The Best 69 Steak Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Steak jokes. There are some steak gravy jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these steak undercooked puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Steak Jokes and Puns
I had small wookiee steak for dinner...
...it was a little chewie.
A man walked into a pub.....
A man walked into a pub, went to the bar and ordered a beer.
"Certainly, Sir, that'll be ten pence."
"Ten pence?" the man exclaimed. He glanced at the menu and asked, "How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?"
"A pound," the barman replied.
"A pound?" exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?"
The bartender replied, "Upstairs, with my wife."
The man asked, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"
The bartender replied, "The same thing I'm doing to his business down here."
I cooked for my fiancée's parents for the first time
As I handed out the rarely cooked steak Harry (her father) said, "I like it well done."
I said, "Thanks, that means a lot."
What about the mad cow?
A man and his wife arrive from a business trip and
go to his favorite steakhouse unaware of the mad cow outbreak in his town. The waiter sits them and says, "Our special today is duck or shrimp."
The man replies, "I want a T-bone steak medium well."
The waiter, a bit miffed continues, "What about the mad cow?"
The man looks at the waiter and says, "She can order for herself."
My friend asked what he should dress his 1 yr old daughter up as for halloween.
I told him a giant steak with a tiara on. He didnt get it, he asked "why would my daughter be steak?"
I told him, no a giant Miss Steak
A man and a woman go out to dinner...
This is during the time the Mad Cow disease ravished Britain. A man and a woman are sitting at a table when the waiter approaches them, asking "what would you like for dinner?"
The man replies, I'll have a fat juicy steak, medium rare with all the trimmings. Gravy and roast potatoes please. The waiter asks "what about the mad cow?"
To which the man replies
"Nahh she'll just have fish"
What do you call an illegitimate female cow?
Miss Steak
Whats the difference between a steak, an egg, and a blow job?
You can beat your meat and beat an egg, but you sure cant beat a blow job
What is a vampires least favorite food?
Steak!
...I'll see myself out now.
A one-armed eldery man and his wife step into a restaurant in Paris
The man orders a steak while his wife goes for a salad. The waiter sees the man struggle with his steak, as he only has one arm. The waiter feels bad for the man, but doesn't want to ask him if everything is alright because he might embarrase the man. At one point the man leaves the table to go to the bathroom and the waiter approaches the woman.
"Is everything alright?" He asks. The woman tells him that her husband lost his arm in the second world war when he was fighting in Paris. The waiter tells his manager they've got a proper veteran in their restaurant and the manager doesn't think twice. "Everyone that fought for our freedom eats for free!"
The waiter brings them the good news and the couple is much delighted. After dinner the manager and the waiter escort the couple to the door. When holding the door open for the veteran he looks at the manager and says "Vielen dank für die guten abend"
David Cameron
Went to his local butcher. He asked the butcher for a steak. The butcher asked "what is your favourite cut?", David replied, "the public sector".
You can explore steak porterhouse reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean steak meaty dad jokes. There are also steak puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
A boy works up the courage to ask the girl he likes on a date
The girl, liking him back, agrees to go on the date.
The boy tells her "Before we go on our date, there's something I have to tell you about myself. I only eat insects."
The girl finds this to be very strange but accepts it because she likes him.
They go out to dinner and the girl orders a steak while the boy eats an arrangement of insects he brought from home.
In the parking lot after dinner the two lock eyes, lean in, and slowly kiss each other. After the kiss the girls eyes are lit up with magic and she asks the boy how their first kiss felt.
The boy replies "I've got butterflies in my stomach."
JUST Jokes::MAD COW CONCERN::
A husband and wife go to a restaurant. The waiter approaches the table to take their order.
"I'll have your biggest, juiciest steak," says the husband.
"But sir, what about the mad cow?" asks the waiter.
"Oh," says the husband, "she'll order for herself."
2 Stormtrooper are eating a Wookie steak
it was chewy
What is Chipotle most known for?
- A. Steak Bowls
- B. Delicious Tacos
- C. Chips
- D. Burritos
- E. Coli
The butcher's wife always messes up everyone's order.
We call her Miss Steak.
