Why did the blonde have lipstick all over her steering wheel? She was trying to blow the horn
- The other day I saw a pirate with a steering wheel on his belt When I asked him about it he said Arrgh, it's drivin' me nuts
Share These Steering Jokes With Friends
Steering One Liners
Which steering one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with steering? I can suggest the ones about driving and driving seat.
- I've got a steering wheel in my pants.. and it's driving me nuts.
- Ever driven a car with no steering wheel? It's pretty straight forward.
- Someone stole my car's steering wheel I just can't handle it anymore.
- You know why it's so hard to steer through the Suez Canal? Because it's not Strait.
- The weakest point of any car is... the nut holding the steering wheel.
- You never want to go near a cow made of glass… Steer clear
- Why did Jesus get in a serious car accident? God works in miss steering ways
- A woman almost drove into me today I called her a cow because she couldn't steer.
- Riding horses is fun and all, but... ...let's be on a steer.
- What's brown and sticky? My steering wheel
- The steer was fed the TNT Abombinabull.
- So I asked the cow for directions... I got steered in the wrong direction.
- If you're turning left with your car, which wheel steers less? The spare one! :P
- Where do steers go to dance?
To the Meat Ball. - A group of cattle are taking a road trip; who drives? The steer.
Steering Wheel Jokes
Here is a list of funny steering wheel jokes and even better steering wheel puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Do you ever feel like the fifth wheel? Think about it - wouldn't that be the steering wheel?
- A pirate walks into a bar The bartender says to him:
"Hey pirate, are you aware there's a steering wheel coming from your zipper?"
The pirate replies:
"AARRGHH matey, it's drivin' me nuts!" - 'Ford recalls nearly 1.4 million cars, steering wheel can come loose' Is this Ford's idea of a driver-less car?
- A British bass player walks into a bar. Bartender says "You've got a steering wheel in your pants."
Bass player says "I know. It's driving me nuts." - I remember when Paul Walker was all over the news... Then he was all over the front seat, windows and steering wheel...
- In heaven Mother Theresa is complaining to god that Princes Diana's halo is bigger than hers... God giggles... That's not a halo, that's a steering wheel.
- I call her my steering wheel chick I only sleep with her between 10 and 2
- What is red, has a steering wheel and likes to eat ice cream? Nothing
- What did the pirate with a steering wheel in his pants say? ARRRR YOU'RE DRIVING ME NUTS!
Happy Talk Like a Pirate Day! - If you give a squirrel a steering wheel It can drive me nuts!
Hilarious Steering Jokes that Bring Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about steering you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean shaft jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make steering pranks.
Q: What do you call it when you feed a stick of dynamite to a steer?
A: Abominable! (say it out loud, slowly)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A young man was showing off his new sports car to his girlfriend.
She was thrilled at the speed.
"If I do 200mph, will you t**... clothes?" he asked.
"Yes!" said his adventurous girlfriend.
And as he gets up to 200, she peeled off all her clothes.
Unable to keep his eyes on the road, the car skidded onto some gravel and flipped over.
The n**... girl was thrown clear, but he was jammed beneath the steering wheel.
"Go and get help!" he cried.
"But I can't. I'm n**... and my clothes are gone!"
"Take my shoe", he said, "and cover yourself."
Holding the shoe over her p**..., the girl ran down the road and found a service station.
Still holding the shoe between her legs, she pleaded to the service station proprietor, "Please help me! My boyfriend's stuck!"
The proprietor looked at the shoe and said, "There's nothing I can do...he's in too far."
What's a moo hoo for a darling bull?
A dear steer.
What's a moo hoo for a stuffed steer?
A full bull.
When a bull wants to listen to a cassette, what does he put on his head?
Steer phones.
What do you get if you cross a steer and a chicken?
Roost beef.
How do bulls drive their cars?
They steer them.
What do you call it when cows do battle in outer space?
Steer Wars.
A lady who was speeding had an officer pulled her to the side of the road.
She didn't have her seat belt on so as soon as she stopped, she quickly slipped it on before the officer got to her window.
After talking to her about speeding, the officer said, "I see you are wearing your seat belt. Do you believe in wearing it at all times?"
"Yes, I do, officer," she replied.
