Following is our collection of Stealing jokes which are very funny. There are some stealing tambourines jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these stealing gang puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Herpeas.
I didn't say anything, because I didn't want them to take a fence.
... and says "Hey, man, can you believe that they fired me for stealing office supplies?"
Friend says, "Wow, that's crazy, they must really be hardnosed about that. Where did you work again?"
"Office Depot."
Once a DOCTOR and an ENGINEER entered a chocolate store...
As they were busy looking around,
doctor stole 3 chocolate bars...
As they left the store, doctor said to Engineer :
"Man! I'm the best thief ever,
I stole 3 chocolates and no one saw me. You can't beat that"
Engineer replied: "You wanna see something better? Let's go back to the shop and I'll show you real stealing"
So they went to the counter and Engineer said to the Shop boy:
"Do you wanna see magic..?"
The Shop boy replied: "Yes..!!!"
Engineer said: "Give me one chocolate bar!"
The shop boy gave him one, and he ate it...
He asked for the second, and he ate that as well..
He asked for the third, and finished that one too...
The shop boy asked: "But where's the magic..?"
Engineer replied: "Check in my friend's pocket, and you'll find them..!!!"
...but when I got home all the signs were there.
But when I got home, all the signs were there.
I'm looking at a long sentence.
The father replies, "It's just an expression, son. Just like how they say a person is caught stealing red-handed, even though his hands are actually black."
Just to convince people that I have stuff worth stealing.
..but quite frankly that's a whisk I'm willing to take.
Steve lies dying, as Jack, his law partner of 40 years, sits at his bedside.
"Jack, I've got to confess -- I've been sleeping with your wife for 30 years, I'm the father of your daughter, and I've been stealing from the firm for a decade."
"Relax," says Jack, "and don't think another thing about it. I'm the one who put arsenic in your martini."
You can explore stealing whisk reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean stealing signs dad jokes. There are also stealing puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
I think he took a fence.
But when I got home, all the signs were there.
He's a real Joule thief.
Their words not mine
But when I got home, all the signs were there.
I have a couple twix up my sleeve
I thought not to shout at him cuz he might take a fence.
Little Johnny asks, "Dad, why do they say people who are good at gardening have a green thumb?".
Dad thought for a moment, "Johnny, it's just a saying. It's like when someone is caught stealing, it's said they're caught red handed, even though their hands are black".
Recently, a burglar in Paris nearly got away with stealing several paintings from the Louvre. However, after planning the crime, getting in and out past heavy security, he was captured only two blocks away, when his getaway vehicle stalled in the middle of the road. When asked how he could mastermind such a daring crime, and then be caught only a couple blocks away, he replied,
I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh.
I don't know how I never noticed that all the signs were there..
It was a whisk I was willing to take
...are really good at making margaritas but terrible at stealing tambourines
A young boy asks his dad: "Why do people say gardeners have green thumbs when their fingers aren't actually green?"
The dad replies: "It's just a saying, son. It's like when somebody is caught stealing something, they say that they have been caught 'red handed,' even though their hands are actually black."
But that's a whisk I'm willing to take
It was a risk I was willing to take.
Stop stealing my cheese
You're stealing her material.
...I think he took a fence.
...but i didnt. Im not much of a Risk taker.
But hey, it was a whisk I was willing to take.
Maybe I wouldn't have to keep stealing the food
A can of peaches from the grocery store. The judge asks "how many peaches were in that can?" To which she replied "about 6 your honor."
"Very well then. 6 days in detention for you. I hope you've learned your lesson." When you suddenly hear her grumpy husband in the crowd "she also stole a can of peas!!"
Because the cops have nothing to go on.
The father replies "That's just a figure of speech. You know, like when someone is stealing and they are caught red handed, but their hands are really black."
They each got six months.
"I have no money but I can give you an original Picasso drawing"
"That sounds good! What are you accused of?"
"stealing a Picasso drawing."
Zach Galifinakis can tell a joke to a full theatre and the audience would love it. If Amy Schumer told the same joke a week later in the same theatre to the same audience, she'd be accused of stealing material
But I'm not bothered, I know she'll come crawling back any day now
But if I take one of her dresses, suddenly "we need to talk".
The judge says, "You stand accused of stealing five million dollars' worth of gold bars. How do you plead?"
"Not guilty, your honour."
"Bail is set at five million dollars." The judge slams his gavel down.
"Do you accept payment in gold?"
but when I borrow a dress suddenly we "need to talk."
They didn't realise I picked 7 up.
...he tells the KGB chairman to find Stalin's pipe.
Three days later, Stalin finds his pipe under a sofa. He calls the chairman to tell him that he can call off the search.
Upon telling him the news, the chairman said: "But that's impossible! Three people have already confessed to stealing the pipe!"
Because nobody would understand what was going on when he yelled "YO! THAT'S MY JAM!"
His dad replies, "It's just a saying, son. It's like when someone is caught stealing something, they say that they've been caught red-handed', even though their hands are actually black."
Look ma, no hands!
I was so shocked I almost crapped her pants.
Trump replies, No way, that's my job. I won't have another asian stealing an American job.
... it was a whisk I was willing to take.
He's such a risk taker
I was heavily charged, despite my victims saying it was an overall positive experience.
Police are working tirelessly to catch him
He is going to Face Time soon.
I finally snapped and yelled That's the last straw!
But when I got home, all the signs were there....
I didn't believe it at first, but when I got home.
All the signs where there.
One day a priest stopped one of the boys and asked, "Where is God?" The boy shrugged and the priest repeated, "Where is God?" The boy ran out of the cathedral crying to his home where he hid in a closet. Eventually his brother found him and asked, "What's wrong?" The crying boy replied, "We're in trouble now! God is missing and they think we took him.
Currently the police have nothing to go on
She said please stop keeping Secrets from me
The police are working tirelessly to catch him.
Common English Mistakes
-mixing up there, their, and they're
-using the wrong too, to, or two
-putting commas in the wrong place
-enslaving innocent people and stealing their riches
-using apostrophes for plurals
Pepper was a dumb thing to name his dog anyway.
He wont be needing it anymore
They both got 6 months.
Not only was I shocked, I was also aghast, appalled and dismayed.
I don't understand. I was only lifting their spirits.
One is luck n' fame, the other is fuckin' lame.
The police is working tirelessly to catch him.
The police have been working tire-lessly to catch him
Police are working tirelessly to catch him
Note: saw it on 9gag but I had to share it because I literally was laughing out loud
"Alzheimers granddad, Alzheimers."
It was a briefcase.
I guess you could say he was under cardiac arrest
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the stealing steal jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working stealing klepto piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.