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Steak Jokes

174 steak jokes and hilarious steak puns to laugh out loud. Read food jokes about steak that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Make your next dinner party a hit with laughter-filled steak jokes! Whether you're grilling up a rare tomahawk steak, a porterhouse, or even a tube steak, these jokes are sure to bring a smile even to a well-done steak. From misteaks to hamburgers, bring the chuckles and the sizzle to your next BBQ.

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Funniest Steak Short Jokes

Short steak jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The steak humour may include short beef jokes also.

  1. I bet my butcher $1,000 that he couldn't reach the beef on the top shelf without a ladder. He said the steaks were too high.
  2. What is Chipotle most known for? - A. Steak Bowls
    - B. Delicious Tacos
    - C. Chips
    - D. Burritos
    - E. Coli
  3. I bet my butcher $50 that he couldn't reach the meat on the top shelf. He said "No, the steaks are too high".
  4. Why does a 6 oz hamburger have less energy than a 6 oz steak? Because the hamburger is in the ground state.
  5. The waiter asked me how I like my steak. I said rare. He said you're in luck, today's special is panda.
  6. Garlic powder $5.99. Steak seasoning $14.99. Pepper shaker $9.99. Forgetting to grab your shopping bag at the grocery store counter.......spiceless
  7. If mcdonalds sold fancy steaks they'd call them Filet Mc'gnons ...also it's my 5 year cake day so shower me in internet points or however this works I dunno. Thanks!
  8. My brother and I made a $50 bet on who could throw meat the furthest into the air I guess you could say the steaks have never been higher.
  9. Waiter: And how would you like your steak prepared? Me: Guess
    Waiter: Medium rare?
    Me: Well done
    Waiter: Uhhh..
  10. Did you hear about the cow who gambled on an airplane? The steaks couldn't have been higher.

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Steak One Liners

Which steak one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with steak? I can suggest the ones about meat and filet.

  1. I asked a chef if he ever served a steak raw.. He said yeah but it's rare.
  2. Why didn't Han Solo enjoy his steak dinner? It was Chewie.
  3. What do you call a cow spying on another cow? A steak out
  4. Why don't vegans take risks? Because their life could be at steak.
  5. What's the opposite of ground beef? High steaks
  6. I had small wookiee steak for dinner... ...it was a little chewie.
  7. 2 Stormtrooper are eating a Wookie steak it was chewy
  8. What's a tired dragon's favorite steak? Flaming yawn
  9. What do you call an illegitimate female cow? Miss Steak
  10. How do Vampires like their steak? Any way is fine other than through their chest
  11. How do you kill a vegan? A steak through their heart.
  12. What do you call a barbeque for the FBI? A steak-out
  13. My brother has a beef eating disorder and I'm worried His life is at steak
  14. Why can't short people cook? Because the steaks are too high.
  15. Those aliens that abduct cows must be gamblers. They're always raising the steaks.

Rare Steak Jokes

Here is a list of funny rare steak jokes and even better rare steak puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I cooked a medium-rare steak for my friend, and he said, I like it Well Done. I said, Thanks buddy. That means a lot.
  • A waiter served me some rare steak But when I told him "I like it well done", he said "thank you".
  • Steak related jokes are not very common... But when it's good, it's a rare medium well done.
  • Guy orders a steak at a restaurant. The waiter brings it out and its rare.
    "Excuse me, I said well done." says the guy
    "Oh sorry, I didn't hear you", says the waiter, "Thanks very much!"
  • Jokes about steaks are rare... But they are usually well done
  • How do you like your steak Waiter: How do you like your steak, sir?
    Sir: Like winning an argument with my wife.
    Waiter: Rare it is.
  • Why are steak puns so rare? Because they are never well done.
  • I hate steak jokes. Good ones are rare.
  • I cooked for my fiancée's parents for the first time As I handed out the rarely cooked steak Harry (her father) said, "I like it well done."
    I said, "Thanks, that means a lot."
  • Waiter: How would you like your steak sir? Me: like winning an argument with my wife
    Waiter: good choice, rare it is.