"Well," asked the officer, "do you always do it up with it looped through your steering wheel?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A young man was showing off his new sports car to his girlfriend.
She was thrilled at the speed. "If I do 200mph, will you t**... clothes?" he asked. "Yes!" said his adventurous girlfriend. And as he gets up to 200, she peeled off all her clothes. Unable to keep his eyes on the road, the car skidded onto some gravel and flipped over. The n**... girl was thrown clear, but he was jammed beneath the steering wheel. "Go and get help!" he cried. "But I can't. I'm n**... and my clothes are gone!" "Take my shoe", he said, "and cover yourself." Holding the shoe over her p**..., the girl ran down the road and found a service station. Still holding the shoe between her legs, she pleaded to the service station proprietor, "Please help me! My boyfriend's stuck!" The proprietor looked at the shoe and said, "There's nothing I can do...he's in too far."
So a policeman is in pursuit of a drunk driver...
...and this drunk is barreling at high speeds, nearly destroying everything in it's path. Finally the car hits a telephone pole and the car stops. The policeman jumps out of his car, runs up to the trashed car and pulls out the driver screaming, "YOU'RE DRUNK!"
The driver responds "Thank God. I thought my brakes and steering went out!"
Silly Drunks.
A drunk phoned the police to report that thieves had been in his car.
"They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator!" he cried out.
However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time with the same voice on the line.
"Nevermind," he said with a hiccup. "I got in the back seat by mistake."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you confuse an asian?
Put a steering wheel in front of them
i said my power steering pump blew a seal and my uncle came back with this
So a penguin is driving in the desert and his car brakes down, so he takes it to the mechanic. while hes waiting for the mechanic he goes and gets ice cream since its hot in the desert it melts so he goes back to the mechanic and the mechanic says well it looks like you blew a seal
So a pirate walks into a bar…
A pirate walks into a bar, and he's got a steering wheel sticking out of his pants. The bartender sees him and asks, "Hey, what's that steering wheel doing there?" The pirate says, "Aaarrrr, I don't know, it's driving me nuts."
A helicopter was flying around above Seattle...
A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment.
Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."
The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how he had done it.
"I knew it had to be the Microsoft Building, because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer."
A pirate walks into a bar...
A Pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants.
He sits down at the bar and orders a drink.
As the bartender pours his drink he asks him why there's a steering wheel in his pants.
The prate replies, "Arrrr it's drivin me nuts."
Guy walks into a bar...
and sees a pirate with a steering wheel sticking out of his pants. Intrigued, the man approaches and inquires "whats with the steering wheel?" to which the pirate responds, "Arrr, its drivin' me nuts!"
Did you hear about the steering-wheel belt?
It's driving me nuts
A joke for pirate day.
A pirate ship's first mate comes up to the deck to find the ship's (steering) wheel missing. The first mate rushes to the captain of the ship, only to find the wheel in his pants.
The first mate asks, "Captain, did you know the ship's wheel is in your pants?"
"Aaarrrh," the pirate captain replied. "I know, it's driving me nuts!"
Variation of the hot air balloon joke
A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment.
Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position and course to fly to the airport. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a handwritten sign, and held it in the helicopter's window. The pilot's sign said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters.
People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign and held it in a building window. Their sign read: "IN A HELICOPTER."
The pilot smiled, waved, looked at her map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the co-pilot asked the pilot how did the sign help determine their position. The pilot responded "Well the response they gave me was technically correct, but completely useless, so I knew that had to be the Microsoft building."
Job opening in a fast paced company
Do you want a corner office with a view?
Do you like being paid to travel in a $400,000 company paid vehicle?
Do you like to be in control of your job and steer it in the direction you want?
Do you want people to respect you, and get out of your way?
Bob did, so he became a bus driver in our company. You can be one too! Apply today!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Pirate jokes I've heard throughout my life
What did the pirate say when the steering wheel was shoved down his pants?
ARGHHHHH your driven me nuts!
Why was the pirate dissatisfied with his blind date?
She had a sunken chest and no b**....
Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?
They can spend years stuck at sea!
And of course: Why couldn't the teenagers watch the pirate movie?
BECAUSE IT WAS RATED ARRRRRRRRRRR!!!
