Steady Jokes
45 steady jokes and hilarious steady puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about steady that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Forget about fast-talking comics, with Steady Jokes you can enjoy a night of mutual laughter with dependable, slow and steady humour. Make new memories and laugh at familiar, temp-tested jokes with Steady Jokes.
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Funniest Steady Short Jokes
Short steady jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The steady humour may include short stable jokes also.
- This was the year I got all I wanted: a girlfriend, a steady job, and many new friends. All I could want for the next year is... to be able to post this in a different sub.
- They call me The Tripod Her: So why do they call you 'Tripod'?
Me: Let me unzip this and show you...
*opens camera case and takes really steady photo* - How was bill clinton able to maintain a steady surplus during his presidency? He had a great Al Gore rhythm.
- This years Olympics in Rio is going to be one of the most steady and relaxing Games in history No one will be Russian.
- Europe is in turmoil, but at least I've got some steady income despite the migrant crisis I own a florist around the corner from the French embassy
- Why do Hitmen have trouble maintaining steady relationships? Because their dates are always afraid of being taken out.
- Did you hear about the director who was freaking out because the camera wouldn't say steady during shots? He really needed to get a grip.
- What's the difference between a magician and a steady relationship. Nothing, they both disappear in front of you.
- Even though I've had a steady income and have been paying all my bills on time for a while, Visa still doesn't trust me enough to increase my limit. They don't give me enough credit.
- Alcoholism is a myth I've been drinking steady every day since I was 16 , and I haven't become an alcoholic yet
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Steady One Liners
Which steady one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with steady? I can suggest the ones about slack and consistent.
- My aunt always said the slow and steady win the race She died in a fire
- If you miss your ex Steady aim, control breathing, and fire again
- Why can't cookies dough hold a steady job? Because it's always getting baked.
- I just got myself a Motown fridge It stays at a steady Three Degrees, Four Tops.
- Jared Fogle is going to prison. It looks as if his steady diet of footlongs will continue
- Slow and Steady Wins the Race. But Fast and Furious killed Paul Walker.
- Why can't Iron Man stay in a steady relationship? He has rust issues.
- Slow and steady wins the race
- What does a s**... and a Jew have in common? A steady job with a loving family at home.
The Funniest Steady Jokes for a Bone-Shaking Laugh
What funny jokes about steady you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean halt jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make steady pranks.
A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered dolphins...
...that
could live forever if they were fed a steady diet of seagulls. One day, his
supply of the birds ran out so he had to go out and trap some more. On the way
back, he spied two lions asleep on the road. Afraid to wake them, he gingerly
stepped over them. Immediately, he was arrested and charged with transporting
gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises.
Dinner with the parents
A young man began to go steady with a girl who he had been dating for several months. She decided it was time for him to meet her parents and invited him over for dinner that night. Deciding that he may get a chance to get lucky that night, he stopped at the pharmacy to pick up condoms before he went to his girlfriend's house. He got there, sat down for dinner, and everyone bowed their heads in prayer. One minute passed and everyone except the young man began to eat, as the young man kept his head bowed. Five minutes passed, and he still kept his head down. After ten minutes, the girl whispered to the guy, "I didn't know you were so religious." The young man whispered back, "I didn't know your dad was a pharmacist."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A blonde decides to try horseback riding...
..even though she has had neither lessons nor prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle.
In t**..., she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the horse's side anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider.
Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup; she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over.
As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune...
Frank, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her dilemma and unplugs the horse.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Blond who wanted to ride horses.
A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons, nor prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted, and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slide from the saddle.
In t**..., she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the horse's side anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider.
Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup, she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over.
As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune, Frank, the Walmart greeter, sees her dilemma and unplugs the horse.
I can't keep a steady job!
I worked in an orange juice factory but I got canned. I couldn't concentrate.
I worked in the woods as a lumber jack but I just couldn't hack it. They gave me the ax.
I worked as a tailor but I wasn't suited for it. Mainly because it was a sew-sew job.
I worked in a muffler factory but it was too exhausting.
I attempted to be a deli worker but any way I sliced it I couldn't cut the mustard.