Steak So Rare Jokes

Here is a list of funny steak so rare jokes and even better steak so rare puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Waiter: How do you like your steak cooked? Me: Like winning an argument with
    my wife.
    Waiter: Rare it is.
  • There aren't many books on how to cook steak It's a rare medium done well.
  • My waiter asked me how I like my steak So I told him i like my steak like me winning a argument with my wife.
    So the waiter said rare it is
  • A steak pun is a rare medium well done
  • The waitress brought me the wrong order at Texas Road House, and I told her it was a Miss Steak. She shook her head, sighed, and told me, "Steak jokes are a rare medium well done."
  • I like my work like I like my steak Rare and definitely not well done.
  • Happy Steak and BJ Day! When only one should be rare and the other well done.
  • According to a recent poll 9 out of 10 people have never had Steak Tartare. Apparently it's very rare.
  • Sometimes I enjoy my steak undercooked.. ...but that's rare.
  • A waiter ask a gentleman how he likes his steak cooked. Gentleman: like winning an argument with my wife.
    Waiter: Rare it is then.
Steak joke, A waiter ask a gentleman how he likes his steak cooked.

Steak Rare Jokes

Here is a list of funny steak rare jokes and even better steak rare puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Steak puns are a rare medium well done. Credit to my brother. He thinks it's original, but it seems to perfect to be.
  • I ordered a steak last night and it came a bit undercooked. I don't usually eat it that way.. ..But last night was a rare occasion
  • I made a good video about steak in a sea of bad videos about steak... I guess you could say it's a rare example of a medium well done.
  • Is it possible to get steak poisoning? Yes, but it's really rare.
  • I tried looking up jokes about steak, but couldn't find any. I guess they're rare.
  • At the office barbecue, I grilled a medium rare steak for my boss, and he said, I like it well done! I said, Thanks. That means a lot.
  • My pronouns are Rare/Medium Rare. And if you don't use these, my feelings and mental health is at steak...
  • "Two steaks please", I asked the writer. "Rare for me, medium rare for my friend." He brought us a lovely bit of panda and a nice chunk of giraffe.
  • I don't usually eat steak... so when I do it's quite rare.......
  • A friend showed me a funny steak pun the other day. I must say, steak puns are truly a rare medium well done.

Well Done Steak Jokes

Here is a list of funny well done steak jokes and even better well done steak puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • TIFU by complimenting a waiter at a steakhouse I told him "well done!" and he decided to burn my steak?? Tf
  • I grilled some steak for my father-in-law. After taking a bite, he said, I like mine well done. I said, Thanks. That means a lot.
  • Two steaks walk into a bar, and slam the door behind them Bartender say, you think you're tough? The bigger steak says, you just described me perfectly. Well done
  • Do you want to hear a joke about steak? Never mind, I'll tell you later. But it's very well done.
  • What did the steak say to his child after he Achieved something? Well Done,My Child.
  • I saw the clearest evidence in not supporting trump in the paper today He eats his steak well done. With ketchup.
  • I have never actually heard a good steak pun... But I've heard it's a rare medium well done
  • How do patronising people like their steak cooked? Well Done
  • My friend has become a master of making art out of steak. It is a rare medium, but well done.
  • My buddy is awesome at grilling steaks. They are all very well done
Steak joke, My buddy is awesome at grilling steaks.

Ridiculous Steak Jokes to Spark Fun and Laughter

What funny jokes about steak you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean roast beef jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make steak pranks.

A man walked into a pub.....

A man walked into a pub, went to the bar and ordered a beer.
"Certainly, Sir, that'll be ten pence."
"Ten pence?" the man exclaimed. He glanced at the menu and asked, "How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?"
"A pound," the barman replied.
"A pound?" exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?"
The bartender replied, "Upstairs, with my wife."
The man asked, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"
The bartender replied, "The same thing I'm doing to his business down here."

What about the mad cow?