Why are steak puns so rare?
Because they are never well done.
A man has dinner at a chinese restaurant
The man says to the chef:
"Gee, this steak is rubbery!" And the chef replies "thank you very much!"
One of everything.
A man walks into a grocery store and grabs a shopping cart. He grabs one egg, one tomato, one head of lettuce, one steak, one banana, one apple, and one of everything else in the store.
He walks up to the counter and starts putting his items on the belt. After the cashier gives him a weird look, she says, "You must be single."
He says, "I am. How did you know?"
She says, "Because you're extremely ugly."
What do you call a rock climbing cow?
A high steak situation
How do you kill a vegan?
A steak through their heart.
Why does a 6 oz hamburger have less energy than a 6 oz steak?
Because the hamburger is in the ground state.
There's that moment when you put your steak on the grill and your mouth waters all over from that amazing smell...
Do you vegans feel the same when you mow the grass?
My favourite joke
So a guy goes into a pub, walks up to the bar and asks for a pint.
The barman replies: one pound please. The guy says back: only one pound?!
The barman replies: aye only a pound.
The guy takes his pint and enjoys it and after a few more pints at a pound each the guy feels cheeky.
The guy says: ill have a steak and chips mate.
The barman replies: three quid.
The guy then asked: do you own this pub?
The barman replies: no.
The guy then asked: wheres the boss then? I want to ask why the prices are so low.
The barman replies: he's upstairs with my wife.
The guy then asked: why? Whats he doing with your wife?
The barman replies: the same thing i'm doing to his business.
What do you call a cow with three legs?
Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with one leg?
Steak.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Your mom.
New dad as of today, so here is my first dad joke.
What do you call it when you accidentally butcher your heifer instead of your steer? A Ms. Steak.
A short man walks into a bar
Upon walking in, something drips on him from the ceiling. He looks up and sees a piece of steak. He asks the bartender why there's a steak on the ceiling.
The bartender tells him if he could jump up and touch the steak, he gets free drinks for the rest of the night. If he misses, he pays for everyone's drink.
The man looks at the steak, then back at the bartender and says....
'The steaks are too high.'
I've always wanted my dad to be proud of me... It finally happened today.
I started serving at a steak house and my parents came in to see me at work. When I asked my dad how he wanted his steak, he said "Well done, son".
A robot man walks into a robot restaurant.
A robot waiter approaches and asks him for his robot order.
The robot man orders a robot steak.
The robot waiter asks him how he wants his robot steak prepared.
The robot man replies, "Weld on".
If two vegetarians get into a fight, would it still be called a beef?
Not sure, depends on what's at steak.
I drove four hours to attend a beauty pageant for meat products today.
Turns out it was a Miss Steak.
Pie rates of the Caribbean joke
In Jamaica you can get a steak and kidney pie for £1.75, a chicken and mushroom pie for £1.60 and an apple pie for £2.15.
In St Kitts and Nevis a steak and kidney pie will cost you £2, a chicken pie (without mushrooms) is £1.70 and a cherry pie can be yours for £1.95.
In Trinidad and Tobago, that steak and kidney pie comes in at £2.50, but you can two for £3.50, while the chicken and mushroom pie is £2.25, or two for £3.25. They also offer meat and potato pie for £2, or two for £3. Their apple pies and cherry pies are often sold for £2.75, or two (any combination) for £4.75.
Those are the Pie Rates of the Caribbean
I went out for a nice meal one day when the waiter asked...
"How would you like your steak, sir?" "The same way I like my sex," I replied. He smiled and said, "So, rare?"
Becoming a vegetarian...
.....Is a big missed steak
My brother has a beef eating disorder and I'm worried
His life is at steak
How do Vampires like their steak?
Any way is fine other than through their chest
What's the difference between a security guard and a butcher?
One stays awake, the other weighs a steak
Why don't vegans take risks?
Because their life could be at steak.
Guy orders a steak at a restaurant.
The waiter brings it out and its rare.
"Excuse me, I said well done." says the guy
"Oh sorry, I didn't hear you", says the waiter, "Thanks very much!"
A guy walks into a bar...
