stays Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious stays stories

What are the best Stays puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Stays? Well here is a complete list of Stays to have fun with:

A woman visits her husband in prison

Before leaving, she tells a correction officer:

"You shouldn't make my husband work like that. He's exhausted!"

The officer laughs, saying:

"Are you kidding? He just eats and sleeps and stays in his own cell!"

"Bullshit! He just told me he's been digging a tunnel for months!"

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What do you get when you mix an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic?

A person who stays up all night wondering whether or not there is a dog.

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What do you get when you cross an insomniac, dyslexic, and an agnostic?

Someone who stays up all night wondering if there really is a dog.

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What do you get if you cross an insomniac,a dyslexic,and an agnostic?

A person who stays up all night wondering if there is a dog.

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What's Irish and stays out all night?

Pati O'Furniture

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What's Irish and stays out all night?

Patty O'Furniture.

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My Sadie

Sadie's husband Jake has been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet his faithful wife stays by his bedside day and night.
One night, Jake comes to and motions for her to come closer. He says, "My Sadie, you have been with me through all the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what, Sadie?"
"What Dear?" she asked gently.
"I think you're bad luck."

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What's the difference between England and a tea bag?

...A tea bag stays in the cup longer!


#FIFAWORLDCUPBRAZIL

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What do you get when you cross an insomniac with an agnostic and a dyslexic?

A person who stays up at night, wondering if there's a dog.

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What goes all around the world but stays in one corner the entire time?

Stamps!

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What do you get when you mix an owl with a rooster?

A cock who stays up all night.

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What's Irish and stays out all night?

Paddy O'Furniture.

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What do you get when you cross an agnostic, an insomniac, and a dyslexic?

Someone who stays up all night wondering if there is a dog.

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What do you get when you cross a philosopher, an insomniac and a dyslexic?

A guy who stays up all night wondering if there's a dog.

~ Infinite Jest, by DFW

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What do you get when you cross an agnostic, dyslexic, and an insomniac?

Some one who stays up all night wondering if there's a dog.

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Did you hear about the agnostic, dyslexic, insomniac?

He stays up at night wondering if there really is a dog.

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Did you hear the one about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac?

He stays up all night wondering if dog exists.

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What's Irish and stays out all night?

Patio Furniture

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So two boys are by the lake...

...and see a naked women. One runs away crying while the other stays.

Later, they meet up and the one that stayed said, "Why did you run away like that?"

"Mummy said if I saw a naked women I would turn to stone, and I felt something going hard!"

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What's Irish and stays out all night?

Patio furniture.

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What do you get when you cross an insomniac, agnostic and a dyslexic?

Someone who stays up all night wondering if there is a Dog.

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How can you tell if your wife is dead?

If the sex stays the same but the dishes pile up.

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So a guy stops at the bar after work...

A guy stops by the bar on payday and starts drinking with his buddies. He stays for hours and gets so drunk that he pukes on his shirt. He tells his buddies, My wife is going to be pissed to have to clean my puke off this shirt".

His Buddy: I have a trick for that. I stick a twenty dollar bill in my pocket and tell the old lady some other guy puked on me and he gave me twenty bucks to give her to clean it .

So the guy goes home and sure enough his wife is pissed.
Damn it I don't want to clean your puke .

But it's not mine some guy puked on me at the bar and put twenty bucks in my pocket to give you to clean it.

She checks his pocket, Hey, there's forty bucks in here!

The drunk says Yah, the son of a bitch shit my pants too .

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A guy at a bar is just looking at his drink... (Long)

...He stays like that for about half an hour. Then, a big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes his drink, and drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, 'Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another one.' The man says, 'No, its not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep and got late to work. My boss is outraged and fires me. When I leave to go to my car, I found it was stolen. The police said they could do nothing. I get a cab to go home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away. I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison.'

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What's Irish and stays out all night?

Patty O'Furniture

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What's the difference between England and a teabag?

The teabag stays in the cup longer.

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What does a dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac do?

He stays awake all night wondering if there is a dog.

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What does a dyslexic agnostic insomniac do?

...Stays up all night pondering the existence of a dog

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A few Irish Jokes

With an Irish joke being posted earlier, I'll add a few of my Irish one liners.

What do you call the Irish man who hangs from the ceiling?

Shaun D'Leer


What do you call the Irish cowboy?

Rick O'Shea


What do you call the Irish Indian?

Tom O'Hawk

What do you call the Irish man who stays outside all night?

Patty O'Furniture

(this one is a repeat from the earlier thread)

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What's the difference between England and a teabag?

A teabag stays in the cup longer.

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Jim stays home from work

Jim stays home from work one day and asks his wife if she wouldn't mind going to the store.

As Jim's wife is returning through the front door, groceries in hand, she hears Jim exclaim "How in the fuck would I know?!". And slam the phone onto the receiver.

Jim's wife looking confused walks in and asks "what was that all about?".