A man and his wife arrive from a business trip and
go to his favorite steakhouse unaware of the mad cow outbreak in his town. The waiter sits them and says, "Our special today is duck or shrimp."
The man replies, "I want a T-bone steak medium well."
The waiter, a bit miffed continues, "What about the mad cow?"
The man looks at the waiter and says, "She can order for herself."

My friend asked what he should dress his 1 yr old daughter up as for halloween.

I told him a giant steak with a tiara on. He didnt get it, he asked "why would my daughter be steak?"
I told him, no a giant Miss Steak

A man and a woman go out to dinner...

This is during the time the Mad Cow disease ravished Britain. A man and a woman are sitting at a table when the waiter approaches them, asking "what would you like for dinner?"
The man replies, I'll have a fat juicy steak, medium rare with all the trimmings. Gravy and roast potatoes please. The waiter asks "what about the mad cow?"
To which the man replies
"Nahh she'll just have fish"

A husband and wife went out to dinner

A husband and wife went out to dinner. They settled in a nice steak restaurant and begin ordering. The man told the waiter, "I would like a regular sirloin steak." The waiter asks, "and the doneness?" The man says, " I would like it b**...-rare." The concerned waiter asks, "what about Mad-Cow?" The man replies, "Oh, she can order for herself."

So a guy is eating a steak dinner at a restaurant...

...when the waitress comes over and asked the man "How did you find the steak, sir?" The man looks at her and says "I just moved the potatoes."

Whats the difference between a steak, an egg, and a b**...?

You can beat your meat and beat an egg, but you sure cant beat a b**...

What is a vampires least favorite food?

Steak!
...I'll see myself out now.

A one-armed eldery man and his wife step into a restaurant in Paris

The man orders a steak while his wife goes for a salad. The waiter sees the man struggle with his steak, as he only has one arm. The waiter feels bad for the man, but doesn't want to ask him if everything is alright because he might embarrase the man. At one point the man leaves the table to go to the bathroom and the waiter approaches the woman.
"Is everything alright?" He asks. The woman tells him that her husband lost his arm in the second world war when he was fighting in Paris. The waiter tells his manager they've got a proper veteran in their restaurant and the manager doesn't think twice. "Everyone that fought for our freedom eats for free!"
The waiter brings them the good news and the couple is much delighted. After dinner the manager and the waiter e**... the couple to the door. When holding the door open for the veteran he looks at the manager and says "Vielen dank für die guten abend"

David Cameron

Went to his local butcher. He asked the butcher for a steak. The butcher asked "what is your favourite cut?", David replied, "the public sector".

What did the cow say about the beef industry?

I've got some steak in it.

A boy works up the courage to ask the girl he likes on a date

The girl, liking him back, agrees to go on the date.
The boy tells her "Before we go on our date, there's something I have to tell you about myself. I only eat insects."
The girl finds this to be very strange but accepts it because she likes him.
They go out to dinner and the girl orders a steak while the boy eats an arrangement of insects he brought from home.
In the parking lot after dinner the two lock eyes, lean in, and slowly kiss each other. After the kiss the girls eyes are lit up with magic and she asks the boy how their first kiss felt.
The boy replies "I've got butterflies in my stomach."

JUST Jokes::MAD COW CONCERN::

A husband and wife go to a restaurant. The waiter approaches the table to take their order.
"I'll have your biggest, juiciest steak," says the husband.
"But sir, what about the mad cow?" asks the waiter.
"Oh," says the husband, "she'll order for herself."

The butcher's wife always messes up everyone's order.

We call her Miss Steak.

A man has dinner at a chinese restaurant

The man says to the chef:
"Gee, this steak is rubbery!" And the chef replies "thank you very much!"

One of everything.

A man walks into a grocery store and grabs a shopping cart. He grabs one egg, one tomato, one head of lettuce, one steak, one banana, one apple, and one of everything else in the store.
He walks up to the counter and starts putting his items on the belt. After the cashier gives him a weird look, she says, "You must be single."
He says, "I am. How did you know?"
She says, "Because you're extremely ugly."

What do you call a rock climbing cow?

A high steak situation

There's that moment when you put your steak on the grill and your mouth waters all over from that amazing smell...