Nelson Mandela
Nelson Mandela went on holiday, and booked into a hotel. After his first day he went to bed, however he was awoken in the morning by someone knocking at his door. The man at the door said "Are you Nelson Mandela?"
"Yes" He replied
"Well, I've got a parcel for you" The man replied
He was very confused by this, as no one even knew he was staying there. When he opened it, there was a bunch of steering wheels inside, which was even more strange as he couldn't drive.
He got on with the rest of his day, and yet again he was woken in the morning by the same man. This time the parcel was full of carburetors, he had no idea what was going on.
On the third morning, the man arrived again. "Got another parcel for you" He said
"Are you sure these are for me?"
"Yep, got your name on it right here" He said
Nelson had a look for himself "That's not my name" He exclaimed "This says to Nissan Main Dealer"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My steer got constipated the other day...
...No b**....
A Pirate Walks Into a Bar!
A Pirate walks into a Bar and asks for a Whiskey. The bar tender says, "Sure OK, but first you have to tell me why you have a little man in your pants with a steering wheel!"
The Pirate responds, " Rrrr! HE'S DRIVIN' ME NUTS!"
The VW Genie
A man was driving his brand new Rolls Royce. At the signal this beaten up Beetle stops next to him, and tells him "Nice car! I'm willing to swap you with my car for a $1,000,000"
The rich guy looks at him and says "why would I want your car?"
At this point the VW's driver rubs the steering wheel and out comes a genie. He tells him "I'd like to have some tea". In a flash it's in his hand.
The Rolls' owner goes berserk, gives him the money and the Rolls, and takes the Beetle.
He drives up to his mansion, and everybody is wondering why he'd be driving a car like that. Proudly, he rubs the steering wheel, and out comes the genie. He tells him "I want a million dollars in cash!"
The genie says "Sorry, sir. I just do tea & coffee"
One dark night, my youngest son was looking at a plane move across a clear sky...
... 'Whew', he said after it had dissapeared from sight. 'I'm never going to be a pilot.'
'Why?', I asked.
'Can you imagine how hard it would be to steer around all those stars?'
Pirate walks into a bar...
..the bartender notices he has a steering wheel in the front of his pants. So the bartender asks, is that a steering wheel in your pants?
The pirate replies, "arrr, it's driving me nuts."
A pirate goes to the doctor
A doctor walks into his exam room and is greeted with a strange sight: a pirate captain with a ships steering wheel protruding from his waistline. The doctor says "Well, I'm not sure what you came in here for, but I think we should start by addressing the steering wheel down your pants."
The pirate nods fervently, and says "Yarr, it's been drivin' me nuts!"
Lawyer joke
There is a trucker who hates lawyers so much he always runs them over with his truck whenever he sees one. One day he sees a priest hitchhiking and decides to give a ride to the holy man. As they go along the road, the trucker spots a lawyer by the side of the road and steers to run him over. At the last minute he remembers the priest in the truck and swerves away hoping to avoid judgment of his sins.
He says "I'm sorry father, I don't know what came over me!"
The priest replies, "Don't worry, I got him with the door!"
What do you call a cow that's made out of glass?
Steer Clear.
HELISOFT
A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment.
Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."
The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how he had done it.
"I knew it had to be the Microsoft Building, because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer."
Lost Helicopter
A helicopter was flying around above Seattle yesterday when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communication equipment. Due to the clouds and haze the pilot could not determine his position or course to steer to the airport. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a handwritten sign and held it in the helicopter's window. The sign said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters.
People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign and held it in a building window. Their sign said, "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER." The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map and determined the course to steer to SEATAC (Seattle/Tacoma) airport and landed safely.
After they were on the ground, the co-pilot asked the pilot how the "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER" sign helped determine their position.
The pilot responded, "I knew that had to be the MICROSOFT building because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless reply.
An overweight woman decided to start walking her dog to get exercise...
She stopped after realizing the effort it took to steer her scooter.
What do you call a cow that has a record player, tight pants, and thick brimmed glasses?
A hip-steer.
A man walks into his doctor's surgery and says "Doc, I'm experiencing some discomfort downstairs"
The Doctor takes a look and says "well I think I see the problem - you've got a steering wheel in your pants".
The man says "Thanks doc! It was driving me nuts!"
A man notices a pig with a wooden leg
He calls out to the farmer and asks,"why's the pig got a wooden leg?"