Jim, exasperated, looks at her and says "guys keep calling and asking if the coast is clear today, how the Hell should I know... I'm not the weatherman!".

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Three angels are given gifts from god based on their loyalty and appreciation towards their spouses.

The first angel confesses that he often cheats on his wife and believes she would be better off....to be the equivalent of dead in heaven.

The second angel admits that his wife can be a bitch sometimes but still is willing to stick with her for eternity. Provided she stays in shape of course.

The third angel proudly states that his wife is the sole purpose of his existence and argues that she is the most beautiful of any of god's creations.

The first angel is given a skateboard. The second a used Honda. While the third is given a Lamborghini.

A few days later, on his skateboard the first angel notices the third crying in his Lamborghini. He rolls up to him and asks what's wrong to which the third angel replies "I saw my wife with Rollerblades!".

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Two students are deciding whether to go to their lecture or the pool on a wonderful summer day...

The first says "How should we decide?"

The second says "How about a coin toss?"

"Sure, you can call it."

"Okay, if we toss the coin and it stays in the air, we'll go to the lecture."

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What do you get when you cross an agnostic, a dyslexic, and an insomniac?

What do you get when you cross an agnostic, a dyslexic, and an insomniac? … a person who stays up all night wondering if there really is a dog.

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Einstein, Newton and Pascal are playing hide and seek...

Einstein is seeking, so Pascal runs to go hide. Newton stays where he is and draws a 1 meter by 1 meter square in the dirt and stands in the middle of it. Einstein turns around and immediately spots Newton. "Newton!" he exclaims "I found you!"

Newton smiles and replies "You didn't find me, you found a Newton over a square meter. You found Pascal!"

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What's Irish and stays out all night?

Paddy O'Furniture

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What's the difference between a teabag and England?

A teabag stays longer in a cup.

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What's Matthew Mcconaghuey's favorite thing about time dilation?

Everyone else keeps getting older, he stays the same age.

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What do you call a dyslexic insomniac atheist?

Someone who stays up all night wondering if there is a dog.

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Two old ladies at a bus stop

2 old women at a bus stop smoking. It starts to rain. Grandma 1 puts a condom over her cigarette. Grandma 2 asks "why'd you do that". Grandma 1 explains it's so the cigarette stays dry.

Next day grandma 2 goes to a pharmacy and asks the nice young gentleman behind the counter for some condoms. "What size" he asks.

"Oh any" the grandma replies "as long as it fits over a camel"

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what do you get?

What do you get if you mix up an agnostic, a dyslexic and an insomniac?




A guy who stays up all night wondering if there is a dog.

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Three men called Shit, Fuck-you and Manners are walking down the street...

Shit sees a pound in the middle of the road and runs out to grab it, as he does so, he gets hit by a car, the car doesn't stop.

Fuck-you and Manners start panicking, but eventually Manners calms down enough to tell Fuck-you to run and find some help, so Fuck-you runs off to find help while Manners stays with shit and tries to pick him up to get him out of the road.

Eventually Fuck-you finds a police offer, and runs up to him gushing "help, help, my friends been run over".

"okay calm down" says the police officer, "whats your name?"

"Fuck-you" is the reply.

"whats that?" says the police officer,

"Fuck-you"

"I'm going to ask you one more time, what is your name?"

"FUCK-YOU" shouts fuck-you

"where are your manners!" says the police officer

fuck-you replies "down the road, picking up shit".

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What's green and stays out all night?

Paddy O'Furniture

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What do you get when you cross a rooster and an owl?

A cock that stays up all night.

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What does a schizophrenic, agnostic, insomniac do?

He stays up all night asking himself if there is a Dog.



Thank.

edit new Joke: How many times can a 40something year old ADHD, dyslexic, moron try to tell this joke and still get it wrong?

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What's the difference between dark and hard

It stays dark all night

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What's the difference between England and a cup of tea?

The teabag stays in the cup longer.

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The smelly goat

So there's this game show where whoever can stay in this room with this goat for the longest time will win $1,000,000. Now this goat has been living in this room for a while, pooping and peeing everywhere and smells absolutely disgusting. First, a white guy goes in and stays for 30 minutes before he can't stand it any longer and has to leave. Next, a black guy goes in and stays for 1 hour before he can't take it anymore and has to leave. Then, an Indian guy goes in and after 10 seconds the goat leaves.

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A dyslexic agnostic stays awake at night wondering if there really is a dog.

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What's Irish and stays outside?

Patty O'Furniture

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CONCLUSION

You've read some of the best stays jokes of all time. Most of the stories are suitable for kids with good sense of humor, children or teens boys and girls, of course dads. You must supervise kids not to read pranks for adults. Note that some jokes are disgusting, filled with black humor so don't tell dirty stays gags to your kids. These jokes are updated with new ones in December 2019.

How do I make my girlfriend or boyfriend laughs? Well, this list of funny stories will make you cry in laughter. Some of these stays jokes are funny and some are hilarious.

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