Do you vegans feel the same when you mow the grass?

My favourite joke

So a guy goes into a pub, walks up to the bar and asks for a pint.
The barman replies: one pound please. The guy says back: only one pound?!
The barman replies: aye only a pound.
The guy takes his pint and enjoys it and after a few more pints at a pound each the guy feels cheeky.
The guy says: ill have a steak and chips mate.
The barman replies: three quid.
The guy then asked: do you own this pub?
The barman replies: no.
The guy then asked: wheres the boss then? I want to ask why the prices are so low.
The barman replies: he's upstairs with my wife.
The guy then asked: why? Whats he doing with your wife?
The barman replies: the same thing i'm doing to his business.

What do you call a cow with three legs?

Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with one leg?
Steak.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Your mom.

i found out h**... vegetarian vampires

a steak to the heart

New dad as of today, so here is my first dad joke.

What do you call it when you accidentally butcher your heifer instead of your steer? A Ms. Steak.

[Long] I was at dinner with my wife...

I ordered a steak and the waiter delivered it with his thumb on top of it. "Sir, this is unacceptable, your thumb was in my food," I complained. The waiter replied, "I'm sorry sir, I didn't want it to fall on the floor again."

kids eat free today

Waiter: Can I take your order sir, kids eat free today.
Me: Oh, well in that case i'll just have a glass of water and my son will have the grilled lobster,a 15oz steak and a small bottle of champagne please.

A short man walks into a bar

Upon walking in, something drips on him from the ceiling. He looks up and sees a piece of steak. He asks the bartender why there's a steak on the ceiling.
The bartender tells him if he could jump up and touch the steak, he gets free drinks for the rest of the night. If he misses, he pays for everyone's drink.
The man looks at the steak, then back at the bartender and says....
'The steaks are too high.'

What spice does a tiny doggo like on its steak?

Puppercorn.

I've always wanted my dad to be proud of me... It finally happened today.

I started serving at a steak house and my parents came in to see me at work. When I asked my dad how he wanted his steak, he said "Well done, son".

Texan, Russian and New Yorker walk into a restaurant

A Texan, a Russian and a New Yorker go to a restaurant in London.
The waiter tells them, "Excuse me -- if you were going to order the steak, I'm afraid there's a shortage due to the mad cow disease."
The Texan says, "What's a shortage?"
The Russian says, "What's a steak?"
The New Yorker says, "What's 'excuse me'?"

A robot man walks into a robot restaurant.

A robot waiter approaches and asks him for his robot order.
The robot man orders a robot steak.
The robot waiter asks him how he wants his robot steak prepared.
The robot man replies, "Weld on".

Fastfood

Clerk: Number 27! Double steak combo with extra fries!
Man: Right here!
Clerk: Here you go sir, sorry about your weight.
Man: Oh, it wasn't long at al- wait...
Clerk: >:D

If two vegetarians get into a fight, would it still be called a beef?

Not sure, depends on what's at steak.

I drove four hours to attend a beauty pageant for meat products today.

Turns out it was a Miss Steak.

Garlic powder $5.99. Steak seasoning $14.99. Pepper shaker $9.99.

Forgetting to grab your shopping bag at the grocery store counter.......spiceless.
(The most common first comment I see for every joke is "repost". I just made this one up. If someone came up with the same punchline before, guess what, it's a coincidence. Great minds think alike)

Pie rates of the Caribbean joke

In Jamaica you can get a steak and kidney pie for £1.75, a chicken and mushroom pie for £1.60 and an apple pie for £2.15.
In St Kitts and Nevis a steak and kidney pie will cost you £2, a chicken pie (without mushrooms) is £1.70 and a cherry pie can be yours for £1.95.
In Trinidad and Tobago, that steak and kidney pie comes in at £2.50, but you can two for £3.50, while the chicken and mushroom pie is £2.25, or two for £3.25. They also offer meat and potato pie for £2, or two for £3. Their apple pies and cherry pies are often sold for £2.75, or two (any combination) for £4.75.
Those are the Pie Rates of the Caribbean

I went out for a nice meal one day when the waiter asked...

