Std Jokes
111 std jokes and hilarious std puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about std that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Are you looking to get a laugh out of your friends with STD jokes? This article will cover off-beat topics like crabs, flu, clap, chirpies, and vulvasore with fun, punny jokes. Get ready to tickle everyone's funny bone and make sure you stay tuned for a hearty round of STD laughter!
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Funniest Std Short Jokes
Short std jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The std humour may include short flu jokes also.
- I just found out my girlfriend just gave me an STD.... Looks like I'm gonorrhea-valuate the relationship
- My parrot was just diagnosed with an STD. Vet says he has Chirpees. He said there's no need for concern, because it's a Canarial disease, and it's tweetable.
- What do you call an incredibly strong STD? Herpules
(This joke has been brought to you by my 14 yr old son) - Hey girl, are you looking for a stud? I've got the STD, all I need is U.
Credit goes to Rooster from the Netflix series *The Ranch* - Worst pick-up line ever. If you're looking for a stud, I've got the STD all that's missing is U.
- I'm starting a mail order bride service featuring women from around the world who have an STD. Amnasty International.
- Toilet seats can give you STD's... ...If you sit down before the person stands up
- Let me be the Stud in your life. I already have the STD, all I'm missing is u.
- What do you call an STD that is contracted in your ear? Hearing AIDS
- Why Is C++ Such A Rough Language To Learn? Because it has a bunch of std's...
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Std One Liners
Which std one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with std? I can suggest the ones about epidemic and tuberculosis.
- My girlfriend just told me she has a STD... I'm Gonorrhoea-valuate our relationship
- What kind of STD's do fish get? Merm-aids
- Heard you were looking for a stud... I got the STD, now all I need is u.
- What STD do sailors get the most? Merm-aids
(Inspired by a Family Guy joke) - Theres a new STD for birds.. It's called Chirpes.
And the worst part?
Its untweetable. - Which STD is transmitted through sound? Hearing aids
- What kind of STD does a bird get? Chirpies. :-)
- Hey girl, i can be your stud. I have the std, i just need u.
- What is the worst STD of all? Parenthood
- I heard you're looking for a STUD I got the STD, I just need U
- What is the world's longest lasting STD? Children
- What do you call a STD you get from a alligator GatorAIDS
- Greatest pickup line that never works!! I put the STD in stud, now all I need is U.
- What do you call it when you get an STD from someone who is disabled? The Handi-clap.
- I carry tissues around with me so I never get an STD I always have kleenexes
Clap Std Jokes
Here is a list of funny clap std jokes and even better clap std puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Which STD is transmitted through sound... The clap.
Yes this joke was just posted but I think my punchline is better. - What do you call the STD that restricts arm movements? [Slow hand clap]
- What do you get when you have s**... with an STD infested mentally challenged person? The slow clap
Crab Std Jokes
Here is a list of funny crab std jokes and even better crab std puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call an STD for homeless people? Hermit c**...
- What kind of std do fishermen catch? c**...!
- What kind of STD does a loner get? Hermit c**...!
Silly Std Jokes for a Good Time with Friends
What funny jokes about std you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean syphilis jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make std pranks.
Why should you wear a c**... when writing C++ code?
It's full of std vectors.
Explaining a joke is a bit like an STD at an o**...
Generally everyone gets it in the end but it's not really funny
A 70 year old guy goes to see his doctor
He tells the doctor he got himself a 22 year old sugar baby and is having s**... 3 times a week.
The doctor asks if he has any aching joints or pain, and the guy tells him no.
The doctor then asks if he thinks he has an STD, or has had any itching, and the guy says no, and goes on to say how happy he is.
The doctor finally says, "If everything with you is fine, then why are you telling me about having so much s**...?"
The guy says, "Telling you? I'm telling everybody!"
I don't know what STD causes blurry g**......
But Japan seems to have an epidemic of it.
Two r**... join the army, after a couple of years they both are higher up in the ranks
Jim-bob "hey huck, we got to go to that STD talk later", huck "No we dont", jim-bob "why not ?", huck " because them STD's only affects the privates"
A man gets a STD test from his doctor...
...and while the doctor is filling out paperwork, he asks the man several questions to determine his risk of infection.
"Alright, last question, you're looking great so far." says the doc "Have you ever paid for s**...?"
The man thinks for a moment, and glancing out at his wife and kids through the examination room window, sighs, and says, "Every time..."
What's the only type of STD you can get from phone s**...?
Hearing AIDS
I thought I had an std because my eyes started burning every time I had s**....