The farmer replies, "it's amazing that pig, once I fell in the pond and was drowning. The pig came trotting along, jumped in and pulled me out."
"Wow, that is amazing." said the man.
"and another time I fell asleep on the sofa. Dropped my cigarette and set the whole farmhouse on fire. The pig knocked down the front door, crawled through the smoke and pulled me out into the farmyard."
"That's absolutely extraordinary." exclaimed the man.
"And, a couple of months ago I had a heart attack whilst driving the tractor. The pig trotted alongside, jumped up and grabbed the wheel in his snout, steered it safely to a halt, then ran 12 miles to get me a doctor."
"That is truly amazing. Unbelievable." Said the man, "but what's with the wooden leg?"
"Ah", said the farmer, "you don't eat a pig like that all at once."
What was the last thing that went through Dale Earnhardt's mind before he died?
The steering wheel.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Don't you hate it when people attach little steering wheels to their p**...?
It drives me nuts.
So MotherTeresa is in heaven, but...
she notices that Princess Diana has a bigger halo than her. So Mother Teresa goes to God and asks why Princess Diana has a larger halo. God laughs and responds, "Oh, that's not a halo, that's the steering wheel."
My grandmother told me this joke, all credit to her.
The defendant is accused of putting a stick of dynamite into a steer.
Abombinabull.
Three men walk into a car part store...
I need taillights for a Mustang the first one says. What year? the employee asks. 2015 he answers. There you go , the worker hands in the parts. The second guy goes to the counter, saying I need a steering wheel for a Mustang . What year?
1997 he answers. There you go . After he payed, the third guy comes to the counter. I need rear suspensions for a Mustang . There you go .
A Trucker Hates Lawyers so Much That When he Sees Them he Always Runs Them Over
One day he sees a priest hitchhiking and decides to give a ride to the holy man. As they go along the road, the trucker spots a lawyer by the side of the road and steers to run him over. At the last minute he remembers the priest in the truck and swerves away hoping to avoid judgment of his sins.
He says "I'm sorry father, I don't know what came over me!"
The priest replies, "Don't worry, I got him with the door!"
What should you do if you see a transparent bull?
You steer clear!
GRAND THEFT AUTO
A blonde get's in her car and notices her steering wheel, dashboard, and windshield is missing. She calls the police and reports a theft. When the police officer comes, he looks at the blonde who is crying and and says, "Ma'am...you're sitting in the backseat..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Girl, are you from Minnesota...
Cuz only one thing comes from Minnesota, steers and q**...
The defendant is accused of feeding a steer dynamite...
A bomb in a bull.
According to the Laws of Thermodynamics...
Open consumption of alcohol is an offense. My advice is to steer clear of the town of Thermodynamics.
An invisible bull is rampaging through the main part of town today.
Steer clear.
I recently got into an accident by over steering into a Korean car.
It could have been avoided if I had better Hyundai coordination.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I drive a mail truck with the steering wheel on the right hand side. Sometimes I pretend I'm in England by
Eating really c**... food
An elderly lady dials 911.
"Help! Someone's stolen everything in my car," the lady says. "My radio, my windshield, my GPS, even my steering wheel!"
Shortly after, an officer walks up to the car and talks to his radio. "Disregard that last call," the officer said. "She just got in the back seat."
What does fish use to drive underwater?
A steering eel
I've had a steering wheel stuck in my pants all day.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Some one asked me about the steering wheel attached to my c**... recently...
I told them it was driving me nuts.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A t**... struck a local farm, setting off explosives inside the farmer's prized steer, blowing it to smithereens, but apparently committing no other mischief. The crime scene investigator had these words at the press conference...
"Abominable. Simply abominable."
An elderly woman called 911...
An elderly woman called 911 from her cell phone to report that her car had been broken into.
"They've stolen everything! My radio is gone, my center console is gone, my mirror and the rosary beads hanging from it...even the steering wheel!"
The dispatcher responds that an officer is on the way.
Minutes later, the officer arrives and radios back into dispatch.
"Disregard that last call. She got in the back seat by mistake."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A t**... was accused of putting a stick of dynamite in a steer.
It was abominable.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Just a warning.
**If anyone tries to sell you a transparent driving wheel, steer clear.**