...and orders a steak. The guy behind the counter tells him it'll be $1.
"One dollar?! I've been coming to this bar every week for who knows how long, and it's always been $12! Where's Phil the owner?"
"He's upstairs with my wife."
"Well, what's he doing with your wife?"
"The same thing I'm doing to his business."
A waiter served me some rare steak
But when I told him "I like it well done", he said "thank you".
What do you call a cow spying on another cow?
A steak out
I cooked a medium-rare steak for my friend, and he said, I like it Well Done.
I said, Thanks buddy. That means a lot.
Sex is like steak
you may enjoy it raw but that's how you get diseases
Jokes from my Nana: what do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground Beef.
What do you call a cow with three legs? Tri-tip.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with one leg? Steak.
What do you call a cow with four legs? A cow.
Thanks Nana.
I like my sex how I like my steak
rare
Han Solo ordered a steak in the shape of a Wookie.
He sent it back to the kitchen because it was a little chewy.
When I'm grilling a steak, the smell of the juices makes my mouth water.
Wonder if that happens when a vegan mows their lawn.
Putin and Medvedev go into a restaurant
"What would you gentlemen like to have?" asks the waiter.
"I'll have the steak", says Putin.
"Excellent choice, sir. What about the accompanying vegetable?" asks the waiter.
"He'll also have the steak", says Putin.
I asked a chef if he ever served a steak raw..
He said yeah but it's rare.
I was eating a steak in my favorite restaurant, when a girl came to my table and shouted at me: "Enjoying your meat, murderer?!"
Seriously Rachel it was 15 years ago and your dad had a knife. Jeez.
How do you like your steak
Waiter: How do you like your steak, sir?
Sir: Like winning an argument with my wife.
Waiter: Rare it is.
Waiter: How did you find your steak, Sir?
Me: I just moved a few chips and there it was!
her: I'll have the salad, no nuts, please.
**waiter:** of course
**me:** it didn't say it had nuts
**her:** I'm allergic, so I tell them to be safe
**me:** that makes sense
**waiter:** and for you?
**me:** steak, no bees, please.
Me: What's it called when a steak is over cooked?
Dad: Well done, son
Me: I finally got you to say it, you son of a bitch
What's a tired dragon's favorite steak?
Flaming yawn
My mouth waters when I smell steak on a grill
I wonder if the same happens to vegans taken they mow the lawn
I was griling a steak earlier and the smell of the juices made my mouth water....
Got me thinking....Do vegetarians have the same effect when mowing a lawn ?
A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.
"Certainly sir, that'll be one cent."
"One Cent? ' the man exclaimed. He glanced at the menu and asked: "How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?"
"A nickel" the barman replied.
"A nickel?" exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?"
The bartender replied, "Upstairs, with my wife." The man asked, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"
The bartender replied, "The same thing I'm doing to his business down here."
Waiter: And how would you like your steak prepared?
Me: Guess
Waiter: Medium rare?
Me: Well done
Waiter: Uhhh..
When I had dinner with my parents at a restaurant, they argued over whether we should get french fries of mashed potatoes to go with the steak. They asked me whom I agree with, but
I couldn't pick a side
Why was the cow scared
Because its life was at steak!
I once considered going vegetarian
But then I realized it would be a huge missed steak
A Russian, a Texan, and a New Yorker walk into a restaurant in France
The hostess says excuse me, due to a Mad Cow Disease there is a shortage of steak so we currently don't have any.
The Texan says What's a shortage?
The Russian says What's a steak
The New Yorker says What's excuse me?
My mouth waters when I smell a steak being grilled
Does a vegan's mouth water when the lawn is being cut?
I hate steak jokes.
Good ones are rare.
"Two steaks please", I asked the writer. "Rare for me, medium rare for my friend."
He brought us a lovely bit of panda and a nice chunk of giraffe.
My friend told me he was going to become a vegetarian
I told him that would be a big missed steak
This waitress asked me a really stupid question
She said, "how did you find your steak sir?"
I said, "well, I just looked next to the potatoes and there it was."
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the steak rubbery jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working steak okra piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.