Then I realized it was just the mace.
I gave my girlfriend an STD and I'm devastated
If I transmitted it to her, then why do I still have it?!
I thought I had an STD once...
turned out it was just carpal tunnel.
I heard you were looking for a stud.
I have the STD and all i need is U
A man has been sleeping around and was worried he may have contracted AIDS. He goes to the doctor to get a check up. The doctor returns and says I have two good news for you
The man perplexed but hopeful asks: what's the first good news?
Doctor replies, you don't have AIDS!
The man relieved but now even more curious asks the doctor, then what's the other good news?
Doctor responds, we found a new strain of STD and they're going to name it after you!
Getting an STD is like downloading a virus...
...but getting married is like downloading ransomware.
I asked my girlfriend what her favourite STD was.
She laughed and said, "Well, I don't have one."
"Trust me," I replied, "you do."
A friend of mine recently got rid of his STD
It only took him 18 years and hundreds of thousands of dollars, but he no longer has to pay child support!
I put the STD in stud baby.
All I need is you.
I want to open a Roman themed STD clinic
I'll call it Veni VD Vici
In order to be trusted in a relationship, you have to stay true...
Because trusted without true is just an std .
What do you call a film director with an STD?
Alfred 'ItchCock
My favorite pick up line
With you I feel like a stud, I was just an STD before
(Also the reason I am still single)
What do you call it when a v**... has a std?
An immaculate infection.
w**...? My girlfriend gave me an STD!
I guess I'm gonorrh-evaluate the relationship
A board game wherein players have to figure out who gave them an STD.
New from Johnson & Johnson: Clue-midia.
I put the s-t-d in stud...
Now all I need is u.
Meanwhile at the bar
A man leaned toward an attractive woman at a bar and told her, "Haven't I seen you somewhere before?"
"Yes," she replied in a loud voice, "I'm the receptionist at the STD clinic."
What kind of STD can you get from money?
Financial aids
What's the similarity between a grenade and an STD?
Fire in the hole!
The sun is like a hot girl with a STD
It might be nice to be in it at first but later you might get itchy and regret it
Did you hear about the girl who caught the STD Pokemon?
She got a Vulvasore!
I just found out I gave my girlfriend an STD
She's pretty crabby.
Hey girl, the only thing I need to be a stud is you
My favorite way to tell someone I have an STD
A guy walks up to a pretty girl.
Hey, I heard you're lookin' for stud.
Well, ye-
Let me stop you right there. I got the STD and all I need is U.
Is it true that you can get an STD from public toilets?
Only if you sit down before the last guy has gotten up.
What STD does a hip black man get?
Kool-AIDs
What kind of STD can you catch from phone s**... ?
Hearing AIDS.
What did the doctor give the Asari with an STD?
Anti-biotics
What is the difference between an STD and some place that doesn't exist anymore?
One is gonorrhea, the other is a gone area.
Ill show myself out now
What do you do when your girlfriend tells she has STD?
Act surprised
Apparently there is a flesh eating STD just discovered in the UK; however, it already exist in Russia, it's called
Rotchakokof
I got an STD from a Canadian woman
Hepatitis eh.
What can you share and keep at the same time?
An STD.
What do you call an STD that loves makeup?
Glamydia
Hey do you wanna be a stud?
I have the STD all I need is *u*.
Feel the burn?
Teenage boy: Doc, you gotta help me, I think I caught an STD.
Doctor: What are your indications?
Teen: My...what?
Doctor: Your symptoms. For example, when you pass u**..., does it burn?
Teen: I don't know! I never tried to light it.
Pick up line
I put the STD in stud, but all I need is you.
What does it take to become a Stud?
"STD with U"
(Sorry but I tried)
I don't get the hype about the new Star Trek Discovery
Why are people so excited about a new STD series?
You can't spell STUD without STD and U
Please don't hurt me
What do you call a paraplegic with an incurable STD?
Roll-aids.
PornHub is releasing a dating app.
It's called Pokéahoe Go: Std edition. Gotta catch them all!
What is the worst animal std?
Gatoraids
What do you call a Pokemon with a STD?
Vulvasoar
Johnny died from an STD
At least he went out with a bang.
What do you call the std you got from smoking w**...?
Ganjorrhea
Did you guys hear about the frozen Stoneage woman with an STD?
The doctors diagnosed her with vaginosaurs
How does a chess player avoid catching an STD?
Checkmate
What STD can you get from spilling soda on your c**...?
Pep C
What do you call an std that only reptiles can get?
Gatoraids.