"How would you like your steak, sir?" "The same way I like my s**...," I replied. He smiled and said, "So, rare?"

Becoming a vegetarian...

.....Is a big missed steak

What's the difference between a security guard and a butcher?

One stays awake, the other weighs a steak

So j made a joke up

A master chef dies goes to heaven. Immediatly he finds himself in the kitchen doing what he loves. He begins cooking all the foood just like he did when he was alive. Finally he gets a strange order, a steak well done sprinkled with holy water. So he asks whats up with this order.
For Christs steak Micheal.

A guy walks into a bar...

...and orders a steak. The guy behind the counter tells him it'll be $1.
"One dollar?! I've been coming to this bar every week for who knows how long, and it's always been $12! Where's Phil the owner?"
"He's upstairs with my wife."
"Well, what's he doing with your wife?"
"The same thing I'm doing to his business."

s**... is like steak

you may enjoy it raw but that's how you get diseases

Jokes from my Nana: what do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground Beef.
What do you call a cow with three legs? Tri-tip.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with one leg? Steak.
What do you call a cow with four legs? A cow.
Thanks Nana.

I like my s**... how I like my steak

rare

A man walks into a bar and notices a steak hanging from the ceiling.

When he asked the bartender about it, the bartender said, If you can jump up and hit it, drinks are ok the house for the night. But if you miss, everyone's drinks are on your tab for the next 2 hours. Do you want to try?
The man decided not to take the risk. He thought the steaks were too high.

I was grilling a steak earlier and the smell of the juices started to make my mouth water...

Got me thinking, do vegans get the same reaction when mowing the lawn?

Han Solo ordered a steak in the shape of a Wookie.

He sent it back to the kitchen because it was a little chewy.

I don't think I could be vegetarian.

It would be a big missed steak.

When I'm grilling a steak, the smell of the juices makes my mouth water.

Wonder if that happens when a vegan mows their lawn.

Putin and Medvedev go into a restaurant

"What would you gentlemen like to have?" asks the waiter.
"I'll have the steak", says Putin.
"Excellent choice, sir. What about the accompanying vegetable?" asks the waiter.
"He'll also have the steak", says Putin.

I was eating a steak in my favorite restaurant, when a girl came to my table and shouted at me: "Enjoying your meat, m**...?!"

Seriously Rachel it was 15 years ago and your dad had a knife. Jeez.

What do you call a cow with no legs?

What do you call a cow with no legs?
ground beef
What do you call a cow with 1 leg?
A steak
What do you call a cow with 2 legs?
your mom :)

I tried a vegan steak the other day and it was really good!

Cannibalism isnt for everyone but I sure like it!

Waiter: How did you find your steak, Sir?

Me: I just moved a few chips and there it was!

her: I'll have the salad, no nuts, please.

**waiter:** of course
**me:** it didn't say it had nuts
**her:** I'm allergic, so I tell them to be safe
**me:** that makes sense
**waiter:** and for you?
**me:** steak, no bees, please.

My dad says I did a good job slicing the steak

To be honest I think I butchered it

Me: What's it called when a steak is over cooked?

Dad: Well done, son
Me: I finally got you to say it, you son of a b**...

My mouth waters when I smell steak on a grill

I wonder if the same happens to vegans taken they mow the lawn

I was griling a steak earlier and the smell of the juices made my mouth water....

Got me thinking....Do vegetarians have the same effect when mowing a lawn ?

A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.

"Certainly sir, that'll be one cent."
"One Cent? ' the man exclaimed. He glanced at the menu and asked: "How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?"
"A nickel" the barman replied.
"A nickel?" exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?"
The bartender replied, "Upstairs, with my wife." The man asked, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"
The bartender replied, "The same thing I'm doing to his business down here."

When I had dinner with my parents at a restaurant, they argued over whether we should get french fries of mashed potatoes to go with the steak. They asked me whom I agree with, but

I couldn't pick a side

Steak joke, When I had dinner with my parents at a restaurant, they argued over whether we should get french fri

jokes about steak