Stealing Food Jokes
21 stealing food jokes and hilarious stealing food puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about stealing food that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Stealing Food Short Jokes
Short stealing food jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The stealing food humour may include short stealing money jokes also.
- My roommate keeps stealing my food so I ground up Pepper and made cupcakes with it. Pepper was a dumb thing to name his dog anyway.
- If I had a nickel for every time I got kicked out of a restaurant... Maybe I wouldn't have to keep stealing the food
- I had a stealing problem It was an addiction. I took candy, cash, food. My lowest point was when I stole a dress from a hamper in a convent,
It was a dirty habit. - just watched a man get arrested trying to steal frozen food from an indian market instant korma
- Did you hear about the vagabond who was arrested for stealing food from a whale? He was a roof-less kriller.
- I caught my neighborhood stealing my red food dye... When he was caught red handed he said "I'm gonna dye".
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Stealing Food One Liners
Which stealing food one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with stealing food? I can suggest the ones about shoplifting and theft.
- I recently thought about stealing from the food shelf... But the steaks were too high.
- How do you report a bug? Because these ants are stealing my food at work.
Stealing Food Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about stealing food you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean eating food jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make stealing food pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Collection of my favorite Latvian Jokes.
* Man is hungry. He steal bread to feed family. Get home, find all family have gone Siberia! More bread for me, man think. But bread have worm.
* Man car break down near house of farmer. Take shelter in barn. Find farmer daughter in barn. Oh! Hot stuff! But TOO LATE! Is already r**... by soldier.
* Latvian walk into bar with mule. Bartender say, Why so long face? Latvian say, I was thinking of my daughter. She has been lie with soldier for potato feed baby.
* Three Latvian are brag about sons. My son is soldier. He have r**... as many women as want, say first Latvian. Zo? second say, My son is farmer. He have all potato he want! Third Latvian wait long time, then say, My son is die at birth. For him, struggle is over. Wow! You are win us, say others. But all are feel sad.
* Q : What are one potato say other potato? A : Premise ridiculous. Who have two potato?
* Q : How many Latvian is take screw in light bulb? A : 25. One screw in, 24 ride bicycle generator for 1-hour shift. But time probably better spend search food.
* Q: What is happening if you cross Latvian and potato? A: This is cruel joke. please, no more.
There was once a truck driver eating at a diner.
He was enjoying his meal, when a gang of bikers walked in. They started bullying him, by dumping salt and pepper all over him, spitting in his coffee, and stealing his food. To their surprise, the truck driver did nothing, but pay the bill, and walk out of the diner.
As they are marveling about this, the waitress comes up to them. The biker gang says that the truck driver wasn't much of a fighter.
The waitress then looks out into the night and says, He doesn't look to be much of a driver either. He just ran over 3 motorcycles.
A Gnome.
A garden gnome is busy destroying some plants when suddenly a house cat appears.
"What are you?" asks the cat.
"I'm a gnome. I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy.
I just love mischief!
And what, may I ask, creature are you?"
The cat thinks for a moment and says,
"I guess I'm a gnome."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If you read the bible backwards its about a man sent to earth on a cross who is helped down by some Romans and told to go on his way. He then travels the world making people blind and giving them leprosy. He even ruins a meal for a huge crowd by turning all their food into 2 fish and 5 loaves.
He gets fewer followers as time goes by and in the end he's lying in a stable and 3 old men steal all his presents.
A garden gnome is busy destroying plants when suddenly a house cat appears.
What are you? asks the cat. I'm a gnome. I steal food from humans. I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy. I just love mischief! And what, may I ask, are you? The cat thinks for a moment and says, I guess i'm a gnome.
A woman stole some food from a store...
...and she was caught shoplifting. When she went to court, the judge asked her, "What exactly did you steal?" The woman admitted that she took a can of pears. "How many pears were in the can?" asked the judge. "There were six pears, Your Honor." she replied. "To be fair, then, you must go to jail for six days."
The woman's husband, who hated her, piped up and said, "Your Honor! She stole a can of peas too!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So the government shut down...
I saw my senator with a sign that said, "Will lie, cheat, and steal for food."
Or
now my senator has to lie, cheat, and steal for free.
Or
so will my senator stop lying, cheating, and stealing?
Take your pick or insert your parasite of choice. And don't forget to tip your waitresses.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a b**... rat that steals all your food?
A Rat-c**...
Hope you guys are light hearted enough to not be offended.
We have ourselfs a bad idea!
I'm working in this supermarket with my Chinese friend Jet, when I notice that there are no cctv cameras down the tinned produce Isle, I ask jet if he wants to make a quick buck with me and steal some sealed boxes of tinned food from of the top of the shelving unit, he's in, but we can't reach without drawing attention to ourselves he said he's got an idea, the next day we meet up down the Isle and he pulls a fold up bench from inside his jacket, I put the bench down and climb up to the tins but it turns out, jets stool can't help steal beans!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three drifters are roaming the countryside for some time.
They come upon a small farmhouse with crops planted around it.
They are very hungry, thirsty, and tired so the first guy suggests they steal some food.
The second says they should ask for food, so he then goes up and knocks on the door and an old, ugly lady answers.
He asks for food and she agrees - but only under one condition.
They must have s**... with her.
The first drifter says no, the lady is too ugly, and goes back into the woods.
The third guy is very hungry and agrees.
He enters the cottage and goes into a corner near a pile of corn to transact his business with the old lady.
The old lady is ready, but the guy says he'll only do it if she's blindfolded.
So she puts on a blindfold and bends over.
Quickly the guy grabs an ear of corn and sticks it inside the old lady, then throws it out the window.
The woman says, "Again," and the man does the same thing.
Satisfied, she gives the man some food and he leaves.
As he is walking out of the farmhouse, he comes upon the other two guys.
"Guess what?" the first guy says, "while you s**... that old hag we found two ears of cream corn!"
Little Johnny got caught stealing in a FOOD 4 LESS and runs away from the cops.
He runs towards his school and into his classroom.
He asks his teacher "May I please hide in your classroom because I got caught stealing".
The teacher says "Yes".
Little Johnny first hides under a desk, but no, the cops can see him there.
He then hides behind the door, but no, the cops can see him there.
So the teacher suggested to little Johnny "Hide under my long, fluffy skirt".
Little Johnny says "O.K."
The cops arrive and ask the teacher "Have you seen a little boy around here?".
The teacher replies "sorry, I haven't".
When the cops left the classroom the teacher says" Johnny, the cops are gone.you can come out now".
Little johnny replies" not yet, I got one more braid to go".