I worked as a musician but I found out I wasn't note worthy.
I worked as a doctor but I didn't have any patience.
I became a professional fisherman but I found out I couldn't live on my net income.
I worked as a pool maintenance worker but it was too draining.
I worked at the zoo, feeding giraffes, but I wasn't up to it.
I worked as a historian but found out that there's no future in that.
I worked at Starbucks but I quit because it was always the same old grind.
Two friends, Java and C, are sitting in a bar late one night having a chat.
Two friends, Java and C, are sitting in a bar late one night having a chat. Intrigued by their exotic languages, a steady stream of guys have been walking over to hit on them. However, they're all paying a lot more attention to Java, leaving poor C stuck in a loop back and forth to the bar.
After a few more iterations, C's feeling a little tipsy. Eventually, she plucks up some courage and asks the next guy why he's so keen on Java and not her.
He replies: "It's nothing personal C, really. I just prefer girls with a little more class."
Insane asylum
on his short walk from work to home Jared has to pass by a mental institution. Although it is completely blocked off by a brickwall he sometimes hears the patients enjoying their time outside.
One day while passing the asylum Jared heare a slow steady chant from the inmates.
"Four.. four.. four..four..four..four.."
Both suprise and curious Jared starts searching the brick wall for a crack so he can see why they are chanting when by luck he finds a decent sized hole in the wall.
He bends down, closes one eye, leans forward to peer inside, and a finger comes out and pokes him right in his eye!
He falls back in suprise and pain and the inmates start chanting "Five..five..five..five".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Stages of man's sexuality
1. Puberty: m**... in secrecy and shame.
2. Early adulthood: comfortable m**... in your room and some casual s**... with strangers.
3. First serious relationship: wild s**... all the time.
4. First years of marriage: steady and regular s**....
5. Marriage after children: m**... in secrecy and shame.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A blonde decides to try horseback riding
A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no
lessons or prior experiences. She mounts the horse unassisted & the horse
immediately springs into motion.
It gallops along at a steady & rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In t**..., she grabs for the horses's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup & she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground again & again.
The blonde's head is continually battered against the ground, she is mere
moments away from unconsciousness when........
The Walmart manager runs out and shuts the horse off.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A blonde tries to go horseback riding ....
.....
even though she has had no lessons or prior experience.
She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into action. It gallops along at a steady rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to lose her grip and starts to slide in the saddle.
In t**..., she grabs for the mane but can't seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horses neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to it's slipping rider.
Unfortunately, the Blonde's foot has become entangled in the stirrup. She is now at the mercy of the hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over again.
As her head is battered against the ground she is moments away from losing consciousness when, to her great fortune, the Walmart's Manager sees her and unplugs the horse.
A man returns home from a night out at the bar and is quite inebriated
He is trying to get into his house but can't seem to get the keys into the keyhole.
Meanwhile, a stranger passes by and asks the man if he can help him unlock his door.
The man replies, "No, you just hold the house steady and I'll insert the keys."
I woke up at the Asscrack of Dawn, and it smelled.
Turns out my neighbor Dawn sometimes farts in her sleep.
(I am a mature man with a steady income)
An oregano farmer recently lost a high profile court case and was ordered to pay 20 million dollars. However the spices industry had been on a steady decline so he didn't have that kind of money on hand.
Needless to say his wages were garnished
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
One time a lady walked up to me and asked me about my relationship with God
I politely responded "Well Jesus and I were going steady for a while but we broke up. One day I came home from work and he was spread out and being nailed by a bunch of Romans, so I had to break it of, our relationship was dead a few days later."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I just got out of a relationship with a girl who had Parkinson's
The relationship wasn't very steady but the h**... were great!
A Texas Biologist
A Texas biologist, who discovered that the life of a porpoise could be prolonged indefinitely if it were fed a steady diet of seagulls, has been arrested at the Louisiana border. He faces charges of transporting gulls across state lines for immortal porpoises.
Pregnant
"Oh, Mom!" sobbed Mary, "I'm pregnant!" "What? How could you?" screamed the mother, "And just who is the father?" The daughter lifted up her tearful face and wailed, "How should I know? You're the one who would never let me go steady